Body image after baby is a struggle for so many women. And while mine is still far from perfect, I’ve learned to appreciate, and even love, the one I have now.

My precise, detailed, handwritten birth plan was tucked neatly into an accordion file folder stashed away in my hospital bag. Nestled alongside it were toiletries (can’t forget my Nature’s Gate toothpaste and sulfate-free shampoo), a birthing gown, essential oils, a crossword puzzle (Seriously, Jamie?), extra clothes, my daughter’s going home outfit, and a bazillion other just-in-case things I could cram into the suitcase. We had the pamphlets, took the classes, knew the timing for contractions, and felt super prepared.

But, as in life, my entire plan was quickly blown to smithereens. And not just sort of. When labor finally happened I was progressing so fast for a first timer, that if we had listened to the on-call doctor, I would’ve had a home birth. So at seven centimeters dilated, and wearing the hospital-issued smock, someone finally wheeled me to a room. Once we arrived upstairs I was nine centimeters along, which gave me barely enough time to suck down some nitrous oxide, much less get an epidural. And even though I swore like a sailor, screamed bloody murder, and attempted to convince the nurse to give me some drugs and a C-section, much to my chagrin, the only thing that really went according to plan was my hope for a natural birth.

It’s been almost six months now since having my daughter, and one thing I’ve learned about being a parent is that absolutely, positively nothing goes as planned. Like, ever. In fact, similar to my delivery debacle, breastfeeding struggles, and dealing with more blow-out poopies than I care to remember, most things are just downright ludicrous.

So when I looked in the mirror after all of the stretching, drooping, and shifting, not to mention the sheer horror and loss of control that can only be instilled by the journey a pregnant body takes, and didn’t hate the reflection staring back at me, I was pleasantly surprised. As a few more weeks passed postpartum, I actually began to like my body (minus all the phantom pregnancy farts) even more than I ever thought possible.

1. I feel stronger

The sheer empowerment I felt after making it through hours of toe curling pain, pushing a tiny human out of my body, and doing it all naturally made me feel like Wonder Woman, dammit. And while that initial high is no longer lingering, my ability to power through breastfeeding issues, continue to work and care for my baby from home, and deal with the daily struggles that parenting presents, helps me to remember that if I can give birth, I can make it through anything.

2. I feel healthier

I may be a vegetarian, but before becoming pregnant, I didn’t always eat right. I skipped meals, chose quick, processed foods over fresh, was underweight, and committed all sorts of other nutritional sins. My pregnancy cravings were off the chain (I still cringe over the amount of gummy bears and Canada Dry ginger ales I consumed), and 32 pounds later, those yearnings, along with that niggling case of indigestion, finally disappeared.

However, when it came time to breastfeed, I wanted to consume the healthy calories my body required to feed my baby well. I ate better, slept as often as I could, tried to relax my mind more often, and actually feel just fine hanging onto those ten extra pounds.  

3. I feel sexier

My body’s curvier, my bust is fuller, my booty is squishier, and although things have definitely changed a tad down there, the boosted blood flow is out of this world. Some of these things may be temporary (I’ll miss you, big boobies), but I’ll be damned if I won’t enjoy them while they’re here. Filling out clothes is spectacular, and I’ve definitely enjoyed the extra cleavage.  

4. She deserves it

It’s not just about me anymore. Surrounded by sexism, stereotypes, impossible standards of beauty, social media, and so much more, I quickly realized that my position as the most idolized female role model in my daughter’s life is paramount. That is, until some pop singer swoops in on her wrecking ball and takes my place (please, sweet Jesus, be Taylor Swift). But until then, I need to present my baby girl with a positive-minded, self-loving, and confident mama with a body image to match.

Feeling good about myself is still an imperfect science. Just like anyone else, I have good days and bad, but my daughter serves as the best reminder of why I need to keep on appreciating the body I have.

How has your body image been since baby? Let us know your thoughts on the EcoSalon Facebook page!

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Image of Mother and Baby via Shutterstock

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Working in a male-dominated field taught me a lot about leadership, culture and success. Now, as a career coach, I have some advice for women.

After 20 years coaching both women and men through career advancement and transitions, I have learned a lot about how women are holding themselves back at work—especially in male-dominated fields, because that’s where I started my career.

I was one of the first female traders on the floor of the Chicago Mercantile Exchange. When it comes to career, it would have been hard to choose a more aggressive, male-dominated field—especially in the ‘80s when I was starting out.

I faced many double standards in the workplace. At the time, there were no real laws or standards governing sexual harassment and politically incorrect behavior. I simply accepted this for what it was, as I believe most women did in that era. Whether it was projected or real, it always felt like I needed to be twice as good as the men. I loved the competition and believed if I produced the same results I would get the same monetary rewards and opportunities for advancement. Repeatedly, I found that was not the case.

After 15 years in that testosterone-driven environment, I made a change. It was fueled by a desire to wake up every morning and love what I was doing—to help people become more effective leaders, create transformational change personally and professionally, and embrace and foster accountability.

Based on my own experience and listening to the stories of more than a thousand leaders, from aspiring to world-class, here is my advice for women who want to thrive in the corporate world.

Know the Difference Between Truth and Perception

First, it’s important to remember that words and actions are filtered, received and assessed differently by men and women. If you are a powerful, decisive, assertive female leader, you are often perceived as a ball-buster, or worse. This is a cultural nuance and not always conscious—even a very enlightened man might not realize that he’s experiencing and processing men and women differently and not necessarily equally. It’s the soup of our culture but remember, an assessment is merely an assessment—it’s not the truth.

Increase Your Emotional Intelligence

Research shows that raising your emotional intelligence will take you further personally and professionally than anything else you can do. We’re often blind to ourselves and we don’t accurately perceive how we’re being experienced by others. We’re not aware that the impact of what we say and do is often wildly different than our intent. Read up on emotional intelligence, learn how to read a room or engage in individual coaching to accelerate your growth in this area.

It’s Not About “Acting Like a Man”

We lose our authentic selves when we try to model what the male version of power looks like. Yes, women need to get comfortable with confrontation, stand strong in convictions and make decisions quickly, but those are not exclusively male traits. It’s a stereotype that women make emotional decisions and men make analytical decisions. In reality, we all work with three brains. We actually have brain cells in our hearts, stomachs, too. Don’t diminish the power of your instincts—a recent study shows that when it comes to decision-making, instinct may even trump analytics.

Manage Your Emotions

There is no more important leadership skill than the ability to manage yourself. Dave Ulrich, a thought leader in management, once believed that the most important skill for a leader was the ability to inspire teams. But, he found that the self-management of one’s thoughts and mood states was actually more important. Controlling your inner world makes the biggest difference in executive leadership. Women may be more emotionally based; couple that with low self-esteem, a problem many women face, and it’s a career-threatening combination.

Build Your Confidence

If self-confidence is an issue, tackle it. For me, sports made the biggest impact on my ability to succeed in a male-dominated field. I felt like I had an edge because I was fearless and competitive in a way most women were not. All great leaders possess authentic confidence. One of the best ways for women to build confidence is by setting a goal they think is out of their reach and then achieving it. Improv classes are a great way to practice discomfort and learn to think on your feet while building self-esteem.

Toot Your Own Horn

In contrast to men, women are less comfortable showcasing their accomplishments and do less to promote and strategize their personal brand. This has a domino effect because women are not only more humble, they discount their talent and success, while men tend to accentuate their talents. The divide between what an employer thinks an equally qualified man and woman are worth starts with how they present and value themselves in the interview process. Look for opportunities to strategically highlight your achievements.

Stop Being Too Nice

As women, we tend toward being nice and accommodating. You will never be seen as a leader if your primary mode of engagement in the workplace is caretaking. One of my favorite books on this subject is “Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office”—every woman will identify with at least one of its eye-opening lessons.

Control the Conversation

Leadership occurs every time there is a conversation, and each conversation offers the opportunity for impact and influence. Your words hold the possibility for building your self-esteem or destroying it. In fact, your leadership, your future, your success—and even what’s possible for you and not possible for you—they are all created by these conversational moments. How aware are you of these moments? Words are the building blocks to creating the life you want. Choose them carefully.

The most powerful and transformational shift you can make is in how you perceive your environment, respond to your environment and move through hard times.

At the end of the day, find your voice and nurture your strengths—be fearless and be bold.

 Jody Michael is a Chicago-based career coach. Get more leadership advice on her blog.

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Image: la_farfalla_22

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We all want to look better naked. But feeling better is just as important.

While we can take matters of physical health into our own hands, we get what we get in this life. Sure, you can nip and tuck yourself into Barbie-esque stature, but hopefully you have better ways to spend your time. And your money. Still, being naked happens. And if you’re in a relationship, that means being naked in front of someone else. Not exactly the easiest if body image is an issue for you.

The problem is right there in the words: body image. It’s typically not our bodies that give us so much grief, but rather, our image of them (and often, the ideal image others have of the female body). We want bigger boobs, smaller butts, more toned abs and thighs. Are we ever satisfied? How can we be more comfortable with our bodies just as they are—even if they’re not quite exactly where we want them to be?

Boosting our confidence is important in not only being comfortable in our bodies, but in also helping us to get them where we’d ideally like them to be. But first things first. We’ve got to feel good naked, no matter how far away we are from our target goal. One of the easiest and most effective ways to do this? Your nose.

Essential oils are a little bit like magic potions. All you need to do is smell a tiny bit of their potent fragrances before they start to change your mood. The pure botanical extracts contain powerful compounds that have instant effects on our states of consciousness. The sense of smell goes straight to the brain, taking with it instructions from the plant kingdom.

Whether you’re slipping into the season’s first bikini, or cuddling up with your partner, these fragrances can help. When using essential oils, dab a few drops on wrists and neck, even massage into your hair. If using with a partner, you can anoint each other on the third eye, the heart, and maybe even some of those places you’re feeling less than comfortable with.

You can also mix a few drops into a spray bottle with water and spray onto bedding or into the air for a fragrant pick-me-up. Give any of these a try solo or mix a few.

1. Neroli: It’s both sensual and soothing. It can help to quell any anxiety or depression about how you look or feel.
2. Vetiver: This earthy scent can help to ground you and make you feel more secure and balanced.
3. Rosemary: It’s both inspiring and grounding—lifting you into an energized state while also balancing and grounding.
4. Lemon: The fruity citrus scent of lemon is soothing to nervousness while also being uplifting.
5. Juniper: Another anxiety-buster, juniper brings peace and confidence, too.
6. Frankincense: Find peace and tranquility with frankincense. It’s both ethereal and very comforting.
7. Sandalwood: Sensual, sweet and earthy, sandalwood can help you find your center and feel more present in the moment and less caught up in your thoughts.
8. Myrrh: An extremely powerful essential oil, myrrh opens up your heart with confidence and can bring with it great focus and clarity.

Keep in touch with Jill on Twitter @jillettinger

Image: eatmorechips

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What the world needs now is love letters, sweet love letters.

Before heart emoticons, relationship status updates, and sexting, there was a simple way to express love: the handwritten note. It sounds dated and antiquated now, which is probably a sign that the world desperately needs to bring it back.

Enter, The World Needs More Love Letters project, a worldwide community of “love letter writers” who compose and leave behind anonymous handwritten love notes in places where people who need them may find them. Started by Hannah Brencher, the project has brought more than 1,600 love letters into the world in the four months it’s been in existence.

Brencher is quick to clarify that the intention of the More Love Letters project isn’t to bolster profits for the U.S. Postal Service (though romantic notes are certainly a sexier use of the USPS than paying bills). Instead, it’s to spread love in a world devoid of it, and bring magic to people where they least expect to find it.

The More Love Letters project is as much about loving yourself as it is about loving others. Brencher’s latest initiative asks letter writers to turn their attention and affection inward. Through the entire month of January, writers are encouraged to jot down their hopes and goals for the new year on their very best stationery, and send those letters to the More Love Letters Time Capsule in a self-addressed stamped envelope. In 2013, the time capsule will be opened, and the letters returned to their authors.

“Our plan is to hold these love letters all year long,” Brencher writes on her blog. “Compile them all into a big ol’ box labeled: DO NOT OPEN UNTIL JANUARY 1, 2013. And, in 365 days from now, we are going to mail those love letters back to you. Sealed and ready to be opened by the very same person who wrote that letter back in 2012, though maybe you’ll be changed. Maybe you’ll see life differently.”

To learn more and get involved, visit the More Love Letters project online.

Image: Sayed Mostafa Zamani

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