Tired of whiny status updates and thinly veiled bragging? Forget Facebook – do these 20 things instead.

Be honest: How many times do you check Facebook throughout the day? Whenever you’re bored, you log in, scrolling through the news feed to see your friend complaining about work for the thousandth time this week, your cousin bragging about her glorious Caribbean vacation and a high school classmate’s cheerful, disgustingly detailed potty training updates. You leave an inane comment on a photo, roll your eyes at your uncle’s misguided Tea Party political posts and log out feeling irritable and annoyed. Why do we do this to ourselves? Facebook can be great for keeping up with friends and family, but there are so many ways that we could use that time that would actually be beneficial to our well-being.

Think Facebook isn’t a big time-sink in your life? Try adding it up. The average U.S. Facebook user logged a rather horrifying seven hours and 46 minutes per month as of August 2011, and that figure has probably risen since then. Imagine if you spent all of that time on something that makes you feel genuinely happy, grounded and relaxed. Here are 20 suggestions, from letter-writing to exploring your neighborhood.

Read a Book

Preferably something that doesn’t involve politics or potty training. There are few things better than getting lost in a good book, and the drama in the storyline will be infinitely more satisfying than the drama of your Facebook friends.

Write a Letter

The internet and ever-increasing postage rates have made letter-writing a lost art. Even those of us who consider ourselves writers are relying far too much on the computer, when writing a personal note in our own hand and sending it by mail would feel so much more authentic.

Take a Walk

Perhaps the fetid air and dim fluorescent lighting of your office have dulled your senses, or you’ve been sitting in front of that computer so long you’ve forgotten, but there’s a whole world out there, and it’s awfully beautiful. Stretch your legs and get some sunlight on your skin and you’ll return feeling energetic and inspired.

Talk to a Stranger

On Facebook we tend to be stuck in our limited social circles, and it’s true that it’s really not a great idea to “friend” any random stranger that sends you a request. But in the real world, there are dozens of opportunities every day for you to meet someone new and interesting. Compliment someone on their outfit, laugh about the long line at the coffee shop or stop that woman who smiles at you every morning when you cross each other on the street.

Cook a Good Meal

“But I don’t have time to cook anything other than microwave soup,” you protest, as you sit down in front of your laptop with that nasty mug of MSG mess. Liar. Not every meal takes a lot of time to prepare. You can whip yourself up a simple meal made of whole, fresh ingredients in the amount of time that you’d normally be staring listlessly at your computer screen.

Pet An Animal

There’s a reason why animals are often used for therapeutic purposes. Just petting an animal can lower your blood pressure and make you feel less stressed. Call your cat over for a cuddle, spend a few minutes playing with your dog or make a visit to the animal shelter just to brighten a homeless pet’s day.

Call Someone You Love

Oh, look at that, your cousin Sarah just announced her pregnancy on Facebook. Instead of just “liking” her post, why not give her a call? Sure, Facebook makes it easy and convenient to keep up with everyone, and can actually save time and foster more interaction with your friends and family. But it’s not a total replacement for phone calls and face time (whether we’re talking in person or FaceTime, copyright Apple Inc.)

Read Something Smart

The internet is chock full of gossip sites, bad news and trolls who would just love to ruin your day. But there are plenty of blogs and websites that offer inspiring, intelligent and thought-provoking articles. Take fifteen minutes to read something that will make you say “wow” in a good way. A few notable ideas include The Atlantic, This is Colossal, GOOD, and, of course, EcoSalon. (You knew that was coming, right?)

Make Yourself Laugh

Then again, if reading celebrity gossip makes you smile, go for it. Indulge in some low-brow humor. Laugh at other people’s horrifying AutoCorrects, snarky takes on bad fashion or semi-literate cat photo captions. And if you end up at The Onion, Funny or Die or Cracked, make sure your boss isn’t around, because you aren’t going to be able to control yourself.

Write Down Your Thoughts

When’s the last time you took a moment to write in a journal, or even just scrawl a few thoughts on a paper napkin? It doesn’t have to be something that you dedicate yourself to every day; just writing out what’s on your mind can sometimes provide clarity and perspective that can help you solve problems and move forward.

Catch Some Culture

We’re all more interesting and well-rounded when we’re exposed to arts and culture on a regular basis. Get out and see a play, go to an art opening, join a book club, enjoy an improv group or sample your region’s local specialties. Isn’t that more fun than staring at a computer screen?

Do Yoga

Even if you’re at work. Just a few minutes a day can make you feel more limber and relaxed. Yoga Journal has six stretches you can do at your desk, and none of them are the sort of thing that will have your co-workers raising their eyebrows. If you’re at home, get yourself a beginner’s yoga DVD and give yourself some quiet time to focus on your own well-being.

Organize Your Desk

If you instinctively avoid the right side of your top desk drawer because you know you left an orange in there about six months ago and never retrieved it, it’s about time to tackle that. It’ll make you feel so much better. Even if you’re not quite at the five-year-old candy bar and moldy fruit level, simply organizing your papers and making everything look nice and tidy can be a relief.

Take a Class

If you’re like the average person and really spend eight hours a month on Facebook, you could easily take that time to learn something new for two hours a week. Check out the continuing education courses at your local community college or other learning opportunities in your area. You could be learning how to knit, play an instrument, salsa dance or write poetry.

Volunteer

That same eight hours would be a huge boon to any number of organizations in your community that are hurting for help. Wildlife rehabilitation centers, animal shelters, litter clean-up groups, homeless shelters and activists for causes of all kinds would love to have you dedicate four hours of your time, every other week.

Have a Picnic

Even if you aren’t going any farther than the little park down the street, getting out for a picnic feels like a mini vacation. Make yourself something fun, like a bento box or a romantic meal for one. Hey. You deserve it.

Catch Up on Email

Chances are, your inbox is practically overflowing with unread or unanswered messages, whether they’re from friends and family members, or just junk. Take a few minutes to go through it and respond to those that deserve attention, drop all of those newsletters you want to save into a separate folder and unsubscribe from the unwanted junk mail. You’ll feel less stressed within minutes.

Do Something Creative

Don’t say you aren’t the creative type – you have it in you, whether you let yourself believe it or not. Even if you’re just doodling, scrapbooking or adding some pretty garnishes to a meal, it’s good for the brain and the soul.

Explore Your Neighborhood

You drive through it every day, and you think you know it, but unless you’ve taken a nice, slow walk through it with your eyes wide open, you haven’t really discovered it yet. There could be a nature trail you don’t know about, a perfect bench for reading or some berry bushes just begging to be harvested (and urban foraging is fun!)

Meditate

Put on some noise-canceling headphones, play relaxing, repetitive music, close your eyes and relax your body. Focus on your breath until the chatter in your mind fades away. If it helps, visualize a calming place, like a mountaintop, a secret garden or the sea. Once you learn to clear your mind, meditation can be your best defense against the irritations of everyday life.

Photos: photosteve101, jumpinjimmyjava, herrylawford, gamene

The post 20 Things to Do Instead of Being on Facebook appeared first on EcoSalon.

The bonds of women can be empowering at any age.

Only in my early 20s did I learn the global importance of International Women’s Day with streets full of women around the world coming together in solidarity. This day is about empowerment and equal rights.

The 2012 theme is “connecting girls, inspiring futures,” which has gotten me thinking about all of the inspiring connections that surround us every day. In my everyday I come into contact with female colleagues and friends, all that are passionate about what they do. They are writers, filmmakers, doctors, lawyers, humanitarians and vagabonds, and every single thing in between.

What does it mean to be a woman? A lot of things.

I think about my mother and her friends, the generation ahead of me. My mother once reminded me how special my group of female friends was. “I didn’t get an empowered, strong group of female friends like that until later in life. Appreciate it.”

It’s true. It’s important to take time to appreciate the special bond that women have. It’s what solidifies friendships. It’s what brings you into the embrace of a circle of women on the other side of the world even when you don’t speak their language. It’s the overwhelming sadness that you feel when you hear stories of rape, genital mutilation and slavery. It’s what inspires you to teach, to give and to love, not only the women you are closest with, but the ones you have never met.

Some strong women in my circles have given me some good perspective lately, and in honor of them and their constant support, here are 10 thoughts for International Women’s Day about what it means to be a woman and what it takes to build a movement, to be stronger and to continue pushing boundaries.

1. No matter where we are, we are a community. Embrace it, take part in it and honor it.
2. We must make time to thank the mothers, aunts, grandmothers and neighbors that raised us to be independent and loud-mouthed. We rarely turn down a fight.
3. Live. It doesn’t make a difference where you are and who you are with, find the space to keep breathing and celebrating the ordinary.
4. We are free and do have the power of choice. Keeping that power is our right.
5. We all have a passion. The most powerful thing you can do is find it and encourage others to do the same.
6. Appreciate what you have. If you have your health and your spirit, make sure you act so that others can do the same.
7. Never take each other for granted. We are all fragile beings, treat one another with respect and compassion. Always.
8. Learn balance. We all need time to breathe, and sometimes we need to make compromises to ensure that we continue doing so. This is necessary.
9. You are enough. You can always push yourself to be better and do more, but remember that who you are right now is what counts.
10. Your global community needs you. Your voice, your written word, your physical being; it’s all valuable. Use it wisely.

Image: Anna Brones

The post Honor, Inspire and Advocate for Women…Everyday appeared first on EcoSalon.

ColumnHigh fives, ladies, we’re the fixer-upper gender!

In light of the recent release of the Tush Tickler, your guide to “analplay adventures for everybooty,” you might be tempted to think there’s no personal development book under the sun left to be published, what with books being published where the sun don’t shine. You would think wrong. There are mines, rich veins, whole mountaintops of self help publishing left to be penetrated for our betterment. And isn’t that what it’s all about, ladies? Less thinking wrong, less thinking generally, more betterment?

They say print is dead. This simply isn’t true, because we have women, and as long as we have women, we will think of new books to improve them. Just check out these hot new self help titles for 2012!*

Everything I Need to Know in Life I Learned From My Dental Hygienist. Everything

“Some people say cleanliness is next to godliness. Some people also say pearly whites are next to pearly gates.” – Fox News

Raising Self Esteem by Broadcasting Everything Wrong With Yourself in Social Media

“Stunningly original approach to self help. Guaranteed to be a smash hit. Step aside, 7 Habits of Highly Successful People. Move over, The Secret. Sure to be an instant classic.” – Kirkus Book Reviews

Life Without Contraception in This Country

“A brilliant guide for the suddenly lesbian.” –  San Francisco Chronicle

Just Keep Telling Yourself It’s Not Personal, and Other Coping Techniques for Losers

“Denial is not to be stamped out, but amplified, explains this sage and insightful personal development primer that is the best thing I’ve seen yet at this low paying self help book review job I absolutely adore and vastly prefer to writing my novel.” – Internet Book Reviews Reviews of Books Best Book Reviews Online Internet Resource for Book Reviews Win Free Money, a subsidiary of Demand Media

If You Could Only Be Perfect!

“For the adult child who longs for the odd comfort of daily remonstrations at the hands of a tyrannical parent, this cruel, critical, fault-finding, nagging book is a lifeline nearly as judgmental as Mom herself, and certainly as disappointed as the Baby Jesus. The accompanying photo album for holding embarrassing childhood photographs to show prospective suitors is a thoughtful touch from the publisher, which clearly spared no expense in the creative development and packaging of this timely title. Now, more than ever, we need self-loathing.” – Brigham Young University Press

So He Left You for a 25-Year-Old She Probably Squeaks, and Other Crass Koans to Help You Feel Less Bitter About Being 50 and Divorced with a Credit Rating Shot to Hell Thanks to That Jerk Who Is So Immature Even the Therapist Despises Him Especially After She Slept with Him Because He’s Not Even Good in Bed! I Know!

“The author holds a canny grasp on the marriage zeitgeist, which is to say, the divorce zeitgeist.” – the Guardian

The Art of the Fake Orgasm

“A helpful how-to for pretending to reach climax during sexual intercourse, this delightful guide is full of creative tips for faking orgasm, along with dozens of real stories from women – and men – of all walks of life. This work would have been enhanced by the inclusion of expert insights from health professionals instead of the author’s friends. Still, a useful book for those interested in mastery of fake orgasms.” – Publishers Weekly

Is It Just Me or Does Nonviolent Communication Feel Like Suffocating Inside Sweaty Flannel Sheets?

“That’s not the actual title, but it should be! The NVC Myth: My Years of Suffering Through the Most Annoying Form of Communication on Earth really nails it. I knew exactly what the author meant the second I saw the book. For the stage five clinger not wanting the relationship to end and therefore having difficulty accepting the other party’s lack of interest, NVC must be a thrilling godsend, a therapeutically validated method for maintaining the connection for as long as humanly possible. For the party who isn’t the control freak endowed with epic levels of neurotic insecurity, NVC feels pretty much like you’re still dating the person only this time completely against your will.” – Amazon buyer itsworsethanherpes

How to Stop Beating Yourself Up for Misplacing the Keys for the Seven Millionth Time Today in One Easy Step Which We’ll Just Put in the Title: Anytime You Lose Something It Will Always Be Wherever You Left It, Except if There’s an Earthquake Then It Might Not Be Right Exactly Where You Left It But Probably Still Pretty Close By

“Though the entire contents of the book are on the cover, the intrepid reader or average New Yorker will soon grasp the many layers of this fundamental truism of life resting poetically within a simplistic single line. At once simple and nuanced, by turns pithy and existential, at once hilarious and brutal, by turns banal and profound, at once postmodern and tragic, by turns brisk and solemn, at once boring and random, by turns witty and frank, at once silly and bold, by turns like a girl wrote it and intelligent, at once riveting and poignant, by turns refreshing and compelling, this book is a triumph, an opus, a masterpiece, a tour de force. Deeply present. Deeply personal. Deeply provocative. Deeply shallow, while being deep in a shallow way. A Midwestern sensibility delicately permeates this experimental title, which is paradoxical in a richly ironic sense, reminiscent of the very best early work of Dave Eggars but also the biting disgust of a slightly older, slightly puffier Jonathan Franzen; both quiet like DeLillo and noisy like Safran Foer, if they were beverages. The book for the times, the book of the times, the book and the times.” –  The New York Times Book Review

What To Do About Your Wide Set Cleavage

“Wide set cleavage is a problem most women have, though many simply don’t realize it. This step-by-step guide takes the reader from DIY all the way to surgery, with scaffolding diagrams, resources, and plenty of tips for each stage of the journey to more attractive breasts.” – Allure

We need so much help. So much.

This is the latest installment in your editor’s column, The Insider’s Guide to Life.

*Note: These are not actual books nor actual reviews.

Image: quinn.anya

The post The Insider’s Guide to Life: 10 New Self Help Titles You Don’t Want to Miss appeared first on EcoSalon.

Has your cubicle got you comatose? Here are some warning signs that it’s time to launch your conscious career.

Most of us spend more time with our colleagues and bosses than our partners, kids and friends. If that’s not motivation to make sure your job is a good fit, what is? The job you choose can determine how physically and mentally healthy you are, your standard of living, your future prospects and whether you look back at your life at the brink of death and feel like you did your best. Consider these 10 signs that it’s time to quit, and you might just set yourself onto a much more fulfilling path.

Just about any task is better than doing your job.

When you’re at work, you’ll do just about anything to avoid performing the tasks that are assigned to you. You play around on Facebook, browse the internet and organize your vacation photos. In fact, you’re happy to perform menial tasks like taking out the trash and running errands for the boss – anything that will keep you away from your job for another five minutes. In other words, your work is utterly joyless for you.

You’ve got unsolvable issues with management.

There’s almost always going to be a certain amount of friction between workers and management; that’s just the way of the world. But sometimes, no matter how hard you try to diffuse it, conflicts with your higher-ups can jeopardize your career well into the future. First, make sure that it isn’t all your Facebooking, those lunchtime cocktails or any other performance or behavior issues that are causing the problem. Then, talk to your boss’ boss. If that doesn’t work, think about moving on. Sometimes, it’s just not a good fit.

Your company is on a downward spiral.

There have been layoffs left and right, and the company has been reorganized and consolidated so many times it’s hardly recognizable. Things are so tight, they’ve asked white-collar workers to start delivering packages and vacuuming their own cubicles. This ship is probably going down, and even if the company manages to hang on, your position could be eliminated at any time. Don’t be caught by surprise. Start researching new jobs right now.

Your skills aren’t valued.

You feel like you’ve got a lot to offer, and your company just isn’t using you to your full potential. Not only are you rarely challenged, but you’re marginalized. Maybe you’re not being included in important meetings, or you’ve been passed over for a promotion. If your job doesn’t let you flex, you won’t be able to build more skills and grow professionally.

You’re stuck in a dead end.

You haven’t gotten very far in your company, but the growth has stopped, and it doesn’t look like things will be getting better any time soon. There are no opportunities to move up, and no opportunities for higher pay. Unless you can come to grips with the fact that you might remain stagnant for the rest of your career, you should explore options that can take you higher.

You dread going to work.

It’s Sunday night and your stomach is a ball of lead. The absolute last thing you want to do tomorrow morning is get up and go to work. Maybe your anxiety is so bad, you have a hard time enjoying your weekends because you just can’t stop thinking about Monday morning. When you hate your job this much, you’re not doing yourself or your employers any favors by staying on.

You’re simply bored.

Maybe work is not so bad, but you can’t muster much enthusiasm about it. You definitely don’t feel passionate about what you do – it’s just work. This is reality for a lot of people, and in a poor economy, it’s probably not enough reason on its own to quit your job. But take this opportunity to imagine what kind of job would make you truly happy. What would you rather be doing right at this moment? Running a food truck, starting a dog grooming business or growing exotic orchids could certainly be a viable business. Your dream might be more achievable than you think.

You can’t pay your bills.

On the other hand, some people quit well-paying jobs with the hopes of following their dreams only to find that surviving on their new pay is practically impossible. If you truly love what you’re doing, make it work. That might mean downsizing your lifestyle so that you don’t require as much money to pay the bills. But if you’re working to exhaustion every day and still stressing about your paltry paychecks, it’s probably not worth it.

It’s affecting your health.

Speaking of stress, it can really do some cruel and horrifying things to your body and your mind, putting you at increased risk for heart attacks, respiratory disorders and hormonal imbalances. It can cause tension headaches, nerve pain, irritability, joint pain, ulcers and depression. You shouldn’t have to sacrifice your well-being for your job. If you lie in bed every morning wishing you could call in sick yet again, perhaps this gig is not for you.

It’s affecting your personal life.

You’d love to go out for drinks with friends, catch up with that cute guy that always flirts with you at the gym or attend your daughter’s dance recital, but you can’t. You’ve got to go to work. Some people aren’t bothered by 80-hour work weeks, and everybody has to decide for themselves what level of personal sacrifice they find acceptable. But being miserable because your job is keeping you from enjoying your life? Not okay.

ALSO CHECK OUT:

10 Signs It’s Time To Leave Your Town

10 Signs It’s Time To Leave Your Friends

10 Signs It’s Time To Leave Your Relationship

Photo: Rachael Voorhees, Ana Patricia Alameida, EpSos.de, whatmegsaid

The post 10 Signs It’s Time to Leave Your Job appeared first on EcoSalon.

ColumnThe precious practice.

As a girl, I once read a book where the main character would frown with great purpose every time she saw a smiley face sign. I can’t recall the book, but you know the sign: those cheery yellow faces that blithely instruct you with just one word. Smile! “How do they know I’m not already smiling?” the girl character fumed. Yes, yes, yes! My eleven-year-old self shouted in her loudest inside voice. Finally, someone who gets it! In a good mood already, as a matter of fact, and you have ruined it, smiley. Where’s the humility, you piece of paper? What do you even know? Nothing.

Which brings me to yoga and yesterday.

On Sunday nights, when I can, I like to take myself to dinner, notebook in hand, for the express purpose of eavesdropping on humanity. The key is not to go anywhere so cool you’ll only overhear boring bits about things he should have texted, nor to go anywhere so sad you’ll want to die.

Last night, a woman at dinner with her three friends was in a total tizz over being dumped by her yoga partner.

“She says I’m too loud!” said the woman, loudly. “Too loud! Can you believe that?” It appeared her friends could believe it. “I explained, Claire, the entire point of yoga is to breathe! If you’re not really breathing, if you are not really sounding out the breath, it doesn’t work!” Here, she paused to shake her head in disbelief.

“But she says she won’t go. She won’t do it. She’s done with how loud I breathe.” The three friends nodded in silent unison.

“I don’t get it. I just can’t believe it,” the woman continued. “You’re supposed to chant, to breathe, with intention! She isn’t even doing it right. Most people aren’t, which is such a shame! Ommmmmmm” – sucking in a huge breath for the demonstration – “You know?”

My ears sharpened. Could it be? Was it she? The Loudest Lady in Yoga Class? Before she could notice me staring a little too long, I buried myself. Don’t mind me, just nerdy girl with notebook, probably a grad student. (Note to the novice: Bun that hair and wear a hoodie to dinner. You want free pearls, not free drinks.)

Sweet Jesus, I thought, this is the obnoxious Om-er right here, in the flesh, alive and explaining herself to the rest of us. Earthly understanding shall be ours! We have all experienced this woman, and sometimes man, in their terrifically varied but consistently exasperating varieties.

There is the Orgasmic Omer, belonging to the woman who has apparently never had her pelvis opened up the old-fashioned way, who also seems to experience the miracle of revirgination just in time for next class. If her Oms could talk, they would say, “I need to get la-la-laaaaaid more.”

There is the Male variant. He chants so smoothly. He really gets deep. He smiles at you with intention, all right. And, after class, he stares at you as if he’s just given you the greatest gift, because he’s pretty sure he has: your first orgasm. Shall we hold clammy hands over bowls of carrot ginger puree with primrose oil? We can discuss our alimentary tracts. He is wise in the ways of wheatgrass, say his Oms.

There is the Shamer Omer, the bald one who lets you all think she went through chemo even though she didn’t just because she likes the attention of it, as well as the attention that comes from hurtling her chants across the room like a bull moose in rut, and when confronted at last, accuses you of being the angry one, to which you burst out, “I was fine until you got all Om Shanti Shanti on us at 120 decibels!” and you never go back to that yoga class again. You don’t want to know what her Oms say, but they’re a true story.

There is the Quantum Omer, who ascribes spiritual glory to our shared celestial chemistry with stardust, whereas I find it scientific. Hers is a very special knowledge. Her Oms say, “I eat powdered placenta.”

There is Suzy Super Omer, who rolls up in her Range Rover, sporting her Lululemon. She has changed her email signature to Namaste. This is worse than anything that could have happened to yoga, including Portlandia. Her Oms say, “I’m the easy target. But be nice to me. I’m trying.”

My spiraling notebook taxonomy was interrupted by another protest about Claire, and I looked up to see the woman’s friends nodding once more. Two insights came to mind there in that restaurant. First, that woman needs better dinner friends.

Second, while I have loved yoga for years, I’m not sure I’m loving it the way others who love yoga seem to love it. I feel like a fraud, a phony, a huckster. After all, my inspirations are Mark Twain and Oscar Wilde and H.L. Mencken and House and Hitchens, not the Dalai Lama and Eckhart Tolle and goji berries. I like Dorothy Parker and contemporary art and high fashion and alcohol (the last, preferably with rich food). I like comedy and code. The History of World War II was one of my favorite courses in graduate school. I genuinely feel nothing after a superfood smoothie. My years as a vegetarian were, literally, a gas. I am unmoved in the face of granola. Anything to do with groups of women makes me feel like I have a pending case of hives instead of a pending case of empowerment.

Something is definitely wrong with me. But no matter how many times I resolve to try, I find afresh that I must stand by my principles: I just don’t feel the need to get in touch with my inner anus. I don’t want to communicate nonviolently about my two-days-late class bill, I just want to give you my new debit card number because I’m fine, I haven’t lost my job, I just got sent a new card, no I’m really fine, no I’m not being resistant or defensive, if you’ll just let me explain, I…Oh God! Please just let me give you the new number!

Does a cat care? I want to stretch like a cat. Does the cat ask his cat friend, respectfully, lovingly, compassionately, for some room on the cushion?

I breathe, even if you can’t hear it. I breathe because sometimes it makes me cry trickles of relief and sometimes it makes me grow pent up with joy. But sometimes it feels like a job, and sometimes I go through the motions and I smile, knowing I actually just need the old-fashioned way.

And sometimes instead of Ommmmmm, I just say, Oh.

This is the latest installment in your editor’s column, The Insider’s Guide to Life.

Image: Christian Parreira

The post The Insider’s Guide to Life: If These Oms Could Talk appeared first on EcoSalon.

ColumnResolutions: Just like to-do lists, only impossible!

The season of cocktail parties and last-minute dinners with friends before we all trek back to our respective homesteads (or wing like hell in the opposite direction) is upon us. Inevitably, someone will ask what your New Year’s resolutions are. You will have already thought about how you are going to perfect your life ever further in the coming year, perfect it compassionately and positively and joyously, in explicit detail in both your new moleskine purchased for just this purpose (drunken scrawls), as well as in Excel which you hate but admit is kind of useful sometimes (alphabetized goals), but all this you will keep to yourself, because in response you’ll laugh with the loveliest measured nonchalance and murmur something mindful Meryl Streep or a person who has found her bliss would murmur, something about slow food or slow presents. “Conscious resolution is revelatory in a way that regular old resolutions could simply never be!” your organic milk-fed countenance will say without saying a thing.

Resolutions are fine things if they are extraordinarily selfish, one-off, low dose, so easy a Kardashian could do it, or recklessly nice just because. For instance: You should resolve to have more sex. To eat some very fresh food. To save an animal. To save a friend. To leave the house clad in real shoes always, because sneakers are for the gym. To write down all the things you want to accomplish in the next decade, and choose just two for this year. To let the smile show in your eyes. To stop saying “totes.” To find a yoga class without a woman who moans her ohms like her mat is equipped in a way yours isn’t. All lovely things to achieve in this grand new annum.

Then there are all the other things.

Resolutions Not to Make in 2012

1. Lose weight.

Just stop right there. Not going to happen. You know how I know? This was your resolution last year. And the year before that. In fact, every single year for as long as you can remember being aware of your weight, or, third grade for girls, age 45 for boys. Personal trainers and lifestyle coaches will recommend that you get more specific to get results. Aim for dropping a dress size, or 10 pounds, or 5% of your body fat, they say. I say success starts with setting the bar so low you could trip on it. Consider three pounds. Three pounds is a week of no carbs. Three pounds is walking around your town for three hours, thrice. Maybe just twice. Three pounds can even be a satisfying bowel movement after a fibrous dinner of zesty uncaloric nightshades. Three pounds: You can do this.

No one else will notice, but you sure will, and since all your friends really want is for you to stop talking about how skinny you used to be that one time before they ever knew you, everyone wins.

2. Pay off your debts.

I always say that if I had real money I’d buy all the landfills in the world, because someone is going to figure out how to turn dirty trash into clean energy and get, well, filthy rich. Perhaps our debt-burdened world will strike upon some similar Eureka formula whereby all debt becomes highly valuable to the people owing it instead of the people gaming it. In the meantime, resolve to drink. Kidding! Resolve to get real. The student loans, the mortgage, the car, the second mortgage, the second car, the credit cards, the stray bank charge on the account you opened on Maui three years ago because they don’t have Wells Fargo and you forgot about it: Forgive yourself. We are a nation of forgivers. We forgive Wall Street, we forgive television, we forgive Donald Trump his hair and Newt Gingrich his head, we can forgive you.

Choose the smallest debt, divide by 12, automate checking transfers to your savings account you’ve set up just for this, and get back to work on banishing the use of “totes” from your life.

4. Learn to/take up/get into/go to classes for those seventeen things you’ve always thought you would be good at and should be good at because that guy you can’t stand but can’t unfollow on Twitter is.

Painting, singing, the Barre method, skiing, kayaking, bouldering (it’s harder than rock climbing), raising your Klout score, the art of tea, HTML5, Mandarin, never again needing to look up the meaning of sui generis, artistic welding, knitting in a hipster way not a housewife way, riding, hey how about a Century?, pasta from scratch, finally understanding and enjoying Brahms, ikat upholstery, poker, why not a tournament?, curing pork products at home, paintball, sky-diving, Tantric sex, coed club baseball, writing a novel, plus all the other things that in fact require years of practice and learning to approach basic proficiency, nevermind professional status. Definitely at least 17.

In 2012, resolve to: Take one, lone “class.” Attend one, new “thing.” Visit one, other “place”. If you can manage all that in the space of 12 short months while working, living, loving and doing, I’ll know you’re also the one who lost three pounds. Gold star.

5. Sign up for the gym.

A time-honored tradition in our country, a whale of a deal, practically a steal! Just $49 a month forever. Propping up the gym bubble adds millions to the GDP, while deducting nothing from the BMI. Do you dream about the gym? Do you miss the ritual of wiping down the handles of the Stairmaster with Pine Sol spray because the guy on it before you left a flash flood of sweat in the cup holder? Do you find yourself just hanging around the gym at 5 a.m. on a Saturday in August, wishing it were open? No? Don’t sign up for the gym.

6. Drink less.

If you have to say it, it’s not going to happen. How about worry less and drink more…of other things? Drinking is a sign of boredom. (Unless you are an alcoholic, in which case, doctor, now.) Change up friends, change up activities, change up how you spend your evenings, just change up some old thing. The drinking will change itself. No resolution required.

7. Find true love.

“You should really date more.” “So, have you tried online dating?” People. I know of a handful of happy marriages – not perfect marriages, but really happy ones, the ones that don’t make me fear marriage, the ones that don’t come like a box set of Barbie Never Orgasms But Gave Up on It Years Ago So Her Face Is Set to Permafreeze and Ken Makes Joking Digs About Balls and Chains But Boy Is He an Amazing Dad to Get Back at Barbie. Anyway. The happy ones, to the last, all happened instantly: boy met girl or girl met boy or boy met boy or what have you, and that was that. There was no trying in any case. I’m not saying we shouldn’t work at finding true love like some people garden their resumes, I’m just saying we shouldn’t work at finding true love. You’re a whole hunk of lovely love. A rock, if you will, and someone will soon turn it over and find the adorable creeping and crawling flaws underneath, and hug them and squeeze them (but not too hard), and name it Love. It’ll happen. I promise.

(Although I’m not going to make a resolution about it for you. Like I want to be responsible for dooming your chance at love in 2012.)

This is the latest installment in your editor’s column, The Insider’s Guide to Life.

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P.S. A special hello to one Starre Vartan. We love you.

The post The Insider’s Guide to Life: The Essential List of Resolutions Not to Make in 2012 appeared first on EcoSalon.

When you’re at the end of your rope, maybe it’s because of hope.

Hope: noun, verb.
• the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best.
• a person or thing in which expectations are centered.
• a four letter word that doesn’t amount to much.

Every word you speak or think lands somewhere – it’s heard by you (and if not consciously, certainly by your unconscious mind), by the people around you, by the Dream Fairy, The Universe, The Powers That Be.

So what kind of message does the word “hope” send out? How is Life, or your boss, or your partner supposed to interpret “hope?” Hope doesn’t tell anybody where you really stand on an issue. It doesn’t holler, Go get ‘em! or declare I wholeheartedly believe! or I’ll do whatever it takes.

Hope hangs out on the sidelines…just, you know, hoping. While expectation, optimism, and pragmatism are on the field playing the sport of life. Full on.

Maybe hoping is for sissies.
And if that’s true, than intention and faith are for heroes.

What if you banned the word hope from your vocabulary? Try this hope-replacement exercise. How do you feel with each of these statements?:

• “I hope I’ll get the job.” BZZZZT! Reframe it.
• “I really want to get the job.” (“Point taken,” says the Universe.)
• “I’m praying to get that job.” (Prayer is an action too.)
• “I have done all that I can do to get the job.” (Yes! Stand tall.)
• “I will either get the job, or I won’t.” (Precisely. Now you can get on with your day.)
• “I expect to end up with a job that I love.” (Excellent! Open-ended and affirmative!)

Do a Hope List. What are you hoping for? Opportunity to knock? The outcome to be positive? The test results to be negative? Replace “hope” with action words, reality words, intentional, faith-bounding, wide-open, change-agent hero words.

There are too many variables out of our control, yet many variables firmly within our control. It’s foolish to plant big desires on the sands of hope. It’s amazing what happens when you decide to not lean on hope (tho’ you may go through withdrawals at first, not having hope as dream-filler can be profoundly uncomfortable.)

When you move beyond hope, you take responsibility. You face facts. You see solutions that you didn’t see before. You stand in the present.

Hope less. Realize more.

Editor’s Note: Danielle LaPorte is the creator of WhiteHotTruth.com, which has been called “the best place on-line for kick-ass spirituality.” She is the author of The Fire Starter Sessions: A Digital Experience for Entrepreneurs, an inspirational speaker, former think tank exec, and news show commentator. You can read all of Danielle’s EcoSalon guest articles here, and find her on Twitter @daniellelaporte.

Image: sleepyjeanie

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We’re counting on you.

Rachel Crow is fourteen and she can sing. You’ll cry happy, cheer-leading tears when you watch this video.

The gem of this comes at the end of the clip and it’s easy to miss. I had to watch this twice to catch it. SPOILER ALERT: When Rachel gets four thumbs up from the judges (yeah!) and there is wild applause and cheers, she says something so important:

“Thank you. I won’t let you down.”

Thank you. I won’t let you down.

This is the most humble and courageous phrase you can speak when life opens the door wide for you — which it does every day.

You’re up for it. You’re grateful. You see the gift and you realize you can’t do it alone.

With this: Thank you. I won’t let you down, you rise to the occasion.

There are so many people believing in you. Backing you up, saying prayers, taking your call, saying yes.

Dream realizing is reciprocal. Sometimes, when someone believes in you, you are honor bound to go for it.

Say it. Believe it. Hear it (from my heart to yours).

Editor’s Note: Danielle LaPorte is the creator of WhiteHotTruth.com, which has been called “the best place on-line for kick-ass spirituality.” She is the author of The Fire Starter Sessions: A Digital Experience for Entrepreneurs, an inspirational speaker, former think tank exec, and news show commentator. You can read all of Danielle’s EcoSalon guest articles here, and find her on Twitter @daniellelaporte.

Image: krikit

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It’s time to get whelmed instead.

Your plate is full, right?
You’ve been at this for a while.
Life is your kind of kuh-raz-eee.

And then it gets fuller, and the time has come, or there’s a curve-ball, and things get well n’ truly wild.

And you could say, because it’s your right to, that you’re feeling “overwhelmed”. But don’t. Don’t go there. Stay with me, on the light side of change and bursting creativity; on the front end of pressure, and greatness, and the best and worst kinds of challenges.

Back away from overwhelm. Because when you just utter that word, you cast doubt on your capacity to rise. You let angst flop on your couch. You fret that you might not have the resources to surmount obstacles or to seal the deal on your dream.

Let’s make a pact. If you slip and use the o-word, I’ll refuse to believe you. I’m going to act like you didn’t even say it, and I’m going to remind you that

: you put everything on your plate with intention, and you have a huge say in creating your reality.

: you’ve been watering your dreams for years and you’re going to get what you ask for and allow (ya!)

: tragic circumstances or a circus of success — you’ve got what it takes to meet life with more giving.

Ban “overwhelmed” from your vocabulary. Refuse it entry to your psyche. You’re bigger than that.

Just be, you know, whelmed (this is best said with a Jewish, Brooklyn accent.)

Whelmed. Not at full capacity, rather, full of capacity.

Whelmed. Sounds full of potential, doesn’t it?

Editor’s Note: Danielle LaPorte is the creator of WhiteHotTruth.com, which has been called “the best place on-line for kick-ass spirituality.” She is the author of The Fire Starter Sessions: A Digital Experience for Entrepreneurs, an inspirational speaker, former think tank exec, and news show commentator. You can read all of Danielle’s EcoSalon guest articles here, and find her on Twitter @daniellelaporte.

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QuoteDaily quotes at EcoSalon.

“The things you dread have the most to teach you. Dive in.” – @themindfulist

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