A recent study has revealed watching porn isn’t the bedroom buzzkiller many of us have been led to believe. (Can I get an Amen?)

Yes, watching porn can create problems in a relationship—especially if he doesn’t so much dabble as he does cause himself carpal tunnel with a side of chafing—but problems in the bedroom? Not so much, say researchers.

A recent study from UCLA and Concordia University has found watching porn doesn’t equal bad news for your sex life after all, but may in fact be linked to enhanced male sexual responsiveness. (Phew.)

The study, published in the journal Sexual Medicine, studied 280 male participants who watch porn from zero to 25 hours a week. (Yep, hours.) The men also completed a questionnaire that measures levels of sexual desire. One-hundred and twenty-seven of the participants had regular partners and completed the International Index of Erectile Function—a questionnaire that rates their experience with erectile function.

Finally, they watched a video of a man and woman having sex and reported their level of arousal. “Many clinicians claim that watching erotica makes men unable to respond sexually to ‘normal’ sexual situations with a partner,” UCLA neuroscientist and study co-author Nicole Prause said in a statement. “That was not the case in our sample.”

Researchers found no relationship between watching porn and post-porn ED in men who are sexually active, and in fact suggest the opposite: That watching porn leaves men more sensitized to legit sexual encounters. “When we analyzed data from prior studies, we found that the men who had watched more sex films at home were more aroused when they watched sex films in the lab,” said Prause.

ED, therefore, is not a result of your guy rubbing one out (make that several) to Bonnie Rotten, but is likely caused by the usual suspects such as performance anxiety, poor health or a side-effect of substance abuse.

The study also put the kibosh on the widely-thought belief that watching porn causes addiction and ruins relationships. “The study participants represent a good cross-section of men that view porn on a regular basis,” Jim Pfaus, Concordia professor and study co-author said in a statement. “The fact that doing so increased their arousal to the erotic stimuli should cause clinicians and sex therapists to rethink their attributions.”

So the next time you catch him fisting his mister with your favorite moisturizer, try not to harbor any hard feelings (sorry, had to). His porn habits won’t get in the way of your nookie. If anything, it’ll make sexy time even more fun—especially if he learns a few new tricks along the way.

How has his watching porn impacted your sex life?

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The post Watching Porn Makes Dudes Better In Bed (This Is Not a Drill) appeared first on EcoSalon.

If you’ve experienced any type of sexual abuse or trauma, you may cope by dissociating during sex.

Dissociation can happen during good and bad sexual experiences, and once you’ve done it, it’s pretty easy to continue dissociating. During bad sexual experiences, some people say they feel like they are leaving their bodies. You feel like your body is shutting down — it’s almost like your brain is trying to protect you from the massive amount of trauma you’re experiencing.

Here’s a description about dissociation from sex therapist Vanessa Martin in a XOJane article:

“You may have felt like you were floating up by the ceiling, standing right next to yourself, or far, far away. I tell my clients that dissociation is actually an amazing defense mechanism. Your psyche knew that it was unsafe to be in your body during the abuse, so it got the hell out of there.”

But as stated previously, dissociation can happen during happy, consensual sex, too. That’s why many sexual assault survivors have a difficult time staying “present” and enjoying sex.

Thankfully, Martin says that there are plenty of healthy ways to stop dissociation during sex, and “reclaim” your sex life:

What triggers you to leave your body?: Does a certain sexual position cause you to dissociate? If so, share this with your partner. You don’t have to eliminate that position altogether, but work on making it a positive experience. Other things that can cause body triggering are certain phrases or words, etc.

Where do you go when you leave?: Many people feel like they are standing beside themselves, or hovering above their bodies. I typically just blank out by focusing on a spot on a wall. Think about why you retreat to the place you “go,” and work on coaxing yourself out of that “check out” state.

You also can think about what it feels like when you dissociate. Do you feel numb? Sad? Angry? Pinpointing those feelings can help you learn how to better respond to your body.

Also: Consider contacting a therapist, counselor, or sex therapist. I suggest perusing RAINN, too — it’s a great resource for sexual assault survivors.

If you dissociate during sex, it doesn’t mean your sex life is over. If anything, it means you are aware of what you are doing, and now you are prepared to take the steps to learn how to positively respond to happy, consensual sex.

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The post Recovering from Sexual Abuse: Sex and Dissociation Isn’t Uncommon appeared first on EcoSalon.

ColumnTerry Richardson’s long history of sexual predation is repugnantly, exhaustingly common. But it provides the occasion for us to explore the murky, complex issue of consent – and its deep implications for your sex life.

Men like Richardson often get a pass (until some get their collective comeuppance) because we don’t like to talk about the use and abuse of power. This power is everywhere all the time, lurking in your interactions with friends, family, co-workers – and lovers. Because it can feel so toxic and impolite to bring it up, and because we’re so afraid of being left and/or rejected – we tend to keep our concerns to ourselves until they blow up in our face.

Our deeply unhealthy relationship with power allows the usual suspects — white, heterosexual, cisgendered men — to wield it with impunity. The question posed by the title of last week’s New York Mag article: “Is Terry Richardson an Artist or a Predator?” offers a patently false dichotomy. It is not a measure of whether he’s an artist OR a predator, but rather a question of whether he can be both. Can famous male artists be predators? Of course they can. Any guy can be what he is (entrepreneur, waiter, freelance writer, accountant) and still be a predator.

Anecdotally, I’ve seen Richardson out around New York City a number of times, and he’s always got a very unsettling look in his eyes as he scans the room, presumably, for victims. His energy is not unlike that of (the recently fired) Dov Charney or Vincent Gallo. If you dig behind the headlines, you’ll often find that manboys like this manipulate people because they felt powerless as children. The article seems to want to excuse Richardson because of his difficult childhood – which is absurd, but again – achingly common in response to stories like this. Boys will be boys, goes the stock phrase.

Richardson certainly doesn’t think he’s a predator – he believes he’s an artist and a thumbs-up fun guy who knows how to dish up the subversive side of life. He justifies his behavior for the art – saying it pushes people’s boundaries. His modus operandi: shoving his penis in model’s faces without warning and coaxing them into faux and real blowjobs during and after photo shoots – that’s “just for the art.” Simply because he can get away with it, Richardson doesn’t have to think about his power, born of his white-guy artist privilege – he just works it. It’s all about casual entitlement.

This story is not just about whether meaningful consent was given in Richardson’s notorious photo shoots, and whether he’s guilty. (Of course he is.) It’s about whether we understand the meaning of consent at all. Because sexual agency for girls who will become women is so very fraught, we are completely confused about how to say no, and what it might mean for us when we do. Teen girls who say no are shamed as prudes, barred from being popular. Those who say yes are slut-shamed. (Note that these are usually weak yeses and noes – not the kind we’re aiming for.) The internalization of the Madonna-Whore complex sadly starts around puberty, and unless we do something about it – each of us individually, in our own lives – the cycle will never end.

Why are so many women afraid to say no to men like Richardson? I’m not just talking about models whose careers might be at stake. Why are we so often scared to say no to the men we meet, go on dates with, take home, or don’t take home? Why are we sometimes afraid to say no to our live-in partners? I would argue, in part, that this is because we’ve never been taught how to properly say yes.

Here’s why we often say nothing when our instinct says NO. Because when you rebuff them, men like Richardson will claim it’s because you’ve got sexual hang-ups. If you refuse to succumb, you’ll be called a tight-ass. He’ll suggest, or tell his friends, that you don’t know, or even want to know, your own sexual self. He’ll claim his interest in your body is a gift, a form of liberation and leadership – he just wants to show you the way. But you don’t need to be taught “the way” – your sexual self-knowledge is built on you finding your own way.

Warning: these men aren’t just tattooed hipsters with requisite muttonchops. They come in various stylistic guises. Watch out in yoga class – Richardsons are commonly wannabe gurus – they hang out at Burning Man, too.

Part of the reason we’re conditioned this way is that sexual assault is so common that it’s become a kind of morbid rite of passage for girls and women – I know few who haven’t been violated in some form. We still think of rapists as the men who might grab us in a dark alley, for whom we must have our mace and rape whistle ready. But the far more common kind of rape – date rape – regularly goes unreported and unremarked upon, simply because it’s so ubiquitous. This is yet another reason we’re so often paralyzed between our yeses and our noes; there is a continuum of assault and mass confusion about consent.

The dictionary defines “consent” as: to permit, approve, or agree; comply or yield.

Even as we’re not quite sure of how to define our boundaries, we couch our concept of consent mostly in terms of no. Being surrounded by enabled predators will do that to you. But what if young girls, right around the time of their first period, were offered an entirely new rite of a passage — one that put pleasure at the center? What if we taught them that it’s not just boys who want and need sex? What if we were honest about their body’s capacity for world-rocking, shame-free orgasms? What if we showed them a map for being the subject, not the object, of desire?

Before we can get to the healthy, full-throated “yes” that will improve our relationships, our sex lives, and our self-esteem — we have to understand why and when we first learned to say no. Because our first no was likely weak and based on fear, not desire, we have a lot of unlearning to do. So even if you’re twenty years beyond your first period — you can still own this rite of passage. Part of the map for adult women is exploration of the concept of enthusiastic consent – popularized in the book “Yes Means Yes.”

Our culture heartily endorses the Richardsons of the world. Because, in fact, they mostly run the world. They at least run the world of advertising, which is a kind of mental matrix for all of us, as we’re exposed to it 24/7. When it comes to warped images of female form and function, it’s hard to distinguish if it’s real or if it’s Memorex. So it takes work — an intentional rewiring of your brain.

Predators like Terry Richardson are everywhere. But you don’t have to define your sex life by their distorted standards – you can create your own. In doing so, we can eventually create a level, healthy, safe and pleasurable playing field.

Got a question for Stefanie? Email stefanie at ecosalon dot com, and she’ll answer it in the next Sexual Healing column.

Keep in touch with Stefanie on Twitter: @ecosexuality

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Improve Your Communication Skills & Save Your Sex Life

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The post Terry Richardson, Consent and You: Sexual Healing appeared first on EcoSalon.

ColumnExercising healthy communication skills can be quite a challenge when it comes to your sex life – both in established relationships and casual flings. Even your one-night-stands can stand a bit of straight talk. How do you say what you mean and get what you want every time?

We don’t like to talk about sex because we’re taught that love is magic, and why would you want to ruin a perfectly good fairy tale by dissecting it? Even when your sex doesn’t come with a heaping side order of romance, talking about it is still confusing and laden with emotional triggers.

Love and sex — separate entities — are so tied together in our consciousness that it can feel impossible to parse what belongs where. Our self-esteem is inextricably linked to the idea of being “wanted” – not being up-voted in bed can leave you feeling like a failure. But if you talk about it – before, during and after the act – you can change almost everything about your sex life.

We’re supposed to instantly understand our lover’s quirks, their body’s secret needs, their unspoken fantasies. Women are taught that we’re meant to just show up and perform – especially because most of us are playing out the Madonna-Whore complex in all our waking moments. In bed we are in the role of the whore – who is always a sexual genius.

Women are culturally conditioned not to speak up at all. Especially in heterosexual partnerships, many of our relationship conflicts are born out of a tendency to only use non-verbal signals to express our anger. We hope/expect our male partners to just get it, and when they don’t read our minds, we get even angrier. I suspect that it’s because we’re afraid of being labeled as nags that we begin to keep our complaints to ourselves – in and out of bed.

Have you ever suffered through painful sex (not the good kind) just because you didn’t want to tell your partner to shift positions? Or let someone go down on you in a way that was just so very wrong – but you didn’t want to hurt their feelings? Have you endured weeks or months or years of boring or just plain bad sex because there was something about the relationship – comfort, even financial security – that kept you there? You deserve better – but you have to be willing to ask for it.

I believe all women should have one-night-stands at least five to ten times (or more) in their lives. The reason is simple – in a one-night-stand you have nothing to lose emotionally. You can say, “Shift to the right.” “I like it when you x, y, z.” “I want to stop now, please.” “This is how I get off.” “Use this toy.” “Thanks for the orgasm! Now you can leave.”

We’ve been hearing so much about hookup culture on campus in recent years, and from what everyone’s saying, it seems like women’s pleasure isn’t much of a priority. But in one-night-stands, you can learn to improve communication skills and speak up about what you want and what you don’t want without having to worry about what it means for the rest of your days. Consider it the Rosetta Stone for your future love/sex life. This is you practicing before your trip to Italy, so you can flawlessly order yourself a gorgeous meal of pasta and vino when you arrive. Practice is vital — whether you visit for two weeks or fall madly in love and stay forever.

But say you’re in a long-term relationship – one of those unicorn situations in which you and your partner had perfect chemistry and nothing needed to be explained. Now you’re two or five-years in and the passion seems gone, for good. Because you once had the magic, it might be even harder to discuss why it’s not instantly available anymore. In situations like this, each partner tends to back away into their own quiet, sullen corner. The only way to break the silence is to get brave and broach it.

Sure, you’re probably afraid that your partner isn’t attracted to you anymore – but guess what? He/she may be thinking the exact same thing. And another thing – it’s normal for attraction to wane over the course of years – even more so for women than for men. We’ve been taught the opposite – that men will always get bored first, and thus stray first. It’s a load of bunk, like so many other sexual myths we’ve been fed.

If you’re addressing a problem – telling your partner that something they do doesn’t feel right – it’s normal to feel a hint of concern. But what goes unspoken is almost always worse than the words themselves. Talk it out, get feedback, and listen without being reactive.

Talking is not unsexy. A frank conversation about sex doesn’t have to feel as awkward as your nerdy teacher putting a condom on a banana in health class. Even if you’re not usually verbal while in the act, talking about sex out of bed can encourage you to speak up while naked – which can make sex a whole lot hotter.

Got a question for Stefanie? Email stefanie@ecosalon.com and she’ll answer it in the next Sexual Healing column.

Keep in touch with Stefanie on Twitter: @ecosexuality

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The post Improve Your Communication Skills and Save Your Sex Life: Sexual Healing appeared first on EcoSalon.

There are countless articles telling women how to turn up the heat in the bedroom, but rarely will you find a resource that gives men the same helpful advice. Sure, men are manly and should know how to make their studly way around the bedroom, but believe it or not, there are some who lack this valuable knowledge. Don’t believe me? Here are five mistakes men make in the bedroom.

1.  Coming to Bed Smelling Like Ass

Or sweat, or feet, or anything else that no one wants to smell. Of all the mistakes men make, this may be the most offensive to the senses. In fact, feel free to take a shower before jumping in between the sheets. We won’t mind. We’ll wait. And, even if sex doesn’t happen, you’ll be able to experience the awesomeness of being all clean and pretty while you sleep. We work, go to the gym, and we hustle just the same as you, but we aren’t trying to transfer all of the residue of the day onto you when we go to bed. Unless you want us to. Maybe.

2.  Wearing “Period” Underwear

Some mistakes men make can be chalked up to ignorance. And then there’s just willful ignorance. Although most men don’t menstruate, many of you do keep the ratty SpongeBob boxers and briefs your now post-college body wore in college. Women call those period panties and we don’t wear them unless we are on our periods. We also don’t dare wear them when we go out on dates if we are expecting anything to happen. We know, beat down underclothes aren’t sexy. This goes for the high water Grinch pajama pants you’ve been wearing for 15 years as well.

3.  Jumping on Us Like A Hyena

Foreplay goes a long way. Unless there’s some kind of legitimate reason you have to jump on us and pin yourselves to our chests like a Purple Heart, this is not the way to broach the subject of sex. We know it’s late and we’re probably tired too. But just as you wouldn’t appreciate us yelling, “can you hurry up – I want to watch Breaking Bad” we don’t want to feel like a pit stop on the way to sleepy time.

4.  Acting Butt-Hurt When We Make a Request

While men love to throw out sexual requests and appreciate women who are open to them, they react a bit differently when we make our own requests. If you can’t handle constructive criticism in the bedroom, then by all means, feel free to keep your own ideas (and hands) to yourself. And then we can both live boringly ever after because no one is comfortable saying anything.

5.  Not Noticing the Fancy $200 Bra

Hey, we took your advice, okay? We wore the fancy bra to bed. What is the point though, if you don’t notice the difference between this one and the nursing bras we’ve been wearing the whole week? We noticed you took a shower and put on clean underwear – the least you could do is acknowledge that we have indeed, been reading those How to Keep Your Man Happy articles and take them seriously.

There you go…please feel free to add these helpful tips about mistakes men make to the pile of articles on the four billion mistakes women make in the bedroom, how to keep your sex life alive, and how to make your man happy. And, by all means – share with the man you love. Because it’s all about balance, you know.

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Image:  Mr. Thomas

The post 5 Mistakes Men Make in the Bedroom (Someone Had To Say It) appeared first on EcoSalon.

Big breasts equal bigger results for women in the bedroom, according to a new study from Brazil.

Brazilian researchers have found that much like their breasts, a woman’s sex life is given a substantial lift after getting big breasts via implant surgery. The study is based on a whopping – get this – 45 women who underwent the surgery (not exactly a representative sample) It gets worse: their sex lives improved only if they didn’t end up with stretch marks after the surgery.

Researcher Dr. Paulo Guimaraes and his colleagues had the women fill out a questionnaire pre-surgery, and then again two, four and 18 months post-op to gauge their sexual desire, arousal and satisfaction. The ladies (sans stretch marks) reported they were, in fact, more satisfied with their sex lives after getting the big breasts.

I’m not ridiculing any woman who has gotten or plans on getting breast implants – it’s your right, it’s your body, and I fully support any decision that makes a woman feel empowered. But let’s be serious – who’s sex life are big breasts really improving? Especially if you’re a woman who ends up with side effects from the surgery, such as nipple numbness or shooting pains – sure, your big breasts look great, but will you even know what’s going on down there?

According to Dr. David Reath, who’s on the public education committee of the American Society of Plastic Surgeons (ASPS):

When I see patients and follow up, a lot of them will say, ‘My husband and I or my boyfriend and I are having a lot of fun.’

Um, yeah, because their husband/boyfriend has new toys to play with! I can seriously picture his inner 5-year-old screeching, “Boobies!” and then honking them Fisher Price-style.

While I’m sure big breasts deliver a boost of confidence that may rev up your inner sex kitten, I can’t help but feel bad for the nine poor women from the study who ended up with stretch marks: Are they back to doing it with the lights out – partially to hide the new thing they’re self-conscious about and to save on electricity since their investment has racked up their credit cards?

These “findings” about big breasts are being presented at the ASPS’ annual meeting. Oh, but don’t worry, the findings are only “preliminary” until they’re published in a peer-reviewed journal. I’ll bet my entire life savings – three dollars and 17 cents, plus the change in my couch – that this big breasts study was really put together by the laboratory equivalent of Al Bundy.

So there you have it: I thought the most ridiculous thing I’d learn about this week was Vanilla Ice going Amish, but that theory’s been blown right out of the silicone.

Sources:
Do Breast Implants Boost Women’s Sex Lives?
Breast implants may improve women’s sex lives, study suggests

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The post The Key to Amping Up Your Sex Life? Big Breasts, Apparently [Study] appeared first on EcoSalon.

Let’s put on our leg warmers and take a trip to 1980s-ville, shall we? The year is 1987, and George Michael’s I Want Your Sex had just hit the airwaves. The Flagship Censorship was in overdrive. Meanwhile, tweens (before they knew they were tweens) were singing “Sex is natural, sex is good. Not everybody does it. But everybody should!” Sung, of course, without really understanding what it all meant.

The result of George Michael’s romp on the airwaves? A certain segment of impressionable minds, now aged like fine wines, subconsciously can’t help but remember that “sex is natural, sex is good, not everybody does it, but everybody should.” But are other age groups still getting some? About 75 percent of teenagers have intercourse by the time they turn 20. Within a marriage, 44 percent of couples are “fully satisfied with their sex lives.” Further, those who are 65 and older are still getting down and dirty between the sheets.

So people are doing the deed in droves. And the good news that just keeps getting better? There are many reasons to spend even more time between the sheets.

1. Sex helps relieve pain.

Sex releases the fun-time hormone, oxytocin. And as WebMD reports, “as the hormone oxytocin surges, endorphins increase, and pain declines. So if your headache, arthritis pain, or PMS symptoms seem to improve after sex, you can thank those higher oxytocin levels.” Beats taking a double dose of pain reliever any time.

2. For the ladies! Semen may be an anti-depressant.

Sex produces phenylethylamine, a love chemical that ups your mood. Also, a study from the State University of New York shows that women who were directly exposed to semen were less depressed. Though as study lead Gordon Gallup points out, “I want to make it clear that we are not advocating that people abstain from using condoms.” After all, getting an STD or experiencing an unwanted pregnancy is not going to lift up anyone’s mood.

3. For the gents! Sex may reduce the risk of prostate cancer.

Via WebMD, Australian researchers report that frequent ejaculations among 20-something men downs the risk for prostate cancer in later years by as much as a third. Get busy, get healthy!

4. Sex is a good workout.

Contemplating a move under the covers as opposed to a move under dumbbells? Think about spending your workout in bed. Some experts claim that an hour of sex can lead to almost 400 calories burned. Want to know exactly how many calories you are burning while doing the deed? Check out this handy estimator.

5. Sex can help keep colds at bay.

You’ve tried Vitamin C, Echinacea, and zinc supplements. Now try sex. Researchers have shown that people who have sex more than twice a week get a kick to their immune system. Immunoglobulin A fights colds in our bodies, and sex raises its levels in our bodies. See? A kiss really can make it all better.

6. Sex helps you sleep.

After you’ve made use of the bed for more than sleeping, you’re going to want to sleep. Why? It’s that oxytocin again. The oxytocin released during an orgasm is going to help your brain and body wind down for a good night’s sleep. So considering turning away the Ambien and turning towards your loved one.

Image: Light Speed Photography

The post Do We Need More Reasons to Have Sex? Of Course! (Here are 6) appeared first on EcoSalon.

The result of George Michael’s romp on the airwaves? A certain segment of impressionable minds, now aged like fine wines, subconsciously can’t help but remember that “sex is natural, sex is good, not everybody does it, but everybody should.” But are other age groups still getting some? About 75 percent of teenagers have intercourse by the time they turn 20. Within a marriage, 44 percent of couples are “fully satisfied with their sex lives.” Further, those who are 65 and older are still getting down and dirty between the sheets.

So people are doing the deed in droves. And the good news that just keeps getting better? There are many reasons to spend even more time between the sheets.

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1. Sex helps relieve pain.

Sex releases the fun-time hormone, oxytocin. And as WebMD reports, “as the hormone oxytocin surges, endorphins increase, and pain declines. So if your headache, arthritis pain, or PMS symptoms seem to improve after sex, you can thank those higher oxytocin levels.” Beats taking a double dose of pain reliever any time.

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2. For the ladies! Semen may be an anti-depressant.

Sex produces phenylethylamine, a love chemical that ups your mood. Also, a study from the State University of New York shows that women who were directly exposed to semen were less depressed. Though as study lead Gordon Gallup points out, “I want to make it clear that we are not advocating that people abstain from using condoms.” After all, getting an STD or experiencing an unwanted pregnancy is not going to lift up anyone’s mood.

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3. For the gents! Sex may reduce the risk of prostate cancer.

Via WebMD, Australian researchers report that frequent ejaculations among 20-something men downs the risk for prostate cancer in later years by as much as a third. Get busy, get healthy!

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4. Sex is a good workout.

Contemplating a move under the covers as opposed to a move under dumbbells? Think about spending your workout in bed. Some experts claim that an hour of sex can lead to almost 400 calories burned. Want to know exactly how many calories you are burning while doing the deed? Check out this handy estimator.

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5. Sex can help keep colds at bay.

You’ve tried Vitamin C, Echinacea, and zinc supplements. Now try sex. Researchers have shown that people who have sex more than twice a week get a kick to their immune system. Immunoglobulin A fights colds in our bodies, and sex raises its levels in our bodies. See? A kiss really can make it all better.

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6. Sex helps you sleep.

After you’ve made use of the bed for more than sleeping, you’re going to want to sleep. Why? It’s that oxytocin again. The oxytocin released during an orgasm is going to help your brain and body wind down for a good night’s sleep. So considering turning away the Ambien and turning towards your loved one.

Image: Light Speed Photography; TheAlieness GiselleGiardino; iamtheo; www.CourtneyCarmody.com; Grevel; Kennedy Garrett.

The post Do We Need More Reasons to Have Sex? Of Course! (Here are 6). appeared first on EcoSalon.

I just got engaged. And I’m old. Okay, not Betty White old, but old enough that people who don’t know me are adding a -¦finally”¦” under their breath. And people who do know me are looking outside their windows to see if pigs are stuck in trees. Because they were flying, get it?

In the meantime, I’m in a weird limbo between single and married lands. I’m proud of being single into my late thirties, self-identifying all over the place as a sufficient, capable, man-less feminist. I got to a place where I could really see myself avoiding matrimony altogether, happily living out life as a proud auntie with nice handbags-not-diaper-bags and eight sound hours of sleep a night.

But obviously I kept dating. Now I have a wonderful man and a ring that keeps surprising me on my left finger. Welcome to No-Man’s Land for Singles! This is a happy land, where expectation and hopes are alive with promise, flowers, and gift cards to Bed, Bath and Beyond. It’s also the land where people totally freak you out with statistics. Recently, I ran across the scariest one of all in The New York Times – singles have better sex lives than married people! Was this true? I had to investigate.

So I can expect to hang up my libido when I file a joint tax return. Right? Not so fast, says the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender, and Reproduction. As it turns out, 23 percent of non-married men and 32 percent of non-married women report that they did not have sex in an entire year. Only one percent of married men and three percent of married women shared that they did not have sex in a year. Further, 43 percent of married men had sex a few times in the past month, with similar numbers for married women. The number were much lower for the unmarrieds.

So it looks like, yes, marriage can lead to a more frequent sex life. But it is better? According to The New York Times, marrieds are more like to have orgasms and give and receive oral sex. But should a smug married point this out to a singleton, said singleton can point back that 11 percent of people who co-habitate or are married have been unfaithful to their significant others. So yes, marries are having sex – just not necessarily with each other.

For more interesting sex facts, check out this chart from the Kinsey Institute. (Five to ten percent of Americans engaged in S&M? How did I miss this?)

The post Singles Have More Sex Than Marrieds – Right? appeared first on EcoSalon.