All the feels women have when they see a new penis.

When it comes to penises, what qualities are most important to a woman? Because the world would end as we know it without an answer to this question, researchers in Switzerland took one for the team and found out.

For the study, published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine, a group of 105 women, ages 16 to 45, were asked to rate the importance of eight specific penile characteristics on a 5-point scale (1 being very unimportant, and 5 being very important).

The findings suggest women find overall cosmetic appearance to be most important, followed by pubic hair, penile skin, penile girth, shape of glans, length, scrotum appearance, and “position and shape of meatus” (urethra).

The study was small, so the results shouldn’t be taken as gospel, but it makes sense that grooming took the top spot, and girth beat out length (because who wants to feel like they’re having sex with a rope?). Basically, when trying to determine what makes for a perfect penis, researchers found there was “no single penile aspect that is essential.”

That’s because women care more about the man attached to the penis. And no matter what it looks like, there’s something about seeing a new penis that makes us turn into giggly teenagers. On the one hand, we’re about to have sex, so yay, and on the other, we have this natural urge to do a product review before sexy time commences.

Here are just some of the thoughts women have when they see a new penis:

1. “So… there it is.”

2. “Wait, let me get my binoculars…”

3. “It’s like it’s staring at me.”

4. “Is there a user’s manual for this thing?”

5. “If I act too eager, will I scare it away?”

6. “There’s no way it’ll fit in my mouth.”

7. “Ugh, balls.”

8. “Please let that be an ingrown hair.”

9. “Note to self: Add ‘manscaping’ to your gratitude journal.”

10. “Does it always curve like that?”

11. “It’s go time.”

How do you react when you see a new penis?

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Cucumber image via Shutterstock / GIFs via Giphy

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A recent study has revealed watching porn isn’t the bedroom buzzkiller many of us have been led to believe. (Can I get an Amen?)

Yes, watching porn can create problems in a relationship—especially if he doesn’t so much dabble as he does cause himself carpal tunnel with a side of chafing—but problems in the bedroom? Not so much, say researchers.

A recent study from UCLA and Concordia University has found watching porn doesn’t equal bad news for your sex life after all, but may in fact be linked to enhanced male sexual responsiveness. (Phew.)

The study, published in the journal Sexual Medicine, studied 280 male participants who watch porn from zero to 25 hours a week. (Yep, hours.) The men also completed a questionnaire that measures levels of sexual desire. One-hundred and twenty-seven of the participants had regular partners and completed the International Index of Erectile Function—a questionnaire that rates their experience with erectile function.

Finally, they watched a video of a man and woman having sex and reported their level of arousal. “Many clinicians claim that watching erotica makes men unable to respond sexually to ‘normal’ sexual situations with a partner,” UCLA neuroscientist and study co-author Nicole Prause said in a statement. “That was not the case in our sample.”

Researchers found no relationship between watching porn and post-porn ED in men who are sexually active, and in fact suggest the opposite: That watching porn leaves men more sensitized to legit sexual encounters. “When we analyzed data from prior studies, we found that the men who had watched more sex films at home were more aroused when they watched sex films in the lab,” said Prause.

ED, therefore, is not a result of your guy rubbing one out (make that several) to Bonnie Rotten, but is likely caused by the usual suspects such as performance anxiety, poor health or a side-effect of substance abuse.

The study also put the kibosh on the widely-thought belief that watching porn causes addiction and ruins relationships. “The study participants represent a good cross-section of men that view porn on a regular basis,” Jim Pfaus, Concordia professor and study co-author said in a statement. “The fact that doing so increased their arousal to the erotic stimuli should cause clinicians and sex therapists to rethink their attributions.”

So the next time you catch him fisting his mister with your favorite moisturizer, try not to harbor any hard feelings (sorry, had to). His porn habits won’t get in the way of your nookie. If anything, it’ll make sexy time even more fun—especially if he learns a few new tricks along the way.

How has his watching porn impacted your sex life?

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How to make period sex a little more sexy and a little less… massacrey.

There’s no way around it: periods are a total pain in the vagina, and depending on how severe can be a total buzzkill in the bedroom. It’s not because we’re embarrassed by them—this isn’t high school, after all—but because we feel disgusting. We’re crampy, we’re bloaty, we’re definitely moody, and we just want to deal with our random diarrhea attacks in peace. With chocolate and Netflix.

My hatred of period sex has nothing to do with society conditioning me into thinking it’s “gross” or “wrong,” and I’ve never cared about what boyfriends think about it either. It’s a perfectly natural bodily process, but during said process my head simply isn’t in the game. Sex becomes this mechanical, awkward romp, and the logistics don’t do it for me.

But when your boyfriend’s looking at you with his I’m-about-to-hump-the-sofa-cushion face, you’ve got to do your best to play red rover in such a way so it benefits the both of you. Here are some pointers that really do help:

1. Always be prepared

Spontaneous period sex is one of the biggest buzzkills, since you’re not so much focused on the sex itself, but keeping the mess to a minimum. Lay a dark towel on the bed, and keep some handy wipes in your nightstand for a quick and easy cleanup afterward.

2. Set the mood

You might not feel all that hot, but you can always fake it till you make it. Dim the lights, light some candles, wear some kinky lingerie. Soon, you’ll be too busy getting busy to notice your period.

3. Have shower sex

If you’re not-so-prepared and don’t want to put your makeout on pause by looking for a towel and all that jazz, suggest getting frisky in the shower. It’s the best way to have period sex without feeling like you’re having period sex.

4. Do the menstrual cup thing

Menstrual cups are a sex-friendly alternative to tampons and sanitary pads. It collects blood instead of absorbing it, so you can leave it there during period sex and switch back to your regularly scheduled programming afterward.

5. Try new positions

Lying on your back or side will be less messy than a woman-on-top approach, since you know, gravity. Try upgraded versions of the standby positions, such as missionary with your legs hooked over his shoulders.

6. If the ick factor’s still going strong…

The cramps, the bloating, the wanting to crawl under a rock…ing. If you feel completely disgusting and miserable during your period, there’s nothing wrong with waiting until your heaviest flow days are over before pouncing on your guy. I mean, what’s the point of powering through if you’re just not into it? It’s your vagina. It’s your life. Do with both what you will. Period.

How do you feel about period sex? Yay or nay?

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ColumnHere are 9 sex tips for giving you and your partner an organic sex-lift.

Sex is natural, sex is good, but not everybody is doing nearly enough of what they should. We’re busy, we’re stressed out, and we’re tired, but that’s precisely why we should be having more sex. Being intimate cuts heart attack risk, burns calories, increases endorphins and boosts immunity. But in a technology-addled world where we’re often more intimate with our iPhones than our active or would-be lovers, sometimes you need a few tips. It’s time to slow down and put some eco into your sex. Here’s a guide to getting it on au naturel.

1. Fall in Love With Your Own Body

Eco-Sex starts with your own body. Practice being Cleopatra from the moment you wake in the morning until your lover arrives to pick you up (or just comes home from work). If you haven’t already begun excising toxic chemicals from your beauty routine, let better sex be your clarion call. Cleansing and moisturizing with EWG-approved products or DIY organic essential oil blends will make you look and feel beautiful. Falling in love with your own body is step number one for a healthy sex life: give your temple the respect it deserves.

2. Entertain Aphrodisiacs

Nibble on vegan and organic aphrodisiacs. Skip the heavy, artery-clogging, erection-killing steak and champagne dinner. Try a vegan and/or raw meal laced with aphrodisiacs like asparagus, ginger, avocado, and artichoke (to turn on women) and cinnamon, mango, squash, pumpkin and cayenne (to turn on the guys). Ginger and basil do double-duty, seducing both sexes.

3. Light it Up

Let there be candlelight. Particularly if you’re in a long-term relationship where it seems as if you and your partner are having a threesome with the television. It’s nice to ditch the grid, at least for an evening. Turn off all the electric lights and create a sensual, subtle, skin-flattering glow. Conventional candles are often made from toxic paraffin, so go for ethically sourced, eco-friendly, fair-trade varieties when possible. Cheekily-named (“Morning Wood” and “One Night Stand”) candles from A Scent of Scandal are vegan with cotton wicks. Essoya Candles use non-GMO soy and stimulating essential oil blends. Or try doing a craft night with your lover: make candles together before you make love.

4. Slip Into Something Natural

Wear sustainable skivvies. When sex gets too routine, the old cliché about lingerie really does work – especially when your panties are made from the good stuff. Forget the mass-produced Victoria’s Secret or even the Agent Provocateur – slip on underwear made from natural textiles like organic cotton and bamboo, and let the fireworks begin. Enamore, Araks, and Urban Fox make gorgeous, simple and sexy bras, panties, and teddies that both you and your lover will fancy.

5. Stay Ethical Right Down to…

Make your safe sex sustainable sex. The amazing folks behind Sir Richard’s Condom Company have created the first ethical condom. Vegan (certified by PETA), and sourced from sustainable latex, Sir Richard’s donates a condom to a developing country for every one you buy. Consider them the Tom’s Shoes of the sex industry. Luckily your pleasure is just as important to them as ethics are: the ultra-thin variety are seriously thin condoms that feel barely there. They’re also stylishly packaged and available at Whole Foods.

6. Oil Up Your Libido

Rub on some DIY massage oil. Coconut oil, the magical elixir that can be used in your hair, as a makeup remover, as a vegetable sauté, or in your smoothie is also a wonderful massage oil. Include a few drops of lavender and ylang-ylang essential oil (for stress-reduction) or neroli oil to stimulate libido.

7. Make Things Slippery

Make your lube organic. The conventional lube you find in the corner drugstore likely includes endocrine-disrupting parabens. Even some of the “natural” brands still have glycerin, which isn’t necessarily a toxic ingredient in other products, but not something you want near your nether regions. Glycerin strips the vagina of moisture, making it raw and more susceptible to yeast infections and even STI’s. Experiment with organic brands like Sliquid Organics or the UK-based Yes. Note: only use water-based lube with latex condoms – oil will degrade latex, rendering it useless. Keep your coconut oil away from your condoms.

8. Create An Adult Toy Box

Try sustainable sex toys. Yes, they require power. But that doesn’t mean they’re less than natural. The pleasure-pioneers at JimmyJane have created a line of sustainable, medical-grade, rechargeable silicone sex toys that last practically forever, unlike the throwaway, pthlalate-laced, plastic dildos of yore. These toys are gorgeous pieces of high-end design that belong on top of your night table instead of hidden in the drawer.

9. Take It Out of the Bedroom

Do it in the woods. You can, and you should change sexual venues. Find a safe, secluded spot in the wilderness and surrender to the wind and the leaves and the trees.

Stefanie Iris Weiss is the author of Eco-Sex: Go Green Between the Sheets and Make Your Love Life Sustainable (Ten Speed Press/Crown Publishing, 2010) and eight other books. Stefanie keeps her carbon footprint small in New York City, where she writes about sustainability, sexuality, reproductive rights, dating and relationships, politics, fashion, beauty, and more for many publications. Learn more about her at ecosex.net, follow her eco-sex exploits on Twitter or join her on Facebook.

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Trekity’s Darcie Connell offers six signature lessons learned through travel.

After traveling the world since 2008, Trekity co-founder Darcie Connell has learned a little secret that changed her life…travel made her a better lover. And who says women can’t kiss and tell? Through her experiences in traveling to over thirty countries around the world, she’s acquired innumerable lessons about life and love. Here are six to start with.

Appreciate your partner.  Certain aspects of travel can be extremely stressful, like making sure you get to the airport on time or asking for directions in a foreign language. It’s during those moments that your travel partner is worth their weight in gold. After all, they understand what you’re going through and can really reduce the stress of travel. Taking that appreciation for your partner into the bedroom can really ignite the romance and passion.

Enjoy a new environment. Who said making love is strictly for the bedroom? When you travel you’re constantly stimulated by new sights, sounds, tastes, and sensations that can put you in the mood at any given moment. Go with the flow and try making love in a new environment. The location doesn’t have to be uber-public (like Times Square in New York); it can be something more private like your kitchen or backyard. The risk of being caught also adds to the heat of the moment.

Change things up. When you travel, all routines, timelines and rhythms are broken. Forget the 6am alarm clock, your weekly strategy meetings, or even chores around the house. You have complete freedom to get frisky whenever you want and for any duration of time. Take that mindset back home with you and forget all of life’s routines. Be spontaneous and change things up.  You can have a nice long romantic evening with your partner – or a fun quickie if you’re short on time. The choice is yours.

Express yourself. One of the most important aspects of travel is knowing how to express yourself and your needs. It’s also an invaluable skill in the bedroom. Being able to communicate your wants and needs with your partner can be the difference between having amazing sex versus mediocre sex and we all want amazing sex, right? Practice verbal and non-verbal ways of expressing yourself the next time you’re with your partner and you’ll see immediate results.

Be confident. It literally took traveling around the world to learn that people are virtually the same everywhere. While there might be slight differences in skin color, height, weight and shapes, for the most part people have the same desires. Being confident in your body – and what you want to do with it – is a major turn on. Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat Pray Love, sums it up perfectly by writing, “Let me ask you something, in all the years that you have…undressed in front of a gentleman has he ever asked you to leave? Has he ever walked out and left? No? It’s because he doesn’t care! He’s in a room with a naked girl, he just won the lottery.”

Have an open mind. Learning to have an open mind when traveling has given me some remarkable life experiences and the same goes for sex. By sharing your desires and fantasies with your partner and maintaining an open mind, you can take your love life to the next level satisfying each other along the way.

How has travel spiced up your love life?  Leave a comment and share the love.

Darcie Connell is the co-founder of Trekity.com and TravelBloggerAcademy.com and continues to travel and experience the world. Follow Darcie on Twitter for further insights as she explores the world’s more sensual side.

Image: Angelo Gonzalez, Brad Montgomery, wili_hybrid

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