You are special. I am special. We all are special creatures. So why is it that some of us think we’re better than others?

I’m a Mom now and I understand the temptation of applauding every single thing my daughter does. Whether it’s eating all of her food or the other end of that equation, it’s hard not to praise her for things that aren’t really praise-worthy in the big picture. Her grandparents, aunties, and uncle think she’s the most adorable person, too. Her slightly older cousins fawn over her on FaceTime chats, trying to impress her with somersaults and ballet moves. My daughter means the world to us in every possible way. But I cringe at the thought of letting her know just how special she is.

According to a report on CBS News, we all believe we’re above average, more worthy of praise and attention than we may actually deserve, “people think they are better than most people in many arenas, from charitable behavior to work performance.” Whether it’s overestimating our intelligence or our driving ability, we tend to think of ourselves as superior to our peers, family and partners and the strangers who cut us off or slow us down in traffic.

Chris Rock illustrated this behavior well when he talked about his wife’s troubles at work (treating the gift-wrapping department at JC Penny like “Dynasty”). The perception that people are “out to destroy us” puts us in a compromising position. And the truth is, people usually aren’t trying to destroy you; they’re not even thinking about you all that much, really, because most of the time they’re thinking about themselves and just how special they think they are. You needn’t look any further than our selfie-obsession to understand this.

Part of this is valid primal protection. If we don’t value ourselves, we’re not going to be adept at survival. And for children, it’s necessary to know they’re the center of their parents’ worlds for a time—it helps them feel protected and secure to do all those growing up things that are scary. But too much praise can be damaging and create a delusional worldview. And as we age, many of us fail to lose this burdensome sense of entitlement, which can spiral into full-blown narcissism or other mental health issues that can fill our lives with unnecessary drama and stress.

The self-obsessed seek constant validation, or create situations that may make them appear victim to others’ attempts at dethroning them from their special seat. The new age/self-help spiritual communities are filled with people seeking confirmation that they’re special and unique and deserving of constant praise rather than doing the real spiritual work, which comes from selflessness and helping others who truly need it. “Only when we learn to manage this balance between our own needs and those of others can we have genuinely satisfying, intimate relationships with other people,” says F. Diane Barth, LCSW in Psychology Today.

But it’s also rampant in Trump’s America (particularly from Trump himself). We’re insulated in our bubbles that not only validate our world views, but tell us that simply by having these belief systems is an indication of our special-ness. Picking sides these days has become a reward-system all its own, pushing us to push agendas not only for what we believe to be the betterment of the planet, but for the comfort of self-applause as well.

In his 2014 book, “Revolution,” Russell Brand petitions us to change the current system. He has notoriously opted out of voting and thinks we can change the current power structures by other means, none more important than a wakeup and self-realization to the oneness that connects us all. “Now, let me remind you: This is your planet, you can change it if you want to,” he writes, “You can change it by doing loads of drugs, by having it off with women, or by going on a murderous rampage with a licensed weapon. Doesn’t it make more sense, though, to change it by binding with your fellow man and working to create a society that’s fair and just? Of course it does.”

As woo-woo as it sounds, Brand has a prescient point that may be vital to our willful evolution: when we see ourselves as connected to everyone (and everything) else on the planet, our sense of self importance fades into a sense of self purpose. And the distinction is critical: We don’t have to lose our identities or passions to make the world a better place, but losing the feeling like we matter more than others is indeed a game-changer that just might make the future a better place where we’re all fed and clothed and able explore our uniqueness without the sense of failure if it’s not our naked ass on a magazine cover.

So, we’ve started to tell our daughter: you are special to us. And I’m ready to remind her when the time is right, that it’s what she does with her specialness that’s more meaningful than what she expects from it.

Find Jill on Twitter and Instagram

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Calling my fellow West Coasters-this is news you’ll want to take note of. One of our favorite eco-fashion brands is making a special appearance, starting in San Francisco and moving on to L.A. in November. For a limited time only, catch Edun at the Azalea boutique in Hayes Valley, followed by Ten Over Six in Los Angeles.

The brand will sell a selection of dainty silk dresses and flirtatious graphic tees from the current Fall Nocturne collection, with 15% of proceeds going to ONEXONE and the H20 Africa Foundation. So, come on out, stock up on fall goodies, and support a cause that’s both green and good. I’ll be looking for the Alyce shirt dress in the season’s hottest shade of eggplant. What’s your eye on?

The post Edun Pops Up in Time for Fall appeared first on EcoSalon.

Ever wonder what a $2,000 green spree could do to your home?

I want you to find out. Enter this $2,000 Shopping Spree before July 21, 2008 for a chance to shop the eco-friendly elegance that is VivaTerra. Find the entry form here, and don’t forget to sign up for their newsletter for future contests and deals.

What a beautiful and earth-friendly way to spend your newly won "green"!

Notes: For questions and rules, read the fine print. VivaTerra is an EcoSalon sponsor.

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I’ve already written a post here at EcoSalon about pesticide use in the flower industry, and the incredible importance of buying organic flowers. So before we arrive at Mother’s Day, here’s another reminder.

The Fairness in Flowers Campaign is working to improve the working conditions of hundreds of thousands of flower workers in places like Ecuador, Colombia and Kenya. The majority of these workers are women: mothers, daughters and sisters just like us. They might be thousands of miles away, but they are working so that our own mothers can receive beautiful bouquets, and they certainly deserve fair wages and a life without pesticides! When giving a gift of love, I think it’s so important to consider the net effect upon all human beings, not just those in our immediate circle.

You can support Fairness in Flowers by entering a $10 raffle, and the four winners will receive organic Mother’s Day roses. If you buy 3 tickets, your mom will receive a bar of fair trade chocolate and a card letting her know that a donation was made in her name. That way she’ll know that you’ve honored her by honoring other mothers and also by honoring the Earth.

Image: Meanest Indian

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Another week, another webful of useful green resources we are happy to share with you. Thanks to the following sites for great tips and finds:

1. The Daily Telegraph (via BoingBoing) tells us that reading can keep your heating bill down.

2. Laze your way to a greener lifestyle (or, How To Fully Engage A Man’s Interest In Environmentalism) – courtesy of John Tierney at Reader’s Digest.

3. It looks throwaway, but it most definitely is Not A Paper Cup: ingrained habit meets environmentalism and there is much rejoicing, via Josh Spear.

4. It seems that the alignment of the heavens has much to tell us about saving the planet. Since astrology has been around for thousands of years, we could have done with greenscopes a little earlier. (Umm…what?)

5. Is a wood-burning stove greener than a gas-fired one? Yes, by far, reports Vincent Standley over at National Geographic’s Green Guide.

6. The Worldchanging team aren’t interested in wringing their hands; they want to roll up their sleeves and get to work, exploring positive, proactive ways of improving the world with the tools we have. An inspiring read.

7. A new programme from Solar City looks set to bring truly affordable solar energy systems to our homes, reports Lisa Hymas at Grist.

8. Don’t cycle around lakes – inflate your wheels and go right across them, with the Pedalo-esque Amphibious Bicycle! Via Ecofriend.

9. Get the scoop on how to throw a green bash at Organic Mania.

10. Autumn Wiggins wants your help in defining the needs of eco-crafters so she can draft a petition for retailers – drop her a note at Crafting A Greener World.

Feel free to share your favorite links by leaving a comment.

Image: The Alieness

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