ColumnA behind-the-screen look at the consistently ridiculous inbox of a writer.

At EcoSalon, we receive our fair share of email pitches, and we’ve decided to give you a weekly peek at this valuable information inside our inboxes. These products, people, and services are 100 percent real, although we’re not always sure that they should be.

Vince Vaughn’s Dirty Footed Mom Will Help You Breakthrough!

Shea Vaughn can help you be fit and fabulous at any age with her new book Breakthrough: The 5 Living Principles to Defeat Stress, Look Great, and Find Total Well-Being. Shea’s resume is impeccable: she is a certified personal trainer, she’s well-versed in “Eastern practices,” and she gave birth to Vince Vaughn—how many people can make that claim? She also developed SheaNetics, a “revolutionary blend of ancient and contemporary values and movements that deliver a powerful mind-body experience.” Side note: just like in this picture you’ll need to have dirty feet to be a Sheanetics-er. Did we mention Vince Vaughn? Everybody loves Vince Vaughn! So buy his mom’s book. (SheaNetics)

Screw Praying, Meditating Or Asking Santa For A Man, The Frog Whisperer Is Better Equipped!

Is all your professional success getting in the way of you finding love? Are you kissing a lot of frogs, but still going home at night to cuddle with your cats? Don’t be miserable, alone, and childless, let Jane Atkinson, a.k.a. “The Frog Whisperer,” help you change yourself in order to become marriage material. Her new book The Frog Whisperer: A Three-Step Approach to Finding Lasting Love will help you figure out what you’re doing wrong and how you can fix it. She has ground-breaking suggestions on how to be a better catch, such as wearing sexy jeans, doing a makeover, and taking “a sincere inventory of your attributes.” Thanks Jane, I didn’t already try those things to attract a man. In addition to wearing pheromone oils, lots of lip plumper and panties with a built in shelf ass I’ll try this new sexy jean idea! (The Frog Whisperer)

Get Jacked Like a Tattooed Carjacker Courtesy Of  Felon Fitness

Felons are hard core. Sure they have to sleep on bunk beds, fend off hepatitis, and devise weapons out of ear wax, but those lucky-duck prison inmates have the best bodies! How do they do it? Without fancy-pants gym equipment or personal trainers, that’s for sure! The new book Felon Fitness: How to Get a Hard Body Without Doing the Hard Time shows couch potatoes how they can get ripped just like murderers and car thieves do, with straight-from-the-cellblock advice on exercises that use everyday items such as weights and dumbbells, stretches, real workout routines from real inmates, and diet tips from the clink. You might be wondering what the author of a book like this looks like and how much time he did to know so much. Watch this video below to see if everything matches up for you. (Felon Fitness)

Image: kevinpoh

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