toilet paper – EcoSalon

Anna Karenina? I Thought of That.

Susan Goldberg — Fri, 29 Jul 2011 19:37:44 +0000

ColumnBeen there, thought that.

Several months ago, Kimberly Clark announced that they would begin manufacturing a line of eco-friendly toilet paper. The paper would be produced without an internal cardboard tube, and could, conceivably, save millions of pounds of trash each year. Toilet paper, by definition, is thoroughly and inarguably disposable, so finding a way to reduce its environmental impact is an astounding feat. And yet, I reacted to the news of this development with annoyance, feeling somehow that I had been this close to coming up with that very idea. Taking the cardboard center out of a roll of toilet paper is brilliant but it’s also staggeringly simple. I think that given enough time I would have definitely come up with this idea myself– much the same way that some people think a monkey, if given infinite time and access to a keyboard, will eventually type the complete works of William Shakespeare.

This has not been the only time I felt like a terrific idea was rudely ripped right out of my consciousness. The world is littered with the best sellers I almost penned, screenplays I almost came up with, and articles I came very close to writing – all of which ended up being written by someone far less deserving of greatness; someone who actually sat down and wrote the damn thing.

For example, the guy who authored Marley and Me, a book about a sweet but overly exuberant Labrador retriever, must have surely stolen my idea, since I had a wildly hyperactive black lab and a long-simmering intention to write a book about him. I never got around to actually writing that book, but I thought about it quite a lot and I mentioned it once to a second cousin in New Jersey. Surely that counts for something.

Sadly, there are a limited number of great ideas, which is why I must frequently ransack the life experiences of my family members for inspiration. This does not make me popular at home, where my blood relatives live in fear of seeing themselves mentioned in print. When my daughter was in middle school she used to dread going to the nurse’s office. She would skulk in, trying to be invisible, wanting to quietly score some ibuprofen for an already mortifying case of cramps, only to have the well-meaning RN loudly exclaim, “Ali, I just read all about your bat mitzvah!”

My family would no doubt prefer to have their lives remain private. And when they express this to me I explain, gently but firmly, that I would love to be able to write a first-hand account of being an astronaut, a state senator, or even a rodeo clown, but the fact is, for the past 20 years my primary occupation has been washing other people’s underpants. It follows, naturally, that family life is often my topic of choice.

Of course, I am not the only one who has thought of mining the role of wife and mother as grist for the mill – the trash cans of magazines and newspapers everywhere are filled with the perky, housewifey efforts of those of us who think of ourselves as this millenium’s answer to Erma Bombeck. I will frequently read a “mom” piece and come away convinced that it has expressed an idea that I was right on the verge of having.

Which just goes to show that –tubeless toilet paper notwithstanding – there really aren’t a whole lot of original ideas left. And the ideas I do have are frequently stolen right out from under me, before they are fully formed. My friend Stephen has experienced this too, and he announced recently that he wanted his tombstone to read, “I was going to say that.” I admire Stephen for coming up with such a clever epitaph…just seconds before I would have thought of it myself.

Susan Goldberg is a slightly lapsed treehugger. Although known to overuse paper products, she has the best of intentions – and a really small SUV. Catch her column, The Goldberg Variations, each week here at EcoSalon.

Image: fanpop

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10 Things We Just Can’t Give Up for Green

Luanne Bradley — Tue, 09 Nov 2010 00:39:44 +0000

I’m not married to an SUV and don’t recognize the sound of a garbage disposal any longer. Still, there are some impure, clumsy little things that are hard to totally relinquish in my quest to qualify as a steward of the planet. You might recognize some of these attachments as ones you are struggling to let go of, as well.

1. Paper Files

Guilty! It’s tough to break the tactile filing habit when it comes to bills, work, pets, life. Sure, many have adapted to online banking but still feel the need to keep hard copies of tax-related documents, invoices, receipts (you can turn them down, now) and other proof we disorganized, overwhelmed consumers paid up, signed up, renewed and gave.

2. Non-recycled Tissues

Your ass is not grass and your nose knows. Sand paper won’t go there, happily. It’s too bad they cannot make a softer, gentler toilet paper or Kleenex, and until they do, I pick the less prickly of the varieties – paper products that don’t give me a rash and turn an already bumpy nose into a Rudolph shiner.

3. Leather Goods

While we have increasing evidence that it isn’t good to eat anything with a face, it is the year of the boots – thigh high, equestrian, chunky heeled, wedged. And leather jackets are cool, way more cool than fleece and hemp but perhaps not as functional and certainly more destructible. It seems easier to say no to fur than to the hide. Sorry. I like belts that are wide.

4. Camera Wizard

Are you a walking, breathing Kodak ad? I seem to go through my HP ink too fast for comfort – and it costs a bundle. But it is very tempting to print out images that connect us to memories, photographs and scanned artwork. Digital photography and Microsoft technology has made all of us little Annie Liebovitzes. Download off Facebook or your camera, crop, re-size, print and frame. Oh, and don’t forget the holiday cards you customize.

5. Gas in the Tank

Commuters are on bikes, everywhere, risking life and limb to save on gas and stay in shape, while others hop on public transit. Even so, we can’t stop filling the tank in our own machines for those times when it is simply too complicated to ride: Carpooling to school, late night parties, camping or other sporting trips, and places where we shouldn’t drive but are just too tired or lazy to opt for the alternative.

6. Buying Books

No pulp is just too cold for many of us. This, despite the fact Kindle ereaders are a mega hit with users who enjoy being able to download dozens of reads for that commute to work or time off on the beach. Authors and publishers make money, either way, but we cannot let go of that romantic attachment to the hard cover or paperback in its classic form.

7. Flying

Yes, the commercial airline industry has taken a hit but we continue to fly business and first class as write-offs when just about any meetings and conferences can be done via telecommuting in the year 2010. No one wants to see jets grounded for good, but there was a time when flying was a privilege, a luxury. But now, with the frequency of boarding a Greyhound bus, we round-trip it on Southwest, figuring the fuel cost outweighs a six hour drive, any day. Meanwhile, we await that cost-effective jet biofuel the Pentagon announced it is developing.

8. Non Organic Meat

Restaurants, markets and diners cite every excuse in the book for preferring Midwestern prime over free-range, grass fed beef. And surprisingly, America’s top-notch steak houses are still serving up factory cow to their discerning customers, saying it’s a matter of taste and access over health and humane conditions. Sorry, Temple Grandin and Michael Pollan – but humanely raised local organic is not what’s for dinner in a majority of kitchens.

9. Replacing Worn Running Shoes

The sports shoe industry is designed like the cell phone trade; the product becomes unattractive, unhealthy and useless to us over time, so we do the all-American thing and replace it. I moan each time my tread gets worn down while the canvas and leather and rubber or whatever else makes a running shoe seems to be in great shape. Until we can just replace the treads, we keep getting new ones.

10. Using Conventional Beauty Products

It’s the other green thumb, the one that has icky smelly trendy polish glossing it. It’s not like we don’t know the dangers of nail polish exposure and other beauty products we use religiously, but we do get lazy about picking stuff up when and where we can, such as buying mascara at the drugstore and undergoing a quick and dirty mani-pedi at the hood’s micro spa. I feel pretty but my health could be worse for the wear from all the chemicals. Guess we all could use a cleaner foundation!

Images: ibjorn; Katie@!, theimpulsivebuy, Thai Chu, 365mayhem, riza, Ben+Sam, Binder.donedat, Don Hankins, Mindsay Mohan

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