Neon flashing signs that you’re kinda sorta totally dating a man-child. Good luck with that.

I’ve been on the fence about having kids for so long that my uterus has cobwebs in it. The day I (almost) decided I didn’t want to have kids was the day I realized I was dating one. Urban Dictionary defines a man-child as “A child who outwardly appears like an adult—conventionally this means a full-grown male that acts immaturely, or pursues childish interests.” And boy did he ever. All I needed was one of those “Romper Room” mirrors and I was set.

Admittedly, I played a huge role in encouraging common man-child behavior, though I didn’t know it at the time—and maybe you are too. Here, 11 signs you’re dating a man-child:

1. He never thinks about the future

But he sure does love to talk about it. Man-children have this pesky habit of sporadically acting like they’re ambitious and have lofty goals in life by sounding off about them as vaguely as possible… while smoking a joint. Pretty sure you’re not going to get anywhere managing a bowling alley, dude.

2. He gets in trouble (like, a lot)

When he isn’t being stopped for speeding, he’s getting a ticket for being drunk in public, or giving you a call post-bar fight. At 4 a.m. From the emergency room.

3. He never takes the blame

Even when you have legitimate physical proof that he’s done something wrong, he’ll twist everything around so that he’s the victim, then finish off his Oscar-winning performance with his orphan face. You know the one I’m talking about.

4. He always tries to win arguments

Real men know this isn’t possible.

5. He can’t fix anything

Not that he has to build you a house like McDreamy or anything, but he should be able to install a new towel rack (especially since he’s the one who broke it) without bursting into tears. Or be employed long enough to hire someone to install it.

6. Cleaning? Puh-lease

There’s your version of clean, then there’s his version of clean—and since his version of clean requires you to clean once he’s done anyway, why bother?

7. If he’s not playing video games, he’s not conscious

Good lawd, the video games. He has more conversations with an 11-year-old living in another state than he does you.

8. He’s passive aggressive

It’s the man-child version of a temper tantrum: He doesn’t get his way, so he shuts down and finds subtle ways to make your life difficult. Buy him some Pampers and call it a day.

9. He doesn’t take care of you

When he’s sick, he’s a big effing baby about it. When you’re sick, he’s a big effing baby about it. Even though you’re the one with food poisoning and fluids spewing out from every direction, you’re somehow the one comforting him and catering to his needs—or he leaves you high and dry until the virus passes. So thoughtful.

10. He’s all about sex… and basically nothing else

Make-up sex is great and everything, but man-children don’t seem to understand the concept that in order to have make-up sex, a resolution has to come to pass. Otherwise, we’re just handing over our dignity.

11. He’s an anchor

If you’re a fraction of the woman you used to be and he’s the reason, run. Run as fast as you fucking can.

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Man-child image via Shutterstock

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Fighting with your beau could cause an uptick in your emotional eating habits.

If you and your guy aren’t fans of the whole choosing your battles thing, your relationship woes could be doing a number on your waistline, according to a recent study published in the journal Clinical Psychological Science.

Researchers from Ohio State University and the University of Delaware found that getting into a spat effs with your bod’s ability to regulate your appetite: Fighting causes a surge in the hormone ghrelin, which is basically your hunger alarm. What’s worse, you’re also more likely to make poor food choices post-argument—and the results were consistent, regardless of gender.

Forty-three couples who’d been married for at least three years were recruited to participate in the study. They attended two nine-hour sessions, where they were asked to hang with their partner, eat a meal together, and try to resolve one or more conflicts in their relationship. They were also asked to answer questions and agree to blood tests and other pertinent data collection.

The sessions were videotaped, and researchers later analyzed footage for signs of conflicted communication, hostility, and an overall disconnect between spouses. Meanwhile, their hormone levels were tested at four different times: Once before the meal, and three times after it—at two, four, and seven hours after-the-fact.

The blood tests revealed hostile couples had significantly higher amounts of the appetite-triggering hormone after fighting—which doesn’t mean fighting is a direct cause of hunger pangs and poor eating habits, just that there’s a strong link, Lisa Jaremka, study author and assistant professor of psychological and brain sciences at the University of Delaware, said in a statement.

The study broke new ground by exploring how an unhappy relationship can trigger emotional eating and make our comfort food cravings—which typically involve unhealthy eats—that much stronger. I mean, seriously: When was the last time you got into a blowout with your guy and turned to a bowl of steamed veggies for support?

While the study was small, hopefully it will encourage clinicians to ditch the one-size-fits-all diet and exercise mentality when helping patients reach their weight loss goals. “I hope this will help us start to tailor interventions,” Jeremka said. “These studies suggest people have difficulty controlling appetite and with specific types of foods… A personalized approach would be beneficial in the long run.”

How does your relationship impact your emotional eating habits?

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Take it from someone who’s been there: Being the other woman is the shits.

Bitch. Homewrecker. Slut. These are just some of the labels that come with being the other woman. After all, the other woman doesn’t have feelings—she’s nothing more than a scheming tramp who only cares about herself. Sigh. If only that were true.

As someone who’s been on both sides of the coin, I’ve learned that being the other woman is a life choice we idealize in our minds—but until the choice is (literally) standing in front of us, we have no business assuming our morals will stay in tact. They’re called hormones, people.

I’m no relationship expert, but I’d like to think I’ve gotten past my self-destructive dude experiences and am now a (much) wiser woman. So if you’re thinking about venturing into the scandalous world of being the other woman, here’s why you might want to reconsider:

1. It’s not about him—it’s about you

Usually, being the other woman is less to do with having legit feelings for a dude that’s off the market, and more to do with something that’s lacking in your life. There’s a massive void, and you think being with him is going to fill it. It’s not. If anything, over time it’s going to turn that void into a black hole that can never be filled.

2. Eventually, being the other woman won’t be enough

You’ll always have to communicate in secret, which basically means lying to everyone you know. You’ll never be able to go out in public together, and when you do bump into each other you’ll have to act as if you’re strangers. Plus, if you’re (un)lucky enough to have mutual friends, you’ll probably have to sit through outings that involve his sig-o and not throw up.

3. You’ll never be more lonely in your life

The whole secret relationship thing is hot at first, but it gets really old, really fast. You’ll eventually feel like nothing more than a disposable rag. If you can’t look at the guy you’re seeing as a potential emergency contact, then he’s not worth your time.

4. You won’t be as commitment-free as you think

Being that he’s already taken, every secret rendezvous has to meet his schedule and expectations. Once the honeymoon phase is over, your “relationship” will start to feel like a sex-filled, emotion-starved prison—one where you secretly pine after him and spend every waking moment waiting for his next call or text.

5. You’ll become a Stepford mistress

You’ll find yourself sweeping the shitty things he does under the rug—things you’d never forgive others for—due to the fact that you technically don’t have any claim on him. Over time, your dignity will erode to the point where you won’t trust your own judgement anymore. (Self-esteem? Heard of it.)

6. It will never be a relationship you can be proud of

Say you go from being the other woman to the only woman and decide to build a future together. Now, picture telling your future kids the truth about how you first met: “Oh, it was the most romantic thing! We fell in love fucking in the coatroom 10 minutes before your dad’s first wedding.” You get my drift.

7. The twinges of guilt will never leave you

Even after you own up to your mistakes and vow that you’re done with being the other woman, you’ll find that twinges of guilt will bubble to the surface when you least expect them. One minute, you’ll be on the top the world, and the next, something will remind you of your poor choices and you’ll want to punch yourself in the face. No, but seriously. Save yourself the black eye and don’t become the other woman in the first place.

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Relationship boundaries are crucial for many reasons: To maintain who you are outside the relationship, respect each other’s personal space, and most importantly, to allow your relationship to grow naturally.

The second you go all type-A on your relationship is the second it will crumble. If you find yourself crossing one (or all) of the relationship boundaries below, it’s time to pull back the reigns and reclaim your sense of individuality.

1. Idealizing your mate: A recent study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships discovered that putting your partner on too much of a pedestal can negatively impact the level of intimacy in your relationship. The study found that idealized mates pull away both physically and emotionally, worried they won’t be able to live up to their partner’s expectations (especially when it comes to their abilities). While it’s good to pay homage to your sig-o’s strengths, make sure you’re being realistic with your praise, and aren’t coming off too much like a Belieber.

2. You initiate everything: If you’re always the one initiating contact and confirming plans, simmer down. “Sit on your hands and don’t be the one to initiate contact every time, or even every other time,” says relationship expert April Masini. “You’ll have a much better sense of how he really feels about you if you observe how often he contacts you. It’s a way of telling how into you he is.” This isn’t an easy habit to break, but it’ll feel liberating when you do.

3. You’ve adopted all of his interests: So much so, maintaining your own interests has taken a severe nosedive. He wants to date you, not the female version of himself. Level the playing field by taking him to do things you’re interested in too, and above all else don’t sacrifice the personal routine you’ve taken years to cultivate for the sake of spending more time with him. He’ll respect you for it, and so will you.

4. You include him in all of your plans: Can you remember the last time you visited your family or hung out with friends sans boyfriend on your arm? If you never see his friends but he always sees yours, it’s a clear indicator you’re pushing to move the relationship forward more than he is. “You’re smothering it, rather than letting it unfold naturally,” says Masini. “Give yourself the opportunity face the real status of your relationship instead of the inorganic one.”

5. More of your belongings are at his place than your own: The only time this is okay is if he’s invited you to do so. “You may think you’re being stealth, but it will backfire because you’re smothering the relationship with your encroachment,” says Masini. By doing this, you’re going to miss out on that special moment of him actually being ready to take the relationship to the next level – you know, because there’ll be a boyfriend-shaped hole in the door.

6. You feel less confident: At one time you were fierce and independent, but suddenly you find yourself becoming co-dependent and wishy-washy. Nothing will chip away at your self-esteem more than looking in the mirror and not recognizing yourself. Reconnect with all of the things that make you… well, you, and guaranteed your relationship will improve too.

7. Your bf wants you to re-connect with family and friends: If your boyfriend subtly hints and encourages you to make plans “with the girls,” this is a clear indicator that it’s time to start spreading your wings outside the relationship – otherwise, it might not last. “It’s not uncommon for the partner in a ‘smothered relationship’ to express feeling some pressure to fulfill every emotional want and need, which can be extremely stressful and take its toll on your relationship,” says psychotherapist and relationship expert Rhonda Richards-Smith, LCSW.

8. You text/IM him every 35 seconds: The occasional funny/cute message equals thoughtful and fun. An hourly update on your entire day equals bunny boiler.

Have you crossed these relationship boundaries before? How did you stop yourself?

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