It’s been five weeks since the catastrophic explosion on the Deepwater Horizon oil drilling platform and since then, millions of gallons of sticky black oil have killed countless animals and fouled sensitive wetlands along the Gulf of Mexico.

Yet, the spill still hasn’t been contained, those responsible are still pointing fingers at each other and we’re all waiting for a decisive response from the government. Meanwhile, oil regulators have been sitting around watching porn and using crystal meth. Everything’s under control, people! Please ignore the nauseating sight of suffocating seabirds!

Here’s a quick rundown on the latest oil spill news:

Officially the Worst The U.S. Geological Survey has officially confirmed what we already knew: the Deepwater Horizon spill is far worse than the Exxon Valdez disaster. 12,000 – 19,000 barrels of oil have been pouring into the ocean for 36 consecutive days. USGS Director Dr. Marcia McNutt says 130,000 to 270,000 barrels remain on the surface of the water, while about an equal amount has been burned, skimmed, dispersed or evaporated.

Top Kill Stops Spill? After numerous failed efforts to contain the spill, including attempts to cap the gushing pipe with a “top hat”, BP decided they’d try to cut off the pipe altogether using a method called a “top kill”, injecting cement over the well to seal it. As of early Thursday, the oil giant refuses to say whether this latest cleanup effort is working, but the Coast Guard reports that the pipe seems to have been plugged.

Don’t Drill, Baby Just weeks after President Obama’s controversial statement that offshore drilling may be a necessary part of U.S. energy independence, his administration has not only fired the head of the Minerals Management Service for lax oversight of offshore drilling, but will also extend the offshore drilling ban.

Volunteer Illness This much oil is bound to have an effect on human health, and some oil spill respondents are already falling ill. Crew members on three of the commercial fishing vessels that were helping to clean up spilled oil have been hospitalized with severe nausea, headaches and dizziness. The Coast Guard has sent all 125 commercial vessels filled with volunteers back to the shore as a precaution.

BP Seeks Oily Judge BP is still trying to deflect legal blame, but they’re hoping that in the 100-odd  lawsuits already filed against them for oil spill damage and worker deaths, they’ll have at least one person on their side. BP is requesting that a single judge with oil ties, U.S. District Judge Lynn Hughes, will handle all pre-trial issues.

Impact on Wildlife Most of the oil might be under the surface of the sea where we can’t see it, but that doesn’t mean it’s not already affecting wildlife. One scientist called the impact “a slow moving train wreck” with effects that will “go on for years, if not decades.” Louisiana’s marshes in particular are a critical habitat for wildlife, and the Gulf of Mexico is home to the endangered sperm whale. Countless other species including sea turtles, pelicans, manatees and bottlenose dolphins are also at risk.

Image: IBRRC

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From the Hill”¦

Call Earl Warren! Recent speculations about the cause of the oil spill in the Gulf implicate North Koreans, Al Gore, Venezuelans, the Chinese and Communists. You’re reading that right.

The mainstream media’s consensus is that the spill was a result of offshore drilling activities. But there are some fun holdouts I can’t let go unnoticed.

First there are the earthers, which basically represent a faction of conspiracy theorists who are convinced that timing of the event (it occurred right on the cusp of Earth Day and during a period of political contentiousness over drilling) is just too close for comfort. Basically, they’re giving it the Zapruder treatment (there was another shooter – er, spiller!).

Says the Dakota Voice:

“Rush Limbaugh pointed out that the explosion occurred on April 21st, the day before ‘Earth Day.’ He also reminded us that Al Gore had previously encouraged environmental nut jobs to engage in civil disobedience against the construction of coal plants that don’t have carbon capture technology. ‘Eco-terrorists’ exist and have done millions of dollars worth of criminal damage. Fire is one of the main tools of their evil trade. I’m not claiming the Deep Horizon was bombed by eco-terrorists, although I don’t believe it’s out of the realm of possibility. But, it would take some serious money and ability to pull off an attack like that, so I would tend to think much bigger than college hippie eco-wackos with some money-backing – a foreign government, perhaps.”

And don’t forget the the North Koreans! Aided and abetted by the Ruskies, to boot!

Dakota Voice:

“[Michael] Savage said there is a theory on a Russian website that claims North Korea is behind this. The article claims that North Korea torpedoed the Deepwater Horizon, which was apparently built and financed by South Korea. Torpedoes would make sense for the results we see.”

So the spill was in fact caused by Commies (operating under the code name Obammies), who are eco-terra-rists with green thumbs and green cards, and who upon deeper analysis are actually Red Chinese Muslims from South America. You see, America isn’t the only country drillin’, baby, drillin’, so it would make sense that one of our rivals might pull a Tonya Harding on us.

What are your conspiracy theories? Let us know in the comments! And remember, always question and look to the skies waters!

Editor’s Note: This is the latest installment in Christopher Correa’s weekly column, Hill/Street Greens, examining the environmental deeds (and misdeeds) of Washington, D.C. and Wall Street.

Image: uscglantareapa

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Not that great, according to everyone. While one of the three holes in the Deepwater Horizon has been plugged, the rate of oil lost was unaffected. Depending on whom you ask, that’s anywhere from 5,000 to upwards of 40,000 barrels a day.

Also, hurricane season is less than a month away. The first storm of the season would not only arrest cleanup crews, but could potentially disperse the oil slick over a greater field. That is, if it doesn’t suck up all the oil and turn into some sort of self-aware, Captain-Planet-style, oil-powered storm beast.

More realistic fears include the possible failure of domed well caps currently being maneuvered into place over the leaks. BP has ordered a 125-ton steel dome to contain and remove the oil gushing from the rig, but even a successful placement won’t contain more than 85 percent of the leak. Oh, and there’s no guarantee of a successful placement.

At this point, more than two weeks out from the explosion/fire/complete destruction of the Deepwater Horizon, eleven workers are dead, fishing bans have been put into effect, and oil has begun to wash up on certain coastal marshes. A relief well, the best method of containing the underwater geyser, will not be ready for months. The Coast Guard has started several controlled burns on different parts of the slick. They’ve even deployed a team of deep-sea robots to attend to the leak. So far the only potential bright spot in this unmitigated disaster is the possibility of a knock-down, drag-out fight between the underwater robots and an oil-fueled hurricane.

While the most media-friendly parts of an oil spill (beached seals and turtles flapping their sludge-covered fins helplessly) haven’t yet occurred, serious damage to the environment is already being done. Plankton and other microscopic forms of marine life at the bottom of the sea are easily damaged by contact with oil particles, which could send a ripple effect throughout the Gulf’s food chain. The fishing industry will almost certainly continue to be negatively affected. The spill could spread to the East Coast via powerful ocean currents and even damage certain ports and shipping lines. The worst is almost certainly yet to come.

Image: NASA Goddard Photo and Video

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In a bitter twist of fate, right around Earth Day, one of the worst-ever oil spills in the U.S. began. It started on April 20th, when a Transocean Ltd.-owned oil rig called the Deepwater Horizon, which was drilling for black gold on behalf of BP (British Petroleum) exploded. The rig sank into the water off the shores of Louisiana, taking oil rig workers’ lives and spewing pollution into the water.

Today, the tarry crude oil bleeding from that site is nearing the ecologically rich shores of Louisiana, home to threatened and endangered species including bald eagles, mottled ducks, leatherback sea turtles and blue whales.

Scientists and conservationists have tried everything to prevent the oil from hitting land, including burning it off. That raises questions, for us, about air pollution vs. water pollution, and the rock-and-a-hard-place decisions from hell that ecologists must be facing now, in Louisiana.

But nothing’s worked. And it now appears inevitable that the BP spill, as it continues to leak crude oil into the Gulf, will impart worse damage than the 1989 Exxon Valdez disaster, bringing more pain not just to the creatures and plants, but to the people living in a region that has yet to recover from Hurricane Katrina.

The blogosphere has been in collective mourning for the people, sea creatures, tourism and fishing industry in the region, as a result.

If there’s a silver lining to be had, the spill may have inspired enough environmentalists, and reasonable people to question (and hopefully block) President Obama’s plan to expand offshore, oil drilling in protected areas in the U.S.

In light of the oil industry’s everlasting failure to guarantee the safety of the waters through which it drills for, and across which it transports the non-renewable fuel, we’re asking you to study up and get the word out: it’s time to break our oil addiction, and work to immediately conserve what’s left of our coast, watershed and habitat in the U.S. that’s pure, and sustaining.

Basic Reading:

“BP basically misled everybody about the size of the spill – by a factor of 5 – and hence their ability to control it. It was NOAA – which is to say the Obama administration – that realized BP was lowballing the leak, and that the problem was beyond the company’s resources, and that much broader action was needed. The leak rate is now estimated at more than 200,000 gallons a day – which means it will exceed the Exxon Valdez disaster within 2 months. I just heard on ABC news that 400 species are threatened and that Louisiana coastline contains 40% of the US wetlands.” – From the ongoing coverage of all things BP-Oil-Spill by Climate Progress, a blog that focuses on all climate change issues. Via Climate Progress

“The search for the 11 missing workers was called off days ago, but the oil well they left behind continues to produce 42,000 gallons a day of oil that has now spread into a slick covering 28,600 square miles of the Gulf. In hopes of restricting further spread the Coast Guard will, you’re going to love this, set fire to the sea”¦Meanwhile, oil companies are already planning more drilling in the same area.” – Daily Kos considers the impact of the spill, and its political and industrial roots. Via Daily Kos

“The state departments of Health and Hospitals and Environmental Quality said the strong odor blanketing much of coastal Louisiana and the metro New Orleans area is “possibly” the result of the massive oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. The agencies have requested continuous air quality testing and monitoring from the Environmental Protection Agency, and DEQ officials said they have increased the frequency of air sampling at its Kenner and Chalmette monitors.” – The Times Picayune is providing extensive, feature reports on the oil spill cleanup attempts, and issues. Via Nola

Further Resources:

The website of Clean Ocean Action, an environmentalist group, which is against offshore oil drilling expansion in the U.S.

Questions You Should Be Asking About The Oil Spill – Business Insider

100,000 Strong Against Offshore Oil Drilling, a Facebook Community

This is the latest installment of EcoMeme, a column featuring eco news, tech and business highlights by columnist Lora Kolodny.

Image: NASA Goddard Photo and Video

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