From the Hill”¦
Call Earl Warren! Recent speculations about the cause of the oil spill in the Gulf implicate North Koreans, Al Gore, Venezuelans, the Chinese and Communists. You’re reading that right.
The mainstream media’s consensus is that the spill was a result of offshore drilling activities. But there are some fun holdouts I can’t let go unnoticed.
First there are the earthers, which basically represent a faction of conspiracy theorists who are convinced that timing of the event (it occurred right on the cusp of Earth Day and during a period of political contentiousness over drilling) is just too close for comfort. Basically, they’re giving it the Zapruder treatment (there was another shooter – er, spiller!).
Says the Dakota Voice:
“Rush Limbaugh pointed out that the explosion occurred on April 21st, the day before ‘Earth Day.’ He also reminded us that Al Gore had previously encouraged environmental nut jobs to engage in civil disobedience against the construction of coal plants that don’t have carbon capture technology. ‘Eco-terrorists’ exist and have done millions of dollars worth of criminal damage. Fire is one of the main tools of their evil trade. I’m not claiming the Deep Horizon was bombed by eco-terrorists, although I don’t believe it’s out of the realm of possibility. But, it would take some serious money and ability to pull off an attack like that, so I would tend to think much bigger than college hippie eco-wackos with some money-backing – a foreign government, perhaps.”
And don’t forget the the North Koreans! Aided and abetted by the Ruskies, to boot!
Dakota Voice:
“[Michael] Savage said there is a theory on a Russian website that claims North Korea is behind this. The article claims that North Korea torpedoed the Deepwater Horizon, which was apparently built and financed by South Korea. Torpedoes would make sense for the results we see.”
So the spill was in fact caused by Commies (operating under the code name Obammies), who are eco-terra-rists with green thumbs and green cards, and who upon deeper analysis are actually Red Chinese Muslims from South America. You see, America isn’t the only country drillin’, baby, drillin’, so it would make sense that one of our rivals might pull a Tonya Harding on us.
What are your conspiracy theories? Let us know in the comments! And remember, always question and look to the skies waters!
Editor’s Note: This is the latest installment in Christopher Correa’s weekly column, Hill/Street Greens, examining the environmental deeds (and misdeeds) of Washington, D.C. and Wall Street.
Image: uscglantareapa