Funny Father’s Day quotes that dad of yours will enjoy. No, but seriously.

1. “There should be a children’s song: ‘If you’re happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your dad sleep.'” -Jim Gaffigan
2. “I found out that I’m a pretty bad father. I make a lot of mistakes and I don’t know what I’m doing. But my kids still love me. Go figure.” -Louis C.K.
3. “I want my son to wear a helmet 24 hours a day. If it was socially acceptable I’d be the first one to have my kid in a full helmet and like a cage across his face mask.” -Will Arnett
4. “Having a kid is like falling in love for the first time when you’re 12, but every day.” -Mike Myers
5. “Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.” -Jon Stewart
6. “My sisters and I can still recite Dad’s grilling rules: Rule No. 1: Dad is in charge. Rule No. 2: Repeat Rule No. 1.” -Connie Schultz
7. “Having children is like living in a frat house—nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.” -Ray Romano
8. “My daughter got me a ‘World’s Best Dad’ mug. So we know she’s sarcastic.” -Bob Odenkirk
9. “Sometimes I am amazed that my wife and I created two human beings from scratch yet struggle to assemble the most basic of IKEA cabinets.” -John Kinnear
10. “My father only hit me once—but he used a Volvo.” -Bob Monkhouse
11. “I have always had the feeling I could do anything and my dad told me I could. I was in college before I found out he might be wrong.” -Ann Richards
12. “By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he’s wrong.” -Charles Wadsworth
13. “Just once on Father’s Day I wish my kids would give me a #1 Dad mug instead of one with my actual ranking.” -Andy Borowitz
14. “Remember: What dad really wants is a nap. Really.” -Dave Barry
15. “I would give my dad what he really wants on Father’s Day, but I can’t afford to move out yet.” -Melanie White
16. “For Father’s Day we got my dad a t-shirt that says ‘Do Not Resuscitate.’ He wears it whenever mom takes him to the ballet.” -Greg Tamblyn
17. “Father’s Day: When you get that lethal combination of alcohol and new power tools.” -David Letterman
18. “Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.” -Jack Handy
19. “You can tell what was the best year of your father’s life, because they seem to freeze that clothing style and ride it out.” -Jerry Seinfeld
20. “When you’re young, you think your dad is Superman. Then you grow up, and you realize he’s just a regular guy who wears a cape.” -Dave Attell
21. “I gave my father $100 and said, ‘Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.’ So he went out and bought a present for my mother.” -Rita Rudner

What are your favorite funny Father’s Day quotes?

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Dad mug image via Shutterstock

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