The sensually mysterious French Woman is idolized around the world. What is it about these ladies that conjures up the idea of la femme fatale? How do they achieve that mix of womanly strength, style, and substance? They embrace their femininity.

There are plenty of “How French Women Are Perfect” guides, but this is not one of them. Like women everywhere, French women have their good and bad days. But after having recently spent some time in Paris, I figured out some of the small ways (that add up), that make the alluring French woman so appealing. The good news is, it’s not difficult or complicated and it’s all about natural beauty (something we love to champion at Ecosalon). 

1. It’s not the size of the heel, but the spring in your step

Dressing comfortably in clothes that flatter and fit your body is the first skill to master. Although French women understand the sex appeal of a great pair of pumps, they would rather wear a walkable stylish shoe over a towering heel. Forget about architectural confinement in clothing, like bulging cleavage or tight fitting clothes, and wear whatever brings you a sense of natural ease and comfort.*

*Comfort doesn’t equal sweatpants. Even if you are going to the grocery store, you don’t parade around as if you are going to work out.  Throw on a dress or a skirt, something feminine, but still relaxed.

2.  Once you’re out, don’t mess with it

Don’t constantly reapply your makeup in the bathroom or fidget with your hair at the table. Leave the house feeling as you want to look, and carry that feeling with you. Confidence in yourself and your style is beautiful. With this idea in mind, you’ll spend less time worrying about how you look, and focus more on just having a good time—which is the most attractive accessory.

3. Wear flattering basics

A small, but well-curated collection of basics will take you far.  For example, a personally stylized V-neck silk blouse will last longer than the latest runway knockoff look. Plus, you aren’t a slave to trends, which is very budget-friendly.  And don’t be afraid to wear the same pieces over and over again. Trust me, no one will notice.

4. Go easy on the makeup

Natural beauty comes from the inside and always shines through.  Style icon Audrey Hepburn said that beauty is within the eyes. Those windows to the soul don’t need to be caked in glitter and glam to be sexy.  Blush, mascara, soft lip (and sometime a little eyeliner) is all you need.

5. Don’t strive for perfection

Embrace your femininity through natural beauty, and be content with who and what you are now. As Yves Saint Laurent said, “Over the years I have learned that what is important in a dress is the woman who is wearing it.”  What French women seem to have achieved is owning their beauty comfortably and being happy with momentary perfection, a quality I wish à toutes mes amies.

image: twm1340

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ColumnThe problem with diets… even the French ones.

There is always a lot of talk about the mystery of French women. They’re beautiful in a classic way, they’re fashionable without being overstated and they hold themselves in a way that most of us Americans will never achieve. But most importantly: how do they manage to eat all that rich food and still stay so beautiful and thin?

We ask that question, seriously and jokingly, because most of the time, we come at it with our American, body-image focused, low-calorie, food marketing-brainwashed selves talking: god forbid someone eat real ingredients. Think of all those fattening sauces made with butter!

As American women we are fed a multitude of ideas about our bodies and how we should and shouldn’t eat, which in turn has created a mass culture of dieting, to the tune of a $40 million a year diet industry. Diet bars, diet drinks, diet everything. In fact, 23 percent of American women reported being on a diet at some point in 2012, and although that number is down from 35 percent in 1992, that’s still almost one out of four women.

The word “diet” insinuates that you are doing something that you wouldn’t otherwise do. Trust me, no one who eats only grapefruits and lemon water lives a long and healthy life. Dieting is therefore very different than a lifestyle change. You cut out certain things for a limited period of time in the hopes that you’ll shed some weight and feel better. That’s neither smart nor is it healthy, and if you take a look at the number of diets out there, one thing is clear: we are on the search for a quick fix.

This all came to mind as I read an article pronouncing the benefits of “The Parisian Diet.” (Spoiler alert: the only thing you need to be skinny is, start savoring your food.) No, it’s not just a few women committing to a more European lifestyle, there is actually a book written by a French nutritionist called The Parisian Diet, and according to its website it’s “France’s #1 weight loss diet.”

We’re enthralled with the idea that French women can live in a land of cheese and wine and still be skinny – notice how we’re constantly hung up on the physical traits alone. Do we really need a diet plan to tell us how to live well? If we have come that far then I fear for not only our physical health, but our emotional health as well.

This isn’t the first time the idea of a French diet has popped up. There was the ever popular French Women Don’t Get Fat, which I must say was in fact a good read. But ultimately that was less of a diet plan and more of a reminder that knowing how to live the good life should be a sought after skill.

I was discussing French eating habits with an American friend that lives in London, sharing a flat with two French women.

“The difference is that they will eat a piece of bread slathered with Nutella on it for breakfast and not think twice about it. If an American woman does the same thing, she will make an excuse for it,” said my friend.

Her point was that it’s not that French women can just eat whatever they want – they know all about healthy portions, sugar, fats and beyond – it’s that when they do eat something that’s a little richer than usual, they won’t launch into a long discussion about it.

She’s right. In American culture, as women, we are taught that indulgence is bad. That if we are eating a rich dessert it better be because we deserved it. Because it’s your birthday. Because you ran 10 miles this morning. Because next week you’re off desserts and this is your last hurrah. We don’t indulge for indulgence’s sake. That would be so gauche.

This is why we are a country plagued with obesity and eating disorders; because food isn’t something that’s a part of our daily lifestyle, it’s just a concoction of nutrients and calories. I once heard it put this way: the difference between meals in the U.S. and France is that in the U.S. the meal is constructed of starches, proteins, vegetables, fats and sugars. In France a meal is constructed of courses: appetizer, entree, cheese and dessert.

While in the U.S. we’re busy thinking about the food pyramid (or plate), the French person is debating on whether they should pick between chocolate cake or just a piece of fruit to finish their meal with. It’s about the process and the holy moment of eating, not a nitpicking on whether or not the meal was low enough in calories that they can justify even considering finishing it all off with something sweet.

If we want a healthy relationship with food, we need to rethink our entire way of looking at food. It’s not just about the physical, it’s about the mental as well. All the side benefits that come from eating well. Happiness for example. General well-being. The time to be with friends. Celebrating the everyday. Things that we have lost track of in the search for the ultimate diet that keeps our waistlines trim.

Because what we have to remember is that eating well isn’t a diet, it’s a lifestyle.

This is the latest installment of Anna Brones’ weekly column at EcoSalon: Foodie Underground, an exploration of what’s new and different in the underground movement, and how we make the topic of good food more accessible to everyone. More musings on the topic can be found at www.foodieunderground.com.

Image: Amytropolis

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ColumnWhat six lifestyle choices endow the much-celebrated French women with their ageless beauty, trim figures, and je ne sais quoi?

French Women Don’t Get Fat is both a truism and the eponymous title of Mireille Guiliano’s lifestyle tome, which catapulted to number one on The New York Times bestseller list, has been translated into 40 languages, and sold over three million copies worldwide. Her book is but one of innumerable examples of a global fascination with the French woman’s way. How she embodies a deeply feminine essence, ages regally while maintaining an ageless luminosity, and upholds an unassailable fashion sensibility is a subject worth probing. This week’s Sex by Numbers offers a topical exploration of six signature elements that distinguish French women and their je ne sais quoi.

Don’t get fat. Given America’s hyper-sensitivity to identity politics, a statement of this sort could engender censure as a fat-phobic epithet. French women, however, are leagues apart from their American female counterparts, especially in their utter unfamiliarity with the concept of dieting to shed chubbiness. A Parisian woman has never had to learn how to lose weight, because she would never allow herself to gain even one kilo in the first place. Attribute it to the French Paradox lifestyle and the city girl’s penchant for strutting down the sidewalk in heels for hours on end as she attends to her daily errands.

Feasts and fêtes. French women eat well and drink well. Whereas in the United States, AA meetings and DARE programs school us that if you drink every day, then you must be an alcoholic. France, apparently, is full of them, but not in their own estimation. They instead regard spirits as another food group, pairing eating and drinking with one another as a daily ritual, rather than consuming to excess on a weekend binger. Wine has as much a place on the kitchen table as the water carafe and salt-and-pepper shakers. This aspect of integration and balance is key. Take as another example crème brûlée and crêpes. These decadent dishes are richest and most pleasure providing for the first three bites, ones that French women appreciate slowly and with intention. French women share a single dessert with their companion or dining party, and have learned since they were little girls to hone their sensory organs to relish in the physical now. And, once pleasured, they put down their forks.

Simulate the catwalk. Parisian women are proud of their city, a veritable playground of wondrous architecture, luscious gardens, and a feast of fashion. At every turn, women are dressed to the nines. Their makeup is never garish, but rather minimal and effective. Their hair is coiffed and styled. Their clothes – blazers, cigarette pants, scarves tied at the throat, all manner of stripes, backless crocheted tops, full-length skirts – are a product of rigorous cultural styling and thoroughgoing care. These ladies never leave the house without paying attention to their belts and earrings, and their commitment to putting their best self forward, as healthy, sensual, active creatures.

Haute on foot. Whereas sports and physical wellness are often propped-up as a hallmark of weight loss in American culture, French women wouldn’t be caught dead at the gym. Elliptical machines and kickboxing? Non, merci. They might do yoga a few times a week or take a dip in the Riviera during the summer, but their primary mode of physical activity is stalking the promenade dressed to make your jaw drop. From the bakery for a baguette, to the vegetable market for produce for the evening’s dinner, to a post-prandial stroll with their children and husband in tow, these ladies have gams and slim hips that testify to a lifestyle that celebrates bipedal motion.

Prioritize beauty. The French woman’s maxim – minimal effort and maximal pleasure – encompasses tending to her body. Upkeep comes once a week (think every Sunday evening). On this day, she ritualizes the maintenance of the small, womanly things that keep her mod: spending an hour with an oil treatment on her hair, wearing a clay face mask, entertaining a pedicure, and otherwise addressing one’s corporeal self for a few moments before resuming life.

Savor the good life. The cliche exists for a reason. French women drink alcohol, smoke cigarettes, sip espresso mid-afternoon, eat dessert with every dinner, and generally approach day to day life with ease and joy. Every occasion, no matter how quotidian, warrants celebration of existence. French femmes savor the sweetness of the moment, extracting the breadth and depth of experiences with their children, friends, lovers, and family. It is this continual commitment to the good life, a constancy of pleasure, that permits the aforementioned indulgences that Americans might regard as taboo. When self-restraint and moderation provide the context for seeking enjoyment, happiness and satiety are the beating heart of a long and beautiful life, inside and out.

Sex By Numbers is an ongoing look into the emotional and sexual lives of the modern day woman. Follow Abigail Wick weekly here for insight and inspiration as she explores the “sex” of women and the terrain they must travel.

Images: paukrus, francisco_osorio, brehantodd, TheAlieness GiselaGiardino²³

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ColumnExcess is an unsustainable path, leaving little to the imagination.

Modesty doesn’t necessarily mean donning a chastity belt, but it certainly means keeping your legs firmly crossed if you’re wearing a skirt. Moderation doesn’t mean giving up alcohol to spend every evening reading Gertrude Stein while cuddling your pet cat, but it excludes downing a bottle of Bordeaux at your boss’ dinner party and proposing a ménage à trois with the two unhappily married men in attendance. The middle way, whether applied to one’s career, one’s relationship with food and drink, or one’s sexual and psychological well being, is always the best way. Excess is an unsustainable path, whether it be too purity driven or inordinately party-loving.

Sex by Numbers at its core endorses a simple, healthy life of non-extremes, one as much devoid of tiresome Puritanical rules as vulgar bombast. (Think sheer crocheted sweaters and flutes of champagne, not ripped pantyhose and lines of cocaine.) Nothing becomes a woman more than her capacity to keep it all in check, and our modern expressions of a New Modesty are multitudinous, convention defying, and downright brave. This week’s column offers an international cross section of ways in which feminism and femininity commingle in pursuit of leaving a little something to the imagination.

Modestyniks: A term unique to contemporary Jewish women originally raised in secular homes, modestyniks are girls who decide as young adults to abide by traditional religious laws governing female sexuality. Equal parts individuation from family, backlash against a permissive upbringing, and reclamation of cultural legacy, modestyniks declare themselves shomer negiah–wearing long skirts and high collars in accordance with historical standards of Jewish modesty and abstaining not only from sex before marriage, but any physical contact with men whatsoever.

Burqini Swimwear: For religious Muslim women, suiting up for the beach can be problematic. Surfing and wind sailing, not to mention the basic butterfly stroke, aren’t so easy if a woman’s small frame is weighed down by water soaked, body covering garments. Entrepreneur and designer Aheda Zanetti, who is Lebanese born and Australia based, was frustrated that outdoor athletics weren’t always available to her. While women only gyms and yoga studios were always an option, activities in public spaces, such as hiking or running, were more challenging. In response, Zanetti designed a line of lightweight, sweat-whisking workout gear and swimwear for sports-inclined Muslim women interested in maintaining traditional codes of pious dress.

Rogaya Al Ghasara: A 100-meter and 200-meter sprinter from Bahrain, Rogaya Al Ghasara is one of the first ever female athletes to represent her country on an international scale and, what’s more, she managed to claim this radical social role while faithfully honoring her religious beliefs: She competes in sleek, ninja like sportswear called a Hijood, created by the same company that developed the Burqini. Rogya Al Ghasara first debuted her runners’ form at the 2004 Olympics in Athens and the 2008 Games in Beijing. Her performance has earned her gold medals at the Arabian Championships and Asian Games.

French Pudique: While previous generations of French derided American women for their Yankee Puritanism regarding topless sunbathing, news organizations have in recent years reported that younger French women are eschewing nudity for modesty-case in point, they’re wearing both halves of their bikinis. It’s only their mothers and grandmothers who continue baring their chests to the sun god, and a popular survey indicates that up to 80 percent of French women consider themselves pudique, a term that can mean everything from modest to prim to pretty uptight. It’s sexy, it seems, to keep covered up and leave more, rather than less, to the imagination.

Here’s to summer sports, sun worship, and saving it for the bedroom…

Images: Ed Yourdon, leo.jeje, Telegraph.co.uk, NowPublic, Joe Shlabotnik

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