Rules you should never (ever!) break in a friends with benefits relationship.

Usually, a friends with benefits relationship starts out one of two ways: Either after a night of too much tequila, or a spontaneous discussion leads to you seriously considering not getting serious. Either way, it’s the perfect arrangement for guys and gals who enjoy being single but wouldn’t mind a little sexual healing every once in a while.

Here are the 6 commandments of a friends with benefits relationship. Break them at your own risk:

1. Make sure it’s what you really want

Ask yourself: Why do I really want to jump into a friends with benefits relationship? If it’s because you’re rocking your career and aren’t interested in anything serious, cool. If it’s because you want to have your cake and eat it too, you go girl. But if you’re compelled to do so out of loneliness or because you’ve become the spinster of the group, maybe it’s time to reevaluate. It shouldn’t be something you’re settling for – it should be fun!

2. Make sure you don’t already have feelings for him

Sexual chemistry is a must, obvi, but make sure you’re not hooking up with a guy you have a crush on. The only way the FWB thing can be a complete and total success is if you absolutely, 100 percent do not see a future with him – but he does make you feel randy in all the right places.

3. Be clear from the get-go

Usually the breakdown in communication happens right in the beginning when it’s not clear whether you’re in a friends with benefits relationship or a no strings attached one. While the terms are used interchangeably, they’re actually completely different. Friends with benefits means you actually are friends too, and no strings attached means just sex and nothing else. Establish which type of nookie you’re signing up for before hitting the sheets.

4. Have no expectations

A casual relationship is just that: Casual. While there are obvious emotional boundaries in place, there are no rules as to how often you “should” or “shouldn’t” hear from each other. And if one of you texts for a booty call but the other’s busy or there’s no answer, there’s nothing to read between the lines or take personally – neither of you have to drop your lives for each other, which is a beautiful thing. Just go with the flow.

5. Keep your relationship strictly in the bedroom

That way, there’s no confusion. There’s nothing that ruins an FWB arrangement faster than grabbing a coffee or bite to eat with the guy you’re… well, benefitting. Don’t do anything together that may give you a whiff of the dating world.

6. There’s your life life, and your FWB life

The whole point to a friends with benefits relationship is that it’s like a mini vacay from reality – the two should never blend together. Don’t hang out with each other’s friends or family, don’t bring him to a work thing, don’t drop off food from that place he likes. That’s called being in a relationship, and then you’re just asking for trouble.

Have you ever had a successful friends with benefits relationship?

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How to tell the difference between being more than friends and friends without benefits.

So there’s this guy. You hang out all the time, he texts you all the time, he takes you everywhere all the time – but things have never gone to the next level. Are you best friends, are you going to become more than friends, or are you a filler girlfriend?

“The filler girlfriend is someone who fills in until someone better comes along,” says relationship expert April Masini. “Much of the time guys want a date or someone they can bring to parties or just hang out with so they’re not alone. This can be very disturbing to a woman who thinks she’s dating someone with whom there’s a genuine future, but has these inklings of feelings that something isn’t right.”

Are you making yourself available to a guy who isn’t? If you’re not sure whether you’re becoming more than friends or if you’re just a substitute until he finds someone else, here are 9 red flags to consider:

1. You talk daily and hang out… when he’s single
Plus, the dates are super casual – he never acts like you’re someone he wants to win over. “When a guy wants you to be ‘the one’ and not just one of many, he’ll try to impress you and win you over,” says Masini. “When you’re filler, he’s going to just make sure you’re there, and he’ll do enough to keep you in the game, but nothing more.”

2. You have more contact with him over the phone than in person
If he wants to keep you around, but also keep his options open, he’ll call, text and email more than he’ll see you in person. “You’re the one who keeps him from being alone, so he’ll throw you a line while he’s scoping out other options,” says Masini.

3. You’re his plus one at weddings and work parties
A very platonic plus one.

4. He has a keen (and totally hypocritical) interest in your love life
When you ask about his, he does that awkward pretending-not-to-hear-you-even-though-he-totally-heard-you thing.

5. People are always asking if you’re a couple…
And you have no idea what to say.

6. He jokes about the two of you hooking up
And not in a good way, yet five minutes later he’ll flirt his way to your side of the couch.

7. You do hang out when he’s dating someone…
But only when that someone is out of town or unavailable.

8. He compares women he dates to you
Of course he does! One, you’re fabulous. Two, it’s easier to be with you than with her because he basically gets to do whatever he wants and you’ll be there for him to wipe his feet on.

8. You joke that if you’re both not married by a certain age, you’ll marry each other
Remember how “My Best Friend’s Wedding” turned out?!

9. You know, deep down, that you’re going against your instincts
As someone who was once the filler girlfriend who did everything she could to become the girlfriend girlfriend, trust me: It’s not worth it when you get there. Deep down you’ll know that you forced the relationship to happen and that it’s not quite right – and it’s an icky feeling that follows you everywhere. Deal with the short-term pain of cutting him loose now, rather than the long-term pain you’re about to put yourself through.

So does this mean you’re best friends? This is where it gets sticky, because many women try and suppress how they feel about their so-called “bestie,” while secretly hoping he’ll look her way eventually. “A guy isn’t your best friend if you’re attracted to him,” says Masini. “So many women who are deep in the friend zone try to leverage ‘best friends’ into more than friends. It always fails, eventually.”

The downfall of being the filler girlfriend is that you’ll likely miss out on real love because he’s filling this void for you. “The best thing to do is have the difficult conversation about staying in the friend zone or taking the leap and getting romantic,” says relationship expert Nicole McCance. “Get clarity, so you don’t resent him later and end up ruining the friendship you do have.”

The only way you’ll be able to make an informed decision about your love life is to know where you stand. The truth might hurt, but it’s better than stringing yourself along and breaking your own heart.

Are there any red flags you’d add to this list?

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