Women with big boobs enjoy a lot of benefits, but there are myths to be set straight, too.

I feel a Dr. Seuss story coming on: Left Boob, Right Boob. Big Boobs! Little Boobs! Boobs, Boobs, Boobs!

How many different myths about women with big boobs are there to be perpetually and consistently misinformed about? Even in 2014 we still don’t understand female anatomy as well as we should, and no woman feels that more than a woman with big boobs.

Here are some of the biggest myths about big boobs. We’re setting the record straight.

1. They’re not real: The most obvious myth is that big boobs are usually unnatural. Guess again. The solid, jiggle-less gigantic boobs are the unnatural ones, but most of the big boobs out there are real.

2. Big boobs must mean we always want sex, right? Wrong. A woman’s sexuality is a result of many things, least of all her cup size.

3. We want our boobs to be the focus of sex: They’re fun and all, but they’re not a vagina annex.

4. We’re sluts: Blame bad porn for this one, but a woman in a fitted outfit doesn’t make her a slut who wants you to rip off her dress. That’s just her body shape.

5. We’re fat: The other outfit choice, instead of looking “slutty” is wearing baggy clothing to try and hide our big boobs. Guess what happens then? Clothes hang off of our breasts like a tent and we look overweight.

6. Big boobs are better for breastfeeding: Breast size has nothing to do with a woman’s ability to produce breast milk.

7. You can’t be smart and super curvy: Like, OMG, totally, what were you saying? I can’t remember or pay attention because my big giant boobs like suck all my brain cells or something. As if.

8. We knock ourselves in the face jogging: In theory, I suppose it could happen, but aside from the intro to “Baywatch” when do you actually even see big-breasted women jogging? We tend not to do it because it’s uncomfortable without wearing at least two sports bras.

9. We love bras: We NEED bras, we don’t necessarily love or want to wear them, but the alternative option is sweaty underboob, not to mention the awkwardness errant nipples elicit.

10. We want to talk about our boobs! Snarky articles aside, we tend to not love answering questions about (A) our bra size (B) if they’re real (C) if they’re painful (D) if we wish they were smaller.

Find Jill on Twitter @jillettinger

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Owned. Fox News, like every news outlet is owned and if we’re going to keep our “fair and balanced” gyroscope upright we have to continually ask the question: by whom? With that, here’s some timely irony. In last weeks’ op-ed in The Australian, Wikileaks founder Juilan Assange wrote: “In 1958 a young Rupert Murdoch, then owner and editor of Adelaide’s The News, wrote: ‘In the race between secrecy and truth, it seems inevitable that truth will always win.'”

So here’s some truth for the media magnate Assange cites in his defense of getting real. During last week’s frenzy of leak speak, this from Fox News: A year ago, during the Copenhagen climate change summit, one of the network’s reporters said on air that the United Nations’ World Meteorological Organization announced that 2000-2009 was “on track to be the warmest [decade] on record.” Within 15 minutes, a senior network official issued a memo questioning the accuracy of climate change data and ordering Fox “journalists” to “refrain from asserting that the planet has warmed (or cooled) in any given period without immediately pointing out that such theories are based upon data that critics have called into question.” The memo concludes: “It is not our place as journalists to assert such notions as facts, especially as this debate intensifies.”

The memo, leaked by watchdog group Media Matters, was written by Fox News’ Vice President of News and Washington Managing Editor Bill Sammon. This is the same guy who instructed his network’s journalists during the health care reform debate to cease using the term “public option” and instead use “government option.”

The same night the climate change memo/directive was sent, on Fox News’ Special Report with Bret Baier (“the number one cable news program in its timeslot”) correspondent James Rosen brought up the Climategate scandal and claimed that climate scientists “destroyed more than 150 years’ worth of raw climate data.” This at a time when it was already well-known that, taken in any light, the University of East Anglia “leaks” (there’s that word again) had nothing to do with the veracity of facts related to climate change.

Here’s the thing: In a world where nomenclature shapes perceived reality (and we all know what perception is), we have to ask what it means when we call a spade a, well, say a diamond. There’s the continued to use of the term “theory” around evolution and the “pro-life” litmus test language shrouding what might more accurately be called “anti-choice” sentiment. And how about the “death tax” nom de guerre assigned to taxing inheritance windfalls? The idea of climate change being assigned “notion” status by those interested in altering that perception/reality is not surprising. It must be tough when facts don’t do what you want them to.

Rupert and Bill, lest there be any confusion, here are a few facts, according to the National Cimatic Data Center (NCDC): the global surface temperature (including in the United States) is rising, sea level is rising, global upper ocean heat content is rising, northern hemisphere snow cover is retreating and U.S. climate extremes are increasing.

And there’s this: While no one can say if the reporter was fair and balanced, he sure was accurate. According to that tree-hugging and far-left-extremist organization NASA, the decade ending in 2009 was indeed the warmest in history. 2009 was also “the second warmest year since 1880, when modern temperature measurement began.”

So let’s close the loop here on the concept of “owned” and what’s so ironic about this coming down the Fox pipes. Murdoch’s News Corporation, which owns Fox News, is under the gun right now to achieve its pledge to be carbon neutral by 2010. This promise was much ballyhooed at the time it was made (a result of Murdoch himself claiming to have undergone an eco-transformation in 2007) and, while it’s not clear if the organization is going to achieve its goal, the Murdoch PR machines have been busy working it hard over the last few years. So while his Fox News organization plays it fast and loose with the facts, it seems that Mr. Murdoch has two options: Fire Sammon and Rosen and anyone else involved in purposefully distorting facts related to climate change data – or live with this title: Hypocrite.

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Sex is natural, sex is good. Not everybody does it. But everybody should. Or so goes the 80s god of sass, George Michael. Now that I’ve implanted that song in your head for the rest of the day, let us continue. If you were born before the age of the Internet, you might get to thank George Michael for introducing you to sex. Because thanks to the Victorians and/or repressed American culture, a person’s best sex education seems to come from TV, film, and other confused teenagers.

The upside of sex and its shroud of mystery? Here’s a look at some really awesomely bad myths roaming around our minds and the internet.

Men think about sex every seven seconds.
This is FALSE. According to the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender and Reproduction, 54 percent of men think about sex everyday or several times a day. This also includes “43 percent a few times per month or a few times per week, and four percent less than once a month.” This means that while it is impossible to determine exactly how many times sexual thoughts flash though a dude’s brain, it is unlikely that it is happening every seven seconds.

Semen has a lot of calories.
This is FALSE and probably thought up by some clever dude who wanted to skip the dinner in the dinner date. Seminal fluid contains vitamin C, water, sodium, potassium, calcium, magnesium, zinc, citrate, chloride, protein, and fructose. But a normal male ejaculation only contains around six calories, making it harmless to a restrictive diet. However, some women are known to have a severe allergy to semen, resulting in itching, redness, and blisters.

All women are innately bisexual.
This is FALSE and we can probably thank reality show TV for this one. Despite the abundance of girl-on-girl kissing in Jersey Shore hot tubs, the Kinsey Institute reports that only 6.2 percent of men and 4.4 percent of women are attracted to people of the same sex. Further, five percent of men and three percent of women consider themselves bisexual. Sure, that means a lot of women are bisexual. Just not necessarily the entire female gender.

Most women orgasm through intercourse.
More FALSE. Only 30 percent of women orgasm through just intercourse. The Kinsey Institute reports that women are much more likely to orgasm while alone. But among women in a partnered relationship, 62 percent say they are satisfied with the consistency and frequency of their orgasms. Interestingly, 14 percent of women reported that simultaneous orgasm with their partner is a “must.”

You can’t get pregnant if your partner pulls out before ejaculation.
This is FALSE FALSE FALSE. I’m saying it triple time because when I Googled it, I found the question on a lot of teen forums and chat rooms. Listen up! (Especially you young ones!) When a man is aroused, he has drops of semen on the tip of his penis. This helps lubricate it. Even one drop of semen contains a million sperm, and it only takes one sperm to knock you up. Even after your partner ejaculates, sperm can be present. The only fool-proof way not to get pregnant is to abstain from sex. Other than that, use birth control.

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Pregnancy seems strange. Yes, I know it is natural/beautiful/necessary for our continued existence. But even our most goddess-embracing sisters have to admit that it’s a little freaky to have a human being grow inside of you – even if it is whispered in the dark of night, under a rock, and only to fairies that don’t exist.

Or maybe I’ve just heard too many pregnancy myths that make the act itself seem weird. After all, won’t your cat kill your unborn child? And who hasn’t heard that bumpy rides can cause labor/you can tell the gender of your baby by the way you are carrying/you lose a tooth with every pregnancy? But what’s true, what’s false, and what’s just weird old wives tales designed to scare teenagers out of sex? Here’s a look at some of the best pregnancy myths out there – and the truth behind them.

(Ultimately, of course, consult and take the advice of your doctor.)

If you raise your arms while pregnant, the baby will get the umbilical cord tangle around his or her neck.
This is FALSE. (And quite scary, I might add.) When an umbilical cord gets wrapped around a baby’s neck, it is because of the baby’s movements, not momma’s. You can twist, shout, and do the chicken dance and it will not affect the cord or your baby. It might give her an unexplained aversion to bad dance moves later in life, but I speculate.

Your cat can hurt your unborn baby.
This is FALSE, and not just because it sounds like Stephen King made it up. You can snuggle up with Fluffy as much as you’d like and your baby will be fine. However, pregnancy is a good time to pass off changing the kitty litter onto your significant other. Cat “number two” can contain the parasite toxoplasma gondii, which can cause deformities in developing fetuses. So as long as you lay off hanging around cat crap, you should be fine. (I know, it will be hard, right?)

Sex will harm the baby.
Happily, this is also FALSE. There is no evidence that sexual activity can hurt your unborn baby. You may not want to be hanging from an unsecured sex swing or performing otherwise acrobatic sexual feats. But the actual act itself is fine. In fact, evidence shows that it is even more enjoyable for you, as increased blood flow to the pelvic floor can enhance orgasms. There are some conditions that do make sex during pregnancy an issue – be sure to consult your doctor to learn if you have them.

You can tell the sex of the baby by the way you are carrying.
This is FALSE. Other than using ultrasound or amniocentesis, you cannot tell if you are going boy or girl by simply looking at the way you are carrying him/her. According to one expert, “Babies are carried differently based on their presentation (breech, vertex, transverse), their position (anterior, posterior), their gestational age and weight, maternal weight and stature and the mother’s parity (whether or not this is her first or eighth baby).”

You are more likely to go into labor during the full moon or stormy weather.
And this is also FALSE. Sure, my cousin the maternity nurse may disagree, but there is no scientific evidence that a full moon will send you into labor. Labor is caused by hormones and hormones alone. As for stormy weather – the stress of perhaps riding out a tornado in a bathtub could cause your hormones to trigger labor. So false – barring tornados, hurricanes, blizzards et al.

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