Why do we often find ourselves saying the wrong thing?

Language is a funny thing. Not literally, because, well, we’ll get to that in a bit, but it can be funny in that there are a lot of words and phrases we say when we mean something else. Saying the wrong thing has hit epidemic levels in our culture lately. Are you guilty of using one of these words or phrases when you mean something else?

1. “It’s like crack” –  Really? Have you ever smoked crack? Why would you compare something like, say, delicious and good-for-you kale chips, to a destructive, addictive illegal drug?

2. “Like I gave birth” – I know. Building your website or writing that novel must have been really hard. But I have a few questions for you. First question: Do you have a vagina? Second question: Have you ever actually given birth, you know, in order to compare said achievement to squeezing a hard skull out of your most delicate body part? How about just trying something like this: “Writing that book was really challenging and rewarding!” Much better, isn’t it?

3. “Meant to be” – If some things, like a marriage or even a divorce, are ‘meant to be’ – are other things not? How can this rule apply to only some of our life circumstances? Everything is either meant to be or it isn’t, and either way, does it really matter in how you live your life?

4. “Literally” – I’ll revert to the always prescient David Cross on this one: If you misuse literally, you’re using it in the exact opposite way it was intended. Literally.

5. “Dislike” — People have started using this in the Facebook “like” sense in conversations: Me: “Someone hacked into my bank account and stole all my money!” You: “Dislike!” Ugh. I love like! Facebook as much as anyone, but this just reminds me of that Dave Chappelle skit where he goes to the Internet like it’s a mall. Funny, but annoying.

6. “Intentional community” – This phrase is almost redundant. Why? Because all communities are intentional.We build highways, power plants, and elect governing bodies intentionally. Your house full of cohabitating individuals is no more intentional than every other community on earth.

7. Calling food “sexy” – It’s food. Many people don’t have enough of it to eat. To call a burger or a smoothie “sexy” borders on arrogant, and a little creepy. Food should be lots of things: healthy, filling, tasty…but sexy it is not.

8. “I’m starving” – On the food note, you’re probably guilty of using this phrase when it’s literally inaccurate. Louis CK recently explained why this is so offensive, and it’s for many of the same reasons calling food “sexy” is wrong. People in this world are starving. You only having a Clif bar after your workout does not equate to actual starvation.

9. “I’m vegetarian…but I eat fish” — Fish are animals. You can’t be an animal-eating vegetarian. (See: “literally”.)

10. “Mercury retrograde just started/ended” – Please don’t blame a planetary alignment for your shitty cell phone reception. (Although you may have better luck contacting the planet than AT&T Customer Service!)

11. “I’m too busy” – Are you really too busy or are you just not interested? How about just being honest?

12. “I’ll try” – Try is a lie, so the saying goes. Either do it or don’t. Whether or not you do it well doesn’t matter in most cases, but trying feels like you’re just not really intending to follow through.

 13. “I’ll be happy when…” – You probably won’t. If you’re not happy now, chances are you won’t be happy then either. We all suffer losses, tragedy and grief along with the shitty day here and there, but if our general state of consciousness isn’t content or happy, things or events won’t change that. Stop waiting for something to make you happy. Make yourself happy.

Find Jill on Twitter @jillettinger

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30 ways to say I love you no matter where you roam.

Ana behibek (to woman) (änä hĕ bēk) / Ana behibak (to man) (änä hĕ bĕk) – Arabic

Obicham te (ō bē′ cham tā) – Bulgarian

Soro lahn nhee ah (sir  län  nē  rock) – Cambodian (Khmer)

Wo ai ni (wō ī nē) – Chinese (Mandarin)

Volim te (vau leem  tĕ) – Croatian

Miluji te (mē lū sēē  chā) – Czech

Jeg elsker dig (yī  el sker  dī) – Danish

Ik hou van jou (ĭk  how  von  yow) – Dutch

Au lomani iko (au  dō mä nē  ēkō) – Fijian

Mahal kita (mä häl  kē tä) – Filipino (Tagalog)

Je t’aime (jĕ  tĕm) – French

Ich liebe dich (ēsh  lē-bĕ  dēsh) – German

Ani ohev otach (to woman) (ä-nē  ōhĕv  ōtäk) / Ani ohevet otcha (to man) (ä-nē  ōhĕ-vĕt  ōt-kä) – Hebrew

Mein tumse pyar karta hoon (to woman) (mĕ  äp-sē  pē-är  kär-tä  hūn) / Mein tumse pyar karti hoon (to man) (mĕ  äp-sē  pē-är  kär-tē  hūn) – Hindi

Gráim thú (graw-im  hoo) – Irish Gaelic

Ti amo (tē  ämō) – Italian

Aishiteru (ī shē tā ē rū) – Japanese

Sarang hae (sä-räng  hĕ) – Korean

Saya cinta pada mu (sä-yä  cheen-tä  pä-dä  mū) – Malay

Doset daram (dū sät  dä räm) – Persian (Farsi)

Eu te amo (eh-oo  tē  ämō) – Portuguese

Te iubesc (tĕ  yū bā-sk) – Romanian

Ya tebya liubliu (yä  tĭb-yä  lū-blū) – Russian

Waan ku jecelahay (ooh wan  koo  chet lä hī) – Somali

Te amo (tā  ämō) – Spanish

Nakupenda (nä kū pĕn dä) – Swahili

Jag älskar dig (yä  ĕlsker  dā) – Swedish

Phom rak khun (to woman) (pŏm  läk  kūn) / Chan rak khun (to man) (chän  läk  kūn) – Thai

Seni seviyorum (sĕn-yē  sā vē your rŭm) – Turkish

‘Rwy’n dy garu di (roo-in  dū  garry  dee) – Welsh

ALSO CHECK OUT:

How To Say I’m Vegetarian in 10 Different Languages

Images: Jeff Kubina, biphop, riccardo f.m., Hey Filbert

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