ColumnSince the #30DayOrgasmChallenge launched in September, one thing has become eminently clear: the benefits of orgasm are impossible to ignore. I’ve been totally floored by the response.

Over the summer, after a lot of research, myriad in-person conversations and Gchats with friends and colleagues, I realized that there is a prevailing dissatisfaction with the state of the orgasm (at least for the mostly cis-gender, heterosexual women I’d been hearing from). So I had an idea: I would ask women to think about their orgasms in an entirely new way — and to follow up it up with action.

The #30DayOrgasmChallenge asked women to re-conceptualize their orgasms as a transformative, health-giving mind/body experience as essential as any other daily practice: like meditation, yoga, juicing… all the stuff that we manage to make time for because we know it’s good for us.

We tend to think of orgasms as a kind of gift — something we sometimes, when we’re lucky, get from an intimate experience. But what if this kind of pleasure were simply a part of your regular routine? Only 25 percent of heterosexual women are likely to have an orgasm from partnered sex, thanks to the orgasm gap. So taking it into our own hands, so to speak — is essential.

This challenge was made for women of all ages – those in their reproductive years and without kids, still reproductive young parents, peri and pre-menopausal – and post-menopause. And all relationship statuses – single, recently divorced, in long-term partnerships, newly dating. The #30DayOrgasmChallenge is a pleasure protocol for every woman.

Our desires fluctuate through the various stages of a relationship — from the “I must jump your bones immediately” phase to the “kinda bored” phase to the “OMG get off of me” phase. Some people call these latter phases “the itch” as in the two-year, five-year, or seven-year-itch. And being in any one of these stages can do a major number on your self-esteem – and with that, kill off what feels like the last of your desire. None of these stages, however, guarantee orgasms for women, which is why we must learn to expect and demand them. It’s essential for women to remember that the waning of your desire for a long-term partner is perfectly normal – and science backs it up. Women tend to get bored even earlier then men, despite the many myths we’ve been fed about our sexuality.

The #30DayOrgasmChallenge was (and still is, because you can start any time) an opportunity to revisit the frontier of your authentic desire nature — to remember who you’ve been and who you might be if you could be anyone you wanted to. Having an orgasm a day for 30 days can show you what your real relationship with pleasure is — exempt from the expectations of your partner, your culture, your body image issues, and other barriers to deeper self-knowledge about what you want and need.

For the initial launch, different women had different goals: some wanted to get to know their own bodies better – solo sex is a really important and necessary tool for teaching your current or future lovers what you want. Some women wanted to experience more intense, longer, and/or deeper orgasms through a daily practice. Some wanted to address diagnosed sexual dysfunction. Some wanted to know if they could achieve vaginal orgasms in addition to clitoral ones. Some wanted to move past shame and guilt. Still others just wanted stress relief, better sleep, and heightened immunity. But all knew that the benefits of orgasm are many and varied, and they simply wanted more of the good stuff.

I’m happy to report that various participants have told me that they’re never going to take the benefits of orgasm for granted again. Many found it to be deeply liberating and consciousness-shifting. I loved the creative directions in which different women took the challenge – a number of people kept a daily journal and wrote about each of their orgasms. Like the famous Morning Pages that many swear by, these “Orgasm Pages” were a place for the women to deposit the images, emotions, and states of awareness they uncovered as they moved through their 30-day journey. A few were even willing to share, like Carolyn Jayne, an artist from Rhode Island. She did more than merely journal – she created visual journals – gorgeous water color paintings for each entry. (Her prints are available for purchase, contact her at cjayneart@yahoo.com). Here’s an excerpt from one — the image is called “Juno’s Pomegranate”.

Day 26 – seems Stefanie’s 30 day challenge has opened new portals of magic and mystery within. As my watercolor art unfolds in perfect timing with my body’s “unfolding”. Or rather that which was previously folded up and put away in a dusty linen closet of yore has been re-opened and rejuvenated.

SG from Seattle had this to say: “The commitment to self-pleasure on an ongoing basis yielded profound shifts within me. Not only did I feel an enriched reconnection with my body and heart, but I felt a more dynamic sense of power and liberation, jewels that came from more deeply rooting the knowledge of my ability to rely upon and treasure myself.” 

Did you take on the #30DayOrgasmChallenge? Will you take the benefits of orgasm to the next level? If so, please share your reactions with me. Let’s change the world for women — one orgasm at a time.

Got a question for Stefanie? Email  stefanie at ecosalon dot com and she’ll answer it in the next Sexual Healing column.

Keep in touch with Stefanie on Twitter: @ecosexuality

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ColumnCold and flu season is almost upon us, but I’m not going to tell you to load up on echinacea or get a flu shot. I’d like to suggest a novel way to boost your immune system – have lots and LOTS of sex.

It’s early fall. You’ve heard that something is going around, and you feel a tickle in your throat. Your first instinct might be to tell your partner to slowly back away, lest you spread those nasty germs. But your instincts, at least in this case, are probably wrong: sex can boost your immune system, helping you ward off those pesky, snotty invaders.

A study from 2004 showed that people who have sex once or twice a week have higher levels of immunoglobulin A, or lgA – one of the most important defenses your body has against invading organisms.

Human touch lowers cortisol, so you don’t even have to go all the way – just a bit of cuddling, stroking and kissing can do the trick — even getting a massage can help. Skin-to-skin touching is the trigger for cortisol support, something we require in the delicate dance of hormonal balance. But getting your orgasm on brings the suite of benefits to a higher level, as you’ll soon see.

Women have it better than dudes when it comes to the immunity game, because we naturally produce estrogen, linked to an enzyme called Caspase-12, which blocks the inflammatory process. (Men do have estrogen, just in much smaller amounts.) And guess what, girls? Having regular sex increases your estrogen, and not the bad kind as we see in estrogen-dominance. The sweet side benefit of all this is that estrogen is good for your skin and your mood. That post-coital glow is really a thing – estrogen helps your body produce collagen. So skip the botox and go for a nice boink instead.

Oxytocin, the chemical released at orgasm, is a pain reliever and stress-reducer. So do your best to make sure that you get the orgasm you deserve when you have sex. Ask for it if it doesn’t seem to be forthcoming – you deserve it. If partnered sex isn’t in the cards for you as often as you’d like, solo sex offers many of the protective immune benefits that you want during cold and flu season – so don’t assume you’re out of luck – you can boost your immune system with self-pleasure, too.

The “more I get, the more I want” principle applies here as well. Estrogen boosts your sex drive – and having sex makes you produce more estrogen. You see how this delightful hormonal merry go round works, do you not? This is in part why we tend to be hornier in the days leading up to ovulation, when our estrogen is surging. Women’s sex drive flattens after ovulation, when progesterone is the major hormonal player. Progesterone makes you sleepy and PMS-y, horny, not so much.

However, if we focus on having lots of sex (or masturbating) throughout the cycle, at minimum once or twice a week, we can boost our immune system by encouraging healthy estrogen levels. There will be peaks and valleys, but having more sex (or solo sex) even when you’re at your peak estrogen level will help you to avoid that libido-plummet that can begin to feel inevitable after ovulation. This is in part why I created the #30DayOrgasmChallenge — to encourage people to have orgasms as early and often as possible.

Sex also improves sleep, and healthy sleep is basically the key to everything that is good and holy – including a strong immune system. A recent study showed that the oxytocin release paired with the cortisol-lowering effects of sex leave your body in a super relaxed state – the perfect conditions for a beautiful night’s rest.

Another sleep-inducing hormone called prolactin floods the brain at orgasm. The whole thing about women being chatty after sex vs. men rolling over and wanting to sleep is probably a bit of cultural programming – sex primes both genders for sleep. The real truth here is that men are probably having more orgasms than women are, and so the women are left wanting while the men’s brains turn off. You can shift this, again, but making sure you get the orgasm you deserve.

This is one-hundred percent anecdotal, but when I caught the abysmal flu that was going around in the winter of 2013, against my better judgment, I had sex. And I swear to the gods of congestion – I was instantly better. Sex did what all my obsessive ginger/garlic eating, green juice drinking, and neti-pot slinging could not. Just sayin’. And last winter I didn’t get sick once – guess why?

This isn’t to say that having loads of sex means you can slack off on the basic rules of cold and flu season, especially hygiene. If this recent study doesn’t freak you out about the important of hand-washing, I don’t know what will.

Will you boost your immune system by adding sex to your anti-cold and flu arsenal this season? Let me know by tweeting at me @ecosexuality.

Here’s to good health (and equal amounts of pleasure).

Got a question for Stefanie? Email stefanie@ecosalon.com and she’ll answer it in the next Sexual Healing column.

Keep in touch with Stefanie on Twitter: @ecosexuality

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