How many times has it been jammed down your throat that coconut oil is absolutely, positively the most amazing miracle oil to ingest and slather all over your body? More times than you’d care to count, I’m sure. But is it really true? Is coconut oil good for your skin or just a crock of coconut sh… You know where I’m going with this.

It works wonders, they told me. It’s great to use as a facial moisturizer, they said. So now here I am with a face I almost don’t recognize. Who does this skin belong to? Certainly not me. I did everything they said. I followed steps and regimens. But alas, this is my skin… My comedone sprinkled and inflamed skin. It’s pretty upsetting when you’ve gone most of your life having primarily flawless skin. Then it finally dawned on me one day. Nothing else in my beauty regimen had changed except… My moisturizer. I caught myself staring in the mirror, bewildered and perplexed, asking myself: “Is coconut oil good for your skin or have you just made a grave mistake?!”

Upon my frantic internet research, desperate for an answer, I came to terms with the unfortunate fact that not nearly enough websites or blogs acknowledge the negative characteristics or side effects of coconut oil. Instead, too many online sources dedicate their entire existences to worshipping and praising this oil. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m actually a huge fan of the stuff. I use it for cooking and baking, as a replacement for butter on my toast, and as a moisturizer for my hair. I’m not completely bashing it, but I felt largely disappointed that basically only two or three blogs were actively trying to bring to light that coconut oil ain’t all that and a bag o’chips (maybe I should’ve just wiped chips all over my face instead?).

After what I thought was turning out to be a fruitless attempt to find an explanation for my dilemma, I finally stumbled upon a blog for all things coco-related. A post I saw about coconut oil clogging pores sang to me like an angel from above. What I learned completely blew my mind. It turns out coconut oil is not as universal as it’s been made to seem.

After being fed so many pieces of general and misleading information, I read on to find out that using coconut oil on your face is actually person-specific. Meaning, not all of us will have the same reactions. Some of us will see positive results and others (myself included) will have a much less desirable experience to report. It apparently all comes down to what type of skin you have. So if you’re asking, “Is coconut oil good for your skin?,” I recommend thoroughly examining your skin and doing a little detective work online.

Image via Veganbaking.net

Coconut oil is considered a comedogenic. I KNOW. I was just as surprised as you to read something not so nice about this popular oil. A comedogenic substance is one that can possess the ability to clog pores. This is where it’s beneficial to know if you have larger or smaller pores. Larger pores are undeniably more susceptible to clogging. Wait a minute, smaller pores. You’re not in the clear yet, either. Small pores can still get clogged, and when they do, it can be much worse.

The rumors aren’t always true. Yes, coconut oil has antibacterial and antifungal properties. No, it is not always the perfect solution for acne prone skin. Coconut oil can actually have a negative tendency to be unconducive to acneic skin. If dirt and oil are getting all up in your pores’ business, coconut oil might decide to join the party and become trapped with everything else, further exacerbating the situation instead of fighting to clear it up. Now cue the painful breakouts and bumpy textured skin.

If your skin is naturally pretty oily or you aren’t a stranger to blackheads that generally means you have larger pores so it may be unwise to go slapping the CO on your face. It’s also been said that overuse of coconut oil on the face is not very successful due to its high fat content which can instead lead to the transpiration of future skin issues. If you’re going to use it, use it in moderation. I also read some suggestions stating that mixing a bit of coco oil in a cleanser is a much better idea than just using it solo. So if you’re hell-bent on continuing to use this stuff, you shouldn’t use it alone!

My final tips to you, fellow readers, coconut oil enthusiasts and critics alike, are to fully research the effects of coconut oil being used topically, study your own skin thoroughly, and don’t believe everything you read or hear. Don’t let the coco get you all cuckoo! Good luck!

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Top image: Just another wretch

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ColumnI’ve often said that women should follow their lust the way Joseph Campbell wants us to “follow our bliss.” But if we’re obsessing about the (real or imagined) ripples on our thighs, how can we let the gorgeous ripple of orgasm take over? True pleasure requires one to let go, at least a little bit. The ubiquity of body dysmorphia amongst women can be the enemy of good sex. Your self-esteem matters everywhere; but your body image really matters in bed. 

(Got a question for Stefanie? Email stefanie@ecosalon.com and she’ll answer it in the next Sexual Healing column.)

The average woman spends fifteen months of her life putting on makeup. That’s 474 days over a lifetime: 172 hours per year, according to a recent study from the UK. We also spend two months of our lives removing our body hair. Not to mention all the time we sit around thinking about when we’re going to primp, and how we’re going to earn the money to pay for said primping. As of 2010, the beauty industry was worth $50 billion in the US alone, and $170 billion worldwide.

Makeup and hair removal seem trivial when you stack them next to the dangerous diseases that stem from rampant body image distortion thanks to male gaze. From anorexia to bulimia and BDD (Body Dysmorphic Disorder) we are suffering, and sometimes, dying, to be beautiful. Even nine-year-olds are getting sick.

From commercials to billboards to the pages of “sex-positive” Cosmo, women are tortured with deeply distorted, unrealistic images of what they’re supposed to look like. Airbrushing is de rigeur for all fashion editorials. What we think we’re supposed to look like has nothing to do with how we look in the real world.

You may be a feminist like me, and think, yeah, I’ve got that BS under control. You read Naomi Wolf’s Beauty Myth in college, and you’ve firmly wrapped your brain around how unfair it all is. Except, you still do it. Don’t worry – I do it too. The intellect is not that adept at overriding constant cultural messaging,  especially eradicating the harmful belief system you were trained to absorb as a little girl – before you could disabuse yourself of those ridiculous notions.

But, back to sex. When we get naked with a new partner or even the spouse we’ve been with for years, a certain amount of openness and “presence” is required. You know that you need to get your to-do list out of your head before you give head. If you’re not present, your partner will know. But this is not about performance – it’s about pleasure – your pleasure. (We’ll address the whole, “Am I doing this right?” issue in future columns.)

Sex is not about being pretty or good – the two things that women are taught to be in our hetero-normative, misogynistic universe. It can be about being anything you want it to be, but the prescribed roles we play in our most intimate moments are often tied into external expectations of the way our body is supposed to look – before we even get to how our body is supposed to feel.

Porn, with its triple-D, totally hairless actresses, has created outsized (no pun intended) expectations for women. Thank god for feminist porn, currently changing the paradigm and bringing us more realistic images of what women look like and what they do between the sheets (or on the kitchen counter).

Ask yourself: when you’re with a lover, do you arrange yourself in the bed, just so? Do you worry that your breasts may flatten when you lie on your side, or if they’ll sag when you sit or stand? That your nipples are weird (too big, too small, the wrong color)? Do you worry that your last bikini wax was more than six weeks ago? That your belly will jiggle when you’re on top? That if he flips you over, he’ll really see the butt you’re convinced is too big? That your vagina is lopsided? (Yes, labiaplasty is a thing.)

Imagine what would happen if you stopped worrying about being perfect, and just focused on pleasure. Just for a moment. Just like that. Imagine where your fantasy life might go if you emptied your mind of perfectionism.

There are endless 10 Tips For Mind-Blowing Orgasms posts floating around the interwebs; there’s enough pressure to go around already. What we need is the opposite of pressure – we need to relax, unwind, and enjoy our beautiful, extraordinary bodies: no matter what they look like. Whatever shape, pockmark, ripple, hair, freckle, or “extra” flesh you may have, it’s your body to love. And no one else should be telling you how to love it.

It takes practice. Years of hating on your body can take time to transform. Just like in meditation, you can’t get angry at yourself when the, “I’m not right” tapes begin to play in your brain again. Gently swipe them from the screen of your mind the way you swipe to a new page on your iPad. And go back into the moment — again, and again, and again.

Got a question for Stefanie? Email stefanie@ecosalon.com and she’ll answer it in the next Sexual Healing column.

Keep in touch with Stefanie on Twitter: @ecosexuality

Image:  Helga Weber

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