ColumnTantra views life as an ongoing process of creation: an ongoing marriage of consciousness and energy at every level of existence.

 — Barbara Carrellas, author of “Ecstasy is Necessary” and “Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the 21^st Century”

If you asked a practitioner about Tantra back in the day, say 5,000 years ago somewhere in India, he might have responded thusly: “The first rule of Tantra is you do not talk about Tantra.” The complex mix of spiritual scholarship, worship, mantras, mudras, technique, ritual and study of divine energy that is Tantra was once steeped in secrecy. Becoming an initiate was not an easy task; think Frodo searching for and finding the ring, THEN joining Fight Club.

In the 20^th century, some Westerners got wind of the concept, turning Tantra into a cheesy mélange of Yanni CDs and creepy men desperate to worship your “yoni” at a retreat in a depressing Marriott ballroom. The worst accouterments of the New Age mixed with people trying to take advantage of you financially and otherwise: time to run for the hills.

Thankfully, that super tacky scenario is not at all what it Tantra is, according to my friend and teacher Barbara Carrellas. She’s made it her duty to make Tantra not just into a coherent concept, but into something we can incorporate into our daily lives, like yoga. It’s practical, it’s good for you, and it’s fun. As Barbara’s new book title, “Ecstasy Is Necessary” intimates, scientific research is beginning to show us how deeply our physiology responds to pleasure and orgasm: it’s not just nice, it’s necessary. That fundamental approach to feeling good with intention and without shame: definitely one I can get behind.

First, let’s dispense with some myths. Here are some false notions that popular culture has propagated about Tantra, culled from “Urban Tantra.”

• Tantra is a religion.
• It’s just for hetero couples.
• There’s no actual sex.
• It takes hours and days to do; if you’re short on time, forget it.
• You have to be a student of Tantra for years to get anything out of it.
• You must have a partner.
• You must have a guru.

If none of those things are true, what IS Tantra? The word itself means “loom” or “weaving” in Sanskrit. Tantra is not always about sex; it’s more generally about energy and consciousness. However, any Tantra practiced in the West is a form of neo-Tantra, and has often been associated with sexual practices. That’s why we think of sex when we think of Tantra, even though our 5,000 year-old friend in India from earlier in the column might have disagreed.

There is no single way to practice Tantra – there are no rules. Barbara says: “The art of living Tantrically is living authentically, consciously, and sensuously.” Tantra helps us expand our consciousness and experience ecstatic states of bliss; it’s a series of tools, methods and practices that enhance self-acceptance, self-love, and create focused awareness. It’s learning how to touch and be touched with alive, electric, conscious energy. It’s about taking the sexual experience far beyond what you’ve ever felt; dropping truly down into the body, being present.

“Breath is our single greatest source of energy and aliveness,” says Barbara, and I wholeheartedly agree. That’s why I think simple breath work is a great place to start if you want to begin checking out all that is Tantra.

If you practice yoga, you already know the power of breath. There are simple, non-erotic exercises in “Urban Tantra” for those who haven’t been initiated into the ways of ujjayi breathing, but we’re going to skip ahead to the juicy stuff here. Bottom line: the more you breathe consciously, the better and more intense your orgasms will be. Try this exercise from “Urban Tantra” when alone and then try it again the next time you get busy:

Heart Breath

Step 1: Yawn widely, opening the back of the throat – let your whole mouth and face stretch out – feel that and stay with it. That’s the feeling you want to have when you’re doing Heart Breath.

Step 2: Let your mouth fall open slightly with a relaxed jaw and face, and the back of your throat open. Breathe in through your mouth gently.

Step 3: Exhale without pushing out the breath – let it out with a sigh: you can say “ahh”.

Step 4: Keep taking in as much air as you can this way, make it effortless, and exhale.

Step 5: Keep Breathing.

A workshop with Barbara is a chill, down-to-earth event with someone that knows what she’s talking about and gives it to you straight. (It only makes it cooler and more comfortable that she’s hilarious and has streaks of hot pink running through her blond hair.) I’ve had lots of teachers – from yoga to writing to painting – and I can say that Barbara is a truly gifted one; she’s generous and present and endlessly knowledgeable.

Got a question for Stefanie? Email  stefanie at ecosalon dot com and she’ll answer it in the next Sexual Healing column.

Keep in touch with Stefanie on Twitter: @ecosexuality

Related on EcoSalon:

Do You Demand Pleasure Parity? Sexual Healing

The Art of Receiving: Do You Deserve Sexual Pleasure? Sexual Healing

9 Natural Ways To Spice Up Your Sex Life

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More than just a garnish.

Take these 10 herbs and you’ve got yourself 20 different ways to tackle everyday issues, from keeping mice away to treating the common cold. This list gives you reason to chew shamelessly on fresh tarragon leaves, re-establish Mojito Monday, and pass up your expensive and toxic perfume for slightly green-tinted wrists. Enjoy!

Tarragon

1. Toothache Treatment

Back in the day, Greeks used to chew on tarragon to numb their mouths from toothache. Instead of reaching for a painkiller, try easing the pain the natural way. If anything, at least your breath will be refreshed!

2. Internal Cleanser

Clean yourself from the inside out with tarragon. Tarragon consumption has been linked to increased bile production, which contributes to the elimination of toxins from the body. Tarragon is packed with tannins, bitters terpenes, flavonoids and coumarin, which are the backbone to its cleansing properties.

Mint

3. Mojito Makin’

Make a mint mojito with a kombucha base. With or without alcohol, the herb is the star of this show stopping drink.

4. Keep Mice Away

Despite our predilection for the fresh aroma of mint, mice beg to differ. They despise the smell mint so much, they will avoid all areas – even a block of cheese – where mint is scattered.

Marjoram

5. Natural Perfume

According to mythology, the goddess of love Aphrodite grew marjoram. Because of this, marjoram has been used in many a love potion. Take fresh marjoram leaves and rub them on your wrists and behind your ears. The aroma is sweet and light but with a spicy edge that makes it fitting for both males and females.

6. Bone Building

Marjoram offers some 520% of the recommended daily intake of vitamin K, making it one of the richest herbal sources of the vitamin. Vitamin K contributes to healthy bones and preventing the onset of osteoporosis.

Rosemary

7. Mosquito Deterrent

Rosemary is a great way to turn an itchy Summer evening into a bug-free one. Grow rosemary in your garden or near an area of your porch where you like to entertain guests or hang out most. Mosquitoes are averse to rosemary and will stay clear.

8. Hair Rinse

Rosemary has been associated with hair re-growth and strengthening as well as the elimination of dandruff. Boil a handful of rosemary leaves in two cups of water, let the water cool, and then rinse your hair with the rosemary-infused liquid.

Oregano

9. Common Cold Fighter

Oregano is an effective treatment for the treatment of colds and to relieve sinus pressure. Oil of oregano, which is available at most health stores, is especially effective. Place a few drops under the tongue or place 2-3 drops in a glass of water or juice before drinking. The oil drains sinuses and reduces inflammation.

10. UTI Treatment

Oregano has anti-microbial properties that can fight off E-Coli, the bacteria responsible for urinary tract infections. Oregano oil is the most potent forms of this treatment.

Thyme

11. Lung Booster

Thyme contains an oil called thymol that acts as an antiseptic and disinfectant. Add a sprig of thyme to hot water with honey and lemon for a soothing drink that prevents bronchitis and clears lung passageways with each sip.

12. Household Cleaner

Because of thyme’s disinfectant properties, the herb can be used to clean around the house in place of toxic, harsh chemical cleaners. Brew fresh thyme in water. Mix water with a light, vegetable-based soap and pour into a spray bottle. Use the liquid to clean kitchen and bathroom surfaces.

Basil

13. Fatigue Support

Basil is known to help treat adrenal fatigue. Place a few drops of basil oil on clothing to carry the effects with you all day or include some fresh basil at mealtime for a pick-me-up.

14. Acne Treatment

Because of its anti-inflammatory and anti-bacterial properties, basil is great for combating acne. Steep fresh basil leaves in hot water for 20-30 minutes. Let the water cool and use a cotton ball to apply the basil-infused liquid to acne-prone areas on your skin.

Coriander

15. Headache Healer

Coriander is regarded as a natural way to help get rid of a headache. Grind coriander leaves to release their juices and rub the paste on your forehead to relieve an aching headache. Or, sleep with a coriander leaf on your pillow.

16. Immunity Strengthener

Coriander leaves are packed with magnesium, potassium, and fiber. Eat coriander regularly and you will surely boost your overall immunity.

Parsley

17. Dark Under-Eye Circle Remover

Crushed parsley is a great remedy for ridding dark circles under the eyes. Parsley contains vitamin C, chlorophyll, and vitamin K and many other active compounds that cause it to reduce inflammation and tighten and lighten the skin.

18. Breath Freshener

Chew on parsley after dinner, especially if garlic was involved, to remove the stink and leave behind a fragrant and pleasing scent.

Saffron

19. Memory Booster

Saffron contains a compound called “crocin” that contributes to faster learning and better memory retention. This is especially helpful for those with age-related mental impairments.

20. Colorant

A little goes a long way with saffron. Whether it’s to color a grain dish red or even stain fabrics, adding saffron to the mix will ensure a dark rosy tint. This is a much better option than the overused red 20 coloring, which is derived from crushing red ants.

Aylin Erman currently resides in Istanbul and is creator of plant-based recipe website GlowKitchen.

Image: VancityAllie, DebbieC, Gravitywave, Greatist, FeatOfFun

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ColumnThe precious practice.

As a girl, I once read a book where the main character would frown with great purpose every time she saw a smiley face sign. I can’t recall the book, but you know the sign: those cheery yellow faces that blithely instruct you with just one word. Smile! “How do they know I’m not already smiling?” the girl character fumed. Yes, yes, yes! My eleven-year-old self shouted in her loudest inside voice. Finally, someone who gets it! In a good mood already, as a matter of fact, and you have ruined it, smiley. Where’s the humility, you piece of paper? What do you even know? Nothing.

Which brings me to yoga and yesterday.

On Sunday nights, when I can, I like to take myself to dinner, notebook in hand, for the express purpose of eavesdropping on humanity. The key is not to go anywhere so cool you’ll only overhear boring bits about things he should have texted, nor to go anywhere so sad you’ll want to die.

Last night, a woman at dinner with her three friends was in a total tizz over being dumped by her yoga partner.

“She says I’m too loud!” said the woman, loudly. “Too loud! Can you believe that?” It appeared her friends could believe it. “I explained, Claire, the entire point of yoga is to breathe! If you’re not really breathing, if you are not really sounding out the breath, it doesn’t work!” Here, she paused to shake her head in disbelief.

“But she says she won’t go. She won’t do it. She’s done with how loud I breathe.” The three friends nodded in silent unison.

“I don’t get it. I just can’t believe it,” the woman continued. “You’re supposed to chant, to breathe, with intention! She isn’t even doing it right. Most people aren’t, which is such a shame! Ommmmmmm” – sucking in a huge breath for the demonstration – “You know?”

My ears sharpened. Could it be? Was it she? The Loudest Lady in Yoga Class? Before she could notice me staring a little too long, I buried myself. Don’t mind me, just nerdy girl with notebook, probably a grad student. (Note to the novice: Bun that hair and wear a hoodie to dinner. You want free pearls, not free drinks.)

Sweet Jesus, I thought, this is the obnoxious Om-er right here, in the flesh, alive and explaining herself to the rest of us. Earthly understanding shall be ours! We have all experienced this woman, and sometimes man, in their terrifically varied but consistently exasperating varieties.

There is the Orgasmic Omer, belonging to the woman who has apparently never had her pelvis opened up the old-fashioned way, who also seems to experience the miracle of revirgination just in time for next class. If her Oms could talk, they would say, “I need to get la-la-laaaaaid more.”

There is the Male variant. He chants so smoothly. He really gets deep. He smiles at you with intention, all right. And, after class, he stares at you as if he’s just given you the greatest gift, because he’s pretty sure he has: your first orgasm. Shall we hold clammy hands over bowls of carrot ginger puree with primrose oil? We can discuss our alimentary tracts. He is wise in the ways of wheatgrass, say his Oms.

There is the Shamer Omer, the bald one who lets you all think she went through chemo even though she didn’t just because she likes the attention of it, as well as the attention that comes from hurtling her chants across the room like a bull moose in rut, and when confronted at last, accuses you of being the angry one, to which you burst out, “I was fine until you got all Om Shanti Shanti on us at 120 decibels!” and you never go back to that yoga class again. You don’t want to know what her Oms say, but they’re a true story.

There is the Quantum Omer, who ascribes spiritual glory to our shared celestial chemistry with stardust, whereas I find it scientific. Hers is a very special knowledge. Her Oms say, “I eat powdered placenta.”

There is Suzy Super Omer, who rolls up in her Range Rover, sporting her Lululemon. She has changed her email signature to Namaste. This is worse than anything that could have happened to yoga, including Portlandia. Her Oms say, “I’m the easy target. But be nice to me. I’m trying.”

My spiraling notebook taxonomy was interrupted by another protest about Claire, and I looked up to see the woman’s friends nodding once more. Two insights came to mind there in that restaurant. First, that woman needs better dinner friends.

Second, while I have loved yoga for years, I’m not sure I’m loving it the way others who love yoga seem to love it. I feel like a fraud, a phony, a huckster. After all, my inspirations are Mark Twain and Oscar Wilde and H.L. Mencken and House and Hitchens, not the Dalai Lama and Eckhart Tolle and goji berries. I like Dorothy Parker and contemporary art and high fashion and alcohol (the last, preferably with rich food). I like comedy and code. The History of World War II was one of my favorite courses in graduate school. I genuinely feel nothing after a superfood smoothie. My years as a vegetarian were, literally, a gas. I am unmoved in the face of granola. Anything to do with groups of women makes me feel like I have a pending case of hives instead of a pending case of empowerment.

Something is definitely wrong with me. But no matter how many times I resolve to try, I find afresh that I must stand by my principles: I just don’t feel the need to get in touch with my inner anus. I don’t want to communicate nonviolently about my two-days-late class bill, I just want to give you my new debit card number because I’m fine, I haven’t lost my job, I just got sent a new card, no I’m really fine, no I’m not being resistant or defensive, if you’ll just let me explain, I…Oh God! Please just let me give you the new number!

Does a cat care? I want to stretch like a cat. Does the cat ask his cat friend, respectfully, lovingly, compassionately, for some room on the cushion?

I breathe, even if you can’t hear it. I breathe because sometimes it makes me cry trickles of relief and sometimes it makes me grow pent up with joy. But sometimes it feels like a job, and sometimes I go through the motions and I smile, knowing I actually just need the old-fashioned way.

And sometimes instead of Ommmmmm, I just say, Oh.

This is the latest installment in your editor’s column, The Insider’s Guide to Life.

Image: Christian Parreira

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