Ugh, socializing. Here’s how to survive your next shindig, introvert style—you know, minus the social awkwardness.

Being an introvert doesn’t mean you’re shy; spending time alone is a personal preference, like texting instead of calling or eating kale instead of… that really boring lettuce that’s so boring I don’t remember the name of it. That being said, socializing is an important part of the whole being human thing—but the social awkwardness can be a total drag.

Here are 8 strategies you can use to step up your game, while still being your wonderfully introverted self:

1. Practice

The only way to put the kibosh on social awkwardness is to practice being social. Focus on the teeny tiny interactions that typically make you want to tear your skin off and go from there. For example, take the elevator with other people instead of running for the stairs. Gag your way through chit chat with the person standing behind you in the grocery line. Smile and say hi when you pass someone in the hallway at work… without making a face afterward.

And before a (gulp) party, practice what you might talk about when you strike up a conversation with someone new to make it seem like you actually want to be there.

2. Decide which social gatherings are “worth” it

Because socializing uses up a ton of energy, it’s best to decide ahead of time which types of functions are important to you, and which ones you can do without. For example, going to your BFF’s wedding is a no-brainer, while going to her cousin’s half sister’s secretary’s baby shower… well, not so much.

3. Block out quiet time

Make sure you block out time to rest up before and after. Do things that help you relax beforehand, but don’t use up a ton of energy. For example, going for a walk, reading a book, or listening to music. Create a pre-party ritual so when it’s time to go out, you’re ready to put those social skills to the test. Then once you get home, take as much time to unwind as you possibly can, since you just experienced an introvert’s version of a 5K marathon.

4. Bring a partner in crime

Bring an equally introverted friend to the event so you can be there for each other when you need to hyperventilate. Or, bring an extroverted friend who you’re not only comfortable around, but appreciates your social awkwardness and won’t push you into a sea of people (Xanax anyone?). That way you always have someone to talk to, instead of becoming the weird girl in the corner always staring at her phone.

5. Set a goal

Let’s face it: To get yourself out the door, you need to know why going is so important and why you’re about to leave your (full) DVR behind. Whether you’re going out to network for your career, or celebrate a birthday with someone you care about, giving a purpose to the event makes it so that no matter how things go, you’re emotionally fulfilled in the process. Going out for going out’s sake is just not our thang.

6. Find a hiding spot

The second you get to the shindig, make sure to find a hiding spot you can use for privacy in case you ever get overwhelmed by the swarms of people. Ironically, once you find a hiding spot you rarely end up using it—it becomes a comfort just knowing it’s there, which helps you power through any social awkwardness you might stumble across.

7. Plan an escape route

Make sure to have an alternative way home if you drive there with friends, since guaranteed you’re going to want to leave way sooner than they do. Ending up stranded somewhere with a bunch of strangers? Total. Nightmare.

8. Don’t try to be an extrovert

Be crazy and quirky you, because that’s why you were invited in the first place. Your DVR will be waiting for you when you get home.

How do you wade through the social awkwardness?

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ColumnExercising healthy communication skills can be quite a challenge when it comes to your sex life – both in established relationships and casual flings. Even your one-night-stands can stand a bit of straight talk. How do you say what you mean and get what you want every time?

We don’t like to talk about sex because we’re taught that love is magic, and why would you want to ruin a perfectly good fairy tale by dissecting it? Even when your sex doesn’t come with a heaping side order of romance, talking about it is still confusing and laden with emotional triggers.

Love and sex — separate entities — are so tied together in our consciousness that it can feel impossible to parse what belongs where. Our self-esteem is inextricably linked to the idea of being “wanted” – not being up-voted in bed can leave you feeling like a failure. But if you talk about it – before, during and after the act – you can change almost everything about your sex life.

We’re supposed to instantly understand our lover’s quirks, their body’s secret needs, their unspoken fantasies. Women are taught that we’re meant to just show up and perform – especially because most of us are playing out the Madonna-Whore complex in all our waking moments. In bed we are in the role of the whore – who is always a sexual genius.

Women are culturally conditioned not to speak up at all. Especially in heterosexual partnerships, many of our relationship conflicts are born out of a tendency to only use non-verbal signals to express our anger. We hope/expect our male partners to just get it, and when they don’t read our minds, we get even angrier. I suspect that it’s because we’re afraid of being labeled as nags that we begin to keep our complaints to ourselves – in and out of bed.

Have you ever suffered through painful sex (not the good kind) just because you didn’t want to tell your partner to shift positions? Or let someone go down on you in a way that was just so very wrong – but you didn’t want to hurt their feelings? Have you endured weeks or months or years of boring or just plain bad sex because there was something about the relationship – comfort, even financial security – that kept you there? You deserve better – but you have to be willing to ask for it.

I believe all women should have one-night-stands at least five to ten times (or more) in their lives. The reason is simple – in a one-night-stand you have nothing to lose emotionally. You can say, “Shift to the right.” “I like it when you x, y, z.” “I want to stop now, please.” “This is how I get off.” “Use this toy.” “Thanks for the orgasm! Now you can leave.”

We’ve been hearing so much about hookup culture on campus in recent years, and from what everyone’s saying, it seems like women’s pleasure isn’t much of a priority. But in one-night-stands, you can learn to improve communication skills and speak up about what you want and what you don’t want without having to worry about what it means for the rest of your days. Consider it the Rosetta Stone for your future love/sex life. This is you practicing before your trip to Italy, so you can flawlessly order yourself a gorgeous meal of pasta and vino when you arrive. Practice is vital — whether you visit for two weeks or fall madly in love and stay forever.

But say you’re in a long-term relationship – one of those unicorn situations in which you and your partner had perfect chemistry and nothing needed to be explained. Now you’re two or five-years in and the passion seems gone, for good. Because you once had the magic, it might be even harder to discuss why it’s not instantly available anymore. In situations like this, each partner tends to back away into their own quiet, sullen corner. The only way to break the silence is to get brave and broach it.

Sure, you’re probably afraid that your partner isn’t attracted to you anymore – but guess what? He/she may be thinking the exact same thing. And another thing – it’s normal for attraction to wane over the course of years – even more so for women than for men. We’ve been taught the opposite – that men will always get bored first, and thus stray first. It’s a load of bunk, like so many other sexual myths we’ve been fed.

If you’re addressing a problem – telling your partner that something they do doesn’t feel right – it’s normal to feel a hint of concern. But what goes unspoken is almost always worse than the words themselves. Talk it out, get feedback, and listen without being reactive.

Talking is not unsexy. A frank conversation about sex doesn’t have to feel as awkward as your nerdy teacher putting a condom on a banana in health class. Even if you’re not usually verbal while in the act, talking about sex out of bed can encourage you to speak up while naked – which can make sex a whole lot hotter.

Got a question for Stefanie? Email stefanie@ecosalon.com and she’ll answer it in the next Sexual Healing column.

Keep in touch with Stefanie on Twitter: @ecosexuality

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