I didn’t cut my hair because of a breakup, or because I suffered a massive blow to my head. I cut it because I’m really into doing fun things that make me feel good about myself.

I first cut my hair incredibly short about five years ago because I wanted to return to my natural hair color. I had recently got highlights to my just-colored dark brown hair, and my tresses were not having it. So, to rid myself of all those split ends and frazzled layers, I got most of my hair chopped. I immediately regretted my decision, but didn’t totally freak out. I knew that eventually my hair would return to the length I loved one day. But little did I know that it would be a full year and some change before I got my hair back to the way I wanted it. Once my hair got back to my normal, I kept it an obscene length for a really long time. I didn’t style it, I didn’t cut it – I let it just sit there. Honestly, I hated it about as much as I did when I had cut it all off.

Suddenly, the reason why I hated my hair no matter what I did with it was clear: I had no idea what the heck I wanted. During that period in my life (my mid-to-late 20s, obvi), I was really struggling with finding out who I was and what I wanted to do. In 2008, with a graduate degree in journalism, my job prospects were zero. My romantic relationships were unhealthy, and I was still working through a lot of issues in therapy. I had never realized that I was one of those people who were just floating along, not really paying attention to what I wanted.

Once I started to really deal with my internal issues, and pay more attention to the people around me, I was better able to pinpoint what I wanted, what I loved, and who I wanted to be around.

To make a long story short, I decided to recently cut my hair again because, similarly, my long hair was also fried from a lot of at-home coloring jobs. But this time when I went to my hair dresser and told her I wanted to chop and bleach my hair, I knew what I wanted to do with it — and I had the makeup, clothing, and boots to go with my new style.

I feel like I’m now sporting a personalized look. And while I miss my long hair, I’m really looking forward to coloring it blue, purple, and green hues while I grow it out. And I know that while I do that, I’ll be happy because unlike last time, I know what I want and who I am, and I’m confident about everything I do… Well, let’s be honest… most everything.

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Image of hair cut from Shutterstock

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