What can we say about this young, talented and courageous man that hasn’t been said already? The first openly gay NFL player, Michael Sam, will bring you to a flood of tears in this ESPY Arthur Ashe Courage Award speech. Just incredible.

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Just stop talking about how gay gay people are. Comedian Daniel-Ryan Spaulding turns the tables and talks to a straight guy the way straight people talk to gay people. It’s hilarious in the oh-my-god-I’ve-actually-been-that-obnoxious-and-clueless kind of way.

Find Jill on Twitter @jillettinger

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Michael Sam—the SEC Defensive Player of the Year and NFL hopeful—announced last week that he is gay. His candor has shaken the football world. If drafted, he would be the first openly gay player in NFL history.

Yes, in case you thought you stepped into that Doritos Super Bowl commercial time machine, this is still 2014. Seventy-five years ago, Michael Sam’s name might have been Jackie Robinson. And yet, today, we’re more comfortable allowing a convicted dog abuser to take the ball than we are with a gay man making tackles.

While Attorney General Eric Holder recently announced that the Justice Department would recognize same-sex couples, regardless of whether or not individual states do, why is it still so awkward for there to be gay men in professional sports?

Despite being an award-winning football player, Sports Illustrated reports that Sam is likely to have a harder time in the NFL—if he makes it at all—based on anonymous sources from the league. “In blunt terms, they project a significant drop in Sam’s draft stock, a publicity circus and an NFL locker room culture not prepared to deal with an openly gay player.”

One source told SI “I don’t think football is ready for [an openly gay player] just yet,” adding that, “In the coming decade or two, it’s going to be acceptable, but at this point in time it’s still a man’s-man game. To call somebody a [gay slur] is still so commonplace. It’d chemically imbalance an NFL locker room and meeting room.”

The official response from the NFL was one of support. John Elway, former quarterback for the Denver Broncos (and Super Bowl XXXIII MVP) and now the executive vice president of football operations for the Broncos, offered kind words of support to Sam. “I applaud Michael Sam and wish him the very best as he continues the pursuit of his NFL dream,” he said. “As we look toward the combine and draft, we will evaluate Michael just like any other draft prospect – on the basis of his ability, character and NFL potential. His announcement will have no effect on how we see him as a football player.” But, an NFL assistant coach called Sam’s decision “not a smart move,” as he said it “legitimately affects [his] potential earnings.”

Even after NBA center Jason Collins shook the sports world last spring by coming out, Sam’s case is clearly being received differently. Collins is a veteran basketball player closer to the end of his career than the beginning. And basketball, even in all its splendor, is no NFL. It’s (quite literally and figuratively) a different ball game. Basketball, we love it, of course. But it’s for the freakishly tall. The scoring is ridiculously uneventful. It loses its power in a way that football doesn’t. Football is for gladiators. They weather extreme weather and the burden of lugging around heavy gear. They go to battle every week in front of tens of thousands of screaming fans. These men are our modern warriors. That’s not as glorious as it sounds, though.

And for Sam, a rookie stepping into the intensity of the NFL as the first openly gay man, the situation is notably different. At least it is from the executive perspective. “There are guys in locker rooms that maturity-wise cannot handle it or deal with the thought of that,” an assistant coach told SI. “There’s nothing more sensitive than the heartbeat of the locker room. If you knowingly bring someone in there with that sexual orientation, how are the other guys going to deal with it? It’s going to be a big distraction. That’s the reality. It shouldn’t be, but it will be.”

That attitude is partly because football is, like one anonymous source told SI, still perceived as a “man’s man” kind of game. (Even though this writer is just one of many dedicated and knowledgeable female fans. Go Steelers.) Worshiping those modern warriors comes at a cost. Just watch the Super Bowl and all the inglorious commercials that appeal to machismo and male insecurity. Drive faster cars. Drink better beer. Eat more meat for god’s sake, you’re a man! For the gay or straight viewer, the culture that surrounds football does more to defeat a man’s confidence than to boost it up. Everything about football, except for the game itself, tells men they’re not good enough. The last thing those men can handle is someone on the field making them consider their own sexuality—whether they’re gay or not. Nor do they want to have to consider the sexual preference of their friends, brothers, fathers, sons.

Why? Because even though we shame Russia for Sochi’s ridiculous attitude towards gay people, we allow our culture to do the same. We’re happy to “tolerate” or “accept” gayness as long as it occurs outside of the places we seek sanctuary. And football, for some men (certainly not all), is probably the only place where they feel comfortable touching another man—whether that’s a tackle on the field or a high-five at the bar watching it happen. That’s not a fault of football. Or gay men. It’s a deep-rooted problem in our culture that needs to go away. Men—like women, like gay men, like transgender people—are humans first. They’re flesh, blood, and everything that holds us together. Who we love doesn’t matter nearly as much as why we love. It’s just what humans do. We can’t explain it, so why do we judge it?

When Jackie Robinson stepped out onto the baseball field as the first black man in the major leagues, true Dodgers fans eventually came to see him as just a player, because a “black player” was proven irrelevant. As a fan, there was simply no logic, no statistic that factored in the color of his skin. All that could be measured was whether he was good or bad at the game. And once his talent became obvious, despite the decades of segregation in sports, Robinson’s achievements stood on their own. And then they rewrote history.

So perhaps the coaches and executive personnel who spoke with Sports Illustrated have it wrong. And perhaps it’s why they hid their opinions anonymously. After all, today’s young NFL players, they’re coming to the game from respectable universities where diversity—in race and sexual preferences—is widely varied, and has been for decades. That’s maybe not the case for some of the coaches and administrative staff who still believe it’s a “man’s man” sport. But, just like the Super Bowl commercials this year failed to impress most viewers, perhaps old views about what constitutes a qualified player fail to serve the league too. Maybe the locker room culture actually isn’t that insecure. Maybe the fans aren’t either.

Keep in touch with Jill on Twitter @jillettinger

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ColumnBisexuality has long been mocked as a layover on the way to the “Full Gay” (for men) or its sister stereotype – the “lesbian until graduation.” But it is indeed a real sexual orientation.

It’s not a joke: it’s people’s lives, their loves, and their sex. It’s no longer okay to deride gay men and lesbians for their sexuality (unless you’re on Duck Dynasty) so why is it still okay to make fun of bisexuals, or to ignore them altogether?  We’re well acquainted with the ugliness and systemic bias of homophobia. Many good people are working to eradicate it from the planet forever – and making some good progress. But biphobia – is that a word you’ve heard or used lately?

Thanks to Tom Daley’s new relationship with a man, bisexuality is having a moment, and it’s a teachable one. Other famous bisexuals have recently made news: the new first lady of New York City was an out lesbian before she met and married Bill De Blasio. Maria Bello recently wrote a Modern Love column for the New York Times in which she talked about her relationships with men and women. Cynthia Nixon (star of “Sex and the City” and political activist) was married and had a child with a man, but currently lives with her partner – a woman.

So what’s the big deal? These are just people falling in love, feeling lust, or finding companionship (or some combination of the three). Yet their choices are considered suspect – not just to the privileged hetero-normative culture we live in, but also by the gay and lesbian community. Dan Savage once questioned the authenticity of bisexuality, and then apologized for doing so. I’ve had conversations with gay friends, both men and women, in which they said bisexuals are just greedy or living a lie.

Here is bi activist Shiri Eisner’s take on the myth of bisexual greed:

Greed… is Western society’s fear of sexuality. Of anything not heterosexual-cisgender-coupled-monogamous-vanilla-missionary-position-intercourse-in-bed. Bisexuality is hypersexualized under the presumption that sex is bad, that wanting too much of it is bad, that wanting any of it is bad, that wanting people of more than one gender is bad. That wanting more than one person is bad. Bisexuality means sexual revolution. It means sexual independence for women. It means exploring and enjoying our bodies, our sexualities, our various genders and our sexual interactions, no matter who we are, no matter who our partners. In a society based on sexual fear and a culture of rape, taking our sexualities into our own hands is a revolutionary act.

Anecdotally — I’ve been told by straight women friends that my openness to dating a bisexual guy is weird and gross – yes, really. And male friends (and boyfriends) have had similar responses. Although Generation Y is starting to put these old stereotypes to bed, straight men can be pretty freaked out and threatened by bisexuality – unless they believe that it’s a performance for their pleasure. As long as they feel in control rather than sidelined (assuming the women are subjects to their objectification, as in porn) most dudes are cool with that.

Just as straight people don’t choose to be straight, and gay people don’t choose to be gay, bisexuals don’t choose their orientation. Scientists have begun to establish the fluidity of women’s sexuality, so we’re perhaps more comfortable with the idea of bi women. We’re also titillated by them – which is a huge part of the problem. Apparently Miley Cyrus has been experimenting with same sex liaisons – and it’s big news. Remember when Lindsay Lohan dated Samantha Ronson? The press religiously freaked out about that one. Oh, and also this week, Michelle Rodriguez made out with model Cara Delevingne and OMG OMG OMG. Calm down, people.

Also this week, transgender model Carmen Carerra and “Orange is the New Black” star Laverne Cox were interviewed by Katie Couric, and what happened is illustrative of the general hetero-normative response to anything that isn’t non-threatening vanilla sex (see a few paragraphs above). Couric kept going back to a line of questioning that was essentially, “Wait, but, you have different GENITALS??? How does that WORK?” Cox beautifully schooled Couric about the invasive nature of her questions, and let her know she was entirely missing the point: transgendered people at great risk of violence, and when the press keeps weirdly obsessing about their private parts, we miss the opportunity to talk about the real issues.

The bottom line? As the wise saying goes — love is LOVE.

Got a question for Stefanie? Email stefanie at ecosalon dot com and she’ll answer it in the next Sexual Healing column.

Keep in touch with Stefanie on Twitter: @ecosexuality

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10 global events we were all intrinsically part of.

What makes an event memorable? How does a “happening” sear into our collective mindset and take up permanent residence in our hearts and in our souls? Most often, of course, we are not personally there to witness or directly experience occurrences of global importance.

How many of us were in Cairo’s Tahrir square as protests raged earlier this year?

Who among us lost a loved one or ate radioactive food in Japan, or suffered pangs of hunger in East Africa?

In our media-saturated world, memorable events – indeed memories themselves – are delivered to us via an increasingly wide range of words and pictures, bits and bytes, accounts that stream to our attention, some touching us for a moment, some for a lifetime. Here’s a look at our Top 10 (in no particular order), with links to the stories and accounts that made them indelible to us.

1. March of Horrors: Japan’s Suffering

A tsunami generated by a magnitude 9.0 earthquake off the coast of northeast Japan killed nearly 20,000, caused hundreds of billions of dollars in damage and triggered a nuclear power plant disaster that unleashed radiation into the environment. Within hours, videos of the unimaginable waves crushing the Japanese shoreline flooded world consciousness via YouTube and other Internet outlets.

2. The Harder They Fall: Arab Spring

Beginning with a small demonstration in Tunisia that grew to topple a regime, flames of unrest spread to Egypt, ousting dictator Hosni Mubarak, and then to Bahrain and Yemen. Eventually Libyan leader Muammar Gadhafi would be dead, and even today, Syrian protesters remain caught in a bloody battle with dictator Bashar al-Assad. Did social media enable and perhaps even spark these events?

3. European Disunion: Economic Crisis in the E.U.

The global economic downturn wreaked havoc in the European Union where austerity measures in Greece resulted in riots and protest, Italian Premier Silvio Berlusconi was driven from office, and measures taken by Germany and France exacerbated an ongoing fissure between the E.U. and Britain. Meanwhile, disagreement about how to avoid a catastrophic meltdown flared across the Atlantic, as opinions about what to do remained as numerous as there are pundits and stakeholders.

4. Wanted Dead: American Operation Kills Osama Bin Laden

In May, American helicopters bearing a special operations team raided a compound in Abbottabad, Pakistan, killing the world’s most wanted terrorist, Osama Bin Laden, whose followers carried out the 9/11 attacks. Within hours his body was buried at sea, and images of the corpse suppressed. Instead, a powerful and now-famous image of White House personnel – including president Barack Obama and Secretary of state Hillary Clinton – remotely watching the mission was made public.

5. The Fruit of Invention: The World Mourns Loss of Apple Founder Steve Jobs

The world lost some great minds to cancer and health issues as 2011 wore on, including writer and polemicist Christopher Hitchens and Czech playwright, dissident and politician Vaclav Havel. But, despite the sense that “it was coming,” the loss that seemed to most deeply move our high-tech world was that of innovator, inventor and Apple Founder Steve Jobs. As news of his death spread across the internet in October – in part via millions of his own inventions – biographer Walter Isaccson’s iBio hit the presses, eventually to set new sales records.

6. From Wall Street to Main Street: Occupiers Take a Stand

Beginning with a September protest in a New York City park near Wall Street, what became known as the “Occupy” movement quickly spread to many major American cities and beyond. The “leaderless” protests are said to represent “the 99 percent” against the richest 1 percent of Americans, who benefit from corporate and political corruption and greed at the majority’s expense. In November, images of a campus police officer at the University of California Davis pepper-spraying students went viral over the internet, instantly becoming a rallying point for the movement.

7. Us vs. Them: Obstructionism Paralyzes Washington

Despite being fractured between party traditionalists and Tea Partiers, a Republican majority in the U.S. House of Representatives shackled the hands of Democratic President Barack Obama and the Democratic-led Senate. On issues ranging from the economy to the environment, American leaders reached a seemingly endless stream of stalemates. Most notably, the President unveiled a massive jobs bill that was labeled dead-on-arrival by members of both parties. The New York Times commented on the political gamesmanship, and EcoSalon presented the many rifts dividing America.

8. Weather, Weather Everywhere:  Climate Change Marches On

With drought in Texas, killer cyclones in the Philippines, and monster floods in South America and Thailand, 2011 was another year in what seems like an annual escalation of climate change and severe weather. Perhaps the most wrenching weather-related disaster was the return of drought to the Horn of Africa. Data continues to show the impact humans have on the world’s climate, yet deniers continue their war on science. In October, EcoSalon named names.

9. We are the World: All 7 Billion of Us

As the human population reached the 7 billion mark (with 3 billion more projected by the end of the century), debates about resources and birth control reheated. Can our planet sustain such exponential growth? In its inimitable way, National Geographic gave us the story in pictures.

10. Ask and Tell: End of Anti- Gay Military Policy in the American Armed Forces

After 18 years of controversy, the Pentagon repealed its “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy in September. After encouraging those who have been expelled under the policy to reenlist, President Barack Obama declared: “We are not a nation that says ‘don’t ask, don’t tell.’ We are a nation that says ‘out of many, we are one.'” An MSNBC story covered a historic kiss.

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The post The 10 News Stories of 2011 You Shouldn’t Have Missed appeared first on EcoSalon.

Chicago is getting its very first Chick-fil-A in April and people are pretty close to losing their minds as the fast food giant expands across the Midwest. Chicago has enough problems with its collective weight (thanks, pizza), and Chick-fil-A’s staunch stance against gay marriage makes me queasy. The company also has this creepy statement of purpose: “To glorify God by being a faithful steward of all that is entrusted to us and to have a positive influence on all who come in contact with Chick-fil-A.”

That’s a heavy sandwich.

With apologies to my transplanted, salivating southern friends,  I know we’ve done you wrong with the weather and we sort of owe you one but we don’t need another fast food restaurant and we definitely don’t need to welcome a business that hides behind Christian values to fuel bigotry.

While I am a vegetarian, I’m not made of stone. The company’s Eat More Chikin campaign is super cute. And I get that people have fond, buttery childhood memories that include the popular sandwiches. But we’re not six, and fast food chicken sandwiches are terrible for both your body and the planet.

I’m not saying you have to shell out for Karyn’s Cooked every day, but there’s a Subway across the street from the new location, so if animal rights and environmentally conscious eating aren’t your things, please, think of your ass! We’re all smart enough to know that 920 calories for lunch (original sandwich, medium fries and medium sweet tea) is too many. Sure, you can order a salad, but you’re at Chick-fil-A. Who orders the salad?

Eating your politics isn’t for everyone and it’s easy to go overboard with the food thing (see the Portlandia episode featuring Colin, the chicken), but there are some companies with politics so against everything I believe in that I simply can’t give them my money. Remember back in the day when Domino’s founder Tom Monaghan started donating to Operation Rescue and a bunch of doctors who provided abortions were killed? Chick-fil-A is one of these companies for me.

The company is very open about their Christian roots, and I like religious freedom. It’s a private company with every right to be closed on Sundays and give people discounts for going to church or whatever. But Chick-fil-A’s charitable arm, the WinShape Foundation, loves to hate on gay marriage and has close ties to the National Organization for Marriage’s Ruth Institute and “ex-gay” activists Alan Chambers and David Blankenhorn.

The Ruth Institute and the National Organization for Marriage’s line is that same-sex marriage destroys the fabric of society, and they’ve worked hard to pass legislation banning gay marriage or taking existing marriage equality rights away from same-sex couples. Chambers, of Exodus International, is a proponent of ex-gay therapy, which perpetuates the idea that there is something wrong with being gay – and after a year of highly-publicized teen suicides linked to bullying and homophobia, can’t we all agree that telling people there’s something wrong with them is a bad idea?

But will denying yourself the joy of Chick-fil-A make the world better for gay people? Across the country, college kids say it will and in Florida, Indiana and New York,  students have rallied to get the franchises kicked off campus. Change.org has a series of stories worth taking a look at but it’s too soon to say what will happen in Chicago. The Windy City Times is the best local source for news about the issue and has raised some good points. If there are gay and lesbian Chick-fil-A employees, none have complained of discrimination but that could be because there aren’t any. As the paper points out, the corporation openly favors married people and most of its locations are in states that do not recognize gay marriage, so potential gay and lesbian employees would appear to be automatically out of the running. Because Chicago’s human rights ordinance includes sexual orientation and gender identity, that could also be a key factor as the community decides whether to organize a boycott.

I know many of my butter-bun loving pals can’t wait for April and the chance for a little southern comfort, but organized or not, I’ll personally be boycotting Chick-fil-A.

Image: iheartmacaroni

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My lovely, celebrity-style dressing room is a spare bedroom I stole in the house, a spare that once housed a maple crib, green nursing glider and armoire of precious, spit-up stained Baby Gap dresses on mini-hangers.

Today, it’s my own little retail Mecca (organic, of course). But I do allow my daughters to visit and check out the blouses and shoe rack, and yes, even borrow on occasion. That sort of thing was taboo when I was growing up. Moms were moms.  Friends were the ones loaning stuff.

My own stylish mother (here with me and Grandma Zelda) towered over me at 5-foot-9 (not counting the beehive do) and always wore at least a size 14. She wasn’t a Laker like Julia Child and her sister, Dorothy, but when she got married, she wore flats so not to surpass 6-foot dad.

I hung out in Mom’s cavernous walk-in closet while she was away at luncheons. But no way could I actually borrow one of those gowns since they hung on me like a puddled curtain. I also was drawn to her off-limits, pointy, size-10 pumps, dyed to match her Jacky suits.

I was the fourth child and the runt of the litter – considerably shorter and smaller than the rest. (My theory is mother smoked a few more cigs and sipped a few more martinis when she was preggers with me.) But to be fair, I’m also considering the DNA link to my small, Polish ancestors.

Cut to my gorgeous teenage daughter with a great sense of style, who caught up with me in stature a few years back. I provide her with her own little Nordstrom Rack down the hall. I take full credit for cultivating her sense of entitlement since I have been most gracious about loaning her items, and have only kvetched a few times when they weren’t returned on time. She is very responsible and that counts.

Combined, Syd and I have a substantial inventory. I’m proud to say a chunk of it is the ski apparel we share for our annual Mommy-Sydney ski weekends in Lake Tahoe.

I was glad to squeeze into a pair of my daughter’s skinny jeans for my birthday outing with friends in August, and only felt a pinch after the second drink. You dirty martini, you!

How does the sharing work? Sometimes we fall for the same cardigan and it can make more sense during hard times to buy one to share and take turns – you know, like college co-eds on a strict budget. Call it the The Daughterhood of the Traveling Pants.

I also prefer to loan rather than buy her a dress for the countless B’Nei Mitzvah parties and other events she seems to attend. If she wears something of mine, it feels like new to her, even though I’ve worn it a dozen times.

This whole lending thing is why those smart couture rental shops, like Boutiqueville in Chicago, do so well. Why own something costly when you can rent for the occasion? When the high is over you send it back. Thank you, it was a great date, but onto other matches.

I should point out it isn’t just us girls sharing the wealth. My daughter also gets warm and fuzzy about wearing her dad’s old sweaters. I seriously think it brings her closer to him in a very sweet way.

Guess teens have been burrowing in oversize wool since Ann-Margret sang “How Lovely to be a Woman” in Bye Bye Birdie. He doesn’t mind her using the old sweaters, or at least, has never complained.

I got to wondering if other kids and parents are comfortable with community closeting or if most families are fiercely territorial about their closets. It certainly requires trust and respect, and the right kind of green deodorant.

I did a bit of research online and found little has been written on the subject. Hurray for me!

But I did stumble upon an interesting post on How to Share Clothes with a Cross-Dressing Husband.

Okay, the ground rules killed me: Killed me! They included keeping his paws out of your underwear drawer, making him replace anything stretched, torn or stained, and drawing the line when it comes to your most precious blouses or skirts (i.e. the ones with price tags still attached). The helpful primer also suggested shopping together to make sure you have the same taste. Oy!

None of this would work in my marriage. My husband is a large man who prefers high-wasted, baggy slacks to hip jeans. If he were a cross-dresser, he’d still be swishing around in those Dean Martin pants.

I do like some of his Oxford shirts and could see slipping into one after a post-sex shower and cocktail in bed, but since we don’t schedule those kind of Hollywood encounters (we don’t eat Chinese out of the box either), it’s all just another fantasy, like wearing my mother’s Yves Saint Laurent caftans.

I do have friends who are married to dainty men with little feet and excellent taste, and I could see trading with one of those fellows, swapping Indian tunics and Moroccan slides for a tux and velvet slippers when those Victor-Victoria mood strikes.

Of course, the well-dressed gay husband is top drawer when it comes to swapping, assuming he would cooperate. His rules might be too stringent for even me. I sort my closet by color but not by texture and season and don’t iron a thing. Crisp is not in my vocabulary.

No, I think I’ll stick with sharing with the girls, my wonderful girls, grabbing a wrap for Lauren when leaving for a party, pulling a dress for Sydney for a Bat Mitzvah. Selecting a hand bag that works. Maybe a trinket or earrings to tie it all together.

Does sharing benefit my daughters more than me? Well, naturally. It goes with the territory when you’re a consummate stylist and mother – who still misses dressing her dolls.

This is the sixth installment in Luanne’s column, Life in the Green Lane.

Main Image: In Style

Image One: Luanne Bradley

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