Many countries, communities, people have a strange obsession with sex.

Humans always seem to want to know who is having sex, how often they are “doing it,” how people are having sex, and who someone is having sex with.

And while people also have always been obsessed with famous virgins—think Britney Spears in the ‘90s—folks now seem to be obsessed with “born again” virgins. Yes, you read that right.

Virgins who aren’t virgins

In early February, celebrity gossip sites became equally confused and fascinated that Miranda Kerr, model and mom, had yet to have sex with Evan Spiegel, Kerr’s fiancé and Snapchat founder.

Now, we all can agree that this couple’s decision may seem a bit… dated… but it’s news outlets focus on “why isn’t she having sex with him because she’s obviously not a virgin!” And, “if he’s traditional, does that mean he’s a virgin?” that irks us.

Because if we’re being honest, virginity status doesn’t matter… AT ALL.

The virgin problem

For millennia, a virgin has been described as someone who hasn’t had hetero penis-in-vagina sex. One’s virgin status—particularly a woman’s status—was used in purity tests and in determining if one is clean and, ahem, unused.

These arcane distinctions are not only harmful and ridiculous, but they also just don’t matter.

Modern society has proven, thankfully, that people are capable of having all kinds if sex with people of varying gender.

But, alas, one’s virginity status still seems to matter… At least to some people.

Although it’s fine for people to “reclaim their virginity,” similar to how Ciara and Russell Wilson did in 2015 when they announced to their church’s congregation they were” born again virgins,” abstaining from sex until marriage, we don’t know why anyone’s sexual activity is public news.

Who cares

It’s general society’s obsession with sex that potentially makes the topic taboo. No one wants their child to have sex with someone who doesn’t care about him. But if a parent doesn’t teach their child about sex because they’re frightened “the talk” will cause their kid to have sex, that parent could be causing more harm than good.

It’s this sex panic that’s led to the concept of virginity, and has fueled society’s obsession with sex.

In reality, we all should stick to paying attention to our own sex lives and nurture those relationships. Because as long as you’re having consensual, healthy, and happy sex, who cares how often you’re having it, if you’re having it, or whoever is involved?

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Maintenance sex. The term just sounds totally oogy, doesn’t it? But maintenance sex doesn’t have to cause chills. In fact, let’s just throw that term out and think of a new name… how about… sex?

This is the basic definition of maintenance sex: Having sex with your partner even if you aren’t all that into it at first.

Well, I don’t know about you, but I’ve done this plenty times in my life, and by the end of the sexing, I’m not unhappy. In fact, I’m quite happy. So, what’s the problem with this type of sex?

I think the problem with maintenance sex, in general, is that often times, pieces about maintenance sex put this “call to action” on the woman — as in, it’s her “job” to please her man and keep him satisfied. Now, that’s BS.

First off, it’s not a woman’s job to keep her partner sexually pleased. There are plenty of same sex couples who have maintenance sex, too. Also: Men can not be “into” having sex initially, either! Maintenance sex should never, ever, be considered a man or a woman’s duty. When you’re in a happy, giving relationship, each person in it will go through periods when he or she just isn’t feeling sex — men and women can go through dry periods. And everyone, no matter their gender, can engage in sex when they are just kinda not wanting to, in order to please their partner (in a healthy way).

And that leads us to this important caveat about having sex with your partner to make him or her happy:

Maintenance sex kind of sounds like a person is having sex with her partner no matter what — even if she really doesn’t want to. This should never be the case. I think we all know the difference between being slightly tired and just wanting to go to sleep, and feeling really uncomfortable and not in the mood at all. Anyone who pays attention to his or her loved one’s feelings and emotions should know when their partner isn’t into the physical activity. In that case, everyone needs to stop and give it a go later. Maintenance sex does not mean allowing your partner to just “do it” while you check out — that’s not healthy for anyone.

To get other perspectives on maintenance sex, and sex in general, head over to these two articles:

How to Have Maintenance Sex

The Myth of Maintenance Sex

What are your thoughts about maintenance sex? Should we ditch the term altogether?

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Lovers image via Shutterstock

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Drunk sex: The good, the bad, and the really, really drunk.

Ah, drunk sex. For the awkward girls in the crowd, it’s sometimes the one thing that makes you feel a little less like Steve Urkel and a little more like Stefan Urquelle – until the next morning, of course (I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!). And this phenomenon occurs no matter your relationship status: The stumbling, the nausea, the losing your spot, the forgetting his name (of course, that last one could just be me).

Drunk sex can only go one of two ways: Really good or really bad, but in the moment you totally don’t notice the difference (thank gawd). Here are 19 insanely embarrassing (yet totally normal) things that happen during drunk sex:

1. The face plant on the way to the bedroom. (If there’s only one thing on the floor to trip over, your feet will gravitate in that direction.)
2. You go into the bathroom to freshen up beforehand and momentarily forget there’s a guy waiting for you, so you start getting ready for bed.
3. He touches your ass and you start laughing, a la the Ross and Rachel incident.
4. He launches an ungodly beer burp in your direction. You promise yourself you’ll get back at him for it later.
5. As he goes to grab a condom, your vibrator rolls out from the back of your nightstand drawer and you can tell he’s comparing himself to it.
6. He can’t find your g-spot… because he can’t find your vagina.
7. That thing where everything feels like it’s happening in slow motion.
8. When he tries to talk dirty he sounds like Boomhauer.
9. You scream out the wrong name and he totally doesn’t care.
10. The chafing. Oh looord, the chafing.
11. You’re both so loud you can hear your roommate giggling in the other room.
12. Fantasy: You’re sexing like Beyonce. Reality: You’re sexing like McLovin.
13. Motion sickness.
14. When rendezvousing at his place, you notice a picture of him and his girlfriend on his nightstand and think it’s really great he’s so close to his sister.
15. At one point you wonder who’s going to start crying first.
16. Oh em gee is this ever going to be over?!
17. He passes out on top of you and you almost suffocate.
18. Queefing. That is all.
19. You wake up the next morning to discover you’ve slept with a guy sporting a soul patch that moves in the breeze as he snores.

What’s the funniest thing that’s happened to you during drunk sex?

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Image: icanteachyouhowtodoit

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