Maintenance Sex: Good or Bad Idea? That Depends

Maintenance Sex: Good or Bad Idea? That Depends

Maintenance sex. The term just sounds totally oogy, doesn’t it? But maintenance sex doesn’t have to cause chills. In fact, let’s just throw that term out and think of a new name… how about… sex?

This is the basic definition of maintenance sex: Having sex with your partner even if you aren’t all that into it at first.

Well, I don’t know about you, but I’ve done this plenty times in my life, and by the end of the sexing, I’m not unhappy. In fact, I’m quite happy. So, what’s the problem with this type of sex?

I think the problem with maintenance sex, in general, is that often times, pieces about maintenance sex put this “call to action” on the woman — as in, it’s her “job” to please her man and keep him satisfied. Now, that’s BS.

First off, it’s not a woman’s job to keep her partner sexually pleased. There are plenty of same sex couples who have maintenance sex, too. Also: Men can not be “into” having sex initially, either! Maintenance sex should never, ever, be considered a man or a woman’s duty. When you’re in a happy, giving relationship, each person in it will go through periods when he or she just isn’t feeling sex — men and women can go through dry periods. And everyone, no matter their gender, can engage in sex when they are just kinda not wanting to, in order to please their partner (in a healthy way).

And that leads us to this important caveat about having sex with your partner to make him or her happy:

Maintenance sex kind of sounds like a person is having sex with her partner no matter what — even if she really doesn’t want to. This should never be the case. I think we all know the difference between being slightly tired and just wanting to go to sleep, and feeling really uncomfortable and not in the mood at all. Anyone who pays attention to his or her loved one’s feelings and emotions should know when their partner isn’t into the physical activity. In that case, everyone needs to stop and give it a go later. Maintenance sex does not mean allowing your partner to just “do it” while you check out — that’s not healthy for anyone.

To get other perspectives on maintenance sex, and sex in general, head over to these two articles:

How to Have Maintenance Sex

The Myth of Maintenance Sex

What are your thoughts about maintenance sex? Should we ditch the term altogether?

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Abbie Stutzer

Writer, editor, and owner of Ginchy!, a freelance writing and editing company, and home funeral hub. Adores smart sex ed, sustainable ag, spooky history, women's health, feminism, horror, wine, and sci-fi.