Children of same sex marriage are happier and healthier than their peers, according to new research out of Australia.

Researchers have found that children fare better in terms of physical health and social wellbeing than children in the general population, according to a study at the University of Melbourne.

“It’s often suggested that children with same-sex parents have poorer outcomes because they’re missing a parent of a particular sex. But research my colleagues and I published in the journal BMC Public Health shows this isn’t the case,” lead researcher Simon Crouch wrote on the Conversation.

Researchers surveyed 315 same sex parents with a total of 500 children across Australia. In all, about 80 percent were female parents and 18 percent were male parents. Children of same sex marriage had higher scores in terms of general health and family cohesion. The study controlled for socioeconomic factors like education and income level.

The results could be due to equal distribution of household duties when compared to heterosexual couples. In other categories like emotional behavior and physical function, homosexual and heterosexual couples fared the same.

The study did have some shortcomings: it wasn’t randomized and it was small because there just aren’t that many same sex couples with kids yet.

“Many studies have demonstrated that children’s well-being is affected much more by their relationships with their parents, their parents’ sense of competence and security, and the presence of social and economic support for the family than by the gender or the sexual orientation of their parents,” said Siegel, co-author of the American Academy of Pediatrics report in The Washington Post.

Approximately 594,000 same sex couples currently live in the U.S., according to a 2010 U.S. census report. The percentage ranged from .29 percent in Wyoming to 4.01 percent in D.C. Currently, 19 states have legal same sex marriage and 31 states still have a ban in place. The most restrictive states in terms of same sex marriage adoption include Mississippi and Utah.

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Image: Trent Kelley

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ColumnGratitude is a big deal this time of year. Here are five things that have happened this year (so far!) that I am grateful for.

1. Wendy Davis Secured her Spot as a National Figure

My personal Superbowl took place June 27 when Wendy Davis tied on her pink sneakers and performed a 13-hour filibuster to prevent the passing of an incredibly restrictive anti-choice law in Texas. The bad news is that, as of November 20, The Supreme Court cleared the way for Texas to enforce strict abortion regulations that will close at least one third of the state’s clinics. The good news is that Davis’ attempt to protect the women of Texas made her a national figure and she’s running for Governor. Stand with Wendy!

2. Ash Beckham’s TED Talk Went Viral

Ash Beckham’s TED Talk, Coming Out of Your Closet, is so much more than a talk about a how a woman handles being mistaken for a boy. It is a beautiful take on facing the fear of being yourself and sharing yourself with the world. Since her talk has picked up steam, Beckham has used her popularity for good. She shares inspiring coming out stories of all kinds on her Facebook page.

3. “Orange Is the New Black” Brought ALL of the Awesome

The new Netflix trend of releasing entire seasons of a series at once is magical for a binger like me. This year brought us the long-awaited return of “Arrested Development” and, I think, one of the most socially interesting and entertaining shows of the year, “Orange Is the New Black.” With great roles for women, women of color and trans actresses, I am on edge waiting for season two.

4. Lululemon Exposed

See-through pants led to the exposure of Chip Wilson as a total douche as he fat-shamed women on national TV—and then Stephen Colbert shamed him right back. This brand has irked me for a long time (for eco-washing, Ayn Rand-loving and general creepiness), but I’m hoping that this year’s PR mess will be the last straw for many women. Let’s all set a mantra together, shall we? “My values are more important than a cute ass. I will not shop at Lululemon. I will buy woman-friendly, eco-friendly yoga and athletic clothes.”

5. Gay Marriage Picked Up Steam

We’re long overdue for total marriage equality in this country, but some states caught up this year, including my home state, Illinois. We’re number 16!

To be sure, there are a lot of things to hate on right now, too. It has been a truly shit year for rape culture and abortion—and don’t even get me going on Return of the Kings. But I will save that list for Christmas.

Image: Ash Beckham

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Gay marriage is legal in Illinois, and I couldn’t be happier.

This week, a bill legalizing gay marriage passed in Illinois. Despite growing up with parents who stayed married because they love each other (44 years and counting—go parents!), marriage was never a goal of mine. I didn’t stage mock weddings with my 20 Barbies and one Ken. I didn’t know that putting a pillowcase on your head and playing “bride” was a thing.

Getting married was never something I thought about, in part, because it wasn’t on the table. For more than 10 years I identified as a lesbian—the longest relationship I had before getting married to a man was with a woman.

In my mid-20s, my realization that I was actually bisexual—just like Lady Gaga!—totally freaked me out. Without my lesbian identity, who was I? I asked myself: Is bisexual a real identity?

As I became more comfortable with myself as a bisexual, I weeded out those who didn’t support me (just like I had to when I came out as gay), thanked my parents for their perpetually amazing acceptance of me as me, and just kind of did my thing when it came to dating. Ultimately, my thing led me to one really awesome man. A man that I could, and did, marry.

When I started dating men, simple privileges like the ability to hold hands in public totally blew my mind. I felt guilty that I could do that. I felt guilty for liking it. I felt like a sellout and a phony.

I didn’t yet understand that falling in love with a man didn’t negate my place in the LGBT community. A community that shaped who I am down to my core. A community that I haven’t left, despite the fact that I married a man. All of this explains why I’m going “like” crazy all over Facebook since gay marriage passed in Illinois!

Getting married didn’t matter to me until it did. And when it did, it became more important than ever for me to fight for marriage equality. That might seem counter-intuitive, but as someone who never had a marriage agenda (though I totally have a gay agenda), I understood and supported the legal and cultural importance of gay marriage as essential to living in a just society—but I didn’t get the emotional part.

Marriage is a declaration that you have chosen to be a family. You can’t choose who you love, but you sure can choose who you build a family with.

Civil unions were a nice start and remain a good choice for both gay and straight couples looking for an alternative to traditional marraige while securing some legal protection. But, in our society, marriage carries cultural heft, so classifying civil union as a gay thing and marriage as a straight thing lends far more importance to one than the other. With both open to all couples, civil unions can carry the same weight because the couple is choosing how to celebrate giving legal status to the relationship, not picking the only available option.

There have been a lot of haters out there since, well, forever, and the anti-gays have gotten more vocal since gay marriage passed in Illinois. Some of them will eventually catch up and get it, others will not.

But I am hopeful—in part because of this video of kids talking about gay marriage—that as we progress as a society, the biggest issues around same-sex weddings will be whether Cyndi Lauper’s “True Colors” gets over-played. I for one hope that it does.

Related on EcoSalon:

Until We All Can: Why I Won’t Marry My Baby Daddy

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Image: The New Civil Rights Movement

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ColumnIt’s been a wild week for civil rights. Here’s what you need to know about DOMA, Wendy Davis, Voters’ Rights and…vaginas.

Oh my god; my head might explode. It’s only Wednesday and this week has been so chock full of news that I feel compelled to offer a round-up. Last night, I was getting ready for my next Lean In circle meeting about the power of storytelling—and in many ways, what connects all of these events is the power of stories.

In the presentation I was watching, I learned that people are 22 times more likely to remember—and connect with—a story than they are to recall or be inspired by a statistic alone. What we saw yesterday in Texas is an amazing example of the power of stories, not to mention perseverance and comfortable shoes.

Don’t Mess With Wendy Davis

It all started yesterday at 11am. The Democratic Texas State Senator attempted a 13-hour filibuster to prevent the passing of an incredibly restrictive anti-choice law that would criminalize abortions after the 20th week of pregnancy and put into place a number of restrictions on doctors to provide care (we’ve seen this before). If it had passed, SB5 would have left Texas with only five abortion providers. If you haven’t noticed, Texas is a pretty massive state.

Davis arrived prepared with pink sneakers, a back brace and—most importantly—stories about  reproductive choice from real women. In a dramatic 15-hour battle, Davis was not allowed to get water or go to the bathroom, receive assistance, lean on an object for support or stray from her topic. The republicans tried some shady moves to shut her down, supporters gathered, Twitter blew up. At the end of the long day, she won!

But not all is right in Texas, today. The state is executing its 500th person and Davis’ fight may not be over.

The Right to Marry, Defended!

In the best pride month celebration to date, the Defense of Marriage Act, the law barring the federal government from recognizing same-sex marriages legalized by the states, was ruled unconstitutional by the Supreme Court by a 5-4 vote. I would have appreciated a larger number, but a win is a win.

Here’s a piece of the majority opinion: “The federal statute is invalid, for no legitimate purpose overcomes the purpose and effect to disparage and to injure those whom the State, by its marriage laws, sought to protect in personhood and dignity,” Justice Anthony Kennedy wrote in the majority opinion. “By seeking to displace this protection and treating those persons as living in marriages less respected than others, the federal statute is in violation of the Fifth Amendment.”

This is a huge step toward equality, but the fight isn’t over. While the federal government has to recognize the legal marriages of same-sex couples, individual states are not required to legalize marriage equality. Hopefully, those who haven’t will see this as a sign that it’s time to get on board. (Looking at you, Illinois.) Throughout this fight, countless minds have been changed because of people brave enough to step forward and share their stories before the world, and sometimes their families, were ready to hear them.

A Terrible Day for Voters’ Rights

On Tuesday, the Supreme Court struck down a portion of the Voting Rights Act (VRA) that kept discriminatory voting laws from going into effect in areas of the country with histories of disenfranchisement, reports Think Progress. The justices struck down a provision requiring certain jurisdictions, mostly counties in the South, to receive permission from the federal government before changing any law related to voting. In 1965, the slim majority argued, this was necessary to prevent sneaky tricks to keep blacks and Hispanics from having an impact on elections. Apparently, the five Justices who voted to remove the provision believe that racism is over. Had you heard? Great news, huh?

Once again, the Daily Show helps us put this in perspective. John Oliver pointed out that this portion of the VRA has been invoked to protect voters 74 times since the year 2000. And, there’s a direct connection to last night’s events in the Lone Star State. Texas Attorney General Greg Abbott announced this week that the state would advance the nation’s most restrictive voter ID law—the very same redistricting map that was designed to keep Davis out of office.

As Oliver said, “Two hours! They couldn’t even wait for two hours. It takes Texas less time to disenfranchise minority voters than it takes for them to barbecue a pig.” Hopefully, these real stories of the impact of the VRA will inspire people to fight back.

The Vajayjay Monologues

The world doesn’t want to hear your vagina’s story. Earlier this week, iTunes censored the word “vagina” in Eve Ensler’s play The Vagina Monologues on its e-book page, spelling “vagina” as “v****a.” This comes on the heels (can I still say heels?) of a newspaper in Wisconsin replacing the repulsive and terrible anatomically correct word with XXXXXXX in an ad for the play. I have said it before and I will say it again, vagina is not a dirty word. Say it loud, say it proud. And with that: Vagina.

Images: Planned Parenthood and The ACLU

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What does marriage even mean anymore?

When I tell people I’m having a baby in September, I notice a lot of them glance almost automatically at my left-hand, presumably looking for a wedding ring. Some have even outright asked me if I am- or going to be- getting married. My answer is always the same: “No. Not yet, anyway.”

It’s not that I don’t believe in the commitment. I love my partner dearly. After all, I’m having his child. When I was a young girl, I dreamed of that handsome prince from just about every Disney movie that I was told I was entitled to. Even though I wasn’t technically a princess, I couldn’t escape the belief that I deserved a knight in shining armor just as much as Snow White.

Modern men are many things wonderful. But most of them aren’t princes. It was easy to let relationships fail, citing the lack of true fairy tale love. But mostly, it was probably my fear. Or, like they say, the timing just wasn’t right. The glass slipper didn’t fit.

After I spent a lot of time alone, and a good bit of that relationshipless time with a male friend, we soon found ourselves falling in love. It’s hard now to even remember us just as friends, but it is that friendship that lies at the core of our love, and why we are starting a family together.

It’s not because both of us endured our parents’ ugly divorces that we’re choosing not to get married. It’s not that we’re scared, or don’t love each other enough to make that kind of commitment. We love a good gathering. And lord knows, we could use a new toaster. It’s our discomfort in the way our country now views marriage that has us feeling so disenchanted by one of the world’s oldest, and most beautiful rituals.

How could we have a wedding and invite our friends—many of whom are homosexuals and lesbians—to celebrate our heterosexual right to marry while they’re denied that same right just because of who they love?

A baby is certainly an incentive for us to get married, but the injustice for people whom we already know and love dearly is an even bigger reason for us not to, no matter the difficulties we’ll be faced with as unmarried parents. We have friends who’ve been in much longer relationships than ours who are unable to marry. And even though ten eleven states (go Delaware!) now allow gay marriage, the Supreme Court has yet to rule on the issue. More than that, there are those narrow-minded individuals who somehow feel threatened by same-sex couples. We allow these people their first amendment right to speak their shallow minds, of course, and they throw our Constitution right back at us, saying our forefathers would have never approved of same-sex marriage. (I won’t even go into the religious hypocrisy of the we’re-not-gay-we’re-just-serial-pedophiliac-sex-offenders aka the Catholic Church.)

It’s not like we won the lottery, and our unrich friends have to adjust to us now being millionaires. And it’s nowhere near the unbelievable comparisons homophobes make suggesting gay marriage is the same as marrying a relative or (sigh) a dog. I didn’t live through the Civil Rights movement. My parents weren’t even born when Hitler was rounding up our relatives and executing them by the trainload. So I can only look back at the mistakes my fellow Earthlings have made with hindsight and melancholy. It hurts to think about those millions of people who suffered at the hands of fear and entitlement. It hurts to know that it took so long to correct, and in some cases, we’re still battling those same issues. Gay people aren’t slaves. They’re not forced to live in the ghetto wearing yellow stars before their families are ripped apart, tortured and murdered. But they’ve certainly been unjustly treated. They’ve been demoralized, attacked, ridiculed. Before anyone is a homosexual, a lesbian or a heterosexual, we’re all human beings first.

The real issue here is we have a lot of issues around sexuality. We allow abuse and objectification to proliferate. We don’t stand up for victims of sexual abuse–regardless of their gender. We suppress our own feelings for fear of what others will say or do. That’s what this issue is about. It’s not about what our forefathers envisioned for America. It’s obvious they envisioned progressive leadership, compassion and an ability to grow as a nation as our needs and wants changed with the times.

I don’t believe that any of our gay friends would criticize us for marrying. They are friends, after all, and want to see us happy, just as much as we want the same for them. And many of them are probably going to be shocked to read this. But until we can all enjoy the same recognition of our love—regardless of our sexual orientation—I can’t possibly see marriage as an option anymore. And I know my daughter will understand. Perhaps one day, she’ll even get to attend her parents wedding.

Image: CarbonNYC

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