With beliefs like these floating around, we have to remind ourselves that it’s 2012.

Welcome back everyone! Bad news, they did not cancel sexism this year so we’ve got a full list of horrific quotes about women made in 2012 to look forward to. All of last year’s rules apply, with this notable exception: you will find no Republican politicians here. They are Professionals and we’re dealing strictly with amateurs who play for the love of the game.

10. Licensed comedy expert Nikki Finke at Deadline Hollywood: “Beautiful actresses are not funny. They don’t know how to do comedy…Only women who grew up ugly and stayed ugly, or through plastic surgery became beautiful, can pull off sitcoms or standups [sic].” Women who were born beautiful but were mauled or otherwise mutilated can sometimes become funny but only after they have been disfigured for a period of time equal to or greater than the duration of their attractive years.

9. Justice Bhaktavatsala, an Indian judge on single female lawyers: “[F]amily matters should be argued only by married people, not spinsters.” Which, speaking of, how good is The Good Wife this season? So good, right? I would say “surprisingly good.” Anything that keeps Christine Baranski working, you know.

8. Gallus Strobel, German mayor who recently marked “difficult” male and “easy” female parking spaces in his small town of Triberg: “It’s been a great marketing gimmick. Women can come here and prove me wrong, and while they’re at it they can see the town’s attractions.” They will probably not do either of these things, but if all you’ve got on your resume at this point in your life is “Mayor of Triberg” and “the parking space guy,” I’m inclined to give you a pass on this one.

7. Douglas Brinkely, of the New York Times, on Jodi Kantor’s White House biography The Obamas: “chick nonfiction” (in his defense, her book is just a series of pencil drawings of Michelle Obama’s clothes with heart-shaped doodles scrawled in randomly around the margins). More importantly, this distinction opens up so many new categories of literature, like “chick war correspondence,” “chick magical realism,” and “chick large print.”

6. Chilean president Sebastian Pinera: “When a politician says ‘Yes,’ he means ‘Maybe,’ when he says ‘Maybe,’ he means ‘No,’ and if he says ‘No,’ he’s not a politician. When a lady says ‘No,’ she means ‘Maybe,’ when she says ‘Maybe,’ she means ‘Yes,’ and if she says ‘Yes,’ she’s not a lady.” Sebastian! There has got to be a quicker way to make that point.

5. Hong Kong billionaire Cecil Chao Sze-tsung on his £40 million pound bounty to any man who successfully courts his recently-married lesbian daughter: “[the money is] an inducement to attract someone who has the talent but not the capital to start his own business.” Awww, buddy. That’s not how love or money works.

4. Safeway Senior VP and General Counsel Robert Gordon opened this year’s shareholder meeting with a little joke: “The president flew into the White House lawn and an agent greeted him at the helicopter. The president was carrying two pigs under his arms and the Secret Service agent said, ‘Nice pigs, sir.’ ‘These are not ordinary pigs, these are genuine Arkansas razorback hogs. I got one for former Speaker Nancy Pelosi and one for Secretary of State Hillary Clinton.’ And the Secret Service agent said, ‘Excellent trade, sir.'” I wouldn’t be surprised to hear that kind of bush-league dad joke at a Piggly Wiggly meeting, but I expected a little better from the people who brought us O Organics. Also why is the President carrying the pigs himself in this scenario? Wouldn’t there be a special pig handler nearby, or travel carriers at the least? This story is full of holes.

3. Fox anchor Brian Kilmeade, upon learning that the United States Navy Band was admitting female musicians: “Women are everywhere. We’re letting them play golf and tennis now. It’s out of control.” Just wait until the misandrist bloodbath that gets started once we break through the glass ceiling in badminton.

2. Masked commenter The Toronto Programmer on sexism within the tech community: “‘Brogrammer’ isn’t an exclusionary term…the female equivalent is called a ‘hogrammer’ and I have big respect for women that wear that badge proudly.” Yeah, there is going to be sexism all over Mars and in spaceships and just everywhere in the future thanks to this kind of tech-world sexism (Also I would totally wear a badge that said “hogrammer” on it).

1. Dom and James, creators of Facebook’s Twelve-Year-Old Slut Memes, on their raison d’être: “As long as there are sluts, we will put them in their place.”

This year’s Honorable Mention goes to Aaron Sorkin for his latest HBO series, Normally Capable Women Falling Into Fountains While Wearing Business Suits.

All quotes were calibrated and weighted scientifically in order of sexism and have been arranged accordingly. This list, as always, is comprehensive and exhaustive; nothing has been forgotten or excluded so if you heard anything else sexist this year that’s not here you probably just didn’t understand what they meant to say.

Image: adactio

The post Most Ridiculous Quotes About Women (2012 Edition) appeared first on EcoSalon.

With beliefs like these floating around, we have to remind ourselves that it’s 2011.

It’s hard to believe that this many years after Stieg Larsson ended sexism it’s still possible for public figures to issue dismissive, crude, and derogatory statements about women, but it would appear not everyone has gotten to Girl With a Dragon Tattoo in their book club yet. Until that day comes, here are the worst, most insulting, and simply bizarre quotes about women we heard this year outside of a YouTube comment thread.

Click here to read the new 2012 version. 

10. Trinidadian author V.S. Naipaul started the year out strong by claiming that “women writers are different, they are quite different. I read a piece of writing and within a paragraph or two I know whether it is by a woman or not. I think [it is] unequal to me…My publisher, who was so good as a taster and editor, when she became a writer, lo and behold, it was all this feminine tosh. I don’t mean this in any unkind way.” Sorry, ladies – he’s taken.

9. Referring the concern of some evangelical voters that Republican candidate/performance artist Michele Bachmann had usurped her husband’s biblically-mandated authority by running for president, Iowan pastor Brad Sherman had this to say: “She’s in a proper relationship with her husband spiritually. That’s a key point. And she’s asking people for permission to lead the country. That’s not usurping at all.” There’s no word yet on whether or not Michele has a signed permission slip or simply a verbal agreement from Mr. Bachmann, but that’s really a matter for the courts.

8. Tim Gunn on Hillary Clinton: “I think she’s confused about her gender – all these big, baggy, menswear tailored pantsuits…I have a great respect for her intellect and her tenacity and for what she does for our country in her governmental role. I just wish she could send a stronger message about American fashion.”

7. President Obama defended Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius’ decision to restrict sales of Plan B to girls under the age of 18 with this well-researched, grounded-in-scientific-evidence statement: “I will say this, as the father of two young daughters: I think it is important for us to make sure that, you know, we apply some common sense to various rules when it comes to over-the-counter medicine.” Glass-half-empty point of view, President Obama thinks that young women can’t be trusted to make their own reproductive decisions (never mind that condoms are available without a prescription). Glass-half-full point of view – Barack Obama wants to be our dad!

6. An anonymous Egyptian general spoke to CNN about why female protestors arrested during anti-Mubarak demonstrations were strip-searched and forced to submit to virginity tests. “The girls who were detained were not like your daughter or mine. These were girls who had camped out in tents with male protesters in Tahrir Square, and we found in the tents Molotov cocktails and [drugs]…We didn’t want them to say we had sexually assaulted or raped them, so we wanted to prove that they weren’t virgins in the first place. None of them were.”

5. At a conference on atheism in Dublin earlier this year, skeptic writer Rebecca Watson registered discomfort at being propositioned by a stranger at 4 a.m. in an elevator after delivering her speech. Richard Dawkins’ response: “Stop whining, will you. Yes, yes, I know you had your genitals mutilated with a razor blade…For goodness sake grow up, or at least grow a thicker skin.” A thicker skin would probably help protect against genital discomfort, so the advice was doubly helpful.

4. “So there’s a deeper bond between men and women than St. Valentine would have suspected, and now we know there’s a better gift for that day than chocolates.” Dr. Lazar Springfield, in an op-ed piece for the American College of Surgeons referring to a study that suggested semen had a possible anti-depressive effect. This Valentine’s day, say it with semen.

3. “The reality is that women are treated differently by society for exactly the same reason that children and the mentally handicapped are treated differently. It’s just easier this way for everyone. You don’t argue with a four-year old about why he shouldn’t eat candy for dinner. You don’t punch a mentally handicapped guy even if he punches you first. And you don’t argue when a women tells you she’s only making 80 cents to your dollar. It’s the path of least resistance. You save your energy for more important battles.” Scott Adams (you know, that guy who draws the cartoons about working in an office your HR manager has tacked up all over the door).

2. Fox News Vice President Joe Chillemi, on the merits of hiring a man versus a woman, says “Of course I’d pick the man. The woman would most likely get pregnant and leave.” I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t let even imminent childbirth tear me from his side.

1. Silvio Berlusconi, in response to allegations of sexual harassment and misconduct: “When asked if they would like to have sex with me, 30% of women said, ‘Yes’, while the other 70% replied, ‘What, again?'” Truly, he was the Prime Minister who got away.

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