All I wanted my daughter to be for Halloween this year was something unusual. Maybe it’s because I always found the holiday rather ridiculous for so many reasons that I just didn’t want her to play by the rules. I wanted her to be an astronaut or a scientist. Maybe a vegetable farmer. I’d have settled for a Ghostbuster. But at four years old, there’s one character, and one character only, who she wishes to be. Can you guess? Of course it’s Moana.

Don’t get me wrong. I love Moana. Where do I even begin with all the ways that I love this girl? She’s smart and funny. She’s strong yet understanding. She’s brave. So brave. She loves her family. She takes the traditional hero’s journey and faces her fears like I can only hope my daughter will one day.

I love so many other things about this film, too: I love that the story presents the real issue of how limited our resources can become. That even in paradise, trouble can arise at any moment. I love the way it embraces an elder, even if they give her the nickname of “village crazy lady.” I love that farm animals are friends not food. I love that no one wears shoes and that my daughter noticed this. I love that coconuts may still have yet another use we’d never thought of. I love that Moana doesn’t need a man to solve her problems – and in fact, it turns out, he needed her to fix his. I love that the plot twist (spoiler) is that the fiery monster Te Kā was Te Fiti all along, just disconnected from her own heart. If that’s not a worthy lesson for kids (and their, ahem, many changing moods), I don’t know what is. In fact, that may be the most critical lesson here in a lot of ways. (And yes, for the record, I deeply love that Bowie-inspired no-one-could-have-done-it-better “Shiny” performance by Jemaine Clement.)

But, according to Redbook, if my daughter embodies this character of color so filled with, well, character and color, this Halloween, then both she and I are racists. End of story.

“To pretend to be a racial, ethnic or religious minority when you’re not makes light of their history,” the Redbook “Editors” wrote, “and reinforces a deeply problematic power dynamic, wherein white people use, then discard, pieces of cultures they’ve subjugated for centuries just because they can.”

I read this over and over because I want to do the right thing. Because I can’t believe we’re at this point. Because I’m terrified someone might spit on my child for wearing a costume that makes her poised and proud, just because her parents are white.

My daughter doesn’t know she’s white-white. She sees her skin, of course, and it’s not white. It’s pinkish in parts, beige-ish in most others. One of her bestie’s skin is as dark as night. Her neighbor, just a year younger, has hair as yellow as a daisy. Her daddy’s eyes are as blue as the sky. (And her mom’s hair color, well, that comes out of a box.) She sees this rainbow around her and she only understands the nuances of colors, the depth and beauty, not the lines we draw around them. And she certainly doesn’t love Moana because of or despite her skin color. She loves her because of her true colors.

At four years old, my daughter’s not culturally appropriating anything. She’s aiming. She’s setting her sights on someone who resonates, who motivates, and a story so genuine that it feels right to her. Because it is right. Because a girl who stands up to fear and danger and all for the benefit of other people is the world we desperately need right now, so much so that a preschooler can’t even seem to talk about much anything else.

In fact, if I told my daughter she couldn’t dress up like her favorite Disney character because she’s not Polynesian, or rather, because she’s white, I fear it may be more likely she could one day come to resent people of color because she wasn’t allowed to celebrate them. Isn’t that our whole problem in the first place? These god-awful displays of racism stem from a belief that people aren’t worthy, that they’re suspect, that they either took something from us or owe us something else. That what they look like, or what they wear is a bad thing because it’s different. And telling my daughter she can’t be this girl because of the terrible mistakes other people have made throughout history doesn’t solve a problem. It creates one.

I want my daughter to know no sharp edges between herself and her friends or her community. In fact, we’ve immersed her in an international school  that focuses on world cultures for this very reason. At age 4 she’s been exposed to more languages on a daily basis than I had been by age 20.

It’s only a “power dynamic,” Redbook, if she thinks these cultures owe her anything. And there’s no reason in the world for her to think that – and not just because she’s only 4 years old. She’s not “using and discarding” anything. Yes, she may grow out of her Moana phase eventually, but the lessons, the value, the poetry of that story – that’s something that will hopefully stick with her forever. And really, isn’t that the point? Isn’t that why Disney made the film in the first place? To empower the people represented in the story, to acknowledge the wisdom and the traditions? To give us new heroes? Don’t you think Lin Manuel Miranda takes his projects seriously and with respect? Don’t you think Dwayne Johnson wanted this story to be told not just for his own connection but also for his half-Spanish and half-white daughters? And what about Auliʻi Cravalho – the talented young actress who played Moana? Would she have agreed to do the film if everyone but white people could see it? How does that change anything? I know I’m all 20 questions here, but don’t children deserve the opportunity to be fully immersed in what makes them feel beautiful and strong and brave? Whether that’s a LeBron James jersey or a Moana costume – isn’t denying that just projecting our own convoluted grown-up bullshit?

Sure, I could stuff her in a Ghostbusters costume and placate her with corn syrup, but all she’d do is long to be Moana. Not letting her wear it doesn’t remove that desire. It’s just like Moana’s dad not letting her go past the reef. And we all know how that turned out.

If not being Polynesian prevents my daughter from being allowed to celebrate this story, then what should she be watching or wearing? By this logic, if we don’t embrace and immerse ourselves in other cultures, all she’ll know is Cinderella or Rapunzel and find herself locked away in her own castle of ignorance, waiting for someone to set her free. Or, like so many white girls I’ve known, she’ll wind up following the white rabbit down the hole into worlds not as forgiving as Wonderland. That’s not the world I want her to grow up in. It’s the world I’ve been trying to change. Women face enough challenges as it is. How can we protect each other if we we’re not allowed to love each other?

Toward the end of the film Moana encourages Maui to come back to the island with her, telling him her people could use a good wayfinder. “They already have one,” he says, looking straight at her, proudly. She understands. So does my daughter. It’s a powerful moment, the truth that Moana had been seeking all along has finally come to the surface. It was always inside her, of course, but now she’s got the strength and the courage to lead her people into a prosperous future. When will that happen for the rest of us?

Find Jill on Twitter and Instagram

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Who doesn’t love a good selfie? If you are on Instagram, and here’s betting you are, you’ve probs doctored an image or two. Are we filtering and #nofilter-ing our way through life?

These days of reality TV overload and insta-public documentation of our every move, location, and meal has left us feeling the need to be camera ready at any given moment. But what non-reality star without the hair and makeup people has the ability to pull that off? No one. That means a little handy camera work has to take place, and take place often. You know how some women have that ethereal glow no matter what time of day they are posting and, yes, even on those “look how horrible I woke up” shots? It’s a filter.

Leandra Medine recently penned an article on an Instagram lashing out over an image she posted of her bare face. And she’s the Man Repeller, people! If she can’t get by with posting a not-so-perfect pic, who amongst us can hope to? In the article Medine goes on to say this inspired her to seek the help of a makeup artist who taught her how to diminish her flaws and highlight her attributes via contouring.

The question is … why do we have to look so freakin’ perfect all the time? Why is it not ok to post a pic where you look human? Is it because it is forever immortalized on the interwebs? Is it because an old boyfriend, rival or potential client may see you with a zit or dark undereye circles? Or is it because everyone else online seems to be flawless? Even when we happen to get a shot of ourselves that looks good, no manipulation, it has to be announced with a #nofilter tag. And even then, does anyone really believe it hasn’t been enhanced a little bit?

It leads us to wonder what we are doing to our young girls. They see teens on Nickelodeon or Disney Channel leading their daily lives in full makeup, done hair, and heels. Every Instagrammer or YouTuber they follow is picture perfect. Our society is inundating girls with the image of faultless looking people who are really just like them, zits and all. Can this really be good for anyone’s self esteem?

Then there are those of us who are decidedly unphotogenic. No filter, contouring, or app can do the justice of a mirror or real life because we can’t seem to take a good pic to save our lives. What’s a camera shy girl to do? That’s where those hand, lap, and feet shots come in handy. I speak from experience.

If you are simultaneously wagging your head in dismay over the horribleness of the filter generation and wondering which of those filters, exactly, would make you love your selfie more, here’s a list of which filters and apps to use to enhance your selfies.

CreamCam: Maybe the only retouch app any of us really need. This free app turns skin from real to flawless in an instant.

ModiFace: A free photo editor with reshaping and feature enhancing basics.

Perfect365: Hailed as the “one-tap makeover”, this free app lets you zap any spots, resize, and reshape.

Photo Wonder: This free app mixes serious with fun. Your basic retouch functions with creative background and collage choices.

Pixtr: A fancier retouching app that gets you picture perfect in one tap for $2.99.

Facetune: Fix your smile, skin, coloring, shape, hair, and just about anything else with this effects app for $3.99.

These are all fun and even kind of addictive. So what’s the harm done? Unless you are sending retouched pics out as headshots for paid modeling gigs, I can see none. But how great would it be to see a trend in posting real, unadulterated images of ourselves? You go first.

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Image of girl taking selfie via Shutterstock

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Self love is an important aspect of our personality. Accepting ourselves for who we are is the only way we can ever fully accept those around us and find peace.

We are our own worst critics, constantly hating on ourselves for no good reason. When we get down on ourselves the problem gets even worse. That’s when the negative self talk kicks into full gear and we beat ourselves up worse than any bully could ever dream. We need some self love.

5 Tips to Cultivate Self Love

1. Set attainable goals.

Part of the reason we’re constantly tearing ourselves down is because we’re unable to reach the ridiculous goals we set. Set goals that you can actually reach. That doesn’t mean that you don’t have more ambitious goals as well, just realize that you need smaller more reachable goals in between. For example, if you’re saving money to buy your dream house, set the goal of getting out of the red in the first year and then set reachable budgeting goals there after. This way, you’re working toward an attainable goal in between your more ambitious goals. Setting and reaching goals helps us to build faith in ourselves.

2. Get to know yourself.

Have you ever noticed the tendency to judge someone harshly until you get to know them better? I know I’m guilty of it–thinking someone is bitchy or snobby and then hanging out with them only to realize I was dead wrong. That’s the way we are with ourselves, too–judgmental until we get to know ourselves a little better. Meditation is a good avenue for establishing a better relationship with yourself as is journaling or just spending time alone.

3. Surround yourself with support.

If you’re surrounded by hypercritical people then your tendency will be just that. Surround yourself with supportive people who believe in you and your skill set. It will help you to do the same.

4. Watch for negative self talk.

Be mindful of self criticism especially when you’re feeling down. Notice the negative words that you say about yourself and question them. Are you really a loser? Are you really fat? Are you really not worth anything? Your likely answer is no because a lot of the crap that we say about ourselves is just that–crap.

5. Fully accept yourself.

Accept that you’re a fallible person just like everybody else. Life is messy sometimes and so are you, but that’s just fine. Know what you want out of life rather than just comparing it to what others want in life and accept your path. Then live intentionally, if your purpose is to travel and see the world, make meaningful decisions that support your intention.

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Image: QuinnDombrowski

The post 5 Tips to Cultivating Self Love: We’re All Worth It appeared first on EcoSalon.

Fuller breasts, a smaller tush, flatter tummy – all without a diet or breaking a sweat. That’s what cosmetic surgery can do, and mainstream magazines are happily filling pages in their publications with information about it.

A recent issue of  Women’s Health Issues, a Canadian-based medical journal, took a closer look at what the media is sharing with their readers. The study, entitled: “Representations of Cosmetic Surgery and Emotional Health in Women’s Magazines in Canada”, examines how popular women’s magazines portray cosmetic surgery and associated emotional health.

Five English-language women‘s magazines were selected on the basis of their 2005 Canadian circulation rates: Chatelaine, Cosmopolitan, Flare, O: The Oprah Magazine, and Prevention.

While the content analysis showed that the articles did in fact tend to present readers with detailed physical health risk information, only 48 percent of the articles discussed the impact that cosmetic surgery has on emotional health. Most often the stories linked cosmetic surgery with enhanced emotional well-being regardless of the patient’s pre-existing mental state. Articles also tended to use male accounts to provide defining standards of female attractiveness.

According to the Canadian Society for Aesthetic (Cosmetic) Plastic Surgery (2007), the term “cosmetic surgery” refers to invasive surgical procedures such as breast implants, liposuction, or facelifts. Distinct from reconstructive surgery, which aims to fix body disfigurement, cosmetic surgery is used to alter “normal” and physically healthy bodies.

A 2007 Canadian consumer survey revealed that 20.35% of respondents had undergone cosmetic surgery and 46% would consider surgery to change some aspect of their appearance.

The findings were consistent with arguments in research literature that women‘s magazines contribute to the medicalization of the female body; that cosmetic surgery is generally portrayed as a risky but worthwhile option for women to enhance both their physical appearance and emotional health.

According to the study, some research has found positive correlations between cosmetic surgery and emotional well-being, suggesting that cosmetic procedures increase body image satisfaction and produce psychological benefits that improve one’s overall quality of life. However other studies have shown that emotional health problems, such as anxiety and depression, may arise or become amplified in some patients as a consequence of cosmetic surgery; that body image dissatisfaction may increase after surgery, and that breast implant recipients are at increased risk for psychiatric admission and suicide.

Implications for future research and public education strategies were discussed.

Image: Bitter Jug

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