Happiness: economists want to measure it, researchers want to understand it and we all want it – but is it really what we need?

Happiness is officially big business.

The chairman of the Federal Reserve believes measuring national happiness could be an effective method of tracking economic progress – maybe even as important as inflation or employment statistics. In a video presentation at a conference of economists and statisticians, Ben Bernanke argued it may be the key to understanding the country’s well-being, while being the ultimate goal of all his department’s economic decisions.

He’s far from the first to jump to this conclusion – the country of Bhutan has been tracking GNH (Gross National Happiness) since 1972, as journalist Eric Weiner explores in his hilariously grumpy travelogue The Geography of Bliss. It’s also not the first time Bernanke has mentioned happiness studies – in a May 2010 commencement speech at the University of South Carolina, Bernanke cited research suggesting that beyond a level of wealth that financed our basic needs, there was no correlation between money and happiness.

So, you’re suggesting telling this to America, right now? As Christopher Rugaber notes in his article for AP/NBC News, “you don’t need money to be happy” and it won’t go down terribly well with a nation struggling with a slumped economy and a truly terrifying amount of national debt – all this during the upheaval of a presidential election campaign. Rich people telling poorer people they don’t need money to be happy? Wince.

However, science may be on Bernanke’s side. Recently released results of 4 experiments published in the journal Psychological Science point to a lack of correlation between “socioeconomic status” and well-being, with happiness instead being driven by peer respect and admiration. In short, happiness isn’t about what we have in our pockets, it’s all about who we hang out with. (Could this be the reason for the boom in online social media at a time of global economic strife and its associated mood-dampening effects? One to ponder).

But are we in pursuit of the healthiest thing here? The so-called self-help revolution is all about nailing down a lifestyle that fills our days with joy – but is that what we truly need right now? Writer and blogger Penelope Trunk thinks we’re barking up the wrong tree. In conversation with Dan Schwabel at Forbes, she said:

…people should focus on how interesting their life is. In fact, many people already intuitively aim for interestingness rather than happiness. But they don’t have the language to describe what they are doing. They feel out of step with the rest of the country, maybe, but in fact, they are leading the path to the new American Dream. […] Engagement, fulfillment, continual learning, these are things that feel good. And they are much more attainable than the old-school version of happiness.

Could it be the key to true happiness is unfulfillment?

Further reading: Check out The Happiness Project, from #1 New York Times bestselling author Gretchen Rubin.

Image: Charles Chan

The post Gross National Happiness-How People Are Making Money Off Of You appeared first on EcoSalon.

The top stories of the week at EcoSalon.

All that cash spent on campaigning against clean energy – and it’s a lot. Here are 8 things we could buy with all that money.

We can’t stop pinning other people’s design discoveries (and more) to our boards on Pinterest, the latest craze in social media – and since we want to share the pin-love, check out our 25 favorite Pinterest boards.

If you’re hunting for your next big buy in self-help literature, The Insider’s Guide has a few suggestions: they’re not real, mind you, but…give it time.

Incapable of grabbing more than a few winks of shut-eye at the moment? Try out these 20 foods that help you sleep better.

Finally, if you’re searching for the mojo to get that body you always dreamed of, any of these 30 inspirational quotes about health and fitness will light a fire within!

The post The Friday 5: Acquiring Edition appeared first on EcoSalon.

ColumnHigh fives, ladies, we’re the fixer-upper gender!

In light of the recent release of the Tush Tickler, your guide to “analplay adventures for everybooty,” you might be tempted to think there’s no personal development book under the sun left to be published, what with books being published where the sun don’t shine. You would think wrong. There are mines, rich veins, whole mountaintops of self help publishing left to be penetrated for our betterment. And isn’t that what it’s all about, ladies? Less thinking wrong, less thinking generally, more betterment?

They say print is dead. This simply isn’t true, because we have women, and as long as we have women, we will think of new books to improve them. Just check out these hot new self help titles for 2012!*

Everything I Need to Know in Life I Learned From My Dental Hygienist. Everything

“Some people say cleanliness is next to godliness. Some people also say pearly whites are next to pearly gates.” – Fox News

Raising Self Esteem by Broadcasting Everything Wrong With Yourself in Social Media

“Stunningly original approach to self help. Guaranteed to be a smash hit. Step aside, 7 Habits of Highly Successful People. Move over, The Secret. Sure to be an instant classic.” – Kirkus Book Reviews

Life Without Contraception in This Country

“A brilliant guide for the suddenly lesbian.” –  San Francisco Chronicle

Just Keep Telling Yourself It’s Not Personal, and Other Coping Techniques for Losers

“Denial is not to be stamped out, but amplified, explains this sage and insightful personal development primer that is the best thing I’ve seen yet at this low paying self help book review job I absolutely adore and vastly prefer to writing my novel.” – Internet Book Reviews Reviews of Books Best Book Reviews Online Internet Resource for Book Reviews Win Free Money, a subsidiary of Demand Media

If You Could Only Be Perfect!

“For the adult child who longs for the odd comfort of daily remonstrations at the hands of a tyrannical parent, this cruel, critical, fault-finding, nagging book is a lifeline nearly as judgmental as Mom herself, and certainly as disappointed as the Baby Jesus. The accompanying photo album for holding embarrassing childhood photographs to show prospective suitors is a thoughtful touch from the publisher, which clearly spared no expense in the creative development and packaging of this timely title. Now, more than ever, we need self-loathing.” – Brigham Young University Press

So He Left You for a 25-Year-Old She Probably Squeaks, and Other Crass Koans to Help You Feel Less Bitter About Being 50 and Divorced with a Credit Rating Shot to Hell Thanks to That Jerk Who Is So Immature Even the Therapist Despises Him Especially After She Slept with Him Because He’s Not Even Good in Bed! I Know!

“The author holds a canny grasp on the marriage zeitgeist, which is to say, the divorce zeitgeist.” – the Guardian

The Art of the Fake Orgasm

“A helpful how-to for pretending to reach climax during sexual intercourse, this delightful guide is full of creative tips for faking orgasm, along with dozens of real stories from women – and men – of all walks of life. This work would have been enhanced by the inclusion of expert insights from health professionals instead of the author’s friends. Still, a useful book for those interested in mastery of fake orgasms.” – Publishers Weekly

Is It Just Me or Does Nonviolent Communication Feel Like Suffocating Inside Sweaty Flannel Sheets?

“That’s not the actual title, but it should be! The NVC Myth: My Years of Suffering Through the Most Annoying Form of Communication on Earth really nails it. I knew exactly what the author meant the second I saw the book. For the stage five clinger not wanting the relationship to end and therefore having difficulty accepting the other party’s lack of interest, NVC must be a thrilling godsend, a therapeutically validated method for maintaining the connection for as long as humanly possible. For the party who isn’t the control freak endowed with epic levels of neurotic insecurity, NVC feels pretty much like you’re still dating the person only this time completely against your will.” – Amazon buyer itsworsethanherpes

How to Stop Beating Yourself Up for Misplacing the Keys for the Seven Millionth Time Today in One Easy Step Which We’ll Just Put in the Title: Anytime You Lose Something It Will Always Be Wherever You Left It, Except if There’s an Earthquake Then It Might Not Be Right Exactly Where You Left It But Probably Still Pretty Close By

“Though the entire contents of the book are on the cover, the intrepid reader or average New Yorker will soon grasp the many layers of this fundamental truism of life resting poetically within a simplistic single line. At once simple and nuanced, by turns pithy and existential, at once hilarious and brutal, by turns banal and profound, at once postmodern and tragic, by turns brisk and solemn, at once boring and random, by turns witty and frank, at once silly and bold, by turns like a girl wrote it and intelligent, at once riveting and poignant, by turns refreshing and compelling, this book is a triumph, an opus, a masterpiece, a tour de force. Deeply present. Deeply personal. Deeply provocative. Deeply shallow, while being deep in a shallow way. A Midwestern sensibility delicately permeates this experimental title, which is paradoxical in a richly ironic sense, reminiscent of the very best early work of Dave Eggars but also the biting disgust of a slightly older, slightly puffier Jonathan Franzen; both quiet like DeLillo and noisy like Safran Foer, if they were beverages. The book for the times, the book of the times, the book and the times.” –  The New York Times Book Review

What To Do About Your Wide Set Cleavage

“Wide set cleavage is a problem most women have, though many simply don’t realize it. This step-by-step guide takes the reader from DIY all the way to surgery, with scaffolding diagrams, resources, and plenty of tips for each stage of the journey to more attractive breasts.” – Allure

We need so much help. So much.

This is the latest installment in your editor’s column, The Insider’s Guide to Life.

*Note: These are not actual books nor actual reviews.

Image: quinn.anya

The post The Insider’s Guide to Life: 10 New Self Help Titles You Don’t Want to Miss appeared first on EcoSalon.

It’s time to get whelmed instead.

Your plate is full, right?
You’ve been at this for a while.
Life is your kind of kuh-raz-eee.

And then it gets fuller, and the time has come, or there’s a curve-ball, and things get well n’ truly wild.

And you could say, because it’s your right to, that you’re feeling “overwhelmed”. But don’t. Don’t go there. Stay with me, on the light side of change and bursting creativity; on the front end of pressure, and greatness, and the best and worst kinds of challenges.

Back away from overwhelm. Because when you just utter that word, you cast doubt on your capacity to rise. You let angst flop on your couch. You fret that you might not have the resources to surmount obstacles or to seal the deal on your dream.

Let’s make a pact. If you slip and use the o-word, I’ll refuse to believe you. I’m going to act like you didn’t even say it, and I’m going to remind you that

: you put everything on your plate with intention, and you have a huge say in creating your reality.

: you’ve been watering your dreams for years and you’re going to get what you ask for and allow (ya!)

: tragic circumstances or a circus of success — you’ve got what it takes to meet life with more giving.

Ban “overwhelmed” from your vocabulary. Refuse it entry to your psyche. You’re bigger than that.

Just be, you know, whelmed (this is best said with a Jewish, Brooklyn accent.)

Whelmed. Not at full capacity, rather, full of capacity.

Whelmed. Sounds full of potential, doesn’t it?

Editor’s Note: Danielle LaPorte is the creator of WhiteHotTruth.com, which has been called “the best place on-line for kick-ass spirituality.” She is the author of The Fire Starter Sessions: A Digital Experience for Entrepreneurs, an inspirational speaker, former think tank exec, and news show commentator. You can read all of Danielle’s EcoSalon guest articles here, and find her on Twitter @daniellelaporte.

Image: uggboy

The post Strike Overwhelmed from Your Vocabulary appeared first on EcoSalon.

ColumnTips for dealing with female bullies.

One of my favorite stories is the one about my good friend and the little dog. When this friend, whose name is Carol, was a girl growing up in a suburban Seattle cul-de-sac, the neighborhood kids would often meet up after school in a patch of undeveloped woods nearby to play. One day, as she was running along the sidewalk to meet her friends, a neighbor’s Yorkshire terrier came charging down the path at her, and bit her hard. Carol didn’t think twice about how to respond. She picked her up and bit her back. No matter how many times I’ve heard it, I whoop when she tells me how totally shocked the little dog was. As you can imagine, that bitch never bit her again.

Bullies sure do come in all kinds of packages.

A bully can be an adorable Yorkie with a velveteen bow. A bully can be handsome, beautiful, rich, glamorous or more typically, feign a great approximation. This is so that you can later slam your head against the wall while asking yourself, “What the hell did I see in them?” A bully might be your neighbor, your mother-in-law, your business partner, your new best friend. Bullies may be do-gooding, world-saving, tree-hugging, down-and-out-helping, soup-ladling. A friend of mine knows a woman whose mother is a famous self-help guru. The woman herself is a psychotherapist; after many years in therapy she decided she might as well practice it. The reason she spent so many years in therapy is because her famous self-help guru mother hit her all the time.

Forget the bow. Ignore packaging, proceed to contents. Here’s how you know a bully: they bite.

Have you been bullied? I have – more than once, if you count having to live with roommates, and then there’s the one for the ages. My bully, my friend. She really had it all: money, warts, and herpes. I watched my bully cut every friend out of her life in the short time I had the misfortune of knowing her. Of course then it seemed an eternity, or at least a semester. I could have sworn she had made a list of everyone she knew, and one day decided to work her way down it, with the goal of leaving behind as much ruin and destruction to impress me as possible. When she severed ties with her best friend – who was terrified of her – over an argument about pleats on skirts, I reckoned my neck was up next. It was. Where I had once existed on a pedestal, I was now a bunion on the vamp of her progress, a sea urchin in the waters of her expression. Simply showing up to my life each morning caused her suffering. Couldn’t I wash my car more often? Couldn’t I change my ring tone? Did it matter if I had feelings and hopes and dreams or a separate different definitely provable-by-science autonomous existence apart from hers?

Faced with the inevitable path before me, I armed myself with psychology books from more than one trip to Barnes & Noble and consulted my people. Soon enough, having exhausted her supply of other people to chew on, she started biting me. Because I had prepared, I was able to walk away in a move that left her spluttering – I bit back – but what if she’d been my boss? Oh, that’s right, she was.

Who on earth are these people? Tina Fey called them Mean Girls, and they are everywhere, no matter how grown up we get. Naively, I had approached my very first bully with the plucky optimism of a community fundraiser. Soon, she needed me and my reliable niceness, and when you get to that point it’s a short trip to toast. I was but the earnest wheat germ, she, the flaring toaster.

Public service moment: Awareness of bullying has increased in recent years as our society has become more comfortable with acknowledging how bullying can be devastating, potentially scarring us for life. If you have a child who is being bullied, or if you yourself are in a situation you cannot get out of, or if the bullying has become abusive, this is not the best article for you. You should seek professional help now. The good news is that there is recourse in many cases; in fact, some states, such as Massachusetts, have even outlawed bullying. The trouble with bullying, though, is that as adults we can’t drag our bullies to the principal’s office.

How are we supposed to be women of principle and planet when we’ve got a yipping Yorkie on our butts? Easy. Really. When it comes to dealing with the garden variety mean girl, you do not need to read Sun Tzu. You do not need to possess Machiavellian insight. You do not even need to read every single one of the books I read (although please don’t tell the authors I said that). Here’s what you do need to know about your female bully:

1. Learn your bully. It won’t be hard. First, know that she is not well. She is really miserable. We are not talking about your friend with her flaws who lashed out that one time because her boyfriend dumped her. We are not talking about your bossy boss or your crazy client. We are talking core unwell, status Mother Mary. If you are sensitive to others, it can be easy to focus on their flaws, but remember that most people are basically good and decent, with occasional blips of stupid behavior. Learn to differentiate dramatic blips from toxic patterns.

2. But dear God, don’t be fascinated by her. If you’re a forensic dork like me, by all means, read twelve or twenty books on bullying. Google your heart out. But don’t get so sucked in to her neurosis or pathology that you fall for your bully. Bullies are really rather empty save for their pain, which is why they are unhappy, which is why they lash out. Translation: they aren’t that interesting. They have very little capacity for self-awareness. Oh, they may know they are mean and nasty – and she will probably even brag about it – but think about it. Since they’re rocking it so hard, it must be all they have. Your bully is but a vapid inedible puffball of mean, stuck on Repeat.

3. Find some compassion. I’m serious: she is miserable. I know it is very hard when someone is targeting you – hurting your business, or your good name, or just you – and really, really hard if you must spend a lot of time with this woman or if she pays your bills, but remember that she is miserable. If you can muster even the tiniest bit of compassion for her – and I am talking corn kernel – it will help you feel relief. Comfort. Happiness. Security. Acceptance. Warmth. Love. Have you experienced these things? Your bully hasn’t, at least not nearly enough to function. Happy people who feel safe and loved do not actively bother with controlling and hurting others. They just function.

4. But show no mercy. Compassion is essential to coping, and it’s also just good karma. But it’s for you, not her. Don’t feel compelled to help, mentor, teach or love her and by doing so, become complicit in your own abuse. She is not your case. She is not your concern. If you’re forced to engage with her for professional reasons or personal commitments, keep it as light and brief as possible, and don’t ever reach out to her in a spur of generosity. Forgiveness does not require masochism. No drunk texting your bully, baby.

5. Understand that she operates on one channel: hers. And it’s boring. You may seriously wonder if she has Asperger’s, or start to think that she has a hearing problem. How could anyone be so derivative, grandiose and obtuse? A bully could. Learn the traits of narcissism; the fat red flag is contempt, but there are eight more signs. Bullying is the calling card of the narcissist. Narcissists are self-absorbed to the point that they don’t recognize others as individuals with their own needs, and I am not talking about your cat. They’re both shallow and self-obsessed, but at least the cat doesn’t bite.

6. Love the one you’re with? Never. If you’re skilled at pacifying, whether from growing up with an abusive or addicted parent or managing child actors, you’re particularly at risk for doing this. Don’t try to be “the one” that your bully adores while everyone else gets the mean treatment. Eventually, your bully will turn on you, and it will hurt.

7. Walk away. Did you consider this? If the thought of never seeing your bully again gives you more joy than the thought of a bathtub full of calorie-free sea-salt and caramel chocolate truffles dipped in lottery tickets, fame, a flat stomach and true love, it’s time to walk away. We can get so wrapped up in our bullies and their bad behavior, we forget that just a few short months or years ago, we were living the charmed life free of Cruella. Just imagine: You can live that life again. Unless it’s your married mate or your boss, you can walk away fairly quickly and easily. Really. I promise. I know, you’re saying “But I just can’t, you don’t understand!” I do. Walk away. You will not die and you will not get sued. (And if you really fear for your life, see the above note about getting professional help.) Bullies can be smart; they can even be right. But they are never entitled to bite.

8. What a keeper! Here’s the other thing about bullies: they almost always come back. That’s because as narcissists, they have terrible memories in every sense – terrible in a way that thrills with its occasional laser focus, and terrible in a way that infuriates with its amnesiac spin. You can bite back, walk away, avoid, or simply suffer in silence, and they will always test the fences. Keep her on a short leash lest she keep you.

9. Pretend she is spectacularly stupid. Treat your bully as if she is at least a full quadrant on the IQ chart below Larry in Dumb and Dumber. We can spend infinite mind time asking “Why me? Why that? Why would she?” This is a waste of your energy. You are dealing with the emotional and intellectual equivalent of an office chair. Bullies often don’t know their bad behavior is bad, so don’t assume they know. The reason they’ve gotten so far in life behaving this way is because they’ve encountered a whole lot of people like you – that is, sane, normal folk – who all think “No one could possibly do this on purpose! Why me? Why that? Why would she?” Nice can get you a long way, but spice can get you further. So, when your bully lashes out, call it with confidence. Don’t be hostile; simply state that you recognize this behavior as aggressive and inappropriate, and you will not tolerate it because you don’t like to be treated that way. You’re not on a committee with her; this is not a review-the-behavior democracy. You are in charge, you define, you speak up, and that’s final. It’s so easy after you do it once, you’ll be annoyed that you didn’t do it sooner. It really works. Don’t yell, don’t coddle, don’t back down. Just express, and then shut up. Your bully will react in three ways: she will suddenly find a fascinating hole in the floor into which to crawl; she will erupt in screams and tears (don’t hug her), or she will act like you didn’t say a thing. But at least for that day, she will stop.

10. Don’t bite back too hard. A mean girl is really more bark than bite. Think about it: when someone is playing an abusive mind game with you, it only works if you participate. Bullying requires you to play the game, too. If you walk away, or take off the gear, neither one of you can play anymore. Seth Godin said it best: “Drop the ball.” (I wish I could find the permalink; if you do, tell me.) Realize that your bully is really quite weak – this is a little girl throwing a tantrum, not Maleficent directing the ozone layer. Walking away is shock enough to the bully, who has the emotional fortitude of a Yorkie. You’re just a shape or a shadow in her picture postcard world, so disrupting the mirage and stepping out of the frame is going to be deeply terrifying to her. Despite your overwhelming desire (believe me, I know), avoid layin’ it on thick with added helpings of vitriol or vengeance.

And good luck. There are so many nice girls, there’s just no time for mean. Find your true friends and together, you can do a lot, including calling off the dog or, when necessary, biting back.

P.S. My good friend Carol who bit the dog back is my mother. Thanks, Mom.

This is the latest installment in your editor’s column, The Insider’s Guide to Life, exploring topics such as media, culture, sex, politics, and anything else. Cheers and spellcheck!

Image: djg0333

The post The Insider’s Guide to Life: Bite Me appeared first on EcoSalon.

A friend of mine – a therapist in a halfway house – once described a harrowing incident where a burly Hell’s Angel guy barged into a group therapy session, hollering and waving his arms around like a maniac. He was was having an “episode” that would’ve scared the bejeezus out of the toughest cookie on the block.

“Use your manners, would ya?” said the group therapy leader. “Turn around and come back in quietly.”

And then – fuming and puffing – Mr. Rage just…stopped. “Oh. Okay then.” He left the room, re-opened the door, walked in and sat down in the nearest empty seat. Calmly.

Just like that.
Standards work wonders.

When we routinely accept people’s poor behavior, we block the chances for radical change to occur. Excuses repress clarity. Justifications crowd out transformation.

I once worked with someone who was bi-polar manic depressive, and we always chalked up their behavior to their illness. We let them off the hook for all sorts of crappy behavior. But nasty is nasty, and mean is mean, and my standards are higher than that.

So next time your mother is a bit well, you know. Or your grouchy neighbor is a grouch, as usual. Or your super-stressed boss loses her cool because she’s, well, super-stressed. Call it at face value. Don’t let foul manners off the hook. Bad behavior is bad behavior – all afflictions and psych 101 labels aside.

Common sense is a mighty powerful agent for change.

Editor’s Note: Danielle LaPorte is the creator of WhiteHotTruth.com, which has been called “the best place on-line for kick-ass spirituality.” She is the author of The Fire Starter Sessions: A Digital Experience for Entrepreneurs, an inspirational speaker, former think tank exec, and news show commentator. You can read all of Danielle’s EcoSalon guest articles here, and find her on Twitter @daniellelaporte.

The post Bad Behavior? Don’t Make Excuses appeared first on EcoSalon.

letting go, pro-actively (because passively waiting is passive-aggressive)

“Active letting go” is not to be confused with “passive letting go,” whereby life rips stuff out of your grip, or you back yourself into a corner, or your responsibilities get so burdensome that you have to offload them just to stay afloat. Active letting go is a little more – pro-active. It’s a practice. It’s awake. It’s somewhat exhilarating (except for the agony of it.)

1. Steel leads to softness.
   Imagine ripping off a bandage; dropping an heirloom off at the thrift store and resolving to not go back to get it; kissing him or her that way for the last time and tearing yourself away because you need to grow in the other direction; boarding the plane with a heavy heart. When you steel the nerve to be tough enough to let go, you stride across a sacred line. And on the other side, Tenderness is waiting, and She’s very proud of you.
2. There’s always more to let go of.
   Active letting go is limitless. Just surrender to the endlessness of it.
3. It’s always painful.
   From wince to damn near crippling, letting go is gonna hurt. Face it. Rock it. Revel in the beauty.
4. You can let go in pieces…
   …and even take baby steps, but you can’t avoid the pain that surfaces when you fully commit to letting go.
5. Acceptance is your balm.
   When you accept that the pain of letting go is part of the deal, your let-go wound will heal faster.
6. The odds are in your favor.
   Out of, say, 100+ people I’ve talked to about letting go of stuff – material and emotional – 88 percent of them wished they’d done it sooner, and 97 percent of them have no regrets whatsoever. Only 3 percent are still uncertain. When you let go, the odds are stacked in your favor.

Editor’s Note: Danielle LaPorte is the creator of WhiteHotTruth.com, which has been called “the best place on-line for kick-ass spirituality.” She is the author of The Fire Starter Sessions: A Digital Experience for Entrepreneurs, an inspirational speaker, former think tank exec, and news show commentator. You can read all of Danielle’s EcoSalon guest articles here, and find her on Twitter @daniellelaporte.

Image: moriza

The post 6 White Hot Truths About Active Letting Go appeared first on EcoSalon.

I’m nomadic by nature but strive to travel for a purpose. Writing and taking pictures as a job blurs the line between work and play, but still, I tend to stay busy in far away places. By contrast, this last week in Mexico was down time. Me time. As it turns out, learning time.

I was there for a very small wedding of two good friends, in a tiny town of old homes and a few fancy houses built by California surfers.

It felt a bit ironic, as a decade-long relationship of mine recently came to a close. What I did not anticipate about this trip was how much time I’d spend in my head meditating on life and work and how love might function within it. When the water was clean, I surfed, forgetting my thoughts. But when I wasn’t surfing, I had a lot of time to think, mostly in a hammock staring at the ocean. It was hard; tearful at times. Not because I was watching new love pledge togetherness, but more because I was thinking about a past love. Far away, even with such vast space and peace, you still can’t always find the answers. Sometimes there simply aren’t any.

Love makes you think about dying alone. Silent breakfasts on Sunday morning. What you’re going to give in this life and what this life is going to give, in return, to you.

It’s complex for a wanderer like me; I’d need someone who shares my lust for adventure, my love for empirical experiences that challenge the very foundation of what we think we know about human nature. My mother tells me that I have to drop ‘I am what I do’, but I can’t. When the dust settles, all you really are is the sum total of your deeds in life. I believe nature really is that simple.

At the crux of this, for me, is a lifelong goal to sail around the world and document the cultures and people I meet. It’s something I’m currently doing. I’d love to share it with someone, a friend who shares my endless love of and fascination for the ocean. Isn’t that what we all want? These kinds of connections are rare, but sometimes you find them when you choose to take the offbeat path of your heart. You find others like yourself, who have committed to a life less ordinary. This is my tribe.

And we learn, too, that it is possible to love someone thoroughly yet realize that togetherness simply isn’t going to work. Paths cross, and lives connect, but our tribes pull.

Mexico, your hammocks and salty breezes brought me back to my true self. And sometimes losing love is a necessary step towards the path to personal discovery. And that’s a brutal fact.

The post My Heart, In the Heart of Mexico appeared first on EcoSalon.

There’s a moment in the third season of The West Wing where President Jed Bartlet declares that stress is something that happens to other people. Sadly, many of us are holding ourselves to the same harsh standard with devastating consequences for our health.

Stress is a natural physical reaction and it’s useful – the problem is that in modern life we don’t give our bodies time to recuperate. Instead we subject it to yet more stress and the cumulative effect can lead to health problems such as high blood pressure or poor digestion.

My wake-up call came recently when I fainted at a public event (this one) and was carted off to the hospital in an ambulance (thankfully at no cost since I live in the UK and it’s all covered by the National Health Service). The doctors couldn’t find anything wrong with me whatsoever and I can only conclude that it was my body’s way of telling me to look after myself.

When I stopped to think about it, I knew that I’d been feeling stressed for some time. Everyone has stresses in their life – the recession and financial problems is a big one for many people at the moment, while life events such as redundancy, divorce and moving home rank right up there, as well. The biggest stress in my life is organising my wedding, which is less than a month away now.

For me the idea of wellness and ecology are intrinsically linked. If I’m wound tight with stress, I’ll inevitably go for the fastest or easiest option and not necessarily the greenest one. I’m more likely to order take-out because I’m not in the mood for cooking or catch a cab because I’m running late.

I might feel guilty about it but guilt is not a productive emotion. On the other hand, a more peaceful and relaxed state of mind gives me the space to make eco-friendly choices. If I nurture myself, I can nurture others and the world around me and I can practice compassion and creativity.

I started making changes to alleviate stress on my own and then last week I went to a workshop on understanding stress at the Neal’s Yard Remedies store in Covent Garden (NYR sells natural, organic beauty product and treatments at stores in the UK and through their online stores in the US and Japan).

I thought I’d share with you the changes I’ve made and what worked and what I’m yet to try. In this post I’ll write about the changes I initiated on my own and I’ll do a follow-up post to share what I learnt at the workshop.

1. Diet: I already eat a healthy diet but I’ve made more of an effort to focus on nutrition so that I have the energy to deal with stressful events. I eat a wide variety of fruit and vegetables, whole grains and low-fat protein and I’ve cut out most sweets and fried foods and limited my coffee intake. Bonus – this will also help me look better in my wedding dress!

2. Exercise: I find exercise is a highly effective stress-reliever. You might be tempted to skip it if you’re feeling tired but actually it gives you more energy because it gets the oxygen circulating and triggers your body to release endorphins. I’d been slacking off a bit so I picked it up again. I like to run, but walking is also very good exercise and a great way to clear your head. I don’t like the gym but I do find exercise DVDs can be a godsend at this time of year when it’s cold out. I also resumed my morning yoga practice – just a simple 10-minute routine but I could feel it dissipating the stored tension in my neck and shoulders within days.

3. Vitamins: My iron levels are slightly below par (although this was not the reason for the faint). I already eat plenty of iron-rich food and making further changes to my diet wasn’t practical so I started taking an iron and vitamin C supplement (vitamin C helps your body absorb iron and, hey, it’s also good for you).

4. Sleep: I started going to bed earlier. My new rule is no computer after 9pm and I’m trying to get to bed by 10pm or 10.30pm most nights. I can operate on less sleep but I feel so much better with more. It doesn’t have to be a permanent change but it’s helping me right now.

5. Productivity: A major source of stress is my own ill-discipline – I am the world’s best procrastinator. I obviously can’t blow off my work nor the wedding preparations, so I’ve been trying to work more effectively instead. Wasting time doesn’t get my work done, it just leaves me less time to do it, and hence adds to my stress. I find the Getting Things Done system helpful and I’ve also tried to curb my addiction to tools such as Twitter.

6. Treats: We all know that all work and no play makes you dull and it doesn’t do anything for your stress levels either, so I’ve been making sure I schedule in fun things with friends and loved ones. I also went for a remedial massage – Neal’s Yard Remedies offers cut-price treatments with its graduates once a week, and I picked up the leaflet for the workshop while I was there. I’ve also enjoyed small treats like a bubble bath or a few squares of dark chocolate.

What are your top tips to deal with stress? Please share with us in the comments section.

Image: Townend Photography

The post Dealing With Stress: My Wake-Up Call appeared first on EcoSalon.

In an idyllic world, you could file your stress along with completed assignments when the clock strikes five. In reality, it tends to follow you home after a taxing day at work. If throwing on a pair of cozy pajamas and sinking into your sofa with a good book just isn’t enough to rid your mind of worries, try aromatherapy. This fragrant method of therapy can alleviate much more than just anxiety:

If humdrum routines have faded your passion into apathy, take a bath enhanced with peppermint essential oil to awaken your zest for life.

We all feel out of touch with the world sometimes, so combat those occasional sentiments of loneliness by mixing a little marjoram essential oil into your body lotion.

Have minor disputes caused you to fly off the handle lately? Well, you don’t need a counseling session to abate your heightened sense of irritability. Just burn some lavender incense and let the calm wash over you.

Whenever you’re feeling blue, add several drops of neroli essential oil to a bowl filled with steaming water, cover your head with a towel and inhale this uplifting scent.

You’re always up to speed on the latest trends, but scanning through all those fashion magazines is hardly a ticket for high self-esteem. Light a sandalwood essential oil soy candle and show your insecurities (and the magazine) the recycling bin.

Interested in around-the-clock relief? Make your own essential oil perfume with these aromas and soothe these emotions all day long.

Image: estrilda

The post Easy Aromatherapy Guide: 6 Scents to Relieve Stress, Boost Your Mood & More appeared first on EcoSalon.