ColumnHave you serviced yourself today? May is National Masturbation Month, so let’s intimately examine the art of self-pleasure. Whether you’re single or in a relationship, masturbation is not just free – solo sex may be the key to glowing health (and enduring happiness).

No matter how graphic, vulgar, and hyper-sexualized our culture is, masturbation, at least for women, still elicits a collective blush. Why are we so embarrassed about something so natural and accessible? Despite Betty Dodson’s groundbreaking work to liberate female masturbation in the sixties and seventies, solo sex remains one of our biggest taboos.

Notice how you’re comfortable meeting your girlfriends for brunch to dish on the details of last night’s hookup, yet that you’d NEVER say, “I had the most amazing orgasm with my vibrator last night.” Many of us touch ourselves, but we do it in the dark of night under the covers and we never speak of it.

But men, of course, have a long list of comfortable colloquialisms to describe masturbation, because for them, it’s no big deal. From “choking the chicken” to “buffing the banana” to “charming the snake”, there is an endless list of euphemisms to describe a man’s obsessive relationship with his penis. Sadly, we women have few to none. Let’s work on getting a room of our own (in which to diddle). I vote to start with “driving Miss Daisy.”

The initial shame we felt when we first discovered our bodies as teens often lingers. Somehow self-pleasure is much dirtier than sex with someone else – sex that is often performative and loaded with body image obsession, especially in the early stages of a relationship. And it’s a damn shame, because masturbation is one of the only ways to guarantee an orgasm. Why would you want to deny yourself the endless health benefits of the Big O?

Let us name just a few awesome side effects of the humble orgasm. Studies have shown that getting off is:

• Immune-boosting
• Good for sleep (thanks to prolactin)
• Promotes longer life (seriously)
• Brings brainpower
• Lowers blood pressure
• Improves digestion
• Anti-inflammatory
• Promotes youthfulness (better than Botox)

You can thank oxytocin, sometimes called the “love hormone” for many of the fringe benefits listed above. But orgasms also have social benefits – they are thought to enhance your confidence and connection to others. And it goes without saying – it deeply enhances your partnered sex life. A woman who knows her body and understands how to give it pleasure is duly equipped for mind-blowing sex.

Ready to make masturbation your next juice cleanse? Instead of a 30-Day Detox, try a 30-Day Masturbate-a-thon. If you don’t own a vibrator, consider picking up one of these amazing sustainable, body-safe options from my favorite sex toy company, Jimmyjane. If you know that you want to explore g-spot orgasms, choose a model that speaks to that need. If you plan to focus on clitoral stimulation, there are plenty of tools for that too. Other questions to consider – will you create a self-made fantasy, check out some porn (the feminist kind, of course) or employ some other mode of imaginative stimulation? Experiment, especially if you’re used to just one way of doing it — don’t get stuck in a masturbation rut.

Of course, you don’t need to spend any money at all on this endeavor. If you don’t plan to get fancy, your humble hand is your best friend – as is your shower-head. The key is to have a time and place set aside for your sessions, which I’d like you to think of exactly like your yoga or meditation practice. If you’re the type that would never skip a day of Ashtanga, you can certainly find a few minutes each evening before bed, or first thing in the morning, to “drive Miss Daisy.” Adjustments, of course, need to be made for partners, roommates, kids, and pets – but if dudes can manage it, you can too.

Go ahead — get your glow on, girls, and report back to me about how it went. Tweet using hashtag #nostigma to @ecosexuality.

FYI: The inimitable, 85-year old Betty Dodson is bringing back her famous BodySex workshops.

Got a question for Stefanie? Email  stefanie at ecosalon dot com and she’ll answer it in the next Sexual Healing column.

Keep in touch with Stefanie on Twitter: @ecosexuality

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