ColumnSince the #30DayOrgasmChallenge launched in September, one thing has become eminently clear: the benefits of orgasm are impossible to ignore. I’ve been totally floored by the response.

Over the summer, after a lot of research, myriad in-person conversations and Gchats with friends and colleagues, I realized that there is a prevailing dissatisfaction with the state of the orgasm (at least for the mostly cis-gender, heterosexual women I’d been hearing from). So I had an idea: I would ask women to think about their orgasms in an entirely new way — and to follow up it up with action.

The #30DayOrgasmChallenge asked women to re-conceptualize their orgasms as a transformative, health-giving mind/body experience as essential as any other daily practice: like meditation, yoga, juicing… all the stuff that we manage to make time for because we know it’s good for us.

We tend to think of orgasms as a kind of gift — something we sometimes, when we’re lucky, get from an intimate experience. But what if this kind of pleasure were simply a part of your regular routine? Only 25 percent of heterosexual women are likely to have an orgasm from partnered sex, thanks to the orgasm gap. So taking it into our own hands, so to speak — is essential.

This challenge was made for women of all ages – those in their reproductive years and without kids, still reproductive young parents, peri and pre-menopausal – and post-menopause. And all relationship statuses – single, recently divorced, in long-term partnerships, newly dating. The #30DayOrgasmChallenge is a pleasure protocol for every woman.

Our desires fluctuate through the various stages of a relationship — from the “I must jump your bones immediately” phase to the “kinda bored” phase to the “OMG get off of me” phase. Some people call these latter phases “the itch” as in the two-year, five-year, or seven-year-itch. And being in any one of these stages can do a major number on your self-esteem – and with that, kill off what feels like the last of your desire. None of these stages, however, guarantee orgasms for women, which is why we must learn to expect and demand them. It’s essential for women to remember that the waning of your desire for a long-term partner is perfectly normal – and science backs it up. Women tend to get bored even earlier then men, despite the many myths we’ve been fed about our sexuality.

The #30DayOrgasmChallenge was (and still is, because you can start any time) an opportunity to revisit the frontier of your authentic desire nature — to remember who you’ve been and who you might be if you could be anyone you wanted to. Having an orgasm a day for 30 days can show you what your real relationship with pleasure is — exempt from the expectations of your partner, your culture, your body image issues, and other barriers to deeper self-knowledge about what you want and need.

For the initial launch, different women had different goals: some wanted to get to know their own bodies better – solo sex is a really important and necessary tool for teaching your current or future lovers what you want. Some women wanted to experience more intense, longer, and/or deeper orgasms through a daily practice. Some wanted to address diagnosed sexual dysfunction. Some wanted to know if they could achieve vaginal orgasms in addition to clitoral ones. Some wanted to move past shame and guilt. Still others just wanted stress relief, better sleep, and heightened immunity. But all knew that the benefits of orgasm are many and varied, and they simply wanted more of the good stuff.

I’m happy to report that various participants have told me that they’re never going to take the benefits of orgasm for granted again. Many found it to be deeply liberating and consciousness-shifting. I loved the creative directions in which different women took the challenge – a number of people kept a daily journal and wrote about each of their orgasms. Like the famous Morning Pages that many swear by, these “Orgasm Pages” were a place for the women to deposit the images, emotions, and states of awareness they uncovered as they moved through their 30-day journey. A few were even willing to share, like Carolyn Jayne, an artist from Rhode Island. She did more than merely journal – she created visual journals – gorgeous water color paintings for each entry. (Her prints are available for purchase, contact her at cjayneart@yahoo.com). Here’s an excerpt from one — the image is called “Juno’s Pomegranate”.

Day 26 – seems Stefanie’s 30 day challenge has opened new portals of magic and mystery within. As my watercolor art unfolds in perfect timing with my body’s “unfolding”. Or rather that which was previously folded up and put away in a dusty linen closet of yore has been re-opened and rejuvenated.

SG from Seattle had this to say: “The commitment to self-pleasure on an ongoing basis yielded profound shifts within me. Not only did I feel an enriched reconnection with my body and heart, but I felt a more dynamic sense of power and liberation, jewels that came from more deeply rooting the knowledge of my ability to rely upon and treasure myself.” 

Did you take on the #30DayOrgasmChallenge? Will you take the benefits of orgasm to the next level? If so, please share your reactions with me. Let’s change the world for women — one orgasm at a time.

Got a question for Stefanie? Email  stefanie at ecosalon dot com and she’ll answer it in the next Sexual Healing column.

Keep in touch with Stefanie on Twitter: @ecosexuality

Related on EcoSalon

Do You Demand Pleasure Parity? Sexual Healing

The Art of Receiving: Do You Deserve Sexual Pleasure? Sexual Healing

9 Natural Ways To Spice Up Your Sex Life

Image: FrTclairage

The post The Undeniable Benefits of Orgasm — Revisiting the #30DayOrgasmChallenge: Sexual Healing appeared first on EcoSalon.

ColumnHave you serviced yourself today? May is National Masturbation Month, so let’s intimately examine the art of self-pleasure. Whether you’re single or in a relationship, masturbation is not just free – solo sex may be the key to glowing health (and enduring happiness).

No matter how graphic, vulgar, and hyper-sexualized our culture is, masturbation, at least for women, still elicits a collective blush. Why are we so embarrassed about something so natural and accessible? Despite Betty Dodson’s groundbreaking work to liberate female masturbation in the sixties and seventies, solo sex remains one of our biggest taboos.

Notice how you’re comfortable meeting your girlfriends for brunch to dish on the details of last night’s hookup, yet that you’d NEVER say, “I had the most amazing orgasm with my vibrator last night.” Many of us touch ourselves, but we do it in the dark of night under the covers and we never speak of it.

But men, of course, have a long list of comfortable colloquialisms to describe masturbation, because for them, it’s no big deal. From “choking the chicken” to “buffing the banana” to “charming the snake”, there is an endless list of euphemisms to describe a man’s obsessive relationship with his penis. Sadly, we women have few to none. Let’s work on getting a room of our own (in which to diddle). I vote to start with “driving Miss Daisy.”

The initial shame we felt when we first discovered our bodies as teens often lingers. Somehow self-pleasure is much dirtier than sex with someone else – sex that is often performative and loaded with body image obsession, especially in the early stages of a relationship. And it’s a damn shame, because masturbation is one of the only ways to guarantee an orgasm. Why would you want to deny yourself the endless health benefits of the Big O?

Let us name just a few awesome side effects of the humble orgasm. Studies have shown that getting off is:

• Immune-boosting
• Good for sleep (thanks to prolactin)
• Promotes longer life (seriously)
• Brings brainpower
• Lowers blood pressure
• Improves digestion
• Anti-inflammatory
• Promotes youthfulness (better than Botox)

You can thank oxytocin, sometimes called the “love hormone” for many of the fringe benefits listed above. But orgasms also have social benefits – they are thought to enhance your confidence and connection to others. And it goes without saying – it deeply enhances your partnered sex life. A woman who knows her body and understands how to give it pleasure is duly equipped for mind-blowing sex.

Ready to make masturbation your next juice cleanse? Instead of a 30-Day Detox, try a 30-Day Masturbate-a-thon. If you don’t own a vibrator, consider picking up one of these amazing sustainable, body-safe options from my favorite sex toy company, Jimmyjane. If you know that you want to explore g-spot orgasms, choose a model that speaks to that need. If you plan to focus on clitoral stimulation, there are plenty of tools for that too. Other questions to consider – will you create a self-made fantasy, check out some porn (the feminist kind, of course) or employ some other mode of imaginative stimulation? Experiment, especially if you’re used to just one way of doing it — don’t get stuck in a masturbation rut.

Of course, you don’t need to spend any money at all on this endeavor. If you don’t plan to get fancy, your humble hand is your best friend – as is your shower-head. The key is to have a time and place set aside for your sessions, which I’d like you to think of exactly like your yoga or meditation practice. If you’re the type that would never skip a day of Ashtanga, you can certainly find a few minutes each evening before bed, or first thing in the morning, to “drive Miss Daisy.” Adjustments, of course, need to be made for partners, roommates, kids, and pets – but if dudes can manage it, you can too.

Go ahead — get your glow on, girls, and report back to me about how it went. Tweet using hashtag #nostigma to @ecosexuality.

FYI: The inimitable, 85-year old Betty Dodson is bringing back her famous BodySex workshops.

Got a question for Stefanie? Email  stefanie at ecosalon dot com and she’ll answer it in the next Sexual Healing column.

Keep in touch with Stefanie on Twitter: @ecosexuality

Related on EcoSalon

Do You Demand Pleasure Parity? Sexual Healing

The Art of Receiving: Do You Deserve Sexual Pleasure? Sexual Healing

9 Natural Ways To Spice Up Your Sex Life

The post The Joy of Solo Sex (Is Masturbation the New Kale?): Sexual Healing appeared first on EcoSalon.

A weekly look at sex and culture, by the numbers.

Men and women were created equal, but they’re by no means the same. When it comes to sex, the differences between our genders are ever apparent. This week’s Sex By Numbers examines our sexual discrepancies—including fantasies, post coital slumber, and online romance scams.

80: Percentage of men who report they easily drift to sleep after having sex. Women, on the other hand, struggle with this, with just 46% reporting that they manage to easily slip into post-coital slumber

2-3: Number of times per month women in a survey reported fantasizing about “pleasant” sexual encounters; men, unsurprisingly, do this much, much more

28: Age at which 2000 British women reported feeling their sexiest, independent from a man’s perception or input

20: In a study that asked men and women to rate their levels of pain for a variety of different conditions—including arthritis and diabetes—women reported pain levels that were 20% higher than that of males

2,600: Number of online romance scams that have been reported to the FBI thus far in 2012. Women fall victim much more frequently than men, filing more than 1,800 of the complaints.

40: Percentage of condom-buyers that are now female. Just five years ago, 80% of condoms were bought by men.

$13,500: Cost of a 24 karat gold-plated vibrator, an indication of the growing market for and interest in women’s sex toys, an arena once dominated by men.

14%: Portion of the wage discrepancy between men and women that Italian researchers posit can be attributed to menstruation.

Image: mexindian

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