One would think that by 2017, people wouldn’t judge a woman for not changing her last name when she gets married.

One would be wrong.

Devoted wife “how-to”

Broadly reports some creepy news concerning 70 percent of American’s views about married women.

The study, which appeared in the journal Gender Issues, found that 70 percent of American adults think women should change their name when they get married. And—brace yourselves—50 percent of adult Americans think women should be required by law to change their names when wedding bells ring.

Excuse me, but I have to type… barf… to clear my mind’s palette.

The study

The study’s purpose was to discover if society would negatively view women who kept their name.

Emily Fitzgibbons Shafer, a sociology professor at Portland State University and the study’s author, asked more than 1,200 people to participate in her survey.

Survey participants were asked to judge a woman—named Carol Sherman, Carol Sherman-Cook, or Carol Cook—based on her choice to work more hours at her office job.

In the survey scenario, Carol’s husband, Bill Cook, feels neglected and overwhelmed by housework.

Respondents were asked to decide how many days Carol’s husband should pick up Carol’s slack. They also were asked how justified Bill would be to divorce his wife, on a scale from 0 to 5.

“Among women and highly educated men, women’s surname choice seems to have little effect on their perceptions of women as a wife or the standards to which she is held in marriage,” Shafer says.

But according to the researcher’s data, low-educated men thought that “a woman who chose a different last name from her husband’s was less committed to the marriage and that her husband would be more justified in filing for a divorce,” Broadly reports.

To find out more about Shafer’s study and its cultural revelations, read the study, “Hillary Rodham Versus Hillary Clinton: Consequences of Surname Choice in Marriage.”

Society can suck it

As a recently married woman who chose to not take her husband’s last name, this survey irks me—a lot.

Why is a woman supposedly less dedicated to her marriage because she doesn’t change her name?

I kept my name because I write and want my “brand” to stay the same. I also like my last name and don’t see how changing it is beneficial.

Luckily, my “independence” has never frightened my husband. After all, he was the one that said, “if you change your name… That would freak me out.”

Hear! Hear!

Related on EcoSalon
Screw Tradition: Have a Sensible Wedding to Save Cash and Stay Sustainable
Is This the Formula for a Happy Marriage?
5 Deliciously Fun Wedding Food Trends So Good You’ll Want to Marry Them, Too!

The post If You Want to be a Devoted Wife, Change Your Name *Eye Roll* appeared first on EcoSalon.

ColumnI enjoy a good laugh at the expense of GOOP and Gwyneth Paltrow as much as the next person; it’s fairly irresistible material. After GP announced her breakup with Chris Martin this week, terming it “conscious uncoupling,” there was a viral pile-on of inevitable Paltrow-bashing  — but this is one bandwagon I’m not hopping on.

The now-infamous GOOP post about Martin and Paltrow’s impending divorce is embarrassingly New Age-y and steeped in various Chopra-isms, but before we throw “conscious uncoupling” out with the Italian Sparkling Mineral Water, let’s unpack what it really means. Of course, all the talk of insects and exoskeletons in the post made my exoskeleton crawl. Question for another day: Why do people insist on trying to fit everything they feel, do, see and experience into a version of the Paleo diet?

I know its hard, but let’s stop cracking jokes at Paltrow’s expense and look at our own messy lives for a moment. In many ways “conscious uncoupling” is simply shorthand for breaking up without completely breaking down (or breaking your ex-partner’s head, window, or stereo system – take your pick). It’s separating your lives without including all the ugliness we associate with divorce. It may seem nearly impossible to uncouple with grace, perhaps because we all watched “Kramer vs. Kramer” one too many times. Yet breaking up with a partner doesn’t require a war footing – even if you have good reasons to be angry at your ex.

To me, the root of “conscious uncoupling” is less about endings than it is about beginnings. If there is consciousness at the start, there is likely to be more groundedness and wisdom at the (inexorable) end. To me, conscious uncoupling is a doorway to unlearning everything you’ve ever been taught about love, romance, sex and the way relationships are forged. It’s about disentangling yourself from the complete rom-com-ification of your psyche — knowing that your life is not a fairy tale, and that finding your “one and only” is not your life’s purpose. Most of all, it’s about becoming less binary, and truly understanding why we’re not really built for monogamy. (Note to Gwyneth: this has little to do with grasshoppers.)

Perhaps our addiction to the dramatic, angry, vengeful breakup stems from our deeply misguided conception of love itself. Marriage, that sacred institution, will continue in an endless loop toward the inevitable fifty percent divorce rate if we continue to seek mates the way our ancestors did (and I don’t mean our Paleolithic ones). After all, marriage is a merely a convention – an apparatus birthed by capitalism that indicates ownership of property. We’re choosing our own partners now (at least we think we are – I’d argue that consumerism plays a huge role in our mating dance) but we’re still enmeshed in the constructs and contracts of the Victorian Age.

And as much as we’ve advanced since the first sexual revolution of the 1960s, relationships are one arena in which we’ve made much less progress than we think we have. Sure, women aren’t chattel anymore, but we continue to announce betrothals with engagement rings, a blingy down payment on a future sex partner. Considering the way we treat sex workers, it’s rather interesting that few balk at the idea of men symbolically buying their future brides with diamonds. Just sayin’.

These are institutionalized conventions that we haven’t shed yet, and it may be a while before we do. Before we can leave the antiquated concept of marriage to the annals of history, we have to first make it legal for all humans – we’re at least working towards that. Besides, it’s helpful for filing taxes.

I know I mention “Sex at Dawn” ad naseum in this column, but the poly community has a lot to teach us about jealousy, ego, and co-dependence – the downfall of many a short and long-term relationship. There’s a term often used in the poly community called “compersion” defined on Wikipedia as: “… an empathetic state of happiness and joy experienced when another individual experiences happiness and joy.” So instead of feeling jealous when our partner experiences pleasure from a source other than us, we feel pleasure derived from their pleasure.

Think about that for a moment. Do you feel joy when your partner does? Or does the idea of your lover experiencing happiness unrelated to your body, your ideas or thoughts or worldview, make you a little bit uncomfortable? What all of this really comes down to is that in an ideally balanced world, one where “consciousness” is not just a buzzword, we’d embark on relationships already whole. It is when we take our broken selves and try to solder them back together via a relationship that we fail. Not that we need to be whole before experiencing love — that would mean that very few of us would get the chance to be in relationships, as wholeness is a lifelong project.

The issue here, and the one embedded in the concept of “conscious uncoupling,” is that wholeness can only come from within. No partner can make you whole, even if you temporarily believe that to be the case. If you seek validation (sexual or otherwise) from others — you’ll always come crashing back to down to Earth, utterly defeated. Instead, the life-project, the bucket-list item, should not be “finding love” unless it starts with finding authentic self-love first.

We are fixated on forever, and we need to loosen our grip. Some of us will find and partner with people who will be our life-long loves. Some will even manage to have a thriving sex life for decades, even though this is quite rare. Some will be intentional serial monogamists (like me). Some would rather be alone, either after a long marriage, or no marriage at all. So let us go forward consciously coupling, uncoupling, and whatever comes in between. As long as we know that nothing is, or should be, forever.

Got a question for Stefanie? Email stefanie at ecosalon dot com and she’ll answer it in the next Sexual Healing column.

Keep in touch with Stefanie on Twitter: @ecosexuality

Related on EcoSalon

The Art of Receiving – Do You Deserve Pleasure?

Sex and Intimacy: What’s Love Got To Do With It?

4 Tips for Releasing Toxic Relationships, Being Honest and Letting Go

 Image via Wikimedia

The post Stop Making Fun of Gwyneth and ‘Conscious Uncoupling’: Sexual Healing appeared first on EcoSalon.

Women with the bad luck of being involved with men like George Zimmerman should just get a free pass on divorce, and a medal for even trying to make the marriage work.

Regardless of how you feel about George Zimmerman and his interpretation of the Second Amendment, some people are surprised to hear that he’s not husband of the year. Recently, Shellie Zimmerman, George’s wife of seven years, filed for divorce saying he was “selfish” and “verbally abusive.”  As if the recent self-defense/murder controversy weren’t bad enough, he was recently arrested detained for allegedly smashing up an iPad, and threatening both Shellie and her father with a gun.

Since the beginning, before the Trayvon Martin murder, throughout the trial, through death threats from the public, Shellie has lived with with a nervous and possibly crazy George Zimmerman who has probably never been nice to her. All the way to being threatened herself, Shellie Zimmerman stood by her man. Seems adequate, right? Divorce granted. Pin a big, platinum medal on her chest inscribed with “woman of the year” and let her move on without questioning any other reasons for divorce.

And while we’re at it, you know who else should get a free pass-divorce and/or medal? Huma Abedin – wife of Anthony Weiner, perpetual sexter of genitals and just an all around embarrassing husband; the wives of professional athletes who cheat regularly; Tina Turner if she were still married to Ike; Maria Shriver because, well, Arnold;  and anyone who decides to marry Chris Brown; Tiger Woods, Charlie Sheen, and possibly Jude Law.

Not that the women have to divorce men like George Zimmerman, but we would totally understood if they did. In fact, we would probably celebrate because sometimes, it’s just best to take your losses and quit while you’re ahead…or alive. So, instead of questioning them, let’s give the women who stick by bad husbands a free pass divorce, a shiny platinum button, and a seat at the head table of the Good Riddance to Bad Husbands Club. That means you too, Shellie Zimmerman.

Related on EcoSalon:

10 Weddings That Will Have You Running for the Altar

25 (Possible) Reasons You Are (Still) Single

Ike, Tina, and the Realities of Domestic Violence

Image: Wikimedia Commons

The post George Zimmerman And 8 Other Men Unworthy Of Marriage appeared first on EcoSalon.

What does marriage even mean anymore?

When I tell people I’m having a baby in September, I notice a lot of them glance almost automatically at my left-hand, presumably looking for a wedding ring. Some have even outright asked me if I am- or going to be- getting married. My answer is always the same: “No. Not yet, anyway.”

It’s not that I don’t believe in the commitment. I love my partner dearly. After all, I’m having his child. When I was a young girl, I dreamed of that handsome prince from just about every Disney movie that I was told I was entitled to. Even though I wasn’t technically a princess, I couldn’t escape the belief that I deserved a knight in shining armor just as much as Snow White.

Modern men are many things wonderful. But most of them aren’t princes. It was easy to let relationships fail, citing the lack of true fairy tale love. But mostly, it was probably my fear. Or, like they say, the timing just wasn’t right. The glass slipper didn’t fit.

After I spent a lot of time alone, and a good bit of that relationshipless time with a male friend, we soon found ourselves falling in love. It’s hard now to even remember us just as friends, but it is that friendship that lies at the core of our love, and why we are starting a family together.

It’s not because both of us endured our parents’ ugly divorces that we’re choosing not to get married. It’s not that we’re scared, or don’t love each other enough to make that kind of commitment. We love a good gathering. And lord knows, we could use a new toaster. It’s our discomfort in the way our country now views marriage that has us feeling so disenchanted by one of the world’s oldest, and most beautiful rituals.

How could we have a wedding and invite our friends—many of whom are homosexuals and lesbians—to celebrate our heterosexual right to marry while they’re denied that same right just because of who they love?

A baby is certainly an incentive for us to get married, but the injustice for people whom we already know and love dearly is an even bigger reason for us not to, no matter the difficulties we’ll be faced with as unmarried parents. We have friends who’ve been in much longer relationships than ours who are unable to marry. And even though ten eleven states (go Delaware!) now allow gay marriage, the Supreme Court has yet to rule on the issue. More than that, there are those narrow-minded individuals who somehow feel threatened by same-sex couples. We allow these people their first amendment right to speak their shallow minds, of course, and they throw our Constitution right back at us, saying our forefathers would have never approved of same-sex marriage. (I won’t even go into the religious hypocrisy of the we’re-not-gay-we’re-just-serial-pedophiliac-sex-offenders aka the Catholic Church.)

It’s not like we won the lottery, and our unrich friends have to adjust to us now being millionaires. And it’s nowhere near the unbelievable comparisons homophobes make suggesting gay marriage is the same as marrying a relative or (sigh) a dog. I didn’t live through the Civil Rights movement. My parents weren’t even born when Hitler was rounding up our relatives and executing them by the trainload. So I can only look back at the mistakes my fellow Earthlings have made with hindsight and melancholy. It hurts to think about those millions of people who suffered at the hands of fear and entitlement. It hurts to know that it took so long to correct, and in some cases, we’re still battling those same issues. Gay people aren’t slaves. They’re not forced to live in the ghetto wearing yellow stars before their families are ripped apart, tortured and murdered. But they’ve certainly been unjustly treated. They’ve been demoralized, attacked, ridiculed. Before anyone is a homosexual, a lesbian or a heterosexual, we’re all human beings first.

The real issue here is we have a lot of issues around sexuality. We allow abuse and objectification to proliferate. We don’t stand up for victims of sexual abuse–regardless of their gender. We suppress our own feelings for fear of what others will say or do. That’s what this issue is about. It’s not about what our forefathers envisioned for America. It’s obvious they envisioned progressive leadership, compassion and an ability to grow as a nation as our needs and wants changed with the times.

I don’t believe that any of our gay friends would criticize us for marrying. They are friends, after all, and want to see us happy, just as much as we want the same for them. And many of them are probably going to be shocked to read this. But until we can all enjoy the same recognition of our love—regardless of our sexual orientation—I can’t possibly see marriage as an option anymore. And I know my daughter will understand. Perhaps one day, she’ll even get to attend her parents wedding.

Image: CarbonNYC

The post Until We All Can: Why I Won’t Marry My Baby’s Daddy appeared first on EcoSalon.

A symbol of love, with a possible history of war.

“A diamond is forever.” It’s one of the 20th century’s most enduring marketing campaigns, one that inextricably linked the precious stone with marriage and commitment.

But though diamonds are a symbol of romance in the Western world, their origins are often far from romantic. Two-thirds of the world’s diamonds are mined in Africa, many in conflict zones where their sale is used to fund the operations of warlords and dictators. And although certification schemes have been set up to stop the distribution of these so-called “conflict” or “blood” diamonds, recent reports suggest that such programs have been ineffective.

With wedding season in full swing and new engagements now front-and-center on our Facebook feeds, we thought we’d look beyond the glimmer and into the realities of the global diamond trade.

But first, a little history on why diamonds are such a crucial element of new engagements. The precious stone was a scarcity until the 1870s, when large diamond mines were discovered by the Orange River in South Africa. This discovery could have drastically sunk the market for diamonds, reducing them to semi-precious gemstones, had the diamond miners not merged their interests into a single entity, which they called De Beers. According to an article in The Atlantic, De Beers proved to be the most successful cartel arrangement in modern commerce, which it achieved by controlling prices, limiting supply, and perpetuating the aspirational qualities of diamonds.

Both women and men had to be made to perceive diamonds not as marketable precious stones but as an inseparable part of courtship and married life. To stabilize the market, De Beers had to endow these stones with a sentiment that would inhibit the public from ever reselling them. The illusion had to be created that diamonds were forever – ‘forever’ in the sense that they should never be resold.

According to the article, De Beers decided to focus its marketing efforts on the United States, and in 1938 it enlisted N.W. Ayer, New York’s leading advertising agency, to create a new marketing campaign for the mighty gemstone. After conducting extensive market research, the agency suggested a promotion strategy centered around linking diamonds with romantic commitment. 

Since ‘young men buy over 90% of all engagement rings’ it would be crucial to inculcate in them the idea that diamonds were a gift of love: the larger and finer the diamond, the greater the expression of love. Similarly, young women had to be encouraged to view diamonds as an integral part of any romantic courtship.

The campaign was remarkably successful, and today the United States is the largest consumer of diamond jewelry in the world.

The Good

The global demand for diamonds has turned mining into a highly profitable but heavily abused industry, one that has played an instrumental role in both attracting investment to African nations and, ironically, funding conflicts and warfare.

In 1998, Global Witness, a watchdog group that focuses on natural resources, published the first major report linking the diamond trade with civil wars in Angola. The report brought attention to the concept of “blood diamonds” or “conflict diamonds,” diamonds that are mined in a war zone and sold abroad to finance violent conflict and human rights abuses. According to Global Witness, the diamond trade has played a major role in financing wars in Angola, Liberia, Sierra Leone, Côte d’Ivoire, Zimbabwe, and the Democratic Republic of the Congo.

The report and subsequent resolutions from the United Nations raised enough global awareness that in 2000, the World Diamond Council began discussing ways to block sales of conflict diamonds on the global market. The result, approved in 2003, was the Kimberley Process, a certification scheme adopted by 75 of the world’s diamond producing, trading, and manufacturing countries. In order to be accepted into the consortium, a country has to certify that its diamonds are not financing rebel groups or other entities seeking to overthrow UN-recognized governments. All invoices must contain the following statement:

The diamonds herein invoiced have been purchased from legitimate sources not involved in funding conflict and in compliance with United Nations resolutions. The seller hereby guarantees that these diamonds are conflict free, based on personal knowledge and/or written guarantees provided by the supplier of these diamonds.

The Bad

While the Kimberley Process was created with the best intentions, it soon became clear that the task of regulating the conflict diamond trade was more difficult than anticipated. Over the past decade, the Kimberley Process has been widely criticized for its ineffectiveness at enforcing regulations. In particular, NGOs and watchdog groups have been critical of the Kimberley Process decision to approve diamonds mined in the Marange fields of Zimbabwe, a zone that has reported frequent violence and human rights abuses at the hands of the military.

One by one, participants like Partnership Africa Canada and the African Diamond Council have withdrawn their support. And in 2011, Global Witness, a founding member, announced that it was leaving the organization entirely, citing the KP’s “refusal to evolve and address the clear links between diamonds, violence and tyranny.” In a public statement, Global Witness director Charmian Gooch explained the decision to withdraw:

The scheme has failed three tests: it failed to deal with the trade in conflict diamonds from Côte d’Ivoire, was unwilling to take serious action in the face of blatant breaches of the rules over a number of years by Venezuela and has proved unwilling to stop diamonds fueling corruption and violence in Zimbabwe. It has become an accomplice to diamond laundering – whereby dirty diamonds are mixed in with clean gems.

Gooch also noted:

Nearly nine years after the Kimberley Process was launched, the sad truth is that most consumers still cannot be sure where their diamonds come from, nor whether they are financing armed violence or abusive regimes.

So What Now?

As the world’s leading consumers of diamond jewelry, Americans have the power to call for change in the diamond industry – or alter the demand for diamonds entirely. One way to start is by shifting the way we think about diamonds in relation to weddings and marriage. If you’re looking to tie the knot in the near future, here are some ways you can avoid introducing conflict into the equation.

Find a jeweler with independent certification processes.

There are a handful of jewelers that specialize in conflict-free stones and metals. Brilliant Earth carefully sources its diamonds from mines with strict labor and environment regulations in Canada, Namibia, and Botswana. The Earthwise collection from Leber Jeweler also contains diamonds mined in Canada, along with recycled precious metals.

Go vintage.

Shopping for rings in antique and vintage jewelry stores can be a great way to add meaning and history to the occasion. Or, go the traditional route and ask to use a ring that has been passed down in your family.

Buck tradition.

Diamonds are the traditional symbol of commitment – but who says you have to be traditional? Rather than select the typical princess-cut platinum ring from Tiffany & Co., try exchanging alternative tokens of affection, like handmade gifts. In addition to being more personal, it’ll also be a way to ensure that your symbol of eternal love and commitment is not tainted with a legacy of war and conflict.

SEE ALSO:

Behind the Mother’s Day Flower Trade

Behind the Label: Avon’s Crusade Against Breast Cancer

Behind the Label: Tommy Hilfiger’s Promise Collection

Check out all Behind the Label columns here.

Images: Photography King

The post Behind The Label: The Diamond Engagement Ring Industry appeared first on EcoSalon.

Trekity’s Darcie Connell offers six signature lessons learned through travel.

After traveling the world since 2008, Trekity co-founder Darcie Connell has learned a little secret that changed her life…travel made her a better lover. And who says women can’t kiss and tell? Through her experiences in traveling to over thirty countries around the world, she’s acquired innumerable lessons about life and love. Here are six to start with.

Appreciate your partner.  Certain aspects of travel can be extremely stressful, like making sure you get to the airport on time or asking for directions in a foreign language. It’s during those moments that your travel partner is worth their weight in gold. After all, they understand what you’re going through and can really reduce the stress of travel. Taking that appreciation for your partner into the bedroom can really ignite the romance and passion.

Enjoy a new environment. Who said making love is strictly for the bedroom? When you travel you’re constantly stimulated by new sights, sounds, tastes, and sensations that can put you in the mood at any given moment. Go with the flow and try making love in a new environment. The location doesn’t have to be uber-public (like Times Square in New York); it can be something more private like your kitchen or backyard. The risk of being caught also adds to the heat of the moment.

Change things up. When you travel, all routines, timelines and rhythms are broken. Forget the 6am alarm clock, your weekly strategy meetings, or even chores around the house. You have complete freedom to get frisky whenever you want and for any duration of time. Take that mindset back home with you and forget all of life’s routines. Be spontaneous and change things up.  You can have a nice long romantic evening with your partner – or a fun quickie if you’re short on time. The choice is yours.

Express yourself. One of the most important aspects of travel is knowing how to express yourself and your needs. It’s also an invaluable skill in the bedroom. Being able to communicate your wants and needs with your partner can be the difference between having amazing sex versus mediocre sex and we all want amazing sex, right? Practice verbal and non-verbal ways of expressing yourself the next time you’re with your partner and you’ll see immediate results.

Be confident. It literally took traveling around the world to learn that people are virtually the same everywhere. While there might be slight differences in skin color, height, weight and shapes, for the most part people have the same desires. Being confident in your body – and what you want to do with it – is a major turn on. Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat Pray Love, sums it up perfectly by writing, “Let me ask you something, in all the years that you have…undressed in front of a gentleman has he ever asked you to leave? Has he ever walked out and left? No? It’s because he doesn’t care! He’s in a room with a naked girl, he just won the lottery.”

Have an open mind. Learning to have an open mind when traveling has given me some remarkable life experiences and the same goes for sex. By sharing your desires and fantasies with your partner and maintaining an open mind, you can take your love life to the next level satisfying each other along the way.

How has travel spiced up your love life?  Leave a comment and share the love.

Darcie Connell is the co-founder of Trekity.com and TravelBloggerAcademy.com and continues to travel and experience the world. Follow Darcie on Twitter for further insights as she explores the world’s more sensual side.

Image: Angelo Gonzalez, Brad Montgomery, wili_hybrid

The post 6 Ways Travel Will Make You a Better Lover appeared first on EcoSalon.

To have and to hold.

Weddings to me are wondrous because they are so filled with tomorrows. -Mary Forsell

For two people in a marriage to live together day after day is unquestionably the one miracle the Vatican has overlooked. -Bill Cosby

It is such a happiness when good people get together – and they always do. –Jane Austen

I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. -Rita Rudner

A great marriage is not when the “perfect couple” comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences. –Dave Meurer

Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit. -Billy Connolly

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays. -Henny Youngman

The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing – and then marry him. -Cher

No long-term marriage is made easily, and there have been times when I’ve been so angry or so hurt that I thought my love would never recover. And then, in the midst of near despair, something has happened beneath the surface. A bright little flashing fish of hope has flicked silver fins and the water is bright and suddenly I am returned to a state of love again — till next time. –Madeleine L’Engle

Weddings are never about the bride and groom, weddings are public platforms for dysfunctional families. –Lisa Kleypas

To be fully seen by somebody, then, and be loved anyhow – this is a human offering that can border on miraculous. –Elizabeth Gilbert

Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery. -Erma Bombeck

The problem with marriage is that it ends every night after making love, and it must be rebuilt every morning before breakfast. –Gabriel Garcí­a Márquez

Weddings take months to organize, and there are fittings and invitation lists and old aunts being coy about the honeymoon, and having to have somebody’s perfectly hideous cousin for a bridesmaid. And then hundreds of appalling wedding presents. Toast-racks and Japanese vases and pictures that never, in a million years, would you want to hang on the wall. And you spend all your time writing insincere thank-you letters with your fingers crossed, and everybody gets tense and miserable and there’s lots of bursting into tears. The miracle is that anybody ever gets married at all, but I bet most girls have nervous breakdowns on their honeymoons. –Rosamunde Pilcher

A bride at her second marriage does not wear a veil. She wants to see what she is getting. –Helen Rowland 

If I get married, I want to be very married.  -Audrey Hepburn

We are gonna have tons and tons of opportunities to meet gorgeous ladies that get so aroused by the thought of marriage that they’ll throw their inhibitions to the wind. -Vince Vaughn as Jeremy Grey in Wedding Crashers

Longed for him. Got him. Shit. –Margaret Atwood

A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished. -Zsa Zsa Gabor

By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher. -Socrates

I used to think a wedding was a simple affair. Boy and girl meet, they fall in love, he buys a ring, she buys a dress, they say I do. I was wrong. That’s getting married. A wedding is an entirely different proposition. -Steve Martin as George Banks in Father of the Bride

Marriage is a fine institution, but I’m not ready for an institution. –Mae West

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man, then complain he’s not the man she married? –Barbra Streisand

Marriage is give and take. You’d better give it to her or she’ll take it anyway. -Joey Adams

I am about to be married, and am of course in all the misery of a man in pursuit of happiness. –Lord Byron 

Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then. –Katharine Hepburn

Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There’s no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere. -Groucho Marx

Mawidge is a dweam wiffin a dweam. The dweam of wuv wapped wiffin the gweater dweam of everwasting west. Eternity is our fwiend, wemember that, and wuv wiw fowwow you fowever. -William Goldman in The Princess Bride

Weddings remind us that our lives have meaning and that love is the strongest bond, the happiest joy, and the loveliest healing we can ever experience. -Daphne Rose Kingma

I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry. -Rita Rudner

ALSO CHECK OUT:

50 Best Quotes About Love

30 Best Quotes About Sex

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Classic Quotes from Hollywood’s Original Leading Ladies

Want to see more quotes? Go here.

Image: Andreas Levers, Irina Patrascu, Wendy Logo

The post 30 Quotes on Weddings and Marriage appeared first on EcoSalon.

The trials and tribulations of being in a relationship.

It’s been a week of relationship inspiration at EcoSalon, from these famous quotes to these enticing-looking wedding suggestions, and naturally our thoughts have turned to our complicated life’s work of finding a mate. From the influence of Facebook to the growing popularity of mail-order brides, here are 7 aspects of modern human relationships that continue to fascinate (and baffle) us…

How Facebook Affects You and Your Relationships: We’re probably all familiar with Facebook’s meddling effect on relationships, but this infographic breaks down exactly how.

10 Infographics Exploring Love, Sex & Relationships

You should never find yourself believing that you’re not good enough due to your partner’s words or actions. Even if it’s said in a joking way, a jibe about your looks, your job, your intelligence or any matter that relates to self-esteem can really hurt. Don’t just sit back and take it when the “jokes” keep adding up, or your partner doesn’t even bother to cloak his or her constant criticism. There’s a difference between constructive feedback or advice and comments that are meant to tear you down.

10 Signs It’s Time To Leave Your Relationship

We humans aren’t all that special, sharing between 95-99% functional DNA with our close cousin the Bonobo. If you think people can be merciless when it comes to harnessing sex as a tool for manipulation, why don’t you go visit your evolutionary kin for the day? For Bonobos, sexual contact is used for everything from same-sex conflict-resolution to calming infants. They have sex to release tension, sex to leaven antagonism, and sex to have fun and socialize. A promiscuous bunch, Bonobos have multiple partners, and because the women are sleeping around, the males aren’t sure which children belong to them. Obscure paternity goes a long way toward the prevention of infanticide. Doesn’t it all smack of a Shakespearean tragedy?

Sex By Numbers: Modern Day Romance And Breeding

Clinging to the old picture is what typically keeps us in a dysfunctional dying marriage. The romantic courtship, the impressive wedding pageantry, the happy family holiday greeting mailed out on December 20th each year. While validating, they keep you living in the past. Visualize a new picture, one in which you are loving your body and treating it right with good, fresh organic food, exercise and massage, thriving at work and in your relationships and giving unselfishly of yourself to your community. You’ve learned the hard way you can’t control your partners or your outcomes, but you can work on being the best you.

The Green Divorce: 10 Tips For An Eco-Friendlier Finale

Is there a darker, anti-feminist side to mail order bride operations? As FOX News reports, “Men who seek wives abroad often explicitly state those women here are not worth marrying because they are too independent, ruined by feminism or fill in the pejorative blank.” Feminism is the alleged boogeyman behind these marriages. American women are too empowered, so men must go to countries where women are willing to trade a bit of their power for their own idea of a better life.

Of course, some would argue that men and women who enter into these arrangements are equal opportunity seekers. And as long as no one is harmed, then what’s the problem? If a lonely man who wants a young, pretty wife from another country, and a young, pretty wife wants an American husband, then who are we to judge? They would have a valid point…

Mail-Order Brides Are More Popular Than Ever – But Are They Anti-Feminist?

The study reports that if you’re shacked up and sharing a bed, you experience 50% more sleep troubles than singletons. Sleeping together is downright unhealthy. So weird – I’m not married for this exact reason! Strategic brilliance from Ost, yet again.

My properly chilled Scandinavian grandparents may have been onto something with their separate sleeping arrangements. As a child, I remember thinking it was sort of weird that Grandpa and Grandma had a bedroom like Lucy and Ricky’s since we weren’t living in black and white anymore, but then being glad for it because it made jumping on the bed(s) twice as fun!

Just ponder the upside of hitting the hay in different stables. You’re fast asleep when a handsome stranger steals into your bed and has his way with you (so it’s actually your hubs and he has a spare tire, but work with me here). Absence makes the heart grow hornier, as it were. Sleeping apart makes sleeping together an extra special thing. Also, you get the eternal thrill of doing it in someone else’s room. Aside from making sex just like college all over again, there’s the benefit of never again having to argue over how many pillows ought to be embellishing the duvet. Oh, and the health thing.

From The Marriage Sucks File: Scientists Say Sleeping Together Ruins Your Health

A surname is about identity, and what’s more personal than that? While some might see the act of keeping a maiden name as an indication of a woman’s independence or a play for personal power, the choice is an issue that can cause unwanted criticism for wanting to retain a lifelong identity whether from family, co-workers or the society at large. Plenty of contemporary influential women have changed their name without anyone questioning their feminism. Lady Margaret Thatcher (nee Roberts) is a name changer, as is First Lady Michelle Obama. Hillary Rodham reversed her decision after her husband’s gubernatorial loss in 1980, becoming Hillary Rodham Clinton.

While this decision is personalized on many different levels, there can be some common ground. In the end, what are some of the reasons married women keep their maiden name?

7 Reasons Married Women Keep Their Last Names

Images: illusive photography, bobosh_t,  rbowen, j9, Peacemaker Voices and Meredith_Farmer.

The post From The Vault: We’re In This Together appeared first on EcoSalon.

VideoThe simplest declarations of love can be the most meaningful.

Forget the church and the ring bearer and the rehearsal dinner, real love can be celebrated anywhere, especially on two wheels.

GREG & MEL from tony benna on Vimeo.

The post Video: A Bike Wedding appeared first on EcoSalon.

A round-up of what we’re reading right now.

An economic burden on people and governments? Yes, we’re talking about same-sex marriage bans. [Via TakePart]

Can a fast food chain ever really adopt a Slow Food approach? We think not, McDonalds. [Via Grist]

In New Orleans, an old mayonnaise factory is turned into an arts incubator, complete with recycled tires for insulation.  [Via Curbed]

Art is a powerful force. Here’s another example in temporary street art that promotes peace. [Via Treehugger]

Is there a cleaner gender? That is debatable, but as it turns out, men’s offices have more bacteria. [Via National Geographic]

Image: TakePart

The post Link Love: The Economics of Same-Sex Marriage Bans and Fast Food Going Slow appeared first on EcoSalon.