If you want to learn how to save a relationship before it turns into a “Blue Valentine” sequel – well, read on.

Once upon a time, you fell in love with your sig-o – and now your relationship’s turning to crap faster than you can say spinster. You’re not even sure where it started to unravel (seriously, where’s a fairy godmother when you need one?). Maybe it was the night you had to cancel your movie plans because of work. Or maybe it was when you stopped pretending to like his sister. Or maybe your priorities are changing and you haven’t admitted it to yourself.

Or maybe there wasn’t a specific moment when your relationship started swirling down the drain: Maybe nothing happened and that’s the problem. Regardless of where the funk with your sig-o started – where do you go from here?

1. Be honest with yourself
Before learning how to save a relationship, you have to go with your gut and decide: Is it worth saving? It’s not a question anyone can answer except you, and it’s not a decision you can be wishy washy about. Make sure saving the relationship is exactly what you want before forging ahead – deep down, you already know the answer.

2. Promise to let go
It’s tough to let go of what drove your relationship into a ditch, and it’s completely natural to want to protect yourself – but if you’re letting your insecurities run the show and forcing change instead of letting the process happen organically, you’re just going to drive a bigger wedge between the two of you.

3. Take note of your triggers
Become aware of the things he does (or doesn’t do) that set you off – are you really angry with him, or are his actions triggering you to feel angry with yourself? For example, do you think he’s a jerk for going out with his friends too much, or do you really think you’re the jerk for neglecting your own friendships?

4. Accept your sig-o for exactly who he is
How he chooses to live his life isn’t right or wrong – it’s just different. And aren’t your differences what drew you together in the first place? Work out ways to use each other’s differences to the advantage of your relationship instead of making them a point of contention. You connected for a reason, and those reasons are still there – they’re just underneath a giant pile of rubble (or maybe laundry).

5. Make your relationship a priority
Regardless of how busy you get, make your relationship a focal point. Do things you used to do when you first started dating. Contact each other throughout the day. Plan date nights. Your lives were just as busy when you first got together and you made it work then – so make it work now using the same strategies.

6. Remember, it’s a two-way street
Even if you’re on the same page about how to save a relationship, the only actions you’re responsible for are your own. If he doesn’t keep up his end of the bargain – well, that’s his loss. If it seems like he’s barely putting in an effort while you’re doing everything you can to make it work, it might be time to reevaluate.

What’s the best advice you’ve been given about how to save a relationship?

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Here’s a compilation of the best pickup lines that are so bad, they’re good.

Confession: I love pickup lines. They’re awful, yet not. The fact that a guy is willing to completely humiliate himself in front of you and your friends is pretty charming… well, unless he tries one of those trashy lines where your pants never seem to be on.

The only problem with pickup lines is their delivery. A guy could come up to you with one of the best pickup lines known to mankind, but if it’s not delivered with the finesse of Will Smith circa Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, womp womp. There’ll be no way for either of you to escape the awkwardness. Like, ever.

That’s why he has to amp up the cheese factor. The best pickup lines are meant to be bad, since it’s their cheesiness that eases the tension – even if he doesn’t end up with your digits, his adorable attempt will make for a great story. Plus, who knows? His pickup attempt could work.

I know, I know: This isn’t a rom-com. But you have to admit that some of the best pickup lines could maybe kinda sorta work on you, right? It’s okay – it’ll be our little secret.

18 Best Pickup Lines That Never Get Old

1. “I think there’s something wrong with my eyes… I can’t take them off of you.”

2. “You know what material this is?” (Grabs shirt.) “Boyfriend material.”

3. “I don’t know if you know this, but you look a lot like my next girlfriend.”

4. “Excuse me, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?”

5. “I’m here. What are your other two wishes?”

6. “My doctor says I’m lacking Vitamin U.”

7. “Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?”

8. “Kiss me if I’m wrong, but dinosaurs still exist, right?”

9. “If I received a nickel for every time I saw someone as beautiful as you, I’d have five cents.”

10. “Wouldn’t we look cute on a wedding cake together?”

11. “People call me John, but you can call me tonight.”

12. “I’m not trying to impress you or anything, but… I’m Batman!”

13. “Is it hot in here or is it just you?”

14. “Something’s wrong with my cell phone. Your number’s not in it.”

15. “Bond. James Bond.”

16. “You must be a parking ticket ‘cause you’ve got FINE written all over you!”

17. I was blinded by your beauty, so I’m going to need your name and number for insurance purposes.”

18. “How YOU doin’?”

What are the best pickup lines you’ve heard?

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How to ask awkward relationship questions – you know, without terrifying him.

The stage between “dating” and “exclusive” is the most interesting of any relationship – but it’s also the most intimidating. On the one hand, you know each other well enough to feel comfortable, but not too comfortable (you still sneak away to brush your teeth and race back to bed like you woke up that way).

On the other hand, it’s make-or-break time: Is there a deal breaker looming under the surface of your beau’s personality you’ve yet to uncover? Below are 5 icky-but-necessary chats you should have as you transition from “maybe” to “official,” and how to handle your relationship questions without being a total buzzkill:

1. The money talk
Money’s one of the top points of contention between couples, so it’s an area that should be discussed thoroughly. It’s not just about where he stands financially now, but where he hopes to stand in the future (and whether his words match his everyday spending habits). Once you decide to commit, this chat should happen around the same time.

“It’s important to get an idea about their thoughts and views on finances,” says relationship expert Kimberly Moffit. “Is saving money important to them, or are they okay with living paycheque to paycheque?” Most importantly, do his values mesh well with your own? Don’t ignore a sketchy history or irresponsible spending – as a couple, this history will become yours too.

2. The family talk
Some couples take meeting each other’s families too lightly. Err on the side of caution, especially if you’re thinking about bringing your sig-o to a family event. Not only do fams get attached, but if you haven’t talked enough about your families beforehand, a bad first impression is likely to ensue. (For example, bringing a bottle of wine to his dad’s house – who’s a recovering alcoholic.)

“When a guy wants to be serious about the relationship, he’ll automatically introduce you to his parents and friends,” says relationship expert April Masini. “Let him take the lead on this one – for every friend he introduces you to, return the favor – and don’t introduce him to your parents until he’s introduced you to his.”

3. The relationship history talk
At some point, you’ll want to know what each other’s pasts involved – otherwise, you could trigger a bad turn in your relationship without even knowing it. For example, if all of his relationships ended because he felt smothered, and you innocently make him feel that way again, get ready to repair a boyfriend-shaped hole in your door.

“Don’t give him details about past relationships if they’re not solicited,” says Dr. Elizabeth Lombardo, Ph.D., author of “Better Than Perfect: 7 Strategies to Crush Your Inner Critic and Create a Life You Love.” Instead of getting specific, ask general relationship questions or share mistakes you’ve made and what you’ve learned from them. It’ll help you both open up about what you do (and more importantly, don’t) want reruns of in your love life.

4. The gifting talk
Special occasions are the ultimate test to find out if you’re on the same page. If you don’t have this talk, there’s a good chance you’re going to get him a designer watch and he’s going to get you a t-shirt (in a color you never wear). Don’t assume you’re on the same page – otherwise, one of you will definitely end up disappointed. “Establish whether or not you’ll be making plans to spend the holiday together so no one’s left in the cold,” says Justin McLeod, Founder and CEO of Hinge.

Keep gifting casual by making a game of it: Set a spending limit, choose a gift theme based on each other’s interests and see what the other comes up with. Be thoughtful, but not creepy. The longer you’re together, gradually amp things up in the sentimental department.

5. The exclusivity talk
The “seal the deal” talk is the grand poobah of awkward relationship questions. Done well, this talk helps clear the air on where you both stand with your relationship (or lack thereof). Done incorrectly, many a woman have been prematurely labelled a bunny boiler. “It often comes off as a threat, not a channel that opens communication,” says Masini. “If he wants monogamy, you’ll know because he’ll act like he wants monogamy.”

On average, this question pops up in the first three to six months of dating. The longer it goes, the less clear the expectations are and the more likely one of you will end up hurt. “If the uncommitted dating goes on any longer than this, you can bet your partner doesn’t plan to talk about it anytime soon,” says Moffit.

How do you handle awkward relationship questions with your guy?

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Have a hate-on for your beau’s entourage? Here’s how to make sure it doesn’t cause relationship problems.

Once upon a time, you fell in love with your guy – but not his friends. Some of them are okay, while others you fantasize hitting with your car, and you’ve actually Googled “how to make voodoo dolls” with them in mind. The good news is: You’re not alone.

According to a recent study, 1 in 4 women don’t like their partner’s friends. The bad news is: 1 in 10 say that has put a strain on their relationship, and you don’t want this to be you.

There are several reasons these feelings creep to the surface:

1. You’re projecting relationship problems onto his friends.
“Take a deeper look at the relationship and what’s really bothering you,” says relationship expert April Masini. “Chances are his friends might not be so bad, you’re just upset about the dynamic between the two of you.” Sure, it’s easier to point fingers in the short run, but in the long run, it’s a waste of energy.

2. Jealousy.
Sometimes you might feel like his friends take away ‘quality time’ that should be spent with you, or they get to see a more fun-loving side to him, since you’re both so busy with the daily grind.

3. Some friends are a bad influence.
“They may be single (or married and unhappy) and urge your partner to meet women, party harder than normal, and even cheat,” says psychotherapist and relationship expert Kimberly Moffit, so then you start to wonder if your beau’s as big a jerk as his friends.

4. You’ve secretly never liked his friends, but thought if you changed him, he’d eventually change his friends.
“There’s a big difference between a guy who’s friends are exactly who they were when she met him, and a guy who’s changed his friends and behavior since she’s met him,” says Masini. “The latter usually indicates some other a problem with him or relationship problems.” Otherwise, it’s not fair to expect him to change when he never hid his friends from you to begin with.

However, there’s no reason why disliking his friends should mean relationship problems for the two of you. Here’s a survival guide for when you have to deal with these less-than-ideal dudes:

1. Reframe your perspective.
Focus less on what you feel he should get from his friendships, and ask yourself what he actually does get from them. In understanding why they’re friends, it will help you better accept his choices.

“Remember that male relationships with friends are different than ours,” says Moffit. “Often times, a man has had his BFFs since grade school, and they’re more like brothers than friends.”

2. Find common ground.
Are there things you and his friends do have in common? Focus your conversations on neutral ground to help you look past the things that make you grind your teeth.

3. At the very least, be civil.
When they pop by for a poker night, you don’t want to fill the air with hostility. Bust out your own poker face so you at least don’t come off as hostile. Your only goal is to not create tension between him and his friends, or relationship problems between him and yourself.

4. Invite your own friends into the equation.
If you have a few friends over at the same time as your guy, it’ll help you cope and stay distracted.

5. Avoid them if you need to.
If you feel like you’ve tried everything and you just can’t take it anymore – why be fake? Just be honest with your beau and tell him you’ll find something else to do with your own friends (without making him feel bad, of course).

6. Take a valium.
KIDDING.

“When it comes right down to it, you need to trust your man,” says Moffit. “Relationships are all about trust, and if your partner is doing things counter-productive to your relationship, then trust me, you can’t blame his friends – he made those choices all on his own.”

Have you ever let your sig-o’s friends cause relationship problems?

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Relationship boundaries are crucial for many reasons: To maintain who you are outside the relationship, respect each other’s personal space, and most importantly, to allow your relationship to grow naturally.

The second you go all type-A on your relationship is the second it will crumble. If you find yourself crossing one (or all) of the relationship boundaries below, it’s time to pull back the reigns and reclaim your sense of individuality.

1. Idealizing your mate: A recent study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships discovered that putting your partner on too much of a pedestal can negatively impact the level of intimacy in your relationship. The study found that idealized mates pull away both physically and emotionally, worried they won’t be able to live up to their partner’s expectations (especially when it comes to their abilities). While it’s good to pay homage to your sig-o’s strengths, make sure you’re being realistic with your praise, and aren’t coming off too much like a Belieber.

2. You initiate everything: If you’re always the one initiating contact and confirming plans, simmer down. “Sit on your hands and don’t be the one to initiate contact every time, or even every other time,” says relationship expert April Masini. “You’ll have a much better sense of how he really feels about you if you observe how often he contacts you. It’s a way of telling how into you he is.” This isn’t an easy habit to break, but it’ll feel liberating when you do.

3. You’ve adopted all of his interests: So much so, maintaining your own interests has taken a severe nosedive. He wants to date you, not the female version of himself. Level the playing field by taking him to do things you’re interested in too, and above all else don’t sacrifice the personal routine you’ve taken years to cultivate for the sake of spending more time with him. He’ll respect you for it, and so will you.

4. You include him in all of your plans: Can you remember the last time you visited your family or hung out with friends sans boyfriend on your arm? If you never see his friends but he always sees yours, it’s a clear indicator you’re pushing to move the relationship forward more than he is. “You’re smothering it, rather than letting it unfold naturally,” says Masini. “Give yourself the opportunity face the real status of your relationship instead of the inorganic one.”

5. More of your belongings are at his place than your own: The only time this is okay is if he’s invited you to do so. “You may think you’re being stealth, but it will backfire because you’re smothering the relationship with your encroachment,” says Masini. By doing this, you’re going to miss out on that special moment of him actually being ready to take the relationship to the next level – you know, because there’ll be a boyfriend-shaped hole in the door.

6. You feel less confident: At one time you were fierce and independent, but suddenly you find yourself becoming co-dependent and wishy-washy. Nothing will chip away at your self-esteem more than looking in the mirror and not recognizing yourself. Reconnect with all of the things that make you… well, you, and guaranteed your relationship will improve too.

7. Your bf wants you to re-connect with family and friends: If your boyfriend subtly hints and encourages you to make plans “with the girls,” this is a clear indicator that it’s time to start spreading your wings outside the relationship – otherwise, it might not last. “It’s not uncommon for the partner in a ‘smothered relationship’ to express feeling some pressure to fulfill every emotional want and need, which can be extremely stressful and take its toll on your relationship,” says psychotherapist and relationship expert Rhonda Richards-Smith, LCSW.

8. You text/IM him every 35 seconds: The occasional funny/cute message equals thoughtful and fun. An hourly update on your entire day equals bunny boiler.

Have you crossed these relationship boundaries before? How did you stop yourself?

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TV shows and movies make breakups look so glamorous, don’t they? In reality, getting over a breakup isn’t that easy, especially minus the montage set to a hit song. I mean sure, you can throw some REM on in the background as you’re choosing between blue track pants or gray, but it’s just not the same.

Unfortunately for us, getting over a breakup takes longer than 120 minutes. Like, way longer, especially if you’re tacking your now defunct relationship onto a long string of epic fails. While it’s easy to sum up what happened using such classics as, “He’s a manchild,” or “He just doesn’t get it,” or even, “He has more hair products than I do,” an important part of getting over a breakup is taking responsibility for your part in what happened.

After comparing your most recent breakup to the ones in your past, you might find some alarming similarities in your behavior that are causing your relationships to fall apart faster than you can say, “It’s not you, it really is me.” Here’s what to do when you’re ready to put on your big girl pants and deal with your mistakes:

1. Fess up
Don’t just look at the breakup itself, but the relationship as a whole: What could you have handled differently/better? Are you having the same conflicts with different guys? If so… womp, womp.

2. Don’t obsess
Take time away from getting over a breakup and do things completely unrelated. When you relax your mind and give yourself time to breathe, insights and answers will appear all on their own.

3. Talk amongst yourselves
Create your own closure. Even though it’d be nice to turn to your ex every time you need answers, by constantly keeping in touch you’ll stall both of your healing processes. Nix contact and vent to your BFF instead – not only will you gain insight from an objective perspective, she’ll also have the guts to tell it like it is.

4. Learn why
By now, you’re over blaming others and justifying your mistakes. (Right?!) Next, dig deep and learn the underlying reasons behind your constant relationship turmoil. For example, why do you always shut down when you need to confront him about something? Or why do you fly off the handle over really little things? Once you know why, you can figure out how to combat your habits.

5. Forgive yourself
While you do rock that cape, you’re only human. Mistakes are inevitable, so there’s no sense in feeling guilty. Instead, look at the intentions behind your actions and you’ll find the person you were trying to be.

6. Claim your baggage
Open your proverbial suitcases and ditch the thoughts, feelings, and habits that are weighing down you and your relationships. Take as long as you need on this step – by the end, you only want to be carrying around about a clutch purse’s worth of issues.

7. Make a promise
Okay, so you’re familiar with your mistakes (and the fact that you’re constantly making them). The next time you get serious, promise yourself you’ll put on the brakes anytime you sense one of your red flag bad habits bubbling to the surface.

Don’t worry, grasshopper – you’ll rock your next relationship like a boss.

What were the biggest lessons you learned from getting over a breakup?

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I used to think I knew how to date – then, you know, I started dating.

Like most women, I’m independent, ambitious, and some might say I have feminist tendencies. Because of this, when I think about how to date and how the relationship will enhance my life, losing myself during the relationship never crosses my mind. Yet it happens. Every. Single. Time.

It’s a gradual progression: I make microscopic compromises here and there, not realizing the eventual impact they’re going to have on my big picture. In the moment, they’re “no big deal.” I draw a line, then I move it. Before I know it, I’m looking in the mirror and don’t have a clue who I’m seeing. I recognize myself physically, but not emotionally. It’s vile.

Many of us know how to date, yet when we’re actually dating someone we think like Samantha Jones and act like June Cleaver. Barf. So how do we bridge the gap?

Below are pointers on how to date while maintaining the amazing self you’ve worked so hard to build:

1. Don’t drown in the honeymoon phase
The beginning of a relationship is ah-mazing, isn’t it? You like him and he likes you (which is always a bonus). There are serious warm and fuzzies attached to everything he says and does. Neither of you have done anything to fu screw things up yet. It’s a great, floaty headspace to be in, but for many of us this is where things start to fall apart – in every aspect of our life besides the relationship. Enjoy the floaty, but use it as fuel to enhance everything else about your life (you know, like I didn’t).

2. Don’t drop everything
How to date 101: Don’t reply to his texts in 2.2 seconds. Don’t cancel plans because he happens to be free. Don’t break work commitments so you’ll be able to spend more time together. You don’t want to set the availability bar so high that later on in your relationship you lose sight of your self-respect and dignity. (I almost dumpster dived trying to find mine back in the day.)

3. Analyze before every compromise
Relationships are give-and-take, not give and give and give (and give). Yes, there will be times where compromise will be necessary, but make sure you’re not just handing it over because your mothering complex says you should. Before you bend to make the relationship work, always ask yourself: “Will this compromise cause me to lose a piece of myself?”

4. Don’t question your hobbies and interests
You wouldn’t think of uttering a peep about your extreme boredom during “the big game” – so why do you let him ruin America’s Next Top Model with macho commentary? If it comes down to it, kick him out for an hour and call it “me time.”

5. Don’t stay because leaving is uncomfortable
If it’s not working out, many of us sit on the proverbial fence. We wait just one more day, hoping things will change or maybe he’ll make the decision for you. This isn’t weakness so much as it’s refusing to admit defeat. Here’s what I wish I was told when it happened to me: Breaking up doesn’t mean you’re a failure. It means it’s time to set sail and adjust your course.

When you first learned how to date, how different was your single self from your dating self?

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It’s totally normal for cyberstalker tendencies to flare up occasionally, especially post break-up. But if your dirt-digging skills are so refined Olivia Pope’s demanding you become a Gladiator, it might be time to re-evaluate.

Because the term “cyberstalker” makes us feel like we’re one step closer to becoming a bunny boiler, many of us hide in our proverbial closet, laptop in hand, scanning for the latest news on our crushes, boyfriends, or exes (or all three).

“Once we begin to check another person’s profile compulsively, the need to re-check grows stronger, especially after finding information that’s of great interest,” says psychotherapist and relationship expert Kimberly Moffit. This inevitably leads to an addiction to online stalking – and the more we avoid admitting to the habit, the stronger our inner cyberstalker gets.

“Dan Wagner of Harvard University describes this as an ‘ironic process,’” says Emma Seppala, Ph.D., Associate Director of the Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education at Stanford University. “When we attempt to resist a certain action, the effort can easily backfire under stress. In the realm of the mind, what we resist persists.” (Crap.)

Whether you’re insecure about your relationship, determined to prove your instincts right, or just plain obsessed with your ex’s new life, let’s face it ladies: there are times when our actions deserve a face palm, am I right? “I hear from many women who are astounded and embarrassed at their own behavior,” says relationship expert April Masini.

6 Ways To Pump The Breaks on Online Stalking

If you’d like to kick your cyberstalker habit for good, try these tips on for size:

1. Make the decision to change. Most women who get in touch with Masini about online stalking aren’t just uncomfortable about their behavior, they feel terrible about what they’re doing. Once you’ve decided to change, forgive yourself for cyberstalking and purpose to put the behavior behind you.

2. Stop cyberstalking immediately. “You may feel anxiety or even panic at first, but this is just a sign of withdrawal,” says Moffit. “Checking simply leads to more checking.” Don’t set a date or write in your journal about it: just stop being a cyberstalker.

3. Check-in with yourself. Try and figure out the underlying reasons why you’re engaging in online stalking: What void is it filling? “Isolating the reason why you might be insecure, lonely, or bored will give you more insight into your own behaviors,” says Moffit.

4. Build new habits. Breaking the cyberstalker cycle takes practice. “If you’ve built a habit of looking at your ex’s Facebook profile first thing in the morning, you’ll have to create a new habit – in particular, a self-care habit,” says Seppala. “Focus on creating habits that make you feel deeply nurtured.” You’ll be less likely to look for happiness outside of yourself or in self-destructive ways.

5. Reward yourself. Every day you don’t engage in this online stalking, reward yourself in some way. Use the time you’d normally spend as an undercover cyberstalker to accomplish healthy goals, such as fixing up your apartment or going for a run.

6. Be cyberstalk-worthy. “Some women try to make their own profiles seem more happy and interesting as a way of getting their target’s attention,” says Moffit, “But what could be better than actually being happy?” When you’re leading a meaningful, satisfying life, not only won’t you want to cyberstalk, but you won’t have time to!

How do you deal with your inner cyberstalker?

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Trust is key to successful partnerships. But how do you build trust in a relationship, especially if you’ve been burned before?

A new relationship! On the one hand, you want to jump in with both feet. On the other, your momma didn’t raise no fool. You want to enjoy the ride, but if it turns out the person you’re trusting is actually a toad, you want to be prepared for that too – without sabotaging everything before it starts.

In a recent study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, people who are trusting are more likely to forgive their partner’s mistakes because they remember transgressions as less severe. On the flipside, those with trust issues have the opposite reaction and remember them as more severe.

According to the study’s lead author Laura B. Luchies, your psychological reality of trust in a relationship isn’t what actually happened, but a distorted memory – when you trust your partner, you assume the betrayal is a one-time thing; when you don’t, you assume it’s a pattern of bad behavior (which is a lot harder to forgive). For those trying to build trust in a relationship, this can easily turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy: the more you try to avoid something you’re fearful of – being cheated on, turning into your mother – the more likely you are to make it a reality. Sh*t.

When it comes to trust in a relationship, you get what you give. More than that, forgiveness isn’t foolish – it’s brave. Here are seven ways to build (and maintain) trust in a relationship:

1. Trust yourself.
There’s a fine line between forgiving someone and allowing them to use you, so many of us overcompensate with a tough girl routine to avoid getting hurt – and miss out on the entire ‘trust in a relationship’ experience. When going all in, trust your ability to make the right decisions for your well-being. This will put you at ease and help you feel empowered.

2. Surround yourself with trustworthy people.
I’ve seen many couples crumble not because of the lack of trust in a relationship, but because of who the couple hung out with – lazy friends, narcissistic ones, drama queens, even ex-flings (I mean, seriously?!). Surround yourself with people you both trust and feel comfortable with – building trust in a relationship is hard enough as it is!

3. Don’t keep secrets.
If you’re going out with friends, don’t say it’s an innocent slumber party. If someone hits on you at work, don’t keep it from your partner. If you’ve messed up or get in a sticky situation, your beau needs to know that he’s the one you turn to – especially if the potential backlash involves him by association. When you make him the first person to know what’s going on in your life, he’ll do the same for you.

4. Consider your relationship a separate entity.
Leave your emotional baggage at the door. What’s happened to you in your past relationships have nothing to do with the current relationship you’re in. Use this as an opportunity to set boundaries and build trust in a relationship. It may make you uncomfortable when your partner’s co-worker flirts with him, or make him uneasy when your ex texts you. Respecting each other’s boundaries shows that you’re taking your relationship seriously and that you have top billing in each other’s lives.

5. Keep your promises.
Broken promises will never build trust in a relationship. If you say you’ll call him tomorrow, call him tomorrow. If you say you’ll meet him for lunch, be there with bells on. Of course, sometimes the day can get away from us, so if something’s causing a delay, always get in touch with a back-up plan. Don’t be a flake – a little effort goes a long way.

6. Be yourself all the time.
Face it: Eventually you’re going to have to let go of the whole brush-your-teeth-and-run-back-to-bed-like-you-woke-up-with-minty-fresh-breath thing. Gradually let him into your world by showing him that you are, in fact, human. Letting go of the small things will make you feel more comfortable to reveal your bigger quirks – especially the ones you’re not willing to budge on. Trust he’ll be supportive and offer that same support in return. Trust in a relationship is a two-way street.

7. Ask him for help.
The best part of trust in a relationship is having each other’s back. If you’re going to be late getting off work, ask him to pick up dinner. If you’re having a problem with a friend, ask him for his advice. Eventually, you’ll feel comfortable relying on each other completely.

How do you build trust in a relationship?

Related on EcoSalon:

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Image: Katie Tegtmeyer

The post Going All In: 7 Ways to Build Trust In A Relationship appeared first on EcoSalon.

Is your professional ambition leading to disconnection in your love life?

After decades of second-class citizenship, professional ambition is now at the forefront for many modern women. The mind of an ambitious woman is like having 2,743 browser windows open all the time. The average workweek sucks up 72 hours of our life, and it can be hard to let go without feeling like you’re slacking off – especially if you’re passionate about your career and thrive on the validation of success. That’s when the ambition teeter-totter starts giving you motion sickness: At work, you feel guilty about your love life, and at home you feel guilty about your career. Oy.

“Ambitious women often focus on the other aspects of their life over romance,” says Elizabeth Lombardo, Ph.D., bestselling author of A Happy You: Your Ultimate Prescription for Happiness. “They view their love life as a luxury they’ll focus on after they’ve achieved their goals. The problem is, they never achieve what they think they need to in order to allow themselves to start focusing on love.”

Ambition has always been my partner-in-crime and the bane of my existence, since what it’s given to my career it’s taken away from my love life (i.e. I don’t have one). Here’s four ways to work with your ambition so you can have a thriving (and guilt-free) love life:

1. Identify the source of your ambition.
A recent study published in the European Journal of Work and Organizational Psychology found that adult children who have at least one workaholic parent are likely to suffer from an abundance of ambition (which in my case, explains everything). I’d been using ambition as a cover for the personal insecurities I didn’t want to face about myself. Once you know what you’re avoiding by working so much, you can take charge of your life – and start creating a whole one.

2. Funnel your ambition completely into work only.
“Women who are overachievers tend to see relationships and family as a ‘goal’ or ‘achievement’ rather than a process,” says psychotherapist and relationship expert Kimberly Moffit. “They tend to focus on getting the perfect man, and their feelings of love can get lost in the process.” (Oops.) Streamline your ambition into your career and let your love life happen naturally. Letting go of all expectations will make you look forward to your time off because there won’t be a to-do list attached.

3. Instead of creating work goals and personal goals, create one big picture.
It’s about creating harmony. If you level the playing field and make your personal goals as important as your career goals, you’ll be more likely to thrive in all areas. Don’t categorize your goals: allow your career and personal life to intertwine and benefit from each other. “Ambitious women need to realize that love isn’t just a distraction,” says Moffit. “A good relationship will provide steady and stable support which will help you work more effectively when you’re on the clock.”

4. Add your personal life to your to-do list.
Adding your personal life to your to-do list is an easy mind-trick that kills two birds with one stone: it helps you prioritize your personal life and gives you a sense of accomplishment when you check “Watch Scandal” off your list.

“It doesn’t have to be all-or-nothing: career or love,” says Lombardo. “You can prioritize love while at the same time excelling at other areas of your life.”

What about you? Does your ambition get in the way of your love life? Tell us about it in a comment.

Related on EcoSalon:

7 Relationship Tips for Fresh Ways to Spice Up Your Love Life

Couples Therapy: Doing What You Love Builds Healthy Relationships

How to Green Up Your Love Life

Image: parisharing

The post Ambition vs Romance: Is Your Career Wrecking Your Love Life? appeared first on EcoSalon.