Getting over an ex? These survival tips really come in handy. Trust.

So your ex has started seeing someone new, and there two things wrong with this picture: One, you only broke up about ten minutes ago. Two, you’re still in the sweatpants-and-pie portion of the break-up process, which makes you wonder how the eff he’s moving on so fast.

Here are 8 survival strategies to help you through this liver-damaging time:

1. Give yourself time to be PO’d

Most people will tell you to suck it up and keep your shit together. I’m not one of those people. It’s your right to feel how you feel, and while I wouldn’t recommend pulling a Jerry Springer, wallowing in the comfort of your own home—and sweatpants—is totally your prerogative.

In my experience, it’s actually better if he moves on first, because it helps you deal with that lingering post-relationship baggage you don’t realize is still there. (Which means you won’t unintentionally drag it into your next relationship.)

2. Get the cyber-stalking out of your system

I could also tell you not to go on your social networks and find out everything you can about his new squeeze, but we both know you’re going to. We also know pictures of her are going to make you gag. (You may even print out a couple and draw little moustaches on them.) You’ll also find every reason to despise her and rant about his horrible post-you taste in women, so why not just grab a bottle and get the rip-fest out of your system? Resisting will only make the urge stronger.

3. Don’t get sucked into a comparathon

That being said, don’t compare yourself to her or try to make sense of why they’re now together. It’s natural to be furious—especially if you find he treats her better than he ever treated you—but at the end of the day, none of it will change the fact that you weren’t a good match.

4. Put the kibosh on breaking news

Your besties may feel like they’re doing you a favor by reporting ex sightings and making jokes about his new gf. It’s an instinctual way to show support, and deep down a sweet gesture—but if you find the news flashes upset you, let them know you’d like to keep your time together an ex-free zone.

5. Steer clear of him

The worst thing you can do when getting over an ex is go places you know he frequents. (A live PDA spectacle? Ew.) Unless, you know, you’re a fan of ripping your own guts out.

6. Don’t play it cool

There will be times when you’ll bump into him and awkwardness will inevitably ensue. Just because you can’t find anything else to talk about, do not ask him about the details of his new relationship. (See point about ripping your own guts out.) You may feel laid back and “cool” about it in the moment—as he goes on and on about how “into her” he is—but afterward you’ll end up a sobbing pile on the floor. Stick to the awkward silence. Ignorance is bliss.

7. No drunk texting

If you’re one of those unicorns who can drink and text coherently… well, I’m jealous. But drinking can sometimes turn us into lonely, emotional blobs who text our exes out of fear of being alone. Not only is this unhealthy, it’s unfair to the other person (especially if you were the one to break it off). Text one of your BFFs instead. It’s their job to help you through your emotional blobbiness.

8. Do your own thang

Getting over an ex takes time, and everyone processes breakups at their own speed. Just because he started dating faster than you doesn’t mean you didn’t mean anything to him—maybe that’s just his style. Maybe your way of dealing is taking your time, enjoying your sweatpants, and not rushing the process of finding Mr. Right. Go with your gut and jump back into the dating pool when it feels right for you.

What do you think is the hardest part of getting over an ex?

Related on EcoSalon

12 Worst Pieces of Break Up Advice When Your Friend’s Been Cheated On

20 Hilariously Horrible Reasons to Break Up with Someone

How the Breakup Generation Has Mastered Breaking Up on Social Media

Image: Dating again photo via Shutterstock

The post He’s Dating Again Already?! 8 Survival Strategies for Getting Over An Ex appeared first on EcoSalon.

Love it or hate it, February 14th is upon us. With so much annual hype, it seems like the help of a professional is required to come up with any unique Valentine’s Day ideas. That’s why men and women across the country seek romantic advice from Thomas Edwards, a.k.a., The Professional Wingman.

Though he’s a year-round dating and lifestyle coach, February is always a busy time of year for Edwards. He chalks it up to a tendency among even the best of us to let the pressure of the holiday build up. His secret? “Remember that Valentine’s Day is highly commercialized,” Edwards says. “The history of why Valentine’s Day exists has nothing to do with love. So … keep it simple, but significant.”

So simple, in fact, that he’s got 5 Valentine’s Day ideas that anyone – single or monogamous, male or female – can easily follow this weekend, but also, make romantic.

1. Don’t go out for dinner.

Oh, look. Roses and a dinner reservation. That’s original. “There’s nothing less romantic than being at a crowded place, where everyone’s out there for Valentine’s Day, and you’re screaming over yourself trying to hear the other person,” Edwards says. Instead, he suggests doing something that will let your partner know that you’ve been paying enough attention to really know what he or she might enjoy. The best Valentine’s Day ideas, he says, involve a special interest or activity, such as a love-related museum exhibit, or getting drinks somewhere with a heated rooftop or fireplace.

“Just hang out,” he says. “At the end of the day, it’s about spending time with each other and enjoying each other’s company.”

2. Keep your expectations in check.

In fact, Edwards believes its best to have none. “The more expectations you have, the more likely it is that you’re going to be heavily disappointed,” he says. At most, “just go in looking to have a good time.”

That advice is especially true of the dollars spent for Valentine’s Day, which can skyrocket with markups added by restaurants and retailers looking to cash in on the hype associated with it. In reality, Edwards says, “It doesn’t matter how much money you spend. Some of the best gifts people can give may not have any monetary value whatsoever.”

3. Valentine’s Day is for men, too.

Too often, it seems, men feel that the responsibility of making Valentine’s Day successful falls entirely on them, along with the bill that comes with it. To reverse that stereotype, says Edwards, ladies should heed the same advice to show that you’ve given the day some altruistic consideration.

The sad truth? “Guys just don’t expect it,” Edwards says. “Immediately, you win, once you show some level of thought into making it just as special for him as he would for you.”  It could be as simple as buying a new game for your PS4 enthusiast, which while not necessarily romantic, does show a certain level of being in tune with what makes your partner happy.

“It seems ridiculous,” says Edwards, “but we’re guys. We’re very simple. Gifts can make us very, very happy.”

4. Take advantage of being single.

There’s a reason why Valentine’s Day has become analogous with “Singles Awareness Day”: The vast majority of Americans are single, and Valentine’s Day has grown to be the highest-rated day for them to hook up.

“It’s a great day to celebrate your singledom,” says Edwards. “It’s also a day where people are most aware of opportunities to find love. Take advantage of that.”

Believe it or not, the same can be said even of those in the tricky spot of being the only single person within their respective social circles. That’s a great moment, Edwards says, to take stock of your romantic situation and what you’d like to do about it. “The first thing you should do is create a secondary circle of friends who are single and also out looking to meet people,” he says. “You’re not necessarily throwing away your married friends, but you’re being more proactive in making sure that you have opportunities to go out.” Check out get-togethers on Meetup, Eventbrite, or just by going out solo with the intention of meeting new people.

5. Great gestures can be made from a distance.

Thank goodness for modern-day technology. Video interfaces have changed the way long-distance relationships work, especially on occasions like Valentine’s Day. “You can do really cool things with technology,” says Edwards, “like having dinner and drinks over Skype, while maybe even watching something on TV or Netflix together.” The ability to actually see each other, he adds, enhances a genuine date-like feel, encouraging couples, for example, to even dress up. Make it cute, though: Edwards suggests sending an email to your partner with a picture of flowers, as a way to preempt these virtual dates.

The bottom line, Edwards says, is effort. “At the end of the day, it’s just another day,” he says. “You should be showing love 365 days of the year. This just happens to be a day where it gets acknowledged a little bit more.”

For that reason, Valentine’s Day might even provide extra motivation to show appreciation and thoughtfulness toward loved ones at all times, no matter what the season. “Remember,” Edwards points out, “you’re doing this because you want to, not because you have to.”

To learn more about The Professional Wingman, visit theprofessionalwingman.com.

Say hey to Amanda on Twitter or Instagram

Related on EcoSalon

Enjoying Valentine’s Day: The Commitment-Phobe’s Guide

18 Best Pickup Lines for Women to Bring that Holiday Cheer

5 Awkward Relationship Questions Every New Couple Should Ask

Image: Tyler Burrus

The post 5 Simply Romantic Valentine’s Day Ideas from a Professional Wingman appeared first on EcoSalon.

Online dating tips abound, but is anything more important than the first impression from your profile pic?

Online dating can be really uncomfortable. Don’t make the experience any more uncomfortable by just uploading all of the following uncomfortable, boring pics.

Online dating is hard. Really, really hard. Every time I fill out a new online dating profile (yes, I’ve done this multiple times), I die a little. Did I represent myself correctly? Did I mention my love of horror and obsession with death a tad too much? It’s maddening. And once you pass the “writing the perfect profile” hurdle, you’ve got to worry about what photos to upload. This. Is. Never. Fun.

Over the years, I’ve uploaded a bevy of photos to various dating sites. Most get an OK response, but even I know that some of my profile pics are cringe worthy. So, why do I still use them? I’m really not sure. Because it’s easy? Because I am trying to be cute? Lord knows.

After years (and years) of online dating, I’ve pinpointed a few online dating profile photo styles that make me cringe (even though I’ve used similar shots of myself). Avoid humiliation by heeding my seasoned dating advice.

Online Dating Tips for the Ultimate Profile Pic

1. The Selfie

Selfies are fun. But do you really want the only representation of yourself on your dating profile to be a selfie? I think not. Don’t shy away from using selfies altogether – just use them sparingly. Try to make your main profile shot a clear photo of your face (sans a stretched out arm and duck face).

Image: Leo Hidalgo

2. The Bathroom Full Body Shot

Do you have a friend? A family member? Cool! Ask them to take a full body shot next time you’re out. Using the tried and rather mundane method of taking a photo of your body in your bathroom is better than nothing (your potential dates should really be able to get a good look at you before taking you out), but lazy at best.

3. The Chest Shot

So, you work out? Why don’t you talk about your love of lifting rather than taking a shot of your sculpted abs? “Ab shots” don’t make good profile photos (hello, where’s your face), and can make you look a bit, uh, superficial. This goes for girls and guys.

Image: Hot Gossip Italia

4. The Artistic “Just the Face” Shot

Nope. Uh-uh. You are not as creative as you think you are. Save these shots for Instagram.

Image: Jordy Ferket

5. The Shot with a Dog/Cat/Baby

Believe me, I want to showcase my pups, too. But it’s probably best to upload photos with your furry friends (and other people) to another album on your profile. Your profile pic should just showcase your beautiful face.

Image: Robert Neff

Note: None of these photos are actual “dating website photos,” except mine. (I’m the bathroom full body shot.) Laugh it up, folks. That’s what I’m here for. All other shots were grabbed to depict what I see online via Creative Commons.

Related on EcoSalon

Online Dating is Full of Love… and Some Creepy Hate

25 Dating Dealbreakers and how to Spot Them

11 Online Dating Websites that are Unbelievably Strange

Resource

12 Online Dating Fails To Scare You Off Dating Forever (NSFW)

Image: Andrew Fysh

The post 5 Online Dating Tips: Avoid These Photo Styles that Make People Cringe appeared first on EcoSalon.

How to tell the difference between being more than friends and friends without benefits.

So there’s this guy. You hang out all the time, he texts you all the time, he takes you everywhere all the time – but things have never gone to the next level. Are you best friends, are you going to become more than friends, or are you a filler girlfriend?

“The filler girlfriend is someone who fills in until someone better comes along,” says relationship expert April Masini. “Much of the time guys want a date or someone they can bring to parties or just hang out with so they’re not alone. This can be very disturbing to a woman who thinks she’s dating someone with whom there’s a genuine future, but has these inklings of feelings that something isn’t right.”

Are you making yourself available to a guy who isn’t? If you’re not sure whether you’re becoming more than friends or if you’re just a substitute until he finds someone else, here are 9 red flags to consider:

1. You talk daily and hang out… when he’s single
Plus, the dates are super casual – he never acts like you’re someone he wants to win over. “When a guy wants you to be ‘the one’ and not just one of many, he’ll try to impress you and win you over,” says Masini. “When you’re filler, he’s going to just make sure you’re there, and he’ll do enough to keep you in the game, but nothing more.”

2. You have more contact with him over the phone than in person
If he wants to keep you around, but also keep his options open, he’ll call, text and email more than he’ll see you in person. “You’re the one who keeps him from being alone, so he’ll throw you a line while he’s scoping out other options,” says Masini.

3. You’re his plus one at weddings and work parties
A very platonic plus one.

4. He has a keen (and totally hypocritical) interest in your love life
When you ask about his, he does that awkward pretending-not-to-hear-you-even-though-he-totally-heard-you thing.

5. People are always asking if you’re a couple…
And you have no idea what to say.

6. He jokes about the two of you hooking up
And not in a good way, yet five minutes later he’ll flirt his way to your side of the couch.

7. You do hang out when he’s dating someone…
But only when that someone is out of town or unavailable.

8. He compares women he dates to you
Of course he does! One, you’re fabulous. Two, it’s easier to be with you than with her because he basically gets to do whatever he wants and you’ll be there for him to wipe his feet on.

8. You joke that if you’re both not married by a certain age, you’ll marry each other
Remember how “My Best Friend’s Wedding” turned out?!

9. You know, deep down, that you’re going against your instincts
As someone who was once the filler girlfriend who did everything she could to become the girlfriend girlfriend, trust me: It’s not worth it when you get there. Deep down you’ll know that you forced the relationship to happen and that it’s not quite right – and it’s an icky feeling that follows you everywhere. Deal with the short-term pain of cutting him loose now, rather than the long-term pain you’re about to put yourself through.

So does this mean you’re best friends? This is where it gets sticky, because many women try and suppress how they feel about their so-called “bestie,” while secretly hoping he’ll look her way eventually. “A guy isn’t your best friend if you’re attracted to him,” says Masini. “So many women who are deep in the friend zone try to leverage ‘best friends’ into more than friends. It always fails, eventually.”

The downfall of being the filler girlfriend is that you’ll likely miss out on real love because he’s filling this void for you. “The best thing to do is have the difficult conversation about staying in the friend zone or taking the leap and getting romantic,” says relationship expert Nicole McCance. “Get clarity, so you don’t resent him later and end up ruining the friendship you do have.”

The only way you’ll be able to make an informed decision about your love life is to know where you stand. The truth might hurt, but it’s better than stringing yourself along and breaking your own heart.

Are there any red flags you’d add to this list?

Related on EcoSalon

8 Relationship Boundaries You Should Never Cross

25 Dating Dealbreakers and How to Spot Them

Doing What You Love Builds Healthy Relationships

Image: Fe Ilya

The post 9 Ways to Tell if You’re More Than Friends or His Filler Girlfriend appeared first on EcoSalon.

Learn how to say no by, you know, actually saying it.

Whether he’s a friend who wants to be more or a random guy trying to get your attention, there are plenty of times when a simple “no” would’ve sufficed – so why do so many of us do everything but say this tiny-yet-powerful word? Avoiding it does nothing but make the entire universe more awkward for the both of you to exist in.

Yes, rejection stings, but only briefly, so isn’t it better to just get it out of the way? In theory: Absolutely. In reality: It’s like once you’re living the scenario you forget how to say no – or just plain chicken out.

Here are 9 of the funny (in hindsight) things we end up saying and doing when we forget how to say no:

1. “Oh, really? I never got your text… or voicemail. .. or email… or singing telegram.”
Rejecting a guy like this is the worst. I’m not sure when we started thinking avoidance is better than simply saying no in the first place – we’re grown-ass women, after all.

2. ”I can’t, I have to do something terribly boring that night that you wouldn’t ever want to participate in.”
Like go out on a date with someone I’m legitimately interested in. Admit it: Every single time you’ve “made other plans,” the guy you’re avoiding somehow catches you. Womp, womp.

3. ”I just want to be friends.”
You know, friends who never speak or see each other.

4. ”I’d love to, but…”
You tell him you’re focusing on your career, you just got out of a bad relationship, or you go on an hour-long play-by-play about the state of your soul. Basically, it’s such a longwinded rejection that he doesn’t hear the rejection part.

5. ”I have a boyfriend.”
This rejection is probably the most convenient way to soften the blow – it doesn’t do anything to bruise his ego, and it’s about as guilt-free a rejection as you’ll ever experience. If how to say no has briefly escaped your mind, then by all means – but who says you have to be with someone else in order to justify not wanting to be with him?

6. Give him your number… then immediately change it.
Or give him the number to a Chinese restaurant, or type your number into his phone and “accidentally” leave out a digit – this move is just bad on so many levels, yet there it is in our arsenal. Face. Meet palm. All this does is give him false hope. If you’re going to turn him down anyway, just get it over with.

7. Pretend you didn’t hear him.
You know you heard him, and he knows you know. The question now becomes: Who does the walk of shame first?

8. Run.
I’m not talking quietly ducking away to another area of the party or bar, but actually running like you’re representing your country in the Olympics. When my social awkwardness was at its peak, I once thought this was easier than just learning how to say no… even though when you do this in heels it’s mistaken for a Peggy Bundy impression.

9. ”Fuck off.”
As much as I hate to admit it, sometimes an F-bomb just slips out. Either you’ve had a bad day and are fed up with the above options, or the guy trying to hit on you is acting like a disrespectful d-bag. Any guy who’s willing to put himself out there for your attention deserves as gentle a letdown as possible. (Except for the d-bags. Do whatever you want with them.)

Do you know how to say no and then flake out at the last minute?

Related on EcoSalon

8 Flirting Tips for the Flirt-ically Challenged

25 Dating Dealbreakers and How to Spot Them

30 Quotes on Building Healthy Relationships

Image: David

The post How to Say No: 9 Cringeworthy Ways to Reject a Guy appeared first on EcoSalon.

You’ve read up on plenty of flirting tips, but nothing’s working – what gives?

There are two types of women in the world: Those who can take a set of flirting tips and rock them, and those who… well, the opposite. If you’re on team flirt-ically challenged, welcome to the club. I’m seriously thinking about getting some t-shirts made. All is not lost though, my grasshoppers.

From my vast knowledge of flirting fails, here are 8 flirting tips you must carry with you at all times:

1. Don’t try to act casual if you’re not a casual person

If you’re not a laid back woman whose personality constitutes being followed around with a wind machine, then don’t try to act this way to impress a guy. You want him to be interested in you for exactly who you are – which isn’t as terrifying as it sounds, I promise!

2. Don’t laugh at everything he says

You know, unless you’re hitting on Jimmy Fallon (but since he’s married, don’t). Laugh when you think something’s legitimately funny, not when you think you should be laughing. Also, there are those of us who are shy and automatically giggle after every sentence naturally – don’t try to shut this part of yourself off. I’ve tried and it makes me come off like a cardboard cutout. Although it doesn’t feel like it, your adorkable qualities are part of your charm.

3. Don’t worry about how you look

I don’t live by many flirting tips, but my primary strategy is not obsessing over how I look and focusing more on how I feel. Put effort into your appearance on your way out the door, but for the rest of the night breath out and avoid mirrors at all costs. Work on your flirting skills from the inside out.

4. Don’t hover around him like a vulture

Trying to make eye contact is a good thing. Staring isn’t. Making sure you’re in his general vicinity is a good thing. Stalking isn’t. Don’t come on too strong – otherwise, he’ll look into his commitment-phobic crystal ball and assume a suffocating relationship is in his future if he takes one step closer.

5. Don’t whip your hair back and forth

I’ve tried so many flirting tips over the years, it’s either ambitious or sad. One tip I’ve seen floating around a lot has to do with actions like flipping your hair and playing with your necklace – done right, it’s a move that can come off seductive. However, if you’re not naturally this way, you’re going to come off nervous and twitchy. Proceed with caution.

6. Don’t look at your phone

Thanks to technology, the first thing we do during an awkward silence is check our cell phone for the no messages we’ve received since checking it five seconds ago. Even though it’s simply a nervous habit, he might take it to mean you’re bored with the conversation. If you can make it through an entire year before the next “Orange Is the New Black” binge-fest, you can make it through an awkward throat-clearing or two.

7. Don’t chicken out

This is one of those obvious flirting tips, but don’t lose your nerve. Making yourself look like an ass in front of a cute guy is so much better than wondering, “What if?” You’ll score major brownie points right off the bat that will make up for any nervousness.

8. Don’t text him two seconds after meeting him

If you’ve scored his digits, don’t send him a “casual” so-great-meeting-you text just as he’s out of your sight – otherwise, you’ll never see him again and all of your hard work (and perhaps hyperventilating) will have been for nothing.

What flirting tips have worked best for you?

Related on EcoSalon

25 Dating Dealbreakers and How to Spot Them

How to Date Multiple Men

The Recession-Friendly Guide to Going Out

Image: Laura Barberis

The post 8 Flirting Tips for the Flirt-ically Challenged appeared first on EcoSalon.

How to ask awkward relationship questions – you know, without terrifying him.

The stage between “dating” and “exclusive” is the most interesting of any relationship – but it’s also the most intimidating. On the one hand, you know each other well enough to feel comfortable, but not too comfortable (you still sneak away to brush your teeth and race back to bed like you woke up that way).

On the other hand, it’s make-or-break time: Is there a deal breaker looming under the surface of your beau’s personality you’ve yet to uncover? Below are 5 icky-but-necessary chats you should have as you transition from “maybe” to “official,” and how to handle your relationship questions without being a total buzzkill:

1. The money talk
Money’s one of the top points of contention between couples, so it’s an area that should be discussed thoroughly. It’s not just about where he stands financially now, but where he hopes to stand in the future (and whether his words match his everyday spending habits). Once you decide to commit, this chat should happen around the same time.

“It’s important to get an idea about their thoughts and views on finances,” says relationship expert Kimberly Moffit. “Is saving money important to them, or are they okay with living paycheque to paycheque?” Most importantly, do his values mesh well with your own? Don’t ignore a sketchy history or irresponsible spending – as a couple, this history will become yours too.

2. The family talk
Some couples take meeting each other’s families too lightly. Err on the side of caution, especially if you’re thinking about bringing your sig-o to a family event. Not only do fams get attached, but if you haven’t talked enough about your families beforehand, a bad first impression is likely to ensue. (For example, bringing a bottle of wine to his dad’s house – who’s a recovering alcoholic.)

“When a guy wants to be serious about the relationship, he’ll automatically introduce you to his parents and friends,” says relationship expert April Masini. “Let him take the lead on this one – for every friend he introduces you to, return the favor – and don’t introduce him to your parents until he’s introduced you to his.”

3. The relationship history talk
At some point, you’ll want to know what each other’s pasts involved – otherwise, you could trigger a bad turn in your relationship without even knowing it. For example, if all of his relationships ended because he felt smothered, and you innocently make him feel that way again, get ready to repair a boyfriend-shaped hole in your door.

“Don’t give him details about past relationships if they’re not solicited,” says Dr. Elizabeth Lombardo, Ph.D., author of “Better Than Perfect: 7 Strategies to Crush Your Inner Critic and Create a Life You Love.” Instead of getting specific, ask general relationship questions or share mistakes you’ve made and what you’ve learned from them. It’ll help you both open up about what you do (and more importantly, don’t) want reruns of in your love life.

4. The gifting talk
Special occasions are the ultimate test to find out if you’re on the same page. If you don’t have this talk, there’s a good chance you’re going to get him a designer watch and he’s going to get you a t-shirt (in a color you never wear). Don’t assume you’re on the same page – otherwise, one of you will definitely end up disappointed. “Establish whether or not you’ll be making plans to spend the holiday together so no one’s left in the cold,” says Justin McLeod, Founder and CEO of Hinge.

Keep gifting casual by making a game of it: Set a spending limit, choose a gift theme based on each other’s interests and see what the other comes up with. Be thoughtful, but not creepy. The longer you’re together, gradually amp things up in the sentimental department.

5. The exclusivity talk
The “seal the deal” talk is the grand poobah of awkward relationship questions. Done well, this talk helps clear the air on where you both stand with your relationship (or lack thereof). Done incorrectly, many a woman have been prematurely labelled a bunny boiler. “It often comes off as a threat, not a channel that opens communication,” says Masini. “If he wants monogamy, you’ll know because he’ll act like he wants monogamy.”

On average, this question pops up in the first three to six months of dating. The longer it goes, the less clear the expectations are and the more likely one of you will end up hurt. “If the uncommitted dating goes on any longer than this, you can bet your partner doesn’t plan to talk about it anytime soon,” says Moffit.

How do you handle awkward relationship questions with your guy?

Related on EcoSalon

25 Dating Dealbreakers and How to Spot Them

How to Date Multiple Men

The Recession-Friendly Guide to Going Out: 23 Fun & Free Date Ideas

Image: Timothy Marsee

The post 5 Awkward Relationship Questions Every New Couple Should Ask appeared first on EcoSalon.

So there’s this guy who’s put you in the friend zone – and you want to break free.

You want to break free because the only time he stares at you longingly is when he thinks you have something in your teeth. There’s also nothing more frustrating than going out and watching him look past you to check out the girl behind you. Besides, if Seth Cohen can make it out of the friend zone then so can you… right?

RIGHT. Here are 7 counterproductive-on-the-surface strategies that will help you achieve former friend zone status:

1. Show you’re wanted
He’s not going to look at you as a fine piece of… well, you know, until he notices other guys are doing it. I’m not saying turn yourself into a hair-twirling, gum-chewing Kelly Bundy or anything, but do flirt it up! One, you’re supposed to because you’re awesome, and two, it’s the perfect opportunity to gauge his reaction without putting your heart on the chopping block.

2. Let him come to you
We have this tendency of giving 100 percent of ourselves to our relationships – even when we’re not getting the same in return. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from my past dating experiences (whether in the friend zone or not), never put in more than you receive. It won’t set a good precedent for when you do hook up, because he’ll expect the dynamic to stay that way. In other words, say goodbye to your identity as you know it.

3. Keep your dating life out of the convo
There’s two benefits to this strategy. The first is that you won’t have to refrain from gagging every time he talks about the girls he’s been hooking up with. The second is that in not mentioning your dating life, he’ll become curious and will find the air of mystery attractive (“An area of her life that doesn’t include me? Oh no you di’int!”).

4. Be unavailable
As much as you want to lunge at your phone every time he calls, resist the urge. It gives him the chance to realize how much he enjoys your company when you’re not there. Give him the opportunity to pursue you for a change. It’s ridiculous, but true: The more you act like you don’t want him, the more he’ll want you. It’s rule number one of the Playboy handbook we all fall for. Sigh.

5. Body language it up
I’m not talking over-the-top, giggling-while-touching-his-arm body language. I’m talking just enough to show he has your full attention, but that your attention is fleeting. If you used to dote on him, this will totally throw him for a loop – and he’ll likely miss what he didn’t know he had.

6. Casually bring it up
You don’t have to be so obvious about wanting out of the friend zone as to give him a Valentine that says, “I choo-choo-choose you.” You can take a subtle approach to gauge where he’s at without threatening the amazing lack-of-awkwardness you have with each other. For example, talk about your overall dating goals and casually ask him what he’s looking for. The best thing about his answer is you won’t have to read between the lines: When it comes to how guys communicate, what you see is what you get.

7. Focus on you
Your life was pretty awesome before he waltzed in – so keep it that way. Do everything you’ve always done and then some. In amping up the quality of your life and how you run it, he’ll want to be a part of it. Let’s face it: There’s nothing more attractive than a confident woman who has her shit together.

Disclaimer: I’m not saying that in using these friend zone strategies you’ll definitely get the guy, but that they’ll help you gauge how he feels about you while maintaining the fabulousness that is you.

What strategies have you used to get out of the friend zone?

Related on EcoSalon

7 Relationship Tips for Fresh Ways to Spice Up Your Love Life

Cohabitation Survival Guide: 5 Habits for Healthy Relationships

Couples Therapy: Doing What You Love Builds Healthy Relationships

Image: aussiegall

The post 7 Ways Women Can Break Out of the Friend Zone appeared first on EcoSalon.

Have a hate-on for your beau’s entourage? Here’s how to make sure it doesn’t cause relationship problems.

Once upon a time, you fell in love with your guy – but not his friends. Some of them are okay, while others you fantasize hitting with your car, and you’ve actually Googled “how to make voodoo dolls” with them in mind. The good news is: You’re not alone.

According to a recent study, 1 in 4 women don’t like their partner’s friends. The bad news is: 1 in 10 say that has put a strain on their relationship, and you don’t want this to be you.

There are several reasons these feelings creep to the surface:

1. You’re projecting relationship problems onto his friends.
“Take a deeper look at the relationship and what’s really bothering you,” says relationship expert April Masini. “Chances are his friends might not be so bad, you’re just upset about the dynamic between the two of you.” Sure, it’s easier to point fingers in the short run, but in the long run, it’s a waste of energy.

2. Jealousy.
Sometimes you might feel like his friends take away ‘quality time’ that should be spent with you, or they get to see a more fun-loving side to him, since you’re both so busy with the daily grind.

3. Some friends are a bad influence.
“They may be single (or married and unhappy) and urge your partner to meet women, party harder than normal, and even cheat,” says psychotherapist and relationship expert Kimberly Moffit, so then you start to wonder if your beau’s as big a jerk as his friends.

4. You’ve secretly never liked his friends, but thought if you changed him, he’d eventually change his friends.
“There’s a big difference between a guy who’s friends are exactly who they were when she met him, and a guy who’s changed his friends and behavior since she’s met him,” says Masini. “The latter usually indicates some other a problem with him or relationship problems.” Otherwise, it’s not fair to expect him to change when he never hid his friends from you to begin with.

However, there’s no reason why disliking his friends should mean relationship problems for the two of you. Here’s a survival guide for when you have to deal with these less-than-ideal dudes:

1. Reframe your perspective.
Focus less on what you feel he should get from his friendships, and ask yourself what he actually does get from them. In understanding why they’re friends, it will help you better accept his choices.

“Remember that male relationships with friends are different than ours,” says Moffit. “Often times, a man has had his BFFs since grade school, and they’re more like brothers than friends.”

2. Find common ground.
Are there things you and his friends do have in common? Focus your conversations on neutral ground to help you look past the things that make you grind your teeth.

3. At the very least, be civil.
When they pop by for a poker night, you don’t want to fill the air with hostility. Bust out your own poker face so you at least don’t come off as hostile. Your only goal is to not create tension between him and his friends, or relationship problems between him and yourself.

4. Invite your own friends into the equation.
If you have a few friends over at the same time as your guy, it’ll help you cope and stay distracted.

5. Avoid them if you need to.
If you feel like you’ve tried everything and you just can’t take it anymore – why be fake? Just be honest with your beau and tell him you’ll find something else to do with your own friends (without making him feel bad, of course).

6. Take a valium.
KIDDING.

“When it comes right down to it, you need to trust your man,” says Moffit. “Relationships are all about trust, and if your partner is doing things counter-productive to your relationship, then trust me, you can’t blame his friends – he made those choices all on his own.”

Have you ever let your sig-o’s friends cause relationship problems?

Related on EcoSalon

8 Bad Habits Your Boyfriend Has (and How to Handle Them)

8 Relationship Boundaries You Should Never Cross

Love and War: How to Fight Without Ruining Your Relationship

Image: Lara Cores

The post How to Avoid Relationship Problems When You Can’t Stand His Friends appeared first on EcoSalon.

Is your relationship with your pet turning your partner into a jealous boyfriend?

When a study came out last year saying one in 10 women love their pet more than there boyfriend… well, I wasn’t surprised at all. I’m also the first to admit that during my common law days my cat took top billing – especially during rough patches in the relationship.

If you’ve got a jealous boyfriend on your hands who gives the stink-eye to your pet at every turn, you’re probably making him feel like a third wheel. For most of us, we don’t even realize we’re doing it: We’re just carrying on with the relationship we’ve had with our pets all along (in other words, pre-boyfriend). But for some, there could be more going on:

“If you truly love your pet more than your partner, I suggest taking a closer look at your relationship,” says Kimberly Moffit, psychotherapist and relationship expert. “Does your partner give you the intellectual stimulation, romantic chemistry, and unconditional support your relationship needs?” If you find you’re turning to your pet for what your relationship isn’t offering, it’s probably not the right relationship.

If you’ve fallen into this rut, it’s nothing to feel bad about. There’s no relationship more uncomplicated or unconditional than that of a pet’s – they never argue with you or point out your shortcomings, and are always excited to see you. Plus, they’re adorable little balls of fluff! Even now, as my cat’s treating his kitty litter like a sandbox, I’m all, “Aw, how much cuter can he get?”

I know, I’m lame. Here’s how to make sure your beau doesn’t turn into a jealous boyfriend (or feel like the third wheel of a bizarre love triangle):

Greet your boyfriend first.
When you get home from work, greet your beau first thing. “If you give your hubby or boyfriend a peck on the lips, and then gush over your pet for five minutes straight, reverse the energy,” says relationship expert April Masini. You can always apologize to your pet later (kidding – sort of).

Include your boyfriend during time with your pet.
Take your dog for walks together, or make snuggling on the couch a family affair. Include him in your “conversations” with your pet: “Talk to your pet about how awesome your partner is, like ‘Doesn’t Jim look so handsome today, Spot?’” suggests Elizabeth Lombardo, psychologist and bestselling author of “A Happy You: Your Ultimate Prescription for Happiness.”

Create one-on-one time.
When you and your beau are spending time together and have specifically planned a date night, give him your undivided attention – in other words, don’t talk about Frisky giving you the cold shoulder in a fancy restaurant… unless you’re a fan of dinner for one.

Make your bedroom a no pet zone.
There’s nothing worse than being distracted from your romp in the sack because your pet’s watching your performance. (There were times where I’d pull a Rachel and giggle uncontrollably, even after my cat had been kicked out of the room. Buzz. Kill.) You’re probably going to feel guilty for neglecting your pet at first, but like all habits, building new ones takes time. You’ll both get used to the transition and you’ll have a very happy boyfriend on your hands – always a plus.

Gush over your pet when it’s just the two of you.
When your beau goes out to watch the game, play poker, or takes a business trip, use these opportunities to gush over your pet as you see fit. (You know, just make sure to get it all out of your system before the boyfriend gets home.)

Has your beau ever turned into a jealous boyfriend over your pet?

Resource: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/lifestyle/pets/10434830/One-in-ten-women-love-their-pet-more-than-partner.html

Related on EcoSalon

30 Quotes on Building Healthy Relationships

Going All In: 7 Ways to Build Trust In a Relationship

Love and War: How to Fight Without Ruining Your Relationship

Image: Kiki Yang

The post Jealous Boyfriend Alert: This Is Why He Doesn’t Like Your Pet appeared first on EcoSalon.