Maybe it’s not the traffic. The reason you hate L.A. so much could be because you’re a Virgo.
Is it any wonder there was looting in the streets of London last week? Mercury has been in retrograde since the beginning of the month, and will continue to reap its rampant fire energy until the 26th. That means you’re likely to feel insecure, angry, and – in extreme cases – riotous until September.
Whether you actually buy into planetary politics (we’re reserving judgment), the cosmos are a fun and convenient foil for a range of bad behavior and bum luck.
Your astrocartography, on the other hand, is something that should be taken very, very seriously. That’s right, your astrocartography, a.k.a. locational astrology, meaning you are where you live. That’s what the experts say, anyway. And you, my dear Leo, could very well be living in the wrong ZIP code.
Pack your bags. Here’s where you should be living according to your star sign.
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
Pioneering by nature, you like the idea of being there first. If you’re not there already, you should be living in one of the next big boom towns, which are Austin, Texas, Raleigh, North Carolina and Nashville, Tennessee.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
You’re a nature chick at heart who gravitates towards grass, trees and pretty, healthy things. Portland, Oregon is a natural place for you, though Asheville, North Carolina (voted best place for yoga, food and foliage), is prominent on your horizon.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
You deal in extremes, as such Detroit is your astrological homeland. There has been a lot of speculation about the future of Detroit, either exceedingly optimistic or doomsday rapture-esque. Two things are for sure: you don’t do gray, and neither does Motor City. Welcome home.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
You like to maintain a tight network of family and friends around you at all times. Walla Walla, Washington is known for its onions, wine and busy bodies. We kid. Walla Walla is one of the friendliest places on earth, but that doesn’t mean it’s annoying. It just means you’ll have someone to talk to.
Leo (July 23 – August 22)
Leos are very outgoing people, and very outgoing people tend to converse well in the language of sports. You’re either a sports fanatic or hang out with people that are. Listen to that battle cry calling you home. It’s Pittsburgh, the City of Champions.
Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
You’re kind of bookish, aren’t you? What you crave is a good café in close proximity to your literary icons. You don’t mind freezing your butt off, or tolerating baseball season. As long as you can say, “Emerson was here.” Dear Virgo, get thee to Boston.
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
You’re a natural balance-seeker. Live up high, away from it all in a place like Bishop, California or Breckenridge, Colorado located 9,603 feet above sea level on the western slope of the Continental Divide.
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
You’re pretty intense, but plenty of exes have told you that by now. Try living near water. It will soothe your tumultuous nature. Your cities are Seattle, Minneapolis, and San Francisco.
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
Adventure is your game. You need a locale that is near hiking trails. Better yet, anywhere you can go white water rafting or jump off something high. Vegas, baby. National Geographic voted it a top adventure city because just beyond Sin City is a backcountry playground.
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
You want to be in the heart of it all – as downtown as possible. Los Angeles is for you. Though synonymous with sprawl, traffic, and fake boobs, you will be pleasantly surprised to discover something real. The density of downtown, its superlative public transit system, plus galleries and designers galore make Downtown L.A. an ideal stomping ground for you Capricorns.
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
It might not sound exciting, but you crave privacy and comfort. Suburbia is for you, my friend. Routinely ranked as the most livable suburbs in the United States, consider Columbia, Maryland, Eden Prairie, Minnesota or Ames, Iowa. You’re not lame for loving the ‘burbs.
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
You’re not likely to go totally “off the grid” since community engagement is your thing. What you need is a good commune, an intentional community where they don’t even drink Kool-Aid because it’s bad. Try Sewanee Creek, Tennesee.
Such a move could bode well for your wallet, love life, karma, alignment, and planetary sanity. Next time, instead of blaming Mercury’s movements for your wistfulness and borderline-despair, start with something more concrete that you can control: your area code.