20 Pick Up Lines for Minimalists

Hey girl, don’t you think it’s time you and I minimized?

Are you a perfectionist when it comes to dating? Not in terms of looks, build, employability, dancing skills, or personality – heck, you’ll take whatever package they come in provided that package is streamlined. If your standards are otherwise minimal, yet you find it hard to find that match made in symmetrical heaven it could very well be because you’re a design perfectionist.

You could either clutter up your bedroom with the sort that comes with extraneous bells and whistles, or let his or her minimalism do the talking, like our dear Ryan. He requires no packaging at all. Just a good font and a clever meme: his abs do the rest.

Ryan’s going to start us off at number 1.

2. My biggest deal breaker? I’d have to say…textiles purchased in the IKEA Marketplace.

3. Who needs a sofa when your mattress is as good as mine?

4. I was married. But lorem ipsum dolor, we’re divorced.

5. Particleboard is not part of my lifestyle.

6. Hey, can you find my G-spot? No, to the left. A little more. A centimeter to the right. Yes, that’s it! That perfect wood accented typographical vortex is such a turn on, isn’t it?

7. With curves like yours, who needs crown molding?


9.  __________________________.

10. You can’t get more hardcore than the West Elm catalog. I mean, really. Must we see the shelving inside your cabinets? We get it. You shave.

11. Funny that you say that. My last girlfriend broke up with me because I didn’t come with enough baggage.

12. I’m not a commitment-phobe, per se. I’m just not ready for a kitchen table right now.

13. I’ll be your ottoman if you’ll be my settee.

14. I’m looking for the perfect long-term silhouette to fill up some negative space in my loft. Could you be that shadow?

15. Feel the grain on that rosewood credenza file cabinet sourced from the Herman Miller mid-century archives: that’s boyfriend material.

16. I think I’ve seen your picture somewhere before. Oh yeah, that’s right. It was in the dictionary next to equilibrium.

17. You complete me.

18. I won’t cramp your style, or closet.

19. You had me at Blanched Seashell White.



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Images: Hard Core Nerdity; Architecture Ryan Gosling

K. Emily Bond

K. Emily Bond is the Shelter Editor at EcoSalon and currently resides in southern Spain, reporting on trends in art, design, sustainable living and lifestyle.