They just can’t get healthier, cheaper and hipper fast enough. So the marketing geniuses behind the greasy fast food restaurants are burning the midnight oil in time for summer to chain-storm new ways to entice consumers who are getting wise to a lighter footprint.
1. Burger King’s new TV booty ad is a ridiculous send-up of I like Big Butts, featuring a Sponge Bob rendition, I Like Square Butts.
The highly sexualized ad, showing how to achieve a square butt by placing a phone book in your shorts, is aimed at an adult audience to sell its 99 cent value kids meals. Amid a sea of complaints, Burger King vows to only run the ad after hours to amuse the grown up audience.
2. Kentucky Fried Chicken new grilled breasts have been introduced challenging us to “unthink the unfried side of KFC” with this option for consumers who are watching what they eat (no extra-crispy, deep-fried junk food), but the company is still cranking out inferior factory chicken that’s no good for or the chickens no matter how you serve it. And then, of course, there’s the current Oprah Fustercluck.
3. Carl’s Junior beefs up image with ads featuring hospital surgeons or Padma singing its praises.
If you weren’t convinced before that bourbon is good for you, how ’bout when a scrub-wearing surgeon talks about craving bourbon ($6 Angus burgers that is) and knocking them back in between surgery because “bourbon keeps me focused.”
And the Western Bacon Burger, also just $6, seems ultra-healthy and gourmet when Top Chef’s Padma Lakshmi shares how much she adores these sensational sandwiches since they remind her of high school and sneaking off to get a taste of that special sauce. The most offensive thing about the Padma promotion? The ad line next to the gorgeous reality show host says “it’s more than just a piece of meat.”
4. McCafe is your kind of caffeine place. Just like in the real coffee houses with real baristas, you can brew it your way with shots of vanilla, hazelnut or caramel. Yes, savor that quick, inferior coffee plus all the sugar you ever dreamed of to complement your low-priced wrap sandwich like the McSkillet Burrito or any of those great meals that come under $3.
5. Priszm LP is reassuring the Canadian public you can’t get swine flu from fast food pork, because the employees at the 400 fast food chains (including KFC and Taco Bell) it operates in Canada wash their hands really good and there is no evidence you can contract the virus from eating pig products. Last week, the company reported losses of $2.6 million during its first quarter ending on March 22, compared to a $1.8 million loss the same period a year prior.