Halloween is all about split personalities. Masked or unmasked. Sexy or cute. Polyester or spandex. Or is it masked sexy polyester cuteness? Once a year, zombies walk the streets, witches pole dance on their brooms, and pasties make an appearance outside of a strip club. It’s enough to make us clutch our pearls in horror, dive under a pile of leaves and not come out until the birds start chirping in somewhere in mid May.
Then there are the Halloween costumes that can make your brain explode, and not in the way that’s going to add to the haunted house deco. First there are the polyester costumes, made from petroleum. Then there’s the spandex of the man-made polyurethane blend. Sure, these costumes are not made for the long haul, but must they be made from what’s still floating around in the Gulf of Mexico?
And then there’s the Halloween Sexy Virus. This is like a zombie plague when rational, otherwise demure women and some men find throw off their clothes and take to the streets in pasties. Yep, we’re all consenting adults, but some Halloween costumes give good double take come October 31st.
So check out these costumes that are fun, that are WTF, and that are “I’m going to rock back and forth until this image is burned from my eyeballs.”
Sexy NASA You could spend years immersed in physics, math, and physical training to become an astronaut. Or you could just do some knee-high boots and a push-up bra and be done with it. Just get one that defies gravity.
Wizard Wanda School Girl Wicked Witch of the West, eat your heart out – this witch takes Harry Potter’s polyester wand-waving to new levels.
Transformer Bumblebee More than meets the eye – and how! Who knew a 1980s boy-centric cartoon could include glovettes and headpiece?
Officer Frisk Me Hello 911, sassy’s in trouble! Halloween wouldn’t be complete without a poly-blend that takes law enforcement to new limits.
Sexy Darth Vader Call me a Star Wars purist, but if you’re going to go sexy, don’t you want Leia’s slave girl costume from Return of the Jedi? Just nothing about Vader’s outfit makes me think it would make a great mini-skirt.
Sexy SpongeBob Squarepants This costume, called “nautically naughty,” brings a whole new meaning to this cartoon. It also brings SpongeBob’s tie into a really awkward spot.
Sexy Brian from Family Guy Confused? Good thing a picture of Brian from Family Guy is on this outfit, as well as a martini glass. Also: Why?
Borat So basically there’s no way this can be considered appropriate, right?
Image: greyloch