Better Living Through Publicists: ‘We’re Probably Not the Right Fit’ Edition

ColumnA behind-the-screen look at the consistently ridiculous inbox of a writer.

At EcoSalon, we receive our fair share of email pitches, and we’ve decided to give you a weekly peek at this valuable information inside our inboxes. These products, people, and services are 100 percent real, although we’re not always sure that they should be.

Take Your Heart on a Toxic Joyride!

Maybe it was because this PR firm thought we were a bunch of incense-burning hippies that would be pumped to hear about  “a blend of seven naturally powerful, antioxidant rich plant and fruit extracts developed in the Alpenrose Clinic in Switzerland.” Far from it. This “revolutionary supplement” intended to skyrocket human energy levels, “get your skin glowing and maximize your workouts,” is nothing more than speed in a bag. If we wanted a less packaged energy product we’d go hit the nearest drug dealer for an eight ball.

Who doesn’t need energy? We’ve covered more natural ways of attaining it however. REBOOTizer is “Packaged in ultra convenient portable pouches, you simply pop the pouch to activate the potent blend of fruit and plant extracts and purified reverse water and let your body know you mean business. The beauty of REBOOTizer lies in the greater bio-availability of the mixture compared to other pre-made anti-oxidant drinks on the market.By delivering an instant shot of this potent liquid, you are guaranteed the effects of this powerful, better mind and body booster.”

Toxic drink.

Plastic pouches.


Give us a break.

Get Eco With These New Disposable Razors from Schick!

This PR firm reached out to us three times. That means that three times we made pretend a disposable razor company wasn’t asking us to write about them. With all the plastic floating around the planet, and how often EcoSalon writes about it, why we ask, (we implore), would Schick still pitch us? Because they don’t care.

So here you go Schick.

Their new “greener shave,” with the Schick Xtreme3 Eco is the first disposable razor designed for maximum sustainability, is made with a handle comprised of 100 percent recycled plastic and 100 percent recycled paper packaging. Hey wait, this sounds great! Recycling, green sustainable – we like! We liked even more all the reasons why they thought we should write about it:

  • We Are a Plastic Nation: Enough plastic is produced in the United States each year to shrink wrap Texas. By using recycled plastics, the Eco razor will save about 118,000 pounds of this virgin material from landfills. It’s enough to reach the top of the Washington Monument over 2,300 times!
  • Chain Reaction: Recycling 1 ton of paper saves 17 mature trees, 7,000 gallons of water, 3 cubic yards of landfill space, 2 barrels of oil, and 4000 kilowatt hours of electricity.  This is enough energy to power the average American home for 5 months. Schick estimates they’ll be saving 15,500 pounds of virgin paper from going into landfills each year by using recycled paper in the packaging.
  • Royal Flush: The bathroom is one of the least eco-friendly places in your abode. In fact, 75 percent of all water used in the household is used in the bathroom, and people are not accustomed to recycling waste as they do in the kitchen. By offering a product whose creation makes an immediate positive impact on the environment, Schick has made it simple and easy to go green in your bathroom routine.
  • No Compromise? No Problem: The Eco razor provides the exact same high-quality shave (and high-value price) that Xtreme3 users know and love – now better for the environment!

Wait. What about those reusable razors? The metal ones we can have for a really long time to reduce plastic use and even the need for recycled packaging? The razors that don’t demand we need more water usage, oil or trees to keep making them? Geez Schick, didn’t you think about that? What is this eco 1990?

We commend you for putting recycling to good use, but are you missing the point?

Available exclusively at Wal-Mart, Schick is planning a campaign to coincide with Earth Month, including a partnership with celeb couple Amy Smart and Carter Oosterhouse.

Oh boy.

Who Cares if You Smoke?! It’s Just Vapor!

Thanks to Brittany for sending us this pitch on smokeless cigarettes, because nothing says EcoSalon better than a good smoke.

She writes: “Even the most beautiful people have the nastiest habits. Just like everyone else, celebs can suffer the negative consequences of their cigarette addiction. From yellow teeth and grayish skin to smelly breath and hair, just one cigarette can deplete their good looks. That’s why stars like Jerry Ferrara, Karina Smirnoff, Katherine Heigl, Uma Thurman and Jenni ‘JWOWW’ Farley are turning to South Beach Smoke electronic cigarettes.”

Wait Brittany, I’m not a celebrity, so how does this work for me as a writer and editor?

The pitch goes on: “South Beach Smoke is a smokeless electronic cigarette which gives users a way to obtain nicotine without tobacco. Smokers can enjoy the physical sensation and flavor of a traditional cigarette but are exhaling water vapor instead of the harmful smoke. With South Beach Smoke electronic cigarettes you can say goodbye to wrinkled skin and bad teeth and hello to a smoother, healthier way to puff.”


Smoking=no wrinkled skin?

We have a pretty strong feeling that these vapors have to make something murky and wrinkly somewhere.

We’ll pass on the samples and the test starter kit.

Oh, and good luck to Uma!

Amy DuFault

Amy DuFault is a conscious lifestyle writer, consultant and fashion instigator. She resides in Cape Cod, Massachusetts.