Better Living Through Publicists

Editor’s note: Better Living Through Publicists is a behind-the-screen look at the consistently ridiculous inbox of a writer.

Ever wondered how Star knows which celebrities partied at which Vegas nightclub? Thank a publicist. Ever wonder how an editor knew about an exciting new product launch? Thank a publicist. Yes, publicists are always ready to helpfully suggest story ideas that educate, enlighten, and entertain, and they really have a handle on the kinds of things that women truly need to know.

At EcoSalon, we receive our fair avalanche of email pitches, and we’ve decided to give you a peek at this valuable information inside our inboxes. These products, people, and services are 100 percent real, although we’re not always sure that they should be.

When the Wet Spot Isn’t Enough

Sex tapes are sooo 2004. The latest way to preserve the evidence that you got laid is the Love Is Art kit. For only $60, artist Jeremy Brown (who has apparently been immortalizing his own adventures in boning for over a decade) helps couples “create an intimate work of art during the act of making love.” Yes, you and your lover can slather yourselves in black paint, get freaky on a giant piece of canvas, and then hang that sloppy mishmash of knee- and assprints above your mantel for all your friends and family to see. Jackson Pollock would be so proud.

You’ll Never Believe What People Leave at Airport Security!

Phones, mostly. And wallets. Also iPods and glasses. Basically, they’re exactly the kinds of thing you’d expect people to leave at airport security, but the lost & found team at Singapore’s Changi Airport would really, really like to tell you about their fast-paced careers in the finding stuff industry. They find some pretty “unusual” items! Cardigans, for example! Here’s something “fascinating” to think about: about 55% of lost items are claimed within a month. Here’s something else to think about: the lost & found team at this airport in Asia has its very own publicist (and to think your company doesn’t offer health benefits).

Some Celebrities Went to a Cemetery and Ate Popchips

Cemetery parties are so hot right now. On October 27th, Nicki and Paris Hilton, the Maddens, Brandon Davis, and Jamie King attended VEVO’s “Six Feet Deep” 3D experience at L.A.’s Hollywood Forever Cemetery, powered by Dubset. Guests grooved to live DJs, competed in a costume contest, sipped cocktails by Belvedere, and noshed on Popchips, all while dancing on the gravesites of luminaries such as Mel Blanc, Douglas Fairbanks, Cecil B. DeMille, Estelle Getty, Hattie McDaniel, Peter Lorre, Johnny Ramone, and Rudolph Valentino. Oh Popchips.

You Should Do Something About Your Fat Face

You do crunches and leg lifts, but what are you doing to exercise your face? Wait—you don’t exercise your face? Personal Face Trainer and facial fitness expert (a totally legitimate profession) Cynthia Rowland is rolling her eyes at you, you lazy piece of woman. You and your fat, saggy face will never get a man. But for the nominal fee of $500, Cynthia will come to your house and show you how to eliminate wrinkles and naturally prevent aging using her special method of facial exercise—no injections or surgery! If you’d prefer to feel bad about yourself in private, you can try her DVD. Of course she has a DVD.

And now you know.

Images: Love is Art, Yesboleh, YogaDork, Popchips, Headless Horseman