You want to get away, let’s say to sparkly Laguna Beach for a long weekend, and you don’t want to board your doggy at a kennel. You learn from an agent you can carry your buddy on board the cabin, in a small, vinyl container, with his temper and vaccine papers in tow while resting by your feet in the leg room area. Thank you, thank you, thank you! Mr. Jones gets to come with us to see the ocean!
You nab him a room with a view which he enjoys immensely, especially manning the deck and barking uncontrollably at simple Sally, the shaggy dog on the neighboring terrace. Her parents are suckers, too. They also threw the airlines a big bone.
Yes, united we stand on pet love, and United we flew to Orange County with our pug, whose one-way ticket at $150 cost more than my own. Put two and two together: Our pets are ridiculously cute and love us. The airlines are fighting like Pit Bulls to hang on amid the soaring price of fuel – hence the $7 sandwiches and $29 fee per checked bag.
It all adds up to Carry-On Pet Gouging, the latest new trick as carriers that once accepted ginormous footlockers, golf clubs and crates of pineapples for free, now charge for irresistible extras to bleed a needy consumer base.
Frontier Airlines has announced a pet passenger program inviting us to bring small dogs, cats, bunnies, hamsters and small birdies for $75 each way. Come on. I can see taking Smokey on a trip but $75 for a hamster? That’s messed up.
Would I pay to fly Mr. Jones, again? Probably. I paid $50 to Southwest this summer when my daughter’s camp duffel bag exceed the weight limit. I was broken down from having lost the battle to convince my teen that less is more, and that dirty is the new black at summer camp. But we must ask ourselves, when do we shout “UNCLE?” (as in Uncle Sam, you screwed up so bad, now we must pay the crazy price).
Additional ad-ons witnessed: An extra seat for the obese and their over spill (price of a ticket); Parents of unaccompanied children ($39 to $100); Headphones ($5); Curbside check-ins ($2 to $3 per bag); Desirable Seat Assignment ($5 to $35). Drinks, snack boxes and sandwiches ($3 to $10). Yes, the flight crew will take plastic for the extras. The goal is to get you to check less and reduce cargo weight while spending more on amusements and upgrades. On Alaska Air, you can even get bumped up to first class at the last minute for $50 more.
Where will it end? Some say with no check ins at all, and perhaps just one small carry on with the bare essentials. For many, that could very well be their Mr. Jones. If you believe the Beatles, all we need is love. That, and perhaps a toothbrush, a laptop and some clean underwear.
Images: Lisa Sunde Photography, Luanne Bradley