Girls Just Wanna Have Tops: Unsustainable Addiction?


Do you keep saying yes to new button downs, tees and crops, so much so that your top fixation is spinning out of control? Let’s not skirt the issue: Girls just wanna have fun tops; tops for a party, for a special work day, for a date, for shopping at the mall for tops. We collect them, like crazy shut-ins collect cats, and it’s not very sustainable, unless you are swapping with your friends or sisters, and not many of us do that after college.

The Female’s Closet becomes a Blouse House Early On


It starts in adolescence when the frontal cortex of your brain was being reconfigured and you literally lost your mind for a while, hence the book, Get out of My Life, But First Could You Drive Me and Cheryl to the Mall? As a teen, I forced my mother to drive me to Contempo Casuals at Bullocks Fashion square in Sherman Oaks to buy tops. The alley – long racks of Saturday Night Fever tube tops and gathered peasant blouses blew my mind. Now, karma tortures me with a 14-year-old who morphs into Linda Blair when she realizes she needs a top for a Saturday night. No exaggeration; her head spins 180 degrees.

We Sport Tops for Other Women


You heard me. We don new hot tops to impress our BBF’s who already know we got it going on, and females from other villages we will be encountering at tribal mixers. They will judge or be judged by the tops. Men typically look at the breasts in the tops, or, if they are stylish, the accessories selected from the Piperlime Accessories Wall to accent the tops. Did you add a leather woven belt? Did you do a chunky pendant?

Getting to the Bottom of the Top Fetish


Tops are easier to fit than jeggings or jeans for many women. It’s like how shoes are easier to buy than bathing suits. They always look pretty good, no matter what’s going on in the backyard. So you try on a dozen different styles: ruffled yolk, butterfly sleeved, plunging neck, cropped or embroidered, and you buy one, one per mall outing, one per occasion, and you get your fix. But like candy, the sugar low – or in this case tunic or halter low – brings on the mean reds, and you hang it up to hopefully wear it again. But it won’t give you the same high, not like the first time, because it has been seen. The thrill is gone.

Retail Therapy: Medicinal Tops


Consider whether or not your wardrobe is top heavy. Can you close your tee shirt drawer? Can you see the blouses you own? Are there tops you only wore once and then gave away? If you answered yes, just remind yourself that a top can be a drug. What does top spell backwards? I know, right? And it leads to harder garments, to costly coats, designer boots, even stronger, medicinal tops. Just say no to tops. Otherwise, you might go through life known as a top head.

Images: adria.richards, Cocoeco, Barnes and Noble, Project Runway, My Lifetime

Luanne Bradley

Luanne Sanders Bradley is the West coast Editor at EcoSalon and currently resides in San Francisco, California.