Online Dating is Full of Love… and Some Creepy Hate

Couple sitting together

If you’re a single woman, (or have been single in the past eight to 10 years, or so) you’ve probably given online dating a shot. Whether you’ve shelled out some cash for sites, such as, or just gone the free route by signing up for OKCupid, or Tinder, I bet you’ve received more than a few creepy messages from dudes. It just comes with the territory, which is quite unfortunate.

After all, online dating isn’t all bad experiences and creepy threats. I’ve been off and on dating websites for the past five years or so. (Most recently on, though — single ladies represent!) And the majority of my long-term, happy relationships have come from meetings from these sites. But for every lovely message I get from a man who shares my love of horror and music, there are probably three more that are creepy, gross, or just plain disrespectful. “I want to f*** you up against a wall because you’re so hot, but then kiss you gently because you’re so cute,” is just one of the banner messages I’ve received while traversing the land of online dating.

I, like many women, have had to deal with scads of emails from men who flip when I don’t respond to their messages within 24 hours. Also: Emails about how “hot” I am – I don’t even need to talk! Then there are the dick pics — yes — I received my very first one last week. I feel like I deserve a prize, or something. Here are the few other gems I’ve received over the past week and a half:

Message number 1

Message number 2

Message number 3

Now, I haven’t let these creepy messages scare me away. I think that online dating is a great way to meet people. I’m the first to admit that I stink at attracting men at bars, or traditional places where people go to meet. I still haven’t mastered that whole eye contact thing, yet. These sites — free and paid — give me a place to really explain who I am. And let’s face it — I’m a writer. So, the written — not spoken — word is my go-to “how do you do.”

While I won’t let these damaged dudes scare me away from finding a decent guy, I still hate that women, in general, are kinda “forced” to put up with this type of stuff. Sure, we can choose to block these guys, or just ignore them, but the fact that there are some men who think it’s completely acceptable to just harass women online for the hell of it is quite disturbing. What’s up with that?

Well, my best guess (along with most other womens’ best guess, too) is that guys like this want to make women feel bad for making them feel bad. OK, I get that, but if you can’t handle rejection, you probably shouldn’t be dating. Because dating, basically, is a series of rejections until you find someone you dig. It ain’t easy or for the faint of heart, but it is what it is.

So, fellas (and women who send equally yucky messages) – just stop it. We all hate rejection. Let’s just all acknowledge that this is way hard, and act like adults, OK? OK.

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Image: Guian Bolisay

Abbie Stutzer

Writer, editor, and owner of Ginchy!, a freelance writing and editing company, and home funeral hub. Adores smart sex ed, sustainable ag, spooky history, women's health, feminism, horror, wine, and sci-fi.