ColumnEcoSalon Columnist Abigail Wick interviews European ex-pats about the game they bring to the table.
You know you have one. That go-to friend – maybe the gay friend living in the apartment next door or your wild and crazy partner-in-crime from your days at university who always lends a willing ear when you’re afflicted with romantic woes. For whatever reason, I always tend to be that friend, and my status as a de facto relationship counselor makes my professional work as love and sex columnist seem like a foregone conclusion.
People don’t come to me because I’m especially enlightened, but because I’m an invariably passionate listener who is unafraid of dispensing the sometimes-unwelcome truth: ‘Get over your petty jealousy;’ ‘Stop fixating your desire on a man who doesn’t return the sentiment;’ ‘He is, in actuality, an ugly and unsuccessful embarrassment, and it’s really time to refocus your attention on a better mate.’
Such advice might, in the short term, upset my friends, but the fact of the matter is that they come to me because I am willing to articulate what, in their heart-of-hearts, they already know.
Lately, I’ve been noticing that romantic partnerships are all too often plagued by negative, defeatist insecurities (‘Why aren’t I good enough?’ ‘Why doesn’t he give me more?’). By directing our attention towards perceived lack, we miss out on the opportunity to highlight what we have. This week, I decided to help set the record straight, interviewing six European ex-pats, and asking them to reflect on their best selves: What do you bring to a romantic relationship that enriches and enhances the life of your significant other?
Sarah, Marketing, Germany
“I am adventurous and experimental, with no day being like the next. I am also incredibly trustworthy and loyal. This combination of wildness and sensitivity allows me to bring a significant other maximal joy, vibrant color, and positivity, whatever the situation.”
Norberto, Internet Technology, Portugal
“I like to provide stability and commonsense. I enjoy impetuousness in a partner, and like to bring a calm balance to the relationship. I enjoy companionship and the integration of our friends – it’s nice to share common social ties with one another.”
Francys, Tourism, Brazil
“I am understanding and opening, and deeply, sincerely care about the others well-being. I want to encourage my partner’s growth pursuit of his personal goals. I am also incredibly passionate, and throw my whole heart into a relationship, taking the time and attention to do it right.”
Alina, Photography, Ukraine
“I bring spontaneity, unexpected surprises, and even a bit of craziness into a relationship. Men who fall for me like my ability to be a leader and willingness to exercise my strength. I am also a good, cool friend. We can hang out and drink beers together, creating compatibility as friends as well as lovers.”
Andre, Sports Management, Germany
“I bring trust. She can always be sure that I am giving my word. Without this important base, the relationship would not work. She can go out and enjoy herself, and there is never any fear or lack of trust. I believe in her, and she believes in me, and we offer one another this truth.”
Elena, Art History, Russia
“I create harmony and support him in any situation. I am trustworthy, in all things, sharing with him my warmth and my heart. I also help make our home an inviting and comfortable space for our friends, with a soulful atmosphere that allows us to share meaningful time with a group of loved ones.”
Sex By Numbers is an ongoing look into the emotional and sexual lives of the modern day woman. Follow Abigail Wick weekly here for insight and inspiration as she explores the “sex” of women and the terrain they must travel.