Sexting and cyberbullying have harsher consequences for girls.
A recent instance of cyberbullying involved a slut list that was initially mass forwarded amongst students using Blackberry Messenger until one New York teen said he was tired of requests to forward it and decided to create a “smut list” Facebook group (the name was evidently changed to avoid flagging). Only a few months prior, a girl on the other side of the country took a full-frontal nude photo of herself and sent it to her new boyfriend. A series of events and bad decisions resulted in that photo going viral throughout her school, community and beyond. In both instances, girls were painted with the equivalent of a cyber scarlet letter.
Bad girl directory
The list contained over 100 girls’ first and last names (some as young as 14), ranked them according to their alleged sexual encounters and what they were willing to do, and included anonymous commentary. All boys’ names were omitted. The girls are from seven different high schools in the Westchester, New York and Greenwich, Connecticut areas. The group attracted more than 7,000 “likes” overnight.
The good news is that the schools and the authorities are taking it seriously, investigating, and discussing some severe punishment. The bad news is that, like all digital content, it most likely still exists somewhere. There is no way to unring this particular bell. In a time where college admissions personnel and job recruiters admit to Googling prospective applicants, inclusion on the list could have long-lasting consequences.
Clearly both boys and girls participated in creating, expanding, commenting on, and distributing this list, but it is no surprise that it only contains girls’ names. The underlying principle never changes – society perceives sexually active boys to be studs, and sexually active girls to be sluts. It’s such a tired double standard it would be laughable if it weren’t so damaging. In this case, the larger problem with this list is that it could be a complete fabrication. True or not, this list tars the reputations of all the girls who are even mentioned in association with it.
Take nude photo, send nude photo, lose control of nude photo, live with nude photo forever
The New York Times recently told the story of an eighth-grade girl in Washington state who took a nude photo of herself and sent it to her boyfriend. Her boyfriend soon became her ex-boyfriend and she had a falling out with a friend. Her ex-boyfriend forwarded the photo to her ex-friend, who forwarded it to her entire contact list. In just one day, it had spread to hundreds of students in her hometown. After that, there is no way to tell how many people have seen it, or where it went next. When she tried to change schools, she was recognized, pointed at and whispered about.
The ex-friend and ex-boyfriend faced criminal charges, but ultimately their punishment was to educate other students on the dangers of sexting. The girl who took the photo of herself faced no charges, but her lifelong punishment is clear. Despite the dangers, sexting has become popular with both teens and adults.
How common is sexting?
According to a 2008 study commissioned by The National Campaign to Prevent Teenage and Unplanned Pregnancy and CosmoGirl.com, 20 percent of teens overall have electronically sent, or posted online, nude or semi-nude pictures or video of themselves (22 percent of teen girls, 18 percent of teen boys, and 11 percent of young girls 13-16). The numbers go up for young adults 20-26 (33 percent overall, 36 percent of women and 31 percent of men). When you count only suggestive messages (sans images), the numbers nearly double in both categories.
Sexting begins with one bad decision, but it could stop there if the recipient did not forward it on. Do teens and young adults just think it’s no big deal? Do they really think the messages and images they send will remain private? Especially once the relationship ends?
I believe dissemination requires malice. This generation of teens and young adults have grown up with the Internet and viral videos on YouTube. It’s hard to believe that they don’t understand the consequences of forwarding a nude photo or posting a slut list rooted in viciousness.
No matter what, girls are the most negatively affected. The NYT reports that a boy who sends pictures of himself might be considered an idiot or boastful, but girls are labeled sluts. “Photos of girls tend to go viral more often, because boys and girls will circulate girls’ photos in part to shame them.” However, when a boy sends a sexy photo to a girl, she usually does not forward it to the masses. Boys do not forward photos of other boys, because they don’t want to admit to having photos like that. Not only is sexting a bad idea, but it’s an especially bad idea for girls.
Girls and Sex – Disrespect, Pressure, and Dehumanization
The reason that girls are more negatively affected when it comes to bullying related to sex is found in sexual attitudes toward girls and women that have not improved with the passing of time, and in fact, seem to have gotten worse.
A fraternity at Yale lines up and yells, “No means yes! Yes means anal!” and sends out its own version of a slut list, ranking incoming freshman girls by how many beers the authors thought it would take to have sex with them. At USC, a fraternity member sent out a disgustingly detailed email designed to identify “sorostitutes” willing to have sex, calling girls “targets” and saying that girls “are not actual people like us men…consequently, giving them a certain name or distinction is pointless.” It’s easy to see how treacherous the sexual climate surrounding girls these days really is.
Recent findings by the Center for Disease Control (CDC) suggests that sexual intercourse rates are down, but there is always a risk of teens lying on the questionnaire and questions not distinguishing between intercourse and oral sex. Conflicting reports have participation in oral sex from only 7 percent to over 50 percent of teens, but it’s possible that oral sex is on the rise as a hedge against unplanned pregnancy (the U.S. teen birth rate fell to a record low in 2009), and a way for girls to remain “technical virgins” longer.
Despite being bombarded with media messages, pressured to have sex younger and younger, and being the target of cyberbullying or objectifying attitudes – ultimately, it’s up to girls themselves to navigate this sexual minefield. No one else can make decisions for them about sending out sext messages of themselves or others, participating in creating a slut list of their peers, or deciding to when and how to have sex. We need to redouble our efforts to encourage girls to have respect for themselves and their bodies, resist peer pressure, and become educated on the consequences of all types of sex.
As for some boys’ and men’s attitudes about girls and women? Will they ever change? If not, these are the attitudes that the next generation of men will take to work with their female colleagues and bring home to their wives and daughters.
Photo Credit: modenadude