Sleep With Someone on the First Date? It’s Totally Fine, if it Feels Totally Right

first date

Do you sleep with your crush on the third date? After a month? After you both get your test results back? Deciding when it’s right to sleep with someone is something you should think about, but when it feels right (even if it’s on the first date), go for it.

Dating sites and various women’s magazines are filled with advice about when you should knock boots with a mate. I’ve been dating “the fellas” (my generic term for single dudes) for quite a few years and I’ve received all sorts of advice from friends, family, and screens. Everything from, “you should really wait until you’re married,” to “wait until he’s about to go crazy with frustration!” And then there are the advice columns that scream that no dude will ever call you back if you have sex with him on the first date… as if. I’ve ignored all of the pseudo-advice. There’s not magic waiting period when it comes to deciding if you’re ready to sleep with someone.

The hard and fast (no pun intended, but still… pretty funny) mantra I repeat in my head before I decide if I’m going to do the deed with a guy is: Do I want to, and am I comfortable?

For me to want to sleep with someone and be comfortable enough to engage in physical contact I typically have to get the following information:

1. Is he pressuring me to sleep with him? If the answer is yes, I won’t engage in any physical activity. I won’t even kiss the dude. I’m a big supporter of relaxed seduction. I want a partner who doesn’t try to speed along the process. If we’re going to get naked on the first date, it’s because we both want to and it just happens. No pressure should be involved.

2. Have we discussed STD and STI testing? I am always up to date with my tests, and feel like I need to share this information with any and every potential sexual partner. I expect the person I’m going to have sex with to do the same. If we can both talk about safer sex with enthusiasm and confidence, then I’m more comfortable becoming intimate with an individual.

3. Are we both enthusiastic about it? I am the queen of enthusiastic consent. If we aren’t both excited to get down to it, and aren’t verbally able to say, “hell yeah, let’s do this,” then I want to wait until we both are. Because really, what’s hotter than a resounding, “yes, please – I want to take off your pants”?

Now, everybody’s criteria is different when deciding to sleep with someone. What’s important is that you decide the information you need to get from a person before you feel comfortable getting naked. Just adhere to your personal checklist whenever you’re on a date… even if it’s the first date.

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Image: sabrina’s stash

Abbie Stutzer

Writer, editor, and owner of Ginchy!, a freelance writing and editing company, and home funeral hub. Adores smart sex ed, sustainable ag, spooky history, women's health, feminism, horror, wine, and sci-fi.