The Glucose Overdose of Cupcake Culture

Cupcakes and the people who blog about them.

Despite the ongoing dispute over cupcakes at EcoSalon HQ, I stand by my loathing. It’s not cupcakes per se, it’s the entire cupcake trend that’s turning baked-good-loving people into frosting zombies.

How do I know this? I have a Google alert that rounds up the best “cupcake” hits of the day for me, and let me tell you, if this alert is any indicator of our future, we are headed down a grim path – one dotted with red velvet crumbles and copious sprinkle drifts. Cupmudgeon? Guilty as charged.

Don’t believe me? Just take a look at these ridiculous cupcakes. Even I can agree that cupcakes make for a great 10 year-old’s birthday party, and they’re fun on a Sunday afternoon picnic, but do we really need to be trying to make them haute cuisine, or, even worse, make them look like items that they’re not? If there is any better proof that people need jobs, I cannot find it.

1. Knitting Cupcakes

Bring these to a Stitch and Bitch session and you’ll probably have most attendees doing more of the latter.

2. Cupcake Stuffed Strawberries

It’s bad enough to pretend cupcakes are healthy by making them fruit based, but putting a cupcake into a strawberry? It’s in there.

3. iPhone Cupcake

Nothing screams fanboy more than showing up to the office with these.

4. Muppet Cupcakes

They were so cute on screen, but now…my childhood has been destroyed.

5. Starry Night Cupcakes

Van Gogh would have cut his ear off for less.

6. Lego Cupcakes

No matter how much they beg, your child does not need this sugar overdose.

7. Corn on the Cob Cupcakes

Thanks, Martha, for keeping it classy.

8. Hamburger Cupcakes

Sliders were already overdone, now this?

9. Taco Cupcakes 

Taco Tuesday anyone? Somehow I just want to stick with chips and guacamole.

10. Sushi Cupcakes

I dare someone to eat these with wasabi.

11. Flower Pot Cupcakes 

I like my flowers living, thank you very much.

12. Thanksgiving Cupcakes

Note: you can’t make a leftover sandwich with these.

13. Broccoli Cupcakes

Sadly, there is an entire blog devoted to not just cupcakes, but cupcakes with things inside of them.

14. Brain Cupcakes

It’s like a Halloween dessert gone horribly, horribly wrong. Serve these to your children and they will probably end up in tears.

15. Cupcake Bouquet

Throw this to the bridal party and see who gets frosting in their face.

16. Egg Cupcakes

Which came first, the cupcake or the cuteification of the cupcake?

17. Scorpion Cupcakes

Serve up with a side of pest control?

18. Stiletto Cupcakes

The worst kind of ladies night possible.

19. Billiard Cupcakes

At least now we know there’s a manlier version of cupcakes.

20. Spaghetti and Meatballs Cupcakes

Would anyone really eat this?

21. Pro Life Cupcakes

As Ms. Magazine put it, the problem with the Cupcakes for Life Campaign and National Pro-Life Cupcake Day, “the complexities of the abortion debate cannot be reduced to a cupcake.” Our thoughts exactly.

And finally: The Most Absurd, Totally Inappropriate, Completely NSFW Cupcake. You have been warned.

Images: The Kitchn, vegan yum yum, 1 Fine Cookie, cafemom, iCanHasCheezburger, New York Times, hello naomi, Martha Stewart, Smiley’s Sweets and Creations, While We’re Waiting, ajumma’s pad, just jenn rants and raves, luux, The Kitchn, street anatomy, Dots Treats Cupcakes, Cutest Food, La Culinaire, Hoosier Homemade,, Smiley’s Sweet Creations, Bitch Media


Anna Brones

Anna Brones is a food + travel writer with a love for coffee and bikes. She is the author of The Culinary Cyclist and Fika: The Art of the Swedish Coffee Break. Catch her weekly column, Foodie Underground.