20 Funny Shopping Quotes that are Oh-So-True

woman shopping

Funny shopping quotes to help you survive the insanity that is the holiday season.

  1. “I always say shopping is cheaper than a psychiatrist.” -Tammy Faye Bakker
  2. “Shopping is better than sex. If you’re not satisfied after shopping you can make an exchange for something you really like.” -Adrienne Gusoff
  3. “Wal-mart… do they like, make walls there?” -Paris Hilton
  4. “Too many people spend money they haven’t earned, to buy things they don’t want, to impress people they don’t like.” -Will Smith
  5. “We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.” -Henry Youngman
  6. “The quickest way to get to know a woman is to go shopping with her.” -Marcelene Cox
  7. “Anyone who believes the competitive spirit in America is dead has never been in a supermarket when the cashier opens another checkout line.” -Ann Landers
  8. “A bargain is something you can’t use at a price you can’t resist.” -Franklin P. Jones
  9. “Whoever said money can’t buy happiness simply didn’t know where to go shopping.” -Bo Derek
  10. “The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.” -Erma Bombeck
  11. “I haven’t reported my missing credit card to the police because whoever stole it is spending less than my wife.” -Ilie Nastase
  12. “The woman just ahead of you at the supermarket checkout has all the delectable groceries you didn’t even know they carried.” -Mignon McLaughlin
  13. “The other line moves faster.” -Etorre
  14. “Buying something on sale is a special feeling. In fact, the less I pay for something, the more it’s worth to me. I have a dress that I paid so little for that I am afraid to wear it. I could spill something on it and then how would I replace it for that amount of money?” -Rita Rudner
  15. “When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It’s a whole different way of thinking.” -Elayne Boosler
  16. “If men liked shopping, they’d call it research.” -Cynthia Nelms
  17. “Is there more to life than shopping?” -Amanda Ford
  18. “I rationalize shop. I buy a dress because I need change for gum.” -Rita Rudner
  19. “I bet deep down you still wish your mom would take you clothes shopping every August for the new school year.” -Bridget Willard
  20. “I like my money right where I can see it: Hanging in my closet.” -Carrie Bradshaw

What are your favorite shopping quotes?

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Image: Antoine K

Krissy Brady

Krissy Brady is a women’s health + lifestyle writer who’s so out of shape, it’s like she has the innards of an 80-year-old. Instead of learning how to crochet, she decided to turn her emotional baggage into a writing career (genius, no?). You can follow her shenanigans on Twitter (you know, if you want).