Get Your Renewal On and Have Better Sex This Spring: Sexual Healing

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ColumnIs that a hamentashchen in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? From Ishtar to Esther to Easter, ‘tis the season of spring awakening. Many of our modern holidays can be traced back to pre-agricultural fertility rites. Looking for an excuse to get your partner to worship your lady parts? Better sex can be had this spring, starting with a DIY ritual this weekend. 

I’m just back from Mardi Gras in New Orleans, the bacchanal to end all bacchanals, so I’ve been thinking a lot about the historical reframing of pagan rituals. This Sunday brings Purim, the only Jewish holiday that insists adherents get drunk. (No, really, it says so in the bible.) On Purim Jews also eat “hamentaschen” a triangle shaped, fruit filled, poppy-seed spiked cake that looks suspiciously like a vulva. Purim is one of the few Jewish holidays with a female heroine at its center – Esther, who is thought be to the Jewish version of Ishtar, the Babylonian goddess of fertility, love, war, and sex. Esther doesn’t quite make up for all the deeply patriarchal, misogynist mishegoss in the Old Testament, but at least it’s something — and it’s also totally appropriated from the pagans.

From “Groundhog Day” (known to modern day Wiccans as Imbolc) to Easter, with it’s fertile bunnies and symbolic egg painting, and even Christmas (“Saturnalia”) most Judeo-Christian holidays can be traced back to our earth-worshipping ancestors. Judge our polytheist ancients if you must, but they got a lot right with their rites – especially the part about venerating vaginas and honoring the power of the feminine.

Spring cleaning is lovely, but it’s also rather boring. Why not trade in your seasonal cleaning ritual for something sexier? The ancients celebrated the last Full Moon of the winter (the Full Moon in Virgo, for the astrologically-inclined) with a feast to welcome the spring. The Vernal Equinox arrives on March 20th, so you can start this weekend and keep the party going all week. The pagan feasting ritual contained many of the elements of Purim as we know it today: a carnival-like atmosphere, costumes, excessive revelry, drunkenness, and yes – lots of sex. They may not mention that in synagogue, but boy oh boy is it in the subtext.

After a winter of much discontent across the U.S. with record-low temps, the Polar Vortex reaching deep down into the sultry south (it was in the thirties on Fat Tuesday in NOLA), we desperately need to be warmed up from head-to-toe. Let’s get to the thaw, shall we?

Whatever your religious affiliation (or lack thereof) start a new tradition this weekend – call it your spring sexing, if you will. This series of rituals is liberating and uplifting no matter what your relationship status. Whether you’re single and craving a fresh hookup, in a long-term relationship that’s a bit stale, or dating three different people at once, recharging your seasonal battery will improve your relationship with your body, and through it, your sex life. Call the babysitter, put your workload on hold – do what you must to create some serious sexual me-time this weekend.

You can do these rituals in no particular order, but I find that communing with my own body is the proper initiation, especially if I’m aiming to entwine myself with another body soon. I think of myself as a modern day Cleopatra (sans the kohl liner and the war-mongering). Of course, it all begins with an elaborate bathing ritual — one for which you can prep without buying a single pre-packaged product.

You may not be feeling great about your limbs after a winter that kept you inside most of the time, so make a DIY scrub, and exfoliate all those dead wintry flakes away. Himalayan sea salts are nice, but sensitive-skin types might do better with a sugar scrub. I mix coconut oil and whatever essential oils I have on hand with a few tablespoons of brown sugar. (Leftovers make a great hand scrub.) Put that scrub by the side of the tub, light your paraffin-free candles, and do some deep breathing as the tub fills. Your favorite wine and/or tea is a nice add-on.

In the bath, start with a base of 2 cups of Epsom salts — they are detoxifying, rich in magnesium, and help essential oils to penetrate the skin. Certain oils are ideal for this ritual — choose geranium (hormone-balancing and invigorating for the adrenal cortex), ylang ylang (aphrodisiac), rose otto (thought to heal the relationship between sexuality and self-esteem.) Note: When using any essential oils, check with your doctor, especially if you have any tendency toward excess estrogen.

Spend some time in the tub, meditating about the ways in which you’d like your sex life to evolve. Writing down your intentions is really helpful for manifesting those sexual/sensual goals — just don’t drop your journal in the tub. This ritual is also an awesome stress-reliever, which, face it, is the number one enemy of our sex lives.

After you get out of the tub, pat yourself gently with a towel, and while still moist, rub in some homemade body oil. My favorite recipe has a base of organic jojoba and rosehip, with approximately 30 drops of geranium and 5 drops of rose otto.

The feasting-part of this weekend-long ritual can be whatever you want it to be, depending on whether you’re solo or with a partner. I’d start with some raw, vegan aphrodisiac-laced recipes from Eco-Sex. And if you really want to take things to the next level, why not schedule in some orgasmic meditation?

Whether or not you partake of any actual hamentaschen this weekend, you can be your own fruit at the center. But just in case, here’s a vegan, gluten-free vulva-cookie recipe. (Best consumed post-coitally, so prepare in advance.)

Happy spring!

Got a question for Stefanie? Email  stefanie at ecosalon dot com and she’ll answer it in the next Sexual Healing column.

Keep in touch with Stefanie on Twitter@ecosexuality

Related on EcoSalon

Slow Sex: Spring is for Shedding (Layers and Baggage)

How to Eat Your Way to a Better Orgasm (Seriously)

 Being Good in Bed and the Ins and Outs of Sexual Technique: Sexual Healing

 image: swambo

 

 

 

 

 

 

Stefanie Iris Weiss

Stefanie Iris Weiss is the author of nine books, including her latest title–Eco-Sex: Go Green Between the Sheets and Make Your Love Life Sustainable (Crown Publishing/Ten Speed Press, 2010). She keeps her carbon footprint small in New York City, where she writes about sustainability, sexuality, reproductive rights, dating and relationships, politics, fashion, beauty, and more. Stefanie is a regular contributor to British Elle, and has written for Above Magazine, Nerve, The Daily Green, Marie Claire, EcoSalon and Teen Vogue, to name a few. Her HuffPost blog is sometimes controversial. Stefanie is an on-and-off adjunct professor when not busy writing and teaching about sustainable love. A vegetarian and eco-activist since her teen years, Stefanie has made her passion into her work, and she wouldn't want it any other way. She believes that life is always better when there's more pleasure, and sustainable satisfaction is the best kind. Learn more about her various projects at ecosex.net and follow her on Twitter: @ecosexuality.