Women Over 40. Long Hair. Welcome to the New Beauty Controversy.

by Katherine Butler on January 3, 2011 in Fashion

Recently, the New York Times examined one of the most pressing issues of the 21st century – climate change. And then – wait for it – they looked at long hair on middle aged women. Writer Dominique Browning, aged 55, possesses a long, graying veil of hair that she likes to wear loose around her shoulders. She defends her choice of hairstyle to a world of cynics who claim she’s “acting out” and “stuck in the 1970s.” Her response? She’s letting all her gray hair hang out and screw the naysayers.

To which we say to Ms. Browning: you go ahead and rock your bad long-haired self. To each her own – you want long, gray hair, you flaunt it. But society seems to dictate that women chop off their long locks at the first sight of crow’s feet. Long hair is relegated to glossy youths who shake their locks with abandon and turn their dewy faces to the sun without concern. And why is this?

(And sure, many might sigh “Who cares?” We support you. For the rest who want jump through this veil of controversy, gather around. Because veils are like hair? Right? Sorta?)

We get the appeal of long hair. I chopped my hair in the 1990s in an attempt to mimic Winona Ryder’s “Reality Bites” hairstyle. A few years later I was caught up in Tolkien frenzy (long live Eowyn!) and decided to grow my hair as long as possible. It traveled to my elbows. I was able to play with as many Middle Earth hairstyles as I wanted, as I am a nerd. I had braids, bangs, and bangs with braids. Now, as I’m staring down 40, it resides somewhere in between. Am I supposed to keep it short now?

If you look at the more synthetic representations of modern womanhood, as evidence of reality shows and troubled starlets, you don’t see a lot of pixie cuts among them. The “Real Housewives” franchise all showcase largely middle-aged women with long hair, usually wigs or extensions. A walk around Beverly Hills confirms that women of all ages are sporting long hair – along with Botox and enough lip filler that could raise the Titanic from the ocean floor. Long hair is a societal marker of youth, and many women want it.

And yet, we cut it as we get older. Some women cut their hair when they have kids. I have more than one friend, (well, almost all of my friends) who chopped their hair after giving birth because they couldn’t be bothered with it. But others seem to cut it from societal pressure that they are “too old” for long hair. And while it might be unfair and wrong to think so, would anyone expect Hillary Clinton to carry curls past her shoulders while engaged in diplomacy? Someone besides Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi.

And by judging from the comments on Ms. Browning’s New York Times piece, there’s a lot of emotion on the matter. Some pointed out that your hair loses thickness as you age, and that long hair simply isn’t an option for some women afflicted with patterned baldness.

Others worried over the stagnant state of femininity in the world. Kellie from Shanghai wrote: “Reading this article and the comments, all I am left with is the saddening realization that no matter how old or ‘mature’ we get, we women seemingly will never be able to get over judging each other for how we look. I can’t believe that anyone feels the need to justify the length of their hair to anyone else, and worse, to insult (be it blatantly or covertly) those who would make a different choice.”

Suzanne from Denver took a different approach. As she commented, “Good for you if you can pull it off (no pun intended), but many older women who wear gray hair long look a bit witchy or worse, a bit pathetic, as if they’re trying to regain their lost youth. There’s a great expression for this: mutton in lamb’s clothing”.

But Blondtitude, 58, from San Francisco, perhaps summed it up the best. As she wrote in response to Ms. Browning’s article, “Oh yes, middle-aged should wear their hair short, bobbed and tamed? Dear God, you may as well put us into Eileen Fisher outfits where all the pieces were created to be worn together, homogenized like milk.” We raise a fist of support to you, Blonditude!

Tell us, do you think middle-aged women should forgo long locks? (And if you have a decent exit strategy for Afghanistan, we’re all ears on that too.)

Images: evil erin, nrbelex

Sharon Miro
January 3rd, 2011 at 9:01 PM
Ah, geez. I have had hair down to my waist, and up to my ears. I have used chopsticks & pencils before they were trendy and it was called an “editor’s” style. Curly and down to my waist at 38, Chaka Khan was envious. Straight, or permed, short or long. Grey or black, who cares? Everyone but me it seemed. For years I had my hair long, and hair dressers, family and friends urged me to cut because, you know, older women don’t ____________.
I resisted and resisted, and one day didn’t. It felt right to cut, but not because I was soon to be 63, but because I wanted to make a statement about changing my life. And I did. Cut my hair, quit my hjob and went to Europe.
The hair has stayed short, but still covering up that gray, because that statement is not ready to be made yet.
I think it’s as simple as this, when women, yes, women stop judging each other, when we stop fighting against each stage of our lives, then we won’t be having these discussions. We will move on to more improtant topics, like should I really continue to wax?
Guest
January 3rd, 2011 at 9:04 PM
I’m 46 and have over 2 1/2 ft of all real, natural, healthy brown hair..it is ME, and I love it! What does aggrivate me is hearing “I love your extensions, where did you get them done” ..I lift my hair , show my scalp and say, it’s real. When I hit 3 ft I take off a ft. and donate it for wigs. I plan to keep it until I decide to let it go, but I will never have short hair.. tried it once and had no idea who I was. It’s a personal choice..people should never be influenced by what others think, or some statistical timeline, but rather on how you feel.
chrissy
January 6th, 2011 at 8:13 PM
I think long hair is beautiful! I know many women with longer hair over the age of 40. It’s person preference I think!!
Ivette
January 7th, 2011 at 8:12 PM
I think we need to wear our hair in a way that makes us feel beautiful and comfortable…whatever works for you. I’ve had long hair, short hair, blonde hair, red hair and now I’m back to my natural dark brown hue. Hair is a huge part of who we are and how we express ourselves. I say young or old – wear it like you mean it!!!
Dezdemona99
February 8th, 2011 at 6:12 AM
i studied cosmetology for quite some time. i begged my mom for years to get with the trends. she finally let me cut her hair short. another reason i wanted her to let me cut it was because she hid behind it. personally, i love long hair. mine is down to my derriere, but i’m not quite thirty. hit that at the end of 2011. i’m glad my mom cut hers off. she stopped hiding behind her hair. she stopped buying saggy baggy clothes and she improved her self image a hundred fold. that, and i wanted her to see how beautiful her natural hair was. Now? i WANT her to grow it out. it’s healthy, although a bit thin, but it always has been. that’s normal for her. it’s a gorgeous shade of silver. one i hope to inherit whenever mine goes and looks great! there’s nothing wrong with baby boomers with long hair as long as it’s healthy. even the wild child hair. as long as the ends aren’t split, and you’re proud of it, GO FOR IT! don’t go be with the trends if you don’t want to. i actually mirrored a lot of my mom’s looks after famous her age actresses…. meryl streep from devil wears prada, helen mirren was a great inspiration. my mom’s hair is similar in cut to the way she had it in national treasure 2. we just don’t curl it. but we could. we go through modern hair magazines and pick out a few current styles corresponding to the length and try them out. and we will continue to do so until it gets to where she wants it to be. the only thing i can say about the 55+ long hair style? keep up with trims! say no to split ends. take care of it and screw what anyone else says. if you like it long and sassy, go for it. (I keep trying to get my mom to try a hot pink manic panic stripe or some other random shade. she keeps telling me no. sigh……. maybe when it’s longer )
Megamulliny
February 25th, 2011 at 10:02 PM
I totally agree with Kellie…who cares, it’s only hair. I am 31 and my mom made a comment about not being able to wear my hair long forever. I thought “why not?” Look at Jennifer Aniston, she’s got amazing hair and is in her 40′s.
Vanessa
March 30th, 2011 at 3:34 PM
Well, I do think that most women don’t look very good with long hair or really short hair but something in between. Few women can sport long hair past 40 and look good in my opinion. It really depends on how youthful you look overall.
Demi Moore looks fabulous with her long silky dark hair at nearly 50 years of age. But Demi is also someone who looks incredibly young for her age and is super fit. She has the beauty and style to carry it off.
On the other hand there on someone like 46 year old Sarah Jessica Parker the long hair does nothing for her features but drag them down and make her look older in my opinion. She looked great with the blunt blonde bob that she had a few years ago.
So when it comes to having long hair past 40, some women can get away with it and someone can’t. You really have to assess your facial features honestly. And yes, I do believe that if you still look fairly youthful past 40 like Demi Moore, long hair can add to your looking young. But if you don’t have the face for it, it can drag your features down and make you look older.