43 Signs You’ve Been Enjoying the Single Life a Little TOO Long

43 Signs You've Been Enjoying the Single Life a Little TOO Long

Signs you might be taking the whole single life thing a little too far.

The single life is awesome—the freedom, the endless amounts of “me time,” the fact that wearing pants is no longer mandatory—but there comes a time in every single woman’s life where she starts picking up “single woman” habits. You know the ones I’m talking about. And while they may be convenient and life-affirming in the short-term, in the long-term they may become red flags for potential boyfriends.

Is your particular brand of single life making you lose touch with the outside world (and personal hygiene)? Here are 43 subtle signs you may be enjoying the single life a little too much:

  1. Every day is granny panty day.
  2. You could start your own blog about TV dinners.
  3. Your friends don’t bother offering you a plus one anymore because whatever.
  4. Your favorite day of the year is February 15th, a.k.a. chocolate clearance day.
  5. Your mom wants to set you up on a blind date.
  6. Netflix knows you better than your friends.
  7. You flinch at the first sign of human contact.
  8. You have an entire page of dating apps on your phone.
  9. You order dinners for two as a way to save money.
  10. Your ex has had about seven girlfriends since you dated.
  11. Your fridge is your BFF.
  12. You’re thinking about staging Instagram photos so your fam doesn’t get worried.
  13. You’re immune to the sympathetic head tilts you receive after a(nother) date gone wrong.
  14. You can’t stand the thought of sharing your bed.
  15. Your idea of fine dining is picking up takeout on the way home.
  16. You’ve named your vibrator so that when you say you have a date with Mark tonight, technically you’re not lying.
  17. The last time you shaved was for a date… with your gyno.
  18. The cute bank teller smiled at you and you giggled about it for the rest of the day.
  19. The only action between your sheets are food stains.
  20. You can’t remember the last time you’ve had sex with someone more than once.
  21. You’re allergic to PDA.
  22. The only man who sends you a card on Valentine’s Day is your dad.
  23. There’s no statute of limitations for how long you’ll talk about your cat.
  24. Your mom constantly forwards you recipes for one.
  25. Your friends are starting to wonder if you’re a lesbian.
  26. Your call history includes your parents and your favorite pizza place. Oh, and a wrong number.
  27. The love you have for your pillow can never be fulfilled by a human.
  28. You’re starting to think that guy with the Chinese symbol tattoo and dark nail polish who asked you out isn’t “that” bad.
  29. You’ve swiped so many times on Tinder you now have carpal tunnel.
  30. The only love triangle you’re involved in is between you and your fave pairs of sweatpants.
  31. Your Google search history includes “freezing eggs.”
  32. To everyone else, it’s a rom-com. To you, it’s a horror movie.
  33. It’s been so long since you’ve had sex you’ll probably have to take a class.
  34. You share your bed with an iPad.
  35. Every sponsored ad you see involves “young hot singles”.
  36. Flirting has become an ancient pastime. Like gladiators.
  37. You send yourself flowers.
  38. Your friends think about their boyfriends as much as you think about cookies.
  39. Your vagina probably has cobwebs in it.
  40. Speaking of which, it’s like a jungle down there.
  41. You can’t remember the last time you ate at a table.
  42. The last time you went out on a date ICQ was a thing.
  43. Even your cat has a boyfriend.

How about you? Do you think the single life has a shelf life?

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Single life image via Shutterstock

Krissy Brady

Krissy Brady is a women’s health + lifestyle writer who’s so out of shape, it’s like she has the innards of an 80-year-old. Instead of learning how to crochet, she decided to turn her emotional baggage into a writing career (genius, no?). You can follow her shenanigans on Twitter (you know, if you want).