Mallory Ortberg

Mallory resides in San Francisco, California. You can catch her weekly Sex By Numbers column.
Most Ridiculous Quotes About Women (2012 Edition)
Most Ridiculous Quotes About Women (2012 Edition)

With beliefs like these floating around, we have to remind ourselves that it’s 2012. Welcome back everyone! Bad news, they did not cancel sexism this year so we’ve got a full list of horrific quotes about women made in 2012 to look forward to. All of last year’s rules apply, […]

You Are Better Than Hummus
You Are Better Than Hummus

Hummus and other foods as quintessential nut busters. One thing we can all agree on is that for the most part, human existence is life in a grotesque series of soul-crushing indignities punctuated by intermittent, alternating bouts of boredom and suffering. All this yet you refuse to make things a […]

Republicans Huge Into Sexual Role-Playing
Republicans Huge Into Sexual Role-Playing

Hey ladies look! This is really just a fun game! Listen, you would hardly consider blaming modern-day Civil War reenactors for the massive casualties sustained at the Battle of Shiloh. So there’s no need to get upset with Republican officials for trying to recreate the state of women’s rights in […]

10 Fortunes You Never Got In Your Cookie
10 Fortunes You Never Got In Your Cookie

In a perfect world, all restaurants would serve these. 10. Someone at this table has bedbugs. 9. This Christmas you are going to get four separate copies of Cheryl Strayed’s Wild from various acquaintances and your mother. This is inevitable; you cannot change it. 8. When the Mommy Wars draw […]

Sex by Numbers: The Big Easy
Sex by Numbers: The Big Easy

A weekly look at sex and culture, by the numbers. What better way to celebrate SCOTUS’ preservation of Obamacare than a new installment of Sex by Numbers? 35: Percentage of survey respondents who believed more than a quarter of Americans are LGBT <5: Percentage of Americans who are actually LGBT

Sex by Numbers: An App A Day
Sex by Numbers: An App A Day

A weekly look at sex and culture, by the numbers. 9: Fossils of turtle couples that apparently died while mating that were recently discovered in an ancient lake bed in Germany 19cm: Length of a double-headed sex toy that Chinese reporter Ye Yunfeng identified as a “rare mushroom” on national […]

Sex by Numbers: A Very Blue Hawaii
Sex by Numbers: A Very Blue Hawaii

A weekly look at sex and culture, by the numbers. 1 minute: Length of the first Magic Mike trailer to feature full male nudity, released this week 112: Age of recently discovered notes from a failed Antarctic expedition describing the “depraved” behavior of Adelie penguins, including apparent acts of necrophilia […]

Sex by Numbers: An Ounce of Prevention
Sex by Numbers: An Ounce of Prevention

A weekly look at sex and culture, by the numbers. $900k: Amount awarded to a woman in Oregon after suing her partner for lying about condom use and giving her a case of genital herpes $29: Cost of a 50 Shades of Grey book-and-bondage set at Babeland in NYC 1: […]